Into the Light

by Anastasia ( padawan_ana@yahoo.com )

Categories: angst, h/c, AU

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Q/O

Archive: M_A, my own site

Spoilers: Only for my 'Out of the Ashes', which comes directly before this.

Summary: Because wanting something does not necessarily make it so, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon find out how difficult it can be to wait...for a great many things.

Warnings: 1) THIS IS A BABY!FIC...that means that if having one of the boys pregnant (Obi, in this case) squicks you, now is the time for you to hit the 'back' button. Unfortunately, you will be missing a lovely story.

Feedback: Please. Thank you. : )

Disclaimers: Never been there. Never done that. Wish I had. : )

Thank yous: As has become the norm, I must thank Calysta Rose and Robin Serrano profusely for being with me every step of the way on this. It's taken countless months and hours beyond measure, but finally there is a finished product. Until now, 'Out of the Ashes' was my longest work; this has surpassed even that. Also, thanks to Sheltie for her eagle-eyed betas, especially in the areas of detail and continuity. She spotted things the rest of us missed and made this story much cleaner because of her thoroughness. Again, thanks to all.

* Note: At the end of the fic you will find URLs for two of the websites used in researching this story. The information is fascinating and well worth the read, whether you've got a personal interest or would just like to learn something new. : )

PROLOGUE

~ SHADOWS ~

As I meditated in the gardens, I could feel his pain. Not physical pain, but mental, emotional, spiritual. And as I always did, I completed my own evening ritual and went to him.

Finding him was never a problem; he always went to the same place. But traversing the path was a bit easier this night, with a full moon overhead. Carefully I made my way across the tall grass to the stone path, then through the trees and into the clearing.

Kneeling, with the moonlight reflecting off his light hair and white robes, Obi-Wan looked as if he glowed. In my mind's eye, it was always that way, but to see it portrayed like this never ceased to amaze me.

His head was bent low, chin resting against his chest, and he did not look up as I approached. His eyes were closed and the grimace on his face told me he was experiencing more than the usual discomfort of his evening ritual.

"Obi-Wan...?" I stood beside him and when he didn't answer, I knelt down on the soft earth in front of him. "Obi-love, please tell me what's wrong." Out of habit, I reached out to him with both my mind and my hands, but he did not reach back.

Although it is second nature for bonded pairs to be of one mind, one body most of the time, there are times when even lifemates need time alone. And Obi-Wan's evening ritual was one of those times. It was not uncommon for him to shut down a portion of our lifebond during his meditations; it was, however, unusual for him to continue to block my presence even after his meditation was over.

"Obi-Wan..." This time when I held out my hands, he slowly put his hands into mine. I breathed a sigh of relief at even the small amount of contact, knowing he would tell me what his meditations had revealed when he was ready.

Eventually he raised his head, and it was then that I could see the tears glistening on his cheeks, hear the hitches as he attempted to bring his breathing under control. Slowly, he leaned forward until his forehead rested against my chest. It had always been a safe, sheltering position for him, and gradually I let go of his hands to wrap my arms around his back, holding him close. And as he leaned his full weight against me, his shields dropped until the lifebond was fully open between us again...and he began to sob.

/Oh, Obi-Wan...love...tell me what troubles you so./ I could feel tears welling in my own eyes in sympathy.

Through the bond there was only silence and the ragged breathing that spoke of a heart breaking.

/I.../

Carefully I sat down, rocking back to unfold my feet, taking Obi-Wan with me. Gently I rearranged him to sit in my lap, and immediately he buried his face in my chest.

/All of this from your meditations, my Obi-Wan?/ I asked as I touched the soft hair that cascaded past his shoulders. /What has the Force revealed to you that you find so disturbing?/

For some time there was no response, save for soft hiccups and sniffles. A gentle hand on his back seemed to rouse Obi-Wan from his inner thoughts.

"It is...not that which the Force has revealed..." Obi-Wan began aloud, his voice rough with the after-affects of the tears. "But that which it refuses to reveal..." His voice quivered and he stopped talking, perhaps afraid that the tears would begin again.

I could not count on all the fingers and toes of the Council the times I had suggested that Obi-Wan open his mind and allow the Force to guide his decisions. In general, it was advice that served a Jedi well. There were times, though, when even the Force did not hold all the answers.

"For nearly two years I have been coming here to meditate," Obi-Wan said sadly. "I have turned to the Force, allowed it to flow into me, through me."

The last two years had been difficult for both of us; an enormous amount of stress had been placed on our bond and our relationship. But finally I had thought we were all right. Finally Obi-Wan seemed able to accept what had happened.

Obi-Wan's long lashes fluttered closed over sea-green eyes. "For two years I have knelt here, in the place where my s...where Kelan was laid to rest. I have meditated, I have cried, I have talked, slept, all in the name of trying to come to an understanding of why the Force would do such a thing."

