Pairing: Q/O
Category: First-time, POV (Obi-Wan)
Rating: PG-13 to R
Summary: Obi-Wan is not always happy with Qui-Gon's teaching
methods, but there are some things he has to discover on his
own.
Warnings: Does gratuitous use of a tragic event and a small
child as plot devices count?
Disclaimer: They aren't mine; no matter how many pins I stick
in my voodoo doll.
Author's Notes: Khellin is an actual word. It is a chemical
found naturally in the fruit of a particular Mediterranean
plant. I opened up the medical dictionary and pointed at a
word. Also, the title is shamelessly ripped off from an episode
of Stargate SG-1, the plot of which this in no way resembles.
Thanks to Riley for the beta. I wish you really were my sister.
Feedback: Always welcome on or off-list at karitawyr@aol.com.
Qui-Gon has always annoyed me. Ever since I became his
Padawan, he has rarely given me a straight answer to a
question.
When I was thirteen, I asked him how to spell khellin. He told
me to get a dictionary.
When I was fourteen, I asked him where we kept the recharger
for the comlinks. He told me to search for it in the most
obvious place.
When I was fifteen, I asked him why the prominent Mont Dersin
family of Reilba refused the anniversary gift sent by the Prime
Minister of the neighboring planet. He asked me why I thought
they had.
When I was sixteen, I told him that most of my contemporaries
had become sexually active and asked what he thought I should
do. He told me that I needed to decide for myself if I was
ready for the emotional and physical responsibilities. Also, he
hoped I would make my own determination with a clear head and
not let anyone coerce me into conduct I was not prepared for.
He never asked what I had decided.
When I was eighteen, I became aware of him looking at me oddly
sometimes, almost wistfully. As soon as he realized I had
noticed, his expression cleared. I would ask him what he had
been thinking. He always said that someday, perhaps, I might
understand.
Two more years have passed and he still annoys me, but I have
come to understand his ways. The knowledge that is most valued
is that which is hard won. It requires effort to obtain. So, at
first I may have grumbled when I had to go get a dictionary or
search for the recharger, but I learned. I also found out that
the prime minister had absconded with a portion of the Mont
DersinÕs fortune during a business deal. The family
would be damned first before accepting a gift from their
betrayer, let alone one that was purchased with their own
money.
As for becoming sexually active, well, I objectively weighed
all the reasons why I wanted to and all the reasons why I did
not. Then I let my emotions have a little say and made my
decision.
And then there is the other thing, Qui-Gon's enigmatic smile.
I finally found out the answer to that as well. Naturally, it
came to me when I least expected it.
Several months ago, we were visiting the prince of the Mulav
Cluster, Dalton Ristanic. Prince Dalton was a friend of Qui
GonÕs whom he had met years ago when Qui-Gon was a
Padawan himself. Dalton was soon to be crowned king; his
elderly mother was stepping down from the throne.
Qui-Gon and his friend had spent some time reminiscing, but in
the end it was Dalton's four-year-old daughter who entranced us
both. Lira had long curly black hair, adorable dimples, and
gray eyes. Did I mention the dimples? She was, to put it
simply, cute. Fortunately, she was also completely unspoiled
and possessed a lively personality as well as a fanciful
imagination. She liked for us to tell her stories each night
before bed. Some nights she would tell us stories about
ourselves, her loyal knights who always saved the day.
One such evening, she was telling us a tale involving
three-eyed pirates with swords for arms when she realized she
had left her favorite doll in the palace garden.
"Please, Obi-Wan," she pleaded, "Would you go get her? She's
on the ladder in the back."
Who was I to deny the young lady's request? So off I went in
search of the doll. There was no ladder at the back of the
garden. I smiled to myself when I saw the white trellis. Of
course, a little girl might think it was a ladder. And there
was the doll perched amongst the vines on one of the lower
lattices.
I reached for the doll just as the ground began to shake.
