DISCLAIMER: All characters and property of Star Wars belong to
George Lucas. This fan fiction was created solely for
entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright
or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real
persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by
the author.
ARCHIVE: Master-Apprentice only
CATEGORY: Angst, Missing Scene
RATING: G
SPOILERS: Set after TPM
SUMMARY: Vader's thoughts on his son's lightsaber.
SETTING: Set during ROTJ when Luke is talking to Darth Vader
before being turned over to the Emperor.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is my first foray in writing slash.
Feedback and constructive criticism is greatly
appreciated.
DATE: 15/08/99
Darth Vader watched as his son, Luke Skywalker turned his back
to him. He looked down at the weapon in his hand and ignited
it.
"I see you have constructed a new lightsaber."
Luke cocked his head slightly towards him, the green blade
humming between them.
"Your skills are complete." Darth Vader shut down his son's
lightsaber, turning his back to him. "Indeed, you are powerful
as the Emperor has foreseen." The words were spoken into the
night air, addressed to no one.
"Come with me." The plea in Luke's voice and mind washed over
Vader. Within the depths of Darth Vader, the tiny part that was
Anakin Skywalker, closed his eyes in despair and grief. To
still feel grief after all these years. To even still exist as
Anakin Skywalker.
"Obi-Wan once thought as you do." He turned back to Luke. "You
don't know the power of the Dark Side. I must obey my master."
This boy, his son tempted him, called him back from the
darkness and he couldn't help responding.
"I will not turn." Certainty and conviction filled Luke's
voice, his body mirroring it. Echoes of a small boy telling his
new master the same thing in the darkest part of night
reverberating across the years. "And you will be forced to kill
me."
"If that is your destiny." Calm acceptance was Vader's only
response to Luke's statement. But inside, Anakin howled his
protest to the force. To kill his only child was unthinkable.
"Search your feelings, father. You can't do this. I feel the
conflict within you. Let go of the hate." Blue eyes, so much
like his own, burned into him, trying to reach his father, not
the black, soulless monster standing before him.
"It is too late for me, son." His voice softened, Anakin
Skywalker coming to the surface. "The Emperor will show you the
true nature of the Force." Vader rose up again, pushing Anakin
back down into the tiny space he had willingly fled to. He
motioned for the stormtroopers to come forward. "He is you
master now."
Sadness and dying hope flickered across Luke's face. "Then my
father is truly dead." He was lead away by the stormtroopers,
leaving both Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker alone.
Anakin walked to the edge of the landing platform, looking out
over the darkened forest, his son's lightsaber clutched tightly
in his hand. His artificial breathing filled his ears, a
familiar sound but one that belonged to Darth Vader, not Anakin
Skywalker. Anakin Skywalker had died when he fell into the
melting pit after fighting his former master. Replaced and
remoulded into Darth Vader. How could he still exist? He had
let himself be seduced to the Dark Side, willingly turned his
back on his master and beloved wife and become a Sith Lord,
following his new master's orders with all his heart. Only
Vader existed, responsible for eliminating the Jedi and their
way of life, ensuring the Emperor's total control of the inner
and outer worlds.
Then his son came and faced him on Cloud City. From the first
time he had seen the boy on the first Death Star, he knew there
was a connection between them, he could feel it singing to him
through the Force. Through meditation, he realized the boy was
his son, his and Amidala's. With that realization came the
first crack in the mind of Vader's memories, memories that
belonged only to Anakin Skywalker. Of being trained by Obi-Wan
Kenobi and the friendship between them which only deepened when
he had become a Knight. Loving Amidala, her beauty and courage
always drawing him to her. Their marriage on Naboo with Obi-Wan
at his side as best man. So many memories stirred up by his
confrontation with his son. These he could deal with and push
back into the darkness of his soul. They had no meaning to him
now. He would find his son again and turn him over to the Dark
Side to stand by his side forever.
A snap-hiss and the green blade of his son's new lightsaber
filled the air, humming quietly. He stared at it, mesmerized by
the greenish tint. A Jedi's weapon, symbol of a Jedi's skill
with the Force. Each weapon unique, lovingly crafted by its
creator to fit perfectly in the palm of a hand, the colour
carefully selected. What had made Luke choose the green gems
for his new lightsaber, a green the exact shade of another
lightsaber from so long ago. Was it prompting by the Force or
old Ben Kenobi whispering to him from the beyond? Perhaps
neither. The boy couldn't know of Qui-Gon Jinn and he doubted
Obi-Wan would have told him anything about the long deceased
Jedi Master.
Qui-Gon Jinn. A man he had come to worship and admire in the
few short days he had known him. Noble and calm, embodying
everything he imagined a Jedi to be. His lightsaber had been
green, such a vivid colour in his world of browns and yellows
of Tatoonie. A wonderous weapon wielded by a master, striking
awe in a boy who had only heard about such things from spacer
tales. But Qui-Gon had died at the hands of a Sith Lord on
Naboo, his death avenged by his Padawan Learner, Obi-Wan
Kenobi.