At first I had been concerned to find Kelan's burial site the chosen focal point of Obi-Wan's meditations. But Yoda had assured me that if it was the Force that drew him there, then it was right.

Sometimes in our shared meditations Obi-Wan would reveal what his own, private meditations had shown him. But more often then not, whatever knowledge he gleaned he kept to himself. There was nothing wrong with that. We shared many other things, and sharing a bond and a bed did not mean sharing all of one's innermost thoughts.

"And have you come to such an understanding, my Obi-Wan?" I asked quietly.

Obi-Wan's eyes opened. "Sometime around his birthdate last year, I came to understand that Kelan's life was not meant to be. The Force created him and the Force took him away. His death and his birth brought many shades of understanding and it made my bond with you even stronger, so his presence in my life was not without meaning."

Not that Obi-Wan had ever thought it *was*. I understood what he meant. Obi-Wan's pregnancy, Kelan's unexpected death, and the birth of the stillborn baby had touched us both in ways we never could have imagined. It had brought us closer together, had caused us to re-examine our own feelings and to channel the currents and eddies of the Force to meet the needs of our grief and subsequent recovery.

I nodded at Obi-Wan, sending a pulse of affection through our link. My stomach did a flip as the light mind-touch was received and sent back along the bond, filled ten-fold with Obi-Wan's love.

"You are fortunate, Obi-Wan," I said at last. "The Force is strong with you, for you to have all of that revealed to you. But there is something else..." I allowed my voice to drift off, giving Obi-Wan the opening he had seemed to be searching for earlier, the chance to bring up whatever had so disturbed him.

A shudder went through Obi-Wan and he began to shiver. Silently I pulled the folds of my robe up around him, trying to block the chill.

"It's horrid," Obi-Wan whispered, his voice rough with emotion. "And I'm a horrible, selfish person for thinking it, for wanting it..."

"No, you're not, Obi-Wan," I said fiercely, holding him closer. "Never." My mind raced. What could possibly have Obi-Wan so full of doubt and self-accusation? He had never been one to feel sorry for himself. He was reflective, yes, and at times a bit too judgmental, but this...?

"I think..." Obi-Wan took a gulping breath and I felt him physically trying to gather his wits about him. "I want..."

The sorrow in his words made them hard to listen to. I was torn between wanting him to stop and wanting him to finally tell me what was going on.

"I think..." his voice dropped so low I had to turn my head to hear the words he whispered so close to my ear. "I think I want to have another child."

The feeling in my fingers and arms was suddenly gone and I would have dropped Obi-Wan if he had not been leaning so heavily against me. The admission was so far from anything I had been expecting that at first I didn't respond.

"I know," he said, mistaking my silence for disapproval. "I'm sorry..." His posture spoke of rejection.

I saw in Obi-Wan's mind that he had every intention of getting up and walking away.

"No, Obi-Wan, don't," I said firmly. "Stay."

Obi-Wan still looked fearful, but he remained seated.

Cradling Obi-Wan's body with one arm, I cupped his cheek with the other. Turning him to face me, I bent down and placed a kiss on unsuspecting lips.

"Obi-Wan, this is wonderful."

The look of remorse was wiped from his face as he stared at me in utter amazement.

"Wh...what?"

Quickly becoming intoxicated by the feel of his body pressed so closely to mine, I found myself unable to answer aloud. Instead, with the news of him wanting us to have a child gradually sinking in, I kissed the tip of his ear.

Slowly, sensuously, I moved to his eyebrow, his eyelid, felt the soft tickle of his eyelashes against my lips and cheek. With my tongue I explored the bridge of his nose, a cheekbone, his chin, finally ending my explorations at the entrance to his mouth.

/I mean that it is wonderful, Obi-Wan,/ I said into his mind as I captured his mouth and drank of his sweetness. /That on this, the second anniversary of Kelan's passing, you should at last receive clarity and understanding./

I held him close. /You have been so patient and have tried to understand the way of things to the best of your ability. But it is always a blessing when the Force intercedes, to confirm our beliefs./

The tears in Obi-Wan's eyes, which I had earlier kissed away, were back.

"But the Force has not interceded! That is the problem!"

Suddenly I had a lap full of shattered knight again, and this time all the consoling I did would not stop his sobs.

"Obi-Wan," I said slowly, rubbing his back in small circles. "How long have you been meditating on this, releasing your feelings into the Force?"

"For...more...than a...year..." came the choked reply.

Oh...my heart ached. He had told me none of it, had obviously been using his private evening meditations to ask the Force to assist him in his decision.

"Obi-Wan," I told him gently. "The Force does not always answer us directly. It speaks through our thoughts, the actions of those around us. Sometimes those are the answers the Force sees fit to send to us. Answers do not always arrive in the form of crystal clear images in our minds."

I laid one hand against his temple, the other on his chest, concentrating on quieting his mental and physical panic. It helped marginally. Obi-Wan closed his eyes and let out a shuddering breath.

"But if...it is...not...the will of the...Force..."