Reaching for the trellis to steady myself, I pitched forward. A
monstrous hungry roar filled my ears and then stone and rock
hailed down upon me. Instinctively, I curled into a ball to
protect myself. The storm of stone pounded me relentlessly for
several minutes. Heaving mounds of rock off of me, I stood and
looked at the palace or what once had been the palace. All that
remained was a haze of choking dust. It was decimated and
Qui-Gon and Lira had still been inside.
I struggled through the rubble, still clutching Lira's now
tattered and dusty cloth doll. Searching for signs of life, I
found two bright spots amidst the rubble. I was frantic.
Qui-Gon had to be alive. Surely, I would know if he were dead.
The two survivors seemed to be buried beneath layers of stone
approximately where the princess' bedchamber would have been. I
began lifting rocks with the Force and when that was not fast
enough, I used my hands. I dug until my skin was rubbed raw and
my nails bled. And then I heard it, a deep quiet rumble that
had to be Qui-Gon's voice and an answering high pitched tone
that must belong to the princess. Relaxing slightly, I was
finally able to feel his particular presence in the Force and I
sent him wordless assurance that I would reach them soon.
With some effort, I managed to dig a hole that was large
enough to crawl through but would not upset the balance of the
piles of rubble. Qui-Gon was sitting in between two collapsed
pillars that formed a perfect arch protecting he and the
princess. I then noticed that the support pillars had been
sliced through by Qui-Gon's lightsaber to fall precisely so.
Excellent work with only a couple of seconds warning. I thought
he had managed to come through this miraculously unscathed
until I saw that his leg angled out from his body oddly. It
must have broken after he leapt up to cleave the pillars,
probably due to a poor landing on the unstable ground. Yet,
despite what assuredly was a painful break, he sat there
peacefully telling Princess Lira a story while she nestled into
the shelter of his arms, coughing up dust and nodding earnestly
at his tale.
"Éand then Obi-Wan found us and whisked us away to
safety. And here he is." He looked up at me gratefully and
smiled. He was blinking a bit more than usual, from the dust or
something else I did not know.
Lira cried out, "Obi-Wan!" and tried to struggle away from
Qui-Gon. He would not allow it, holding onto her tightly.
"Slowly, little one. We do not want the rocks to fall," he
instructed as he smoothly set her on her feet.
She obeyed immediately and I had her climb onto my back. I
turned to Qui-Gon and said, "I will be back for you soon."
"I will continue to wait," he replied and there again was that
look directed at me, the one I did not understand.
Slowly, I crawled back outside through the makeshift tunnel.
Rescue crews had started to search through the rubble for
survivors. I could not bring myself to tell them to stop
looking; maybe I was wrong about there being no others. I hoped
that for once I was wrong. I found a kindly looking middle-aged
woman with whom to leave Lira, admonishing the child to not
leave the area with anyone but Qui-Gon or myself. The little
girl pointed at my hand. I still held her doll. Gently I placed
it in her arms.
"Thank you for finding Enarea and keeping her safe. I love
her," Lira said squeezing the limp doll to her chest.
I gave Lira a hug. Poor child. Enarea was all she had. Her
parents were most likely dead and she had yet to realize that
fact and I could not tell her, not until we were sure, not
until the bodies were found. I shuddered. What if it was
someone I truly cared about buried beneath the crumbled palace?
What if it had been Qui-Gon? I slowly released Lira giving her
the brightest smile I could muster. "And thank you for taking
care of Qui-Gon and making sure he was safe."
She giggled. "You gonna rescue him now?"
"I guess I had better. He is probably getting impatient."
"Oh, he will wait for you forever," she said, then smiling
shyly she took the hand of the older woman and trotted off to
safer ground.
I picked my way back to the tunnel with the makings of a crude
splint and wondered again about Qui-Gon's smile and Lira's
words about waiting. Qui-Gon was waiting. Waiting for me, but
not just to come release him from his little cave. He was
waiting for me to Éwhat? Damn, the man for not telling
me what he wanted from me! Always that exasperating serenity
and those "find out for yourself, Obi-Wan" talks.
As I emerged once more into the tiny cavern I saw Qui-Gon
waiting patiently, eyes closed, features relaxed. That he
survived the blast filled me with such joy and peace. Despite
the fact that I was still annoyed with him for almost dying on
me, I had never loved him more.
