This one is dedicated to Heather who brought those little
bloopers to my attention - it hasn't been beta'ed so any
mistakes are my own. Really, I think I've had too much caffeine
today the way my mind is working . . .
Archive: Yes to Master & Apprentice and The Nesting Place
Rating: R for language, no smut - well, a little bit <g>
Pairing: Q/O
Spoilers: Lots for TPM
Summary: Anyone else notice Obi-Wan's braid changing sides
during the movie?
Disclaimer: Don't own them, George Lucas does. If I did they
would have had a much happier ending!
Feedback: Yes please, it has an exponential effect on my
writing!
Notes: This is for Heather who showed me where the jumping
braid trick appeared!
The digital counter on the wall near the window over looking
the sun-browned fields of Skywalker Ranch spun ever upward, the
numbers now nearing the 200 million mark. Ignoring the vista
spread out before him and the counter that detailed just
exactly how much money tickets and merchandise for his newest
movie had raked in, George Lucas paced, his attention centered
on the speakerphone on his massive desk.
"No, no I don't want DiCaprio! Everyone will be expecting
Anakin to drown or get hypothermia then! What about that Damon
kid? Or Ed Furlong? He's proved he can work with CGI, we
wouldn't have to worry about him staring in the wrong direction
all the time."
Suddenly, the massive wooden doors to the director's office
blew open and in stalked two Jedi knights. Two very pissed-off
Jedi Knights.
"Liam! Ewan! What are you doing here? You should be out doing
more promo shots for the movie! We've got the new rash of
summer films coming out and I don't want to lose any market
share!"
"Relax, Mr. Lucas," the taller man murmured, laying his hand on
Lucas' shoulder. The writer/director immediately slumped into
one of his expensive slingback chairs, his eyes crossing
comically.
"I think you overdid it, Master," the apprentice chuckled
before his stoic expression returned.
"Good delivery," George mumbled, staring blearily at the pair.
"We have a matter of grave importance to discuss with you Mr.
Lucas." Qui-Gon Jinn stared impassively at the
multi-millionaire. "It has come to our attention that . . "
Not able to hold back any longer, Obi-Wan Kenobi pushed
forward, waving his hands about. "Who the fuck edited this
movie???"
"Padawan." At that word, the rebellious apprentice fell silent
though he continued to glower at the director and one hand
crept up to touch his long braid.
Having recovered somewhat, George, stared at the two in total
confusion. "Paul Smith and Ben Burtt, you know that. Good men,
both of them"
"Then why couldn't they remember which side of my head
my braid was supposed to be on?!" Obi-Wan grated, lifting the
hair from his right shoulder and waving it at the creator of
the Star Wars universe.
"What . . ."
"Watch and learn, Mr. Lucas." Qui-Gon waved his hand and an
image formed on the wide screen TV that dominated one wall of
the spacious office.
Immediately the opening credits of The Phantom Menace rolled,
the action pausing at the scene where the two Jedi first
revealed their faces.
"See!" Obi-Wan growled. "It's on the right side - where
it should be."
"So? I know it's supposed to be on the right side. That's where
the costume designers said it should be. What is the point of
this? I have an interview with 20/20 later today and . . .
Where did you two get a copy of it anyway? Damn bootleggers!"
Fixing the producer with a cold stare, Qui-Gon waved his hand
again and the scene jumped. This time the action showed the
Jedi's entrance to the Gungan city and at his first close up,
Obi-Wan left out a howl of frustration. "Look, there! It's on
the left side! The left side! What are you going to do about
that?"
"Why didn't you catch it when they were putting on your
make up?" Lucas asked, sounding mildly amused at the
apprentice's fit.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said smoothly, resting his hand on the
smaller man's shoulder and leaving it there. The younger Jedi
immediately relaxed and shifted closer.
Qui-Gon's expression turned affectionate for a moment, then
hardened again. "It also changes sides in the scene where I
deliver the cruiser parts to the Naboo ship before going back
for Anakin. A most unfortunate occurrence wouldn't you say?"
The director looked disgruntled and his foot tapped in
irritation. "Well what do you want me to do about it? The movie
has been in release for over two weeks and millions of people
have seen it. Millions more want to see it, I just can't
pull all the copies back from the theatres to fix such a tiny
mistake . . ." His voice died off as he saw the expression on
the other men's faces. "Can I?"
"Yes you can." This was accompanied by the subtle wave of
Qui-Gon's hand once again.
"And yes you will," Obi-Wan added, still sounding a bit
grumbly.
"I can and I will," Lucas agreed, reaching for his phone to
begin calling his people to set the process in motion.
Qui-Gon smiled then. "Oh, and one more thing we would like
changed . . ."
Hearing what the Jedi wanted, Lucas stared at them in horror.
"I can't do that! It would wreck the other movies! The whole
plot of Episodes 4-6 would be ruined. I can't and I won't."
"Stubborn as a Sith," Obi-Wan growled, looking as if he wanted
to toss several of the director's awards through his window.
"Patience, Padawan," Qui-Gon chuckled, giving his apprentice's
shoulder a squeeze. "This is true, we cannot anger the fans by
negating the other episodes."
"But they want you to live!" Obi-Wan exclaimed soulfully.
"I would rather live also but this point we will have to
concede." He then turned his attention back to the worried
looking writer. "There is something else you can do for us
though which would be almost as good . . ."
(Several months later)
The crowds waiting for the re-release of The Phantom Menace
were even larger than those that had formed the first time the
movie was shown. Speculation as to what changes George Lucas
had made in the film ran rampant but somehow no one had been
able to find a thing about the scenes that had been re-shot and
why.
Hushed whispers greeted the start of the movie and then faded
away as the audience searched in vain for the additions and
changes that had been made.
As the movie passed the one hour mark, the murmurs began again.
So far nothing had been different as far as the fans could
tell.
Finally, the climactic lightsaber duel commenced, and the crowd
let out a pained groan as Qui-Gon was once again run through by
Darth Maul's blade. The whimpers were especially loud from the
section of slash fans who had camped out for weeks in the hopes
that the new version would let the Jedi Master live.
The plot continued as before, Obi-Wan falling into the shaft
and then emerging to split the Sith in two. Meanwhile, some of
the fans were getting a "been there, done that" look on their
faces - what else was left that could have been changed?
As the Jedi apprentice cradled his fallen Master's head in his
arms, audible sniffling could be heard from the slashers'
section and even from a few of the gen fans. The sniffs then
turned into gasps and then exultant cheers when, in a final
farewell to his Master, Obi-Wan laid a long, steamy kiss on
Qui-Gon, complete with tongue.
Of course the fact that Qui-Gon died a moment later did dampen
the slashers' spirits a bit but the rest of the dialogue in the
movie was drowned out by their repeated utterances of "I
told you!"
Sitting in the back of the darkened theatre, sharing a box of
heavily buttered popcorn which they snacked on in between
rounds of necking, the two Jedi smiled.
"Told you it would work," Obi-Wan grinned as he nibbled on his
Master's ear.
"You are wise beyond your years, Padawan," Qui-Gon laughed,
sucking the butter-flavored topping from his apprentice's
fingers. "Now then, shall we go put all this grease to some
better use?"
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