Even as a padawan, Obi-Wan had always been one to examine his dreams, his meditative visions far too closely. Over time it had made him aware of many things I likely would have missed interpreting in my own meditations, but it had also led him down some very rough paths during the times he had taken the supposed Force messages too literally.

"Obi-Wan, I cannot believe that even the Force would want to deny you this...the chance to begin anew, to be happy, to be at peace with yourself. And the birth of a baby would fulfill a very powerful prophecy."

For both Yoda and Obi-Wan had seen a vision of the future after Kelan had been taken from us, a vision which told of another birth, a vibrant child, very much full of life. And while I had just cautioned Obi-Wan against interpreting everything the Force did or did not do, I found that I could not ignore the vision of two years earlier.

"Why should we...believe that...vision...only to ignore the fact that...the Force has refused to speak during...my meditations on it?" Obi-Wan's tearful voice was muffled in my robes.

I sighed. This was not easy. Interpreting the Force never was. How could I explain to him that it was intuition on my part, a feeling that what he wanted was right? I had not realized it earlier, because my meditations had not been leaning in that direction. Now, as I rolled the idea around in my mind, sent out my own Force probes, tested my feelings and thoughts against the Force waves that ebbed and flowed around us, I knew. I could not say how, in words, but I knew.

"Obi-Wan," I called him from his thoughts with a hand brushing lightly over his forehead. "Do you trust me?"

Seeing his expression, I did not even need to hear his reply to know the answer.

"Yes," he said simply, his eyes locking with mine in a show of absolute faith. "You know I trust you with my very life."

I took a breath, momentarily caught in his gaze. "Then trust me in this. I love you Obi-Wan and there is nothing more on this world that I want than for us to have a child together. I have longed for this day, have longed to hear you say that is it what you want as well. The Force is with us, Obi-Wan. I can feel it. I know this is the right thing and the right time."

And somehow, the explanation was enough. In a rush, I felt Obi-Wan's relief and acceptance, and as he pulled me down, initiating a kiss that was both sweet and desperate, I could feel his joy.

~ INTO THE LIGHT ~

Obi-Wan meditated with the soul-healers.

~ You are strong with the Force, Obi-Wan. ~

Master healers meditated with Obi-Wan.

~ Force be with you, Knight Kenobi. ~

Obi-Wan was prayed over.

~May you be blessed and kept. ~

Master Yoda himself saw Obi-Wan.

~ Strong you are, Obi-Wan. Strong will your children be. ~

But still, after seven long months, Obi-Wan's weekly exams came back negative. He was not with child, had not been with child over the past months, and the healers could not assure us that he ever would be.

Some of them thought it would happen, because the conception of Kelan had shown it to be possible. Others among the order maintained that after the abrupt and tortured death and birth of Kelan, Obi-Wan would likely never give birth again.

The pressure and speculation, as well as the continued failures, began to wear on my knight. In his katas and mind exercises, in his mission research and negotiations, in the classes he helped teach at the Temple, he was so strong. But in this...he was so vulnerable.

"Why, Qui-Gon? Why is this happening?" Curled in my arms, under the covers, Obi-Wan's voice was small, lost. "Have I treated the Force with such little regard? Done something so terribly wrong that I cannot be forgiven?"

I had no explanations, did not try to pretend I did.

"Patience, Obi-Wan," I crooned softly, as I always did when he was this way. "If it is meant to happen, it will happen." Feeling his heart fluttering beneath my hands, I concentrated on calming him from the inside out.

"And if it is not meant to happen?"

It was something I knew had been on his mind, usually in the middle of the night when his thoughts and fears kept him from sleeping.

"Then we will consider alternative solutions, if we find that we still desire a child and cannot bear one of our own."

"I was adopted when I was four days old." Obi-Wan's statement took me by surprise. I knew of his background and he had answered the few questions I had ever asked him about it, but he had never openly discussed the subject.

"I know, Obi-Wan," I said, thinking of Obi-Wan as he had looked the day he had arrived at the Temple. Big, innocent green eyes, ruddy cheeks, red hair. My, how he had changed.

"And so you know how wonderful it can be to have a family of your own," I told him. "There are many, many children in need of such families. I think we could provide a loving home for a child like that."

"It hurt my parents." Silence. "I don't want that to happen to us. To you."

I was speechless. First, because Obi-Wan had never chosen to reveal the details of his home life or parents before, but more because I'd never known Obi-Wan *had* any early memories of his parents. Not actual memories, anyway.

Initiates knew what masters passed along to them about their families, but many didn't have real memory of their mothers, fathers, siblings. Obi-Wan had come to the Temple at 18 months and I had always assumed that because he never spoke of them or of events that had taken place before his arrival here, he *had* no memories. Apparently I had been mistaken.

I wrapped my arms around him, taking in the clean scent of his freshly-washed hair. His back, oiled from the massage I had given him earlier, was hot against my chest.