Loved him? Yes, I did. It was that uncomplicated. Maybe some
people search their hearts for weeks or even months to learn
what I simply knew. Or maybe I had been slowly learning it for
years. I loved Qui-Gon and he loved me. That was what all those
secret smiles and covert glances were about. Someday very soon
I would share with him what I learned.
The retiring queen, who had quietly taken up residence away
from the palace, stepped in to claim Lira. She would retain the
throne until Lira was ready to rule. A Republic peacekeeping
contingent soon arrived to restore order and the radical sect
that plotted the death of the royal family was taken into
custody.
Qui-Gon and I were able to depart Mulav ten days after the
assassinations. His leg was mending well by that time and after
a week under Jedi care he was almost back to his former
standard of excellent health.
I had waited most impatiently for the time when I could tell
him how I felt. I did not want any misunderstanding between us.
I did not want him to think that my declaration was due to his
near death and that I might later regret having voiced it. He
had to be well and our lives had to be as stable and normal as
they can be for two Jedi.
There was no big seduction planned, not that I knew exactly
how to do that anyway. However, I saw no reason why I should
not toy with him just a little, make him work for the knowledge
just like he made me. Qui-Gon calls me the most vexing young
man he has ever met, which means he finds me annoying in my own
way. Why did it take us so long to realize we were perfectly
matched?
Finally, the day arrived. Qui-Gon had spent the day in the
workout rooms stretching, and exercising the weakened leg.
Arriving home, he tossed his robe over the back of the chair
and then dropped down onto the sofa closing his eyes.
I walked in from my room, not necessarily hiding my presence,
but not announcing it either. Curling one leg under me, I sat
down next to Qui-Gon. I studied him. His legs were stretched
out in front of him, ankles crossed. There was a tiny crease in
his brow from working on some problem. As I watched, it
smoothed; he had solved his dilemma or had decided it not worth
the struggle. He was absently drawing little circles into the
weave of the sofa with his right hand while the left rested
against his waist. He looked magnificent. Everything I wanted
on the outside and the inside. I leaned forward and kissed him.
His lips were so much softer and warmer than I had expected
and he responded so easily. That is until he fully recognized
what was happening and exactly who was kissing him. Then his
eyes flew open and he drew away.
"Obi-Wan, what are you doing?"
Scooting closer, I nibbled at his lower lip before running a
string of short kisses along his chin and jaw. "Kissing you," I
murmured between kisses.
"Uh, well," he began then cleared his throat, pulling away
again to gather his wits about him. I was quite pleased to see
I had affected him so. I was hoping by the time I was through
with him he would be just this side of comatose.
"I know what you are doing. I want to know why?" he asked.
I smiled slightly. "Why do you think I am kissing you?" I
could see that tiny crease in his brow reappear. I continued my
explorations to include his bearded cheeks and over to one ear.
The luscious lobe begged to be sucked and bitten and I drew it
into my mouth, enjoying Qui-Gon's in drawn breath.
"Your lips are cold?" he guessed.
He smelled of the woodsy soap from the showers and I buried my
nose in his surprisingly soft hair. "Mmm, you smell good." I
began licking his neck, which he arched back to allow me more
access. "Taste good too. But you do not have the right answer."
"Obi-Wan, I don't like this."
This time I pulled back. "The kissing? I will stop then."
That got his attention. "No! I mean that I do not like the
guessing. The kissing is very enjoyable."
Enjoyable? I had not fully realized Qui-Gon's mastery of
understatement. The kisses and nuzzles that he claimed were
merely enjoyable had caused his pulse to pound in his throat
and his skin to flush. My wandering lips teased his brow,
smoothing that tiny crease again. I placed a quick kiss to the
tip of his nose before pausing near his mouth. "Don't guess,
Qui-Gon. You know the reason why. Tell me what you know."
I needed to taste his lips again; I needed to feel the wet
heat beyond those enticing lips. A flick of my tongue and they
opened for me. The first slide of my tongue along his caused me
to shiver.