When Obi-Wan took Anakin as his own Padawan, Qui-Gon's
lightsaber hung from his belt, a reminder of the man they had
both admired and loved, though only for a short time on
Anakin's part. Obi-Wan's own lightsaber had been lost in the
battle. He made no attempt to build another, instead using his
Master's lightsaber, as though to keep a part of Qui-Gon with
him. That lightsaber was a constant reminder of the man they
had lost, helping to build the bonds between them, first of
Master and Padawan then as friends. Whenever it was ignited in
training or battle, it felt as though Qui-Gon was still with
them, watching over them from his place in the Force.
Vader forced the memories back, forcing Anakin back into the
hidden depths of his mind. But one memory persisted, demanding
to be remembered. A padawan barely a week old, Anakin had
awakened in the middle of the night. He sat up in bed trying to
figure out what had woken him up. For the first time since
leaving Tatoonie, he was warm, wrapped in several thick
blankets provided thoughtfully by one of the Queen's
handmaidens at her request. Then he heard it or rather felt it,
a quiet sound of grief in the back of his mind. Tentatively
reaching out with his mind along the new and extremely fragile
bond between his master and himself, he discovered the source
of the disturbance. For a moment he considered ignoring the
sound, but the grief behind it made up his mind. Quietly, he
tossed back the bed covers and padded over to the door
connecting his bedroom with his master's.
The door opened soundlessly at his touch. In the other room,
moonlight spilled over the curled up figure in the bed. He
fingered his new braid, biting his lower lip.
"Master?" The figure on the bed started, lifting his head to
look at Anakin. The moonlight shone on tear stained cheeks
before one hand wiped away the tears.
"Anakin, what's wrong?" Obi-Wan's voice trembled slightly,
hoarse from crying.
"I heard you crying." He frowned, then corrected himself, "no I
felt you in the back of my mind, I think." He tilted his head,
staring at his new master.
"I'm sorry, Ani. I didn't mean to disturb you." A gentle brush
against his mind, conveyed Obi-Wan's regret at waking up his
padawan. Anakin revelled in the feel of that touch. Those
touches grew more frequent as their bond deepened and he
welcomed them. It meant his master wanted to train him, to be
connected with him, that he was wanted and loved, and not just
a promise to be fulfilled by a dying man.
"It's okay." He dug his foot into the floor, wondering what to
do next. Though shielded more tightly, Obi-Wan's grief still
came through. He missed Qui-Gon in a way that Anakin couldn't
comprehend. Only later would he recognize that deep sorrow as
his master grieving for the loss of the other half of his soul.
So much so, he never took another lover. A common reaction,
Yoda had told him, when Anakin had asked him about the severed
bond he could sense in his master's mind. It didn't interfere
with his bond but it still pained Obi-Wan greatly and he wanted
to help ease the pain.
But at nine years old, all he understood was Obi-Wan missed
Qui-Gon deeply. Prompted by instinct, he scrambled onto the
bed. His master held the covers aside and he dove under them,
curling up against him. Obi-Wan wrapped his arms and covers
around him tightly, encasing him in a cocoon of warmth and
security. They lay quietly, both lost in their own thoughts.
"I won't turn." He rolled over suddenly to gaze into Obi-Wan's
eyes. Determination and conviction shone from his eyes. "I know
the Council thinks I will turn to the Dark Side, but I won't.
The Dark Side killed Master Qui-Gon and I don't want to be part
of anything that killed him." Tears shimmered in his master's
eyes and his arms tightened around Anakin.
Another memory pushed forward in Vader's mind, demanding to be
noticed. At the age of ten, he had gained an astonishing
control of the Force in all things mechanical. Allowed to build
his first lightsaber, he remembered his pleasure in crafting
the universal symbol of all Jedi. The gems glittering in all
shades of colour winked at him from the trays they lay upon.
The choice was easy, he choose a set of vibrant blue gems to
give his lightsaber a bluish-violet light. The exact colour of
the lightsaber his master had lost in the battle with the Sith
Lord. The delight and wonder in Obi-Wan's eyes as he examined
his new lightsaber filled Anakin with warmth. How could he
chose any other colour for his weapon? All the other colours
had no meaning or attraction to him and he didn't want to use
green. Though he knew his master wouldn't mind him having a
green lightsaber, Anakin chose blue to honour his master. There
was only going to be one green lightsaber and it already hung
from Obi-Wan's belt, a warm reminder of Qui-Gon Jinn.
Anakin Skywalker never lost his lightsaber until the day he
fought with his former master. The blue lightsaber was lost
from his hand in the battle with Obi-Wan. When he died in the
melting pit and was reborn as Darth Vader, he chose blood red
gems to power his lightsaber. A signal to all that the Sith
were reborn and stronger then before. A not so subtle reminder
to his one time master that his lover had died at the end of a
red lightsaber wielded by a Sith lord.
Darth Vader closed down his son's lightsaber. What had happened
to Qui-Gon Jinn's own lightsaber? Obi-Wan had not used that
weapon when he had confronted a turned Anakin Skywalker.
Instead, he had built a new lightsaber, a blue one, the same as
Anakin's. It was as though he didn't want to taint the memory
of Qui-Gon Jinn by trying to slay the boy Qui-Gon considered to
be the Chosen One.
On the first Death Star, he thought the circle had been
completed with the confrontation and killing of Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Staring at Luke's lightsaber, he realized that wasn't true. The
circle was now nearing completion, a circle begun long ago on a
desert world with the arrival of a Jedi Master into the life of
a nine year old slave boy.
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