"Why do you think it hurt them, Obi-Wan?" I asked, kissing his temple lightly, trying to give him ease.

I felt him shudder. "It *did* hurt them," he said with absolute certainty. "I saw it on their faces, in their minds. And they talked of it, because they didn't think I would understand. But I did."

"Oh, my Obi..." I laid a hand against his fevered cheek, found it wet with tears. "I'm so sorry..."

"They wanted a child they could love and raise and have with them the rest of their lives. But instead they got me."

"Obi..."

"The day after my first birthday, Master Zenda and Master Brill, in the city for some sky-trafficking debates, came into my father's shop. I was standing by the front window, looking out, watching all of the people going by on the sidewalks and listening to my mother hum while she helped my father dust and wind all of the timepieces on the shelves.

"When the women came in, I had no idea who they were, anymore than I knew who anyone was who stopped by the clock shop. But they were different. I could *feel* them. I could almost see a light around them. It made them shine. Not a physical light...more like I could see it in my mind.

"They'd come in seeking directions to somewhere in the middle of town...but even my father commented on the fact that Jedi very seldom find themselves lost, even in unfamiliar territory."

"They were looking for you, Obi-Wan." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"I know that now," he said quietly. "And I think I knew it then. It was just all so...hard to understand."

"You cannot condemn yourself for that, Obi-Wan. You were barely more than a baby."

He had always been like that...wanting to do more than others his age, wanting to understand that which was sometimes beyond his realm of understanding. Something inside of him cried out to learn, to know, *everything*.

"When the masters told my parents they believed me to be Force-sensitive, my father ran over and picked me up. He told them that I wasn't going anywhere. I began to cry. It scared me to think that someone might take me away from my family. When my mother began to cry, the Jedi bowed, apologizing for their interruption and made their exit."

Obi-Wan's voice was full of sorrow. "My mother cried for weeks. My father was quiet and withdrawn. I could hear him talking to my mother in low tones while I was in bed, but I never knew what they were saying. Six months later, when the masters left our town and our planet, they came back to the shop. After another round of tears, my father handed me to Master Brill."

Obi-Wan shivered.

"I know my parents let me go willingly, to give me the opportunities the Jedi could offer...the opportunities which they could not." Obi-Wan's voice caught. "But it hurt them so much. Just when they had been given a child of their own, after years of trying to conceive, they'd had it taken away. And they were left with an empty place in their lives and their hearts again."

Obi-Wan paused, breathing heavily with the effort of the painful telling. "I don't want that to happen to us, Qui-Gon. I would love any child that the Force sent into our lives, but I couldn't bear to lose another one. To the Jedi...to death...in whatever way it was lost to us...I just couldn't."

He turned over, burrowing against me, burying his head in my shoulder, soft hair brushing against my collar bone.

"Help me, Qui-Gon," he pleaded. "I don't want to feel like this."

Slowly, still shaken by Obi-Wan's revelation, I allowed my hands to roam his body, hoping my touch would bring comfort.

It was not unusual for parents to react strongly to the announcement that a child was a Force-sensitive. Even the ones who accompanied their children to Coruscant to see them off on their journey to become Jedi were shaken. Many times, those brought to the Temple for training felt immediately drawn to it, realizing they were meant to be there. But for family members, grieving at the thought of giving up one of their own forever, often it made a hard situation harder when it came time for the creche master to escort the child away.

I had seen it happen often, in different combinations. Every child was different, every family reacted differently. But in my experience, I had never known one as young as Obi-Wan had been to have so much recollection...or so much awareness of what was taking place.

The detail with which he recalled the events was amazing. I knew the background of his discovery by the masters, and he had been told some of it, but the fact that his memories were so vivid, at a year old, was staggering.

How many other initiates, unbeknownst to us, had been hurt as Obi-Wan had? In general, we assumed that the creche babies, unsettled by the absence of their families at first, would adjust and forget about the past, if indeed they had any awareness of it. But if Obi-Wan had clear memories as far back as twelve months old that still affected him this strongly, it was possible that many of the others did, too. The thought disturbed me.

The next several months brought two grueling missions and more testing for Obi-Wan during the times we were back on Coruscant. With our schedule, we had barely had time for anything but falling exhausted into bed each night; the few times we had made love had been more about venting frustration and expending nervous energy than about conceiving a child. Still, nothing had come of it.

Upon our return to the Temple after the second mission, we were ordered to Council Chambers to give our mission report. Obi-Wan did not look well; the physical demands of our last posting had worn on him. Combined with the mental anguish of wanting a child, which he dealt with daily in his meditations, he was barely holding together. But when I insisted he remain in our quarters during the briefing, to rest, he protested. Vigorously.

"Good evening, Master Jinn, Knight Kenobi," Mace Windu greeted us as we entered the chambers.

I nodded politely and saw Obi-Wan do the same beside me, although I could feel the energy it cost him to make even that small gesture.

"Knight Kenobi," Yoda spoke up before Mace could continue. "How feel you?"