"I know that this feels extremely good," Qui-Gon said at last,
his lips moving against mine as he formed the words.
"Yes, very good," I agreed, shifting my body until I was more
or less seated in his lap. I could feel his burgeoning arousal
and I wiggled a tiny bit, eliciting a groan from him.
One of his hands rested briefly on my thigh before fluttering
across my groin. It settled there, skillfully stroking my
hardness through my trousers. "I also know that you are
enjoying it as well."
Nearly incoherent, I managed, "Mmm, hmm," as I plunged my
fingers into his hair, tangling the long strands, and tugging
him closer.
"Therefore you must want to be kissing me," he stated
triumphantly.
"And what else, Master Jinn?"
"You love me, just as I love you," he stated simply, as if it
were the most fundamental thing in the universe.
I grinned, like the lovesick fool I was, entirely pleased with
myself, with us. Confident at last, I taunted, "So what are you
going to do about it?"
As pleasant as it was to be seated in Qui-Gon's lap, I wanted
more. Not giving him an opportunity to respond, I grabbed
handfuls of his tunic, and levered him over me. We ended up
lying chest to chest on the couch, his warm hard body crushing
mine. "Kiss me," I begged. "Kiss me like you have wanted to."
Warm, moist, tickling caresses from his mouth and tongue
tormented me. Finally, there was a firm stroke against my own
tongue and then another just inside my lower lip. Mimicking his
actions, I moaned and tried to press my body closer to his, but
it was not possible. My right foot was resting on the floor and
my left leg was trapped beneath him.
"Qui-Gon, Qui-Gon, please. Your room. Please." My begging was
quite shameless this time. Punctuating me plea by sliding my
palms down his back to rest just at the beginning of the curve
of his buttocks. There was a slight clenching of the muscles
beneath my fingers. His body liked the idea, but what he said,
though, was unexpected.
"No, Obi-Wan."
No, he said no? He did not want to? Well, I knew that was
wrong, because he was nuzzling my neck and pushing my tunics
aside to nip at my shoulder. So what did he mean? Damn,
irritating, lovable man, he was driving me crazy and when his
mouth latched onto a nipple he nearly drove me to distraction.
I shoved him off of me and he somehow was able to land
gracefully on his knees. I sat up. "Why not your room? You have
a fondness for the couch or the floor." I eyed the rug
suspiciously. It was a thick, scratchy tweed, functional, but
hardly plush. "Do not say 'Why do you think, Obi-Wan?' or I
swear you will be sleeping alone for the rest of your life."
He laughed at that and his eyes crinkled at the corners. Damn
again. How had I never realized how sexy he was?
Slowly he leaned forward and kissed me, one big hand stroking
the side of my neck, drawing out my pleasure. The light touch
created tiny tingles that raced along my nerve endings. By the
time he drew away I swear I had stopped breathing and my eyes
were squeezed shut trying to keep all that delicious sensation
inside. I opened my eyes and he was so close to me I could see
tiny flecks of gold in his eyes that I had been unaware of. His
words were breathed against my skin. "I want to debauch my
Padawan in his own bed."
I gasped. That sounded soÉwicked. And it would be true.
How did he know?
He clasped both my hands in one of mine and looked up at me.
"Yes, I know, Obi-Wan. I am unbelievably honored to be your
first partner in love."
Pressing my forehead to his, I whispered, "My only partner, in
this and in all things."
Then I jumped up, feeling giddy and reveling in it, and led
him toward my room. "Now then, let the debauching begin."
So, what have I learned now that I am twenty? A variety of
things, some of which I am too much of a gentleman to share.
Qui-Gon says I blush a rather becoming shade of pink when I
talk about such things anyway. That does not aid me in
maintaining my unruffled Jedi image, so I will not speak of
those things. Here is what I can say, and it is the most
important lesson I learned; it is easy to fall in love with the
right person. Qui-Gon Jinn is the right one for me. His love
grounds me and lets me fly, shelters me and lets me run free.
It is all that between us. Simple, perfect, everything I need.
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