Obi-Wan went a shade paler than he already was, realizing that his attempts to shield his feelings and project an outward calm could not mislead Yoda.

"I...have felt better," Obi-Wan answered honestly. "But there is no need to worry."

Instantly, Yoda was on his feet, his stick hitting the floor with a loud crack. "Decide *I* will, when need to worry there is!" Beside me, I felt Obi-Wan flinch.

"Yes, Sir," he said, slipping into his obedient mode, preparing himself for a reprimand.

"Much on your mind, you have, I think." Yoda's voice was soft, filled with understanding, and I could sense Obi-Wan's confusion.

As Yoda approached, standing before Obi-Wan, I nudged the knight, suggesting it would be most appropriate to kneel in the presence of the elder master.

Yoda closed his eyes and placed a gnarled hand against Obi-Wan's face. Forehead wrinkling, Yoda opened sad eyes. "Great pain I sense in you, young Obi-Wan. Great yearning."

Obi-Wan blushed a deep red as just the mention of his most personal feelings was voiced for all the Council to hear.

"Cautious you must be," Yoda continued. "Longing leads to obsession and obsession leads to...darker things."

Mid-blush, Obi-Wan's face went white as chalk at the warning. As he swayed on his knees, I fought the urge to go to him, to offer support, and was surprised when Yoda's hands went to Obi-Wan's shoulders, steadying him.

"Allow you luxury of remaining on Coruscant, I cannot," Yoda said, not unkindly. "But offer you more relaxing mission, I can." Taking one last look at Obi-Wan, he motioned for him to rise, before making his way back to his seat.

"Approximately halfway between Coruscant and the outer rim," Mace said as Yoda gave him permission to begin speaking again. "Lies the planet of Bellaqua. A matriarchal society, its people have lasted for centuries without relying on outside assistance to tend to their problems. However, they have recently requested a Jedi presence.

"The current High Honoress, Delia Wren, was elected to rule Bellaqua just under three years ago. In those years, she has introduced some radical changes, including the idea of bringing in a leadership partner mid-way through her six year reign. A male partner.

"While the society seems to be adjusting to Honoress Wren's idea, she is afraid one of the political splinter groups will try to stop the proceedings, which are to take place next month. She wants no interference unless it is absolutely necessary, but she realizes the wiseness of taking precautions."

"You will be assigned a home, you will live among the people of Bellaqua," Depa Billaba said, taking over to share the particulars with us. "The fact that you are Jedi will not be kept a secret, but you are not to use your abilities in public unless you are asked to do so by the High Honoress...or unless you feel there is no other choice.

"I have spoken with Honoress Wren and while I have assured her of your compliance with her wishes, I have also made it clear that you will not put the lives of others, or your own lives, at risk in any way. You will follow her requests to the extent that you are able, but the final response will always remain in your hands."

"Questions do you have?" Yoda asked when Depa had taken her seat.

I glanced over at Obi-Wan and the look on his face said that he was concentrating far more on keeping his legs steady beneath him than on any of the mission details which had been given.

"I have one, yes," I told the assembled group. "Do you have any idea how long this mission might last? If the Honoress is to take a new political partner in a month, is she worried only about the weeks leading up to the change and the weeks directly following it? Or does she want someone there on a more long-term basis?"

There were definite advantages and disadvantages to a mission such as this. I just wasn't sure what it was that I wanted right then.

Mace fielded the question. "Honoress Wren wishes to be prepared for any situation which may arise both before and after the political change-over. But she has stated that she cannot give a specific time frame for her planet's needs. If all goes well, you may be dismissed within a month's time. But if she feels there is a need, you may be requested to remain on Bellaqua for an extended period. Do you have any objections?"

"I have none," I answered for myself and Obi-Wan, when he failed to respond.

"Accept the conditions of this mission, do you?" Yoda asked.

"I do."

"Accept this mission on behalf of the Jedi, do you?"

"We do," I said.

"Then go with the Force," Yoda pronounced. "Readied for you a ship will be. Leave in two days for Bellaqua you do."

Bellaqua was a small, unassuming planet set, just as Mace had said, at the halfway mark between Coruscant and the outer rim. Close enough to be civilized, but far enough away to be unique and quaint in its own ways. Made up of 90% water, it looked like a light blue ball suspended in the confines of space.

My research of the planet showed nothing out of the ordinary. The Council's description had been quite satisfactory and the records of Bellaqua seemed to be in agreement with the details that had been revealed in our briefing.

During our voyage, Obi-Wan spoke barely ten words. He was polite to the pilot, answering questions when asked, but otherwise he was quiet and withdrawn, spending most of his time in meditation.

As his bonded, I had some small idea of what was going on in his mind, but he managed to keep the majority of his feelings under tight wrap. I knew it was because he didn't want me to worry or to think he was unable to control the way he felt, but in truth his blocking made things worse. For himself and for me.

By the end of the trip, Obi-Wan was no longer sleeping. He either attempted to meditate or feigned sleep, but was successful at neither. And because he didn't sleep, I was awake much of the time, worrying about him. When the ship finally came to rest on Bellaqua's surface, it was two tired, dragging Jedi who emerged. I hoped the High Honoress would have too much on her mind to notice.

The hangar was small, with one ancient, dusty, broken spacecraft propped up in the corner. The Bellaquans had conquered space...they simply chose not to travel in it. Their mode of transportation lay in the gigantic ships used to traverse the great oceans that were as much a part of their homes as the land.

Stepping from the landing ramp, Obi-Wan at my side, I greeted the two men that had come to escort us. Insisting on carrying the duffels and cases we'd brought, they led us down the boarding steps and out into the open air.

Looking around, I squinted in the bright sunshine and took in a deep breath. The air was warm and smelled of salt from the sea. There was something about it that was so basic...so comforting.

As we walked, I couldn't help but relax. The peace and quiet surrounded me, calmed me as no amount of meditation had during the long trip from Coruscant.

A sound so small I almost missed it, and the sensation that Obi-Wan was now several meters behind me, made me stop and turn around. On the ground, in the lush green grass, Obi-Wan knelt. Eyes closed, head tipped back, he seemed to be doing nothing more than drinking in the sun's warmth.

"Obi-Wan?"

He did not appear to be sick or injured, and he was not projecting any great need or urgency, but I was concerned. Breaking from mission protocol, tending to his own wants or needs above those of the planet's people, was not like him.

Standing before him, I looked down, studying his face and listening through our bond to try and discern what was happening.

"Obi-Wan?" I asked again when the bond showed me nothing of use. "Are you well?"

Obi-Wan raised both palms to the sky, eyes still closed.

/Here, Qui-Gon./

Yes, I could see him *there*...that wasn't my concern.

/No,/ he corrected. /Not me...her.../

I looked around. There was no one there. Now I was beginning to worry. Unless...

I knelt down in front of Obi-Wan. If he were having a vision, in his weakened state, he might be in need of my support.

/It's not a vision, Qui-Gon,/ Obi-Wan thought back to me. /It's real. It *will* happen./

/What, Obi-Wan? What will happen?/

/Our daughter,/ Obi-Wan said. His green eyes opened, bright with unshed tears. "Our daughter will be born here," he said simply as he pitched forward into my waiting arms.

In the days and weeks following Obi-Wan's vision, his health and disposition improved rapidly. I had not seen him as active or as mentally or spiritually upbeat in more than a year.

As we settled into the routines and traditions of the town, our new house began to feel more and more like home. Obi-Wan quickly became a favorite of the High Honoress, and although I tried to caution her against showing favoritism or granting special privileges, she took to making it her purpose in life to please Obi-Wan.

If Obi-Wan looked sad, Honoress Wren would send someone or something to the house to cheer him. If he seemed happy, she would dote on him, telling him how delighted she was to see him so.

And I did nothing to stop it. Obi-Wan had been through fifty years of tragedy in the last five years, and if it took something as small as a change of scenery and a bit of attention to bring him back to a shadow of his former self, I would not deny him.

If anything, Obi-Wan took everything in stride, barely seeming to notice he was treated any differently than any of the Honoress's subjects. He came and went, with or without me, as calmly as if our current lives and work were something he had done his whole life.

As Obi-Wan continued to send in our weekly reports to the Council, even Mace and Yoda noticed the immense change.

"Adjusted, your bonded has," Yoda said in a private message to me. "Good for him, this mission is, mmm, and good for you. Perhaps longer than the mission you will want to stay, hmmm?"

Yoda's message went on, but I found myself considering his words about our mission. I had not told anyone about Obi-Wan and the day we had arrived. Did Yoda somehow know about it? He had shared Obi-Wan's first vision...had he shared this one as well?

It also made me wonder about the mission itself. The transfer of Bellaqua's leadership from one leader to two had been met with very little resistance. Apparently, Honoress Wren had prepared her subjects well. Aside from a public debate and one small protest group which attempted to rally and received no real attention, there had been no need for Jedi support at all. And as things continued to go well, it was becoming more and more apparent that Bellaqua was fine on its own.

Clearly, it was time for us to go. I just didn't know how I was going to break the news to Obi-Wan...

The evening I planned to tell him, I came into the house to find Obi-Wan, face flushed, standing by the door.

"Obi-Wan?" I asked in concern.

"This is the night, Qui-Gon. I can feel it."

His green eyes sparkled and the smile that lit his face was one I hadn't seen in a long time. Puzzled, I closed my mouth. What a coincidence that he should think about leaving on the very same day I was about to suggest it.

Obi-Wan held out his hand and when I placed my hand in his he squeezed it tightly, standing on tiptoe to place a kiss on my cheek.

"Now, Qui-Gon," he said fervently. "It has to be now. The Force is calling to me."

The eager tone, the innocent look, reminded me of a much-younger Obi-Wan, begging me to turn my attentions to some wonderful rock he had found, some kata he had finally mastered.

Still holding my hand, he pulled me towards the door, almost running out into the balmy, moonlit evening.

"Obi-Wan," I said, having to concentrate to keep from stumbling down the porch steps. "Wait."

It was only then that the look of complete contentment disappeared, a small frown creasing his forehead.

"Qui-Gon? Don't you want this?" That lovely innocence was still there, but now the voice was low, sad.

I was confused. "This is all very sudden," I told him. The look of hurt that crossed his face was like a 'saber twisting into my chest.

"Obi-Wan," I tried again. "If we are to leave, there are things we must take care of here, first. We need to pack, close up the house, bid the Honoress farewell..."

"Leave?" Obi-Wan asked incredulously. "You wish to leave?"

"Isn't that what you were suggesting?" I asked with my own frown. "I was coming to talk to you about it, and you said that tonight was the night..."

Suddenly, the meaning behind Obi-Wan's words struck me. Tonight. The night. The Force.

I breathed out, then struggled to call the air back into my lungs.

"Oh, Obi-Wan..."

"Yes," he said, the smile returning as he saw that I understood. "It's going to be tonight. I just know it. I've felt before that the Force wanted it to happen, but I've never felt it so strongly. Come, I've dreamt of the place where we must be."

Still dazed, I followed along behind him. Carefully, he led the way through tall grass and over rocky inclines, until we came to the water's edge. High over the still waters hung the planet's three moons, all full and bright.

Slowly, almost mesmerized by the water quietly lapping at the sand, Obi-Wan removed his robe and lay it on the beach. I did the same.

Piece by piece, Obi-Wan removed first my clothing and then his own.

"Tell me you want this," he whispered when we stood naked, finally, face to face.

Taking his face in my hands, I kissed him thoroughly, with no hesitation. "I want this, Obi-Wan."

Sliding my hands down to his shoulders, pulling him to me, I dropped to my knees in the soft sand, taking him with me. We'd spent so little time together like this recently and now I found I craved it.

I worked my way from his hair to his feet, kissing and licking. Beneath me, Obi-Wan writhed and muttered, wanting to be free so that he might reciprocate.

"Allow me this, Obi-Wan," I told him as he protested. Running my tongue around a nipple and down his chest to his navel, I paused to look up at him. "I have meditated until my knees were raw, on my guilt about what was done to you on Tiburon. Please let me help to erase that last time, to make *this* time as incredible an experience for you as it should have been before."

The flush that spread upwards from Obi-Wan's torso to his face told me all I needed to know. I resumed my explorations.

As I massaged his feet, working on each toe with loving care, Obi-Wan made a soft sound. Looking up quickly, to reassure myself that he was well, I could see tears on his cheeks. Immediately, I moved from my position near his legs up to where I could hold him.

With an effort, he sat up, painfully aroused, cock hard and straining to be sated.

"Obi-Wan? What is wrong?"

"Maybe..." he said, swallowing a hiccup. "Maybe the Force is wrong. It gave me Kelan and one child ought to be enough to make any parent happy. Maybe we shouldn't be doing this."

Everything in his posturing and bodily reactions screamed the opposite.

"Let me do this for you," I said soothingly. "You need it so badly," I stroked his hardness with the backs of my fingers, emphasizing my point as his cock nearly jumped into my hand. "Relax and let the Force do as it will." A small nod and a tight smile were Obi-Wan's only answers.

Slowly, slowly, I made love to him with my hands. Stroking every millimeter of his skin, milking his cock until he was screaming, begging for completion, I brought him to climax using my mouth at the very last moment. Hips lifting, back arching, Obi-Wan howled in joy as he came.

I settled next to Obi-Wan, holding him, stroking his hair. He panted, attempting to catch his breath and slow his pounding heart.

"Thank...you," he said finally. "I hadn't realized I...wanted it that badly."

"There is nothing to thank me for," I said, smiling. "I am merely helping to fulfill a Force prophecy."

Now Obi-Wan smiled as well. "Well, then, by all means, please continue. I wouldn't want to go against the wishes of the Force."

"Come with me?" I asked, rolling over and getting slowly to my feet...not an easy task, considering my own highly aroused state.

Obi-Wan looked at me for only a moment before accepting my hand and rising on shaky legs. The questions in his eyes were answered as I led him into the water.

Here, in the largest of Bellaqua's oceans, the water was tropical and salty. At this time of night it was warmer, by far, than the beach. As we walked further and further out, I felt my muscles loosen, felt the worries and burdens that had plagued me disappear.

Buffeted by the evening waves, buoyed by the salt in the water and a bit of assistance from the Force, we made love a second time.

Hard all over again, Obi-Wan slid his cock into me, painlessly. My breath hissed from between clenched teeth. Almost immediately, control gone, he thrust once and came with a cry. The liquid that filled me was even hotter than the ocean, and I barely held my own orgasm in check.

"Qui-Gon!" Obi-Wan gasped, fully cognizant of the fact that I hadn't come yet. "Now! Please! Do it now!"

Grasping his slippery shoulders, I held him, encouraging him to wrap his legs around my waist as I slipped deep inside him. The tight heat played havoc with my senses, and it was all I could do not to pound into him, difficult as that might have been in our current location.

"Yes, Qui-Gon!" he yelped, easily reading my thoughts. "I want it! Please do it like that!"

"But I'll..."

"You won't hurt me! Believe me, please. Did I hurt you?"

I had to admit that he had not.

"And you will not hurt me," he insisted. "Just do it, please. This is right, this is the way it was meant to be. I have *been* hurt...*they* hurt me..."

His voice trailed off as his thoughts turned to darker times. Quickly, he shook them off. "But this is not Tiburon," he said. "And they did not love me. You do. Please do this for me...for us...please."

Then I found that I could not stop. Did not want to. Fast and hard I pounded into him, erasing his memories of the first time and filling his mind with my thoughts and the sensations of what I was doing to him. With the water and the friction, he became as unbearably aroused as I. And when I came, screaming into the night air like a man possessed, so did he.

As the sounds died down, something else sparked to life. Something new. Carefully, I held Obi-Wan in my arms and we concentrated, listening for the Force to speak to us.

Suddenly Obi-Wan stiffened, hands wrapping about his stomach, eyes wide with surprise.

"Qui..." He froze, all at once going inside himself. He was still for so long I began to worry.

"Obi-Wan..."

"It's happening, Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan said, mouth still slightly agape. A look of shock covered his face.

"Obi-Wan, it's much to soon to know..."

"No." Obi-Wan said with unwavering certainty. "I do know. It *has* happened. She is here..."

Slowly, he unwrapped his arms from his midsection and reached out to take my hand in his. Gently he placed it on his belly. "She is here, Qui-Gon. Our daughter is here."

A month later, the Bellaquan midwives confirmed what both Obi-Wan and I knew: we were going to be parents. Word spread among those in the houses closest to ours and soon the entire town seemed to be aware of it. As was their duty, the midwives reported the results of their exams to the High Honoress, and Honoress Wren herself came to invite us to a congratulatory banquet. We accepted.

In our five months on the planet we had come into contact with virtually all of the Bellaquan people and had become friends with a great many of them. With a total population of just over five thousand, ties tended to be close; and even though we were outsiders, Obi-Wan and I had been taken in here.

When we arrived at the Royal Estate, half the town appeared to be there. Obi-Wan was showered with well-wishes and congratulations, which he graciously accepted while gently insisting I be included in the celebration. To see him so happy and at peace with himself, I would have gladly stepped out of the spotlight and allowed him to bask in it alone.

After dinner, as Obi-Wan sat conversing with a group of Bellaqua's younger people, Honoress Wren took me aside.

"As we have discussed, Master Jinn, we enjoy the presence and the company of you and your mate, but there is no real necessity to keep you here."

I nodded. We had talked about it just before the baby's...conception...and I had been ready to leave.

"Please," I said. "Call me Qui-Gon. Master Jinn is much too formal among friends."

"Only if you will consent to call me Delia," she responded.

"Thank you," I told her. "I would be most honored."

"Yes, well, Qui-Gon," she continued, glancing in the direction of Obi-Wan and the others. "I only want you to know that while you are not obligated to remain here, you are more than welcome to do so. I know the people of Bellaqua would love to have your continued presence-not as Jedi but as friends and neighbors-but if you are in need of returning to Coruscant so that your healers may attend your bonded, we will all understand."

"That is most gracious of you," I said. "I have been meaning to speak to you in regards to that. Before...these latest developments, I had meant for Obi-Wan and I to return to the Temple. But Obi-Wan wishes to remain for at least a short while. He has strong feelings for your planet and believes there is a connection between the upcoming birth and Bellaqua."

The Honoress raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Really? Most interesting."

"It has also been suggested by the head of our Council that Obi-Wan and I might use this mission as a sort of rest stop between missions. We were due a break soon, anyway, and if we chose to remain here they would grant us leave. With your permission, of course."

"We would be delighted," she said with a smile. "The people of Bellaqua have taken to you like their own and would enjoy seeing you remain. As would I."

As I bowed my head in acknowledgement of her kindness, Obi-Wan came up behind me.

"Qui-Gon," he said when he was certain we were both finished speaking. "We're going to walk down to the cove to watch the delenus swim. Would you like to come with us?"

Inwardly, I smiled at the sweetness that was forever Obi-Wan.

"No, my Obi-Wan," I told him. "You go ahead. Enjoy yourself. I will meet you back at the house."

As the rest of the group turned to go, Obi-Wan leaned down, placing a butterfly-light kiss on my lips. "I love you," he said.

"And I you," I said, returning the kiss and watching him join the others and head out the door.

go on to part two of Into the Light