Summary: Master Yoda helps Obi-Wan in his quest for
understanding.
"Question you have, young Padawan?" Yoda asked as Obi-Wan sat
down in front of him.
"Yes, Master Yoda," replied the padawan. "I don't understand
why my master gets so upset when I ask him about the virgins.
It's like he's embarrassed or something."
"Your perceptions serve you well," Yoda observed. "Embarrassed,
he is. Many ways there are to 'eat' someone. Not all of them
require consumption. Eaten people, your master has. But
consumed them, he has not."
"Is that how he knows virgins don't taste better without
actually...well... consuming someone?" he asked. He really
wanted to understand this. It was driving him crazy and he
refused to ask his master anymore. The man just got too weird
over the whole thing.
"Indeed," Yoda said, glad the boy had understood what he was
trying to say.
"But why would that embarrass him?" Obi-Wan asked. He now
understood how his master could be so sure, but he still did
not understand the man's reactions of late.
Yoda looked at the young apprentice before him and decided it
was past time the boy had a few lessons on the facts of life.
Slowly, he began to explain about a wide variety of things.
Chief among them, the various ways people could be 'eaten'.
By the time Yoda was done, Obi-Wan's face had turned so red he
thought it would melt. He now understood just why his master
had been embarrassed. The man had thought he was asking if he
had ever... The young boy shuddered just thinking about it. Why
in all the worlds anyone would want to do such a thing was
beyond him. Master Yoda had assured him that it was highly
pleasurable, but Obi-Wan had his doubts.
He continued to replay his conversation with Yoda. Thanks to
the Jedi master's, um... enlightenment... he now had even more
questions than before. And he really did not want to ask his
master about them. But who else could he ask. Master Yoda had
been most helpful, but Obi-Wan suspected he would fair better
if he got his questions answered from someone a bit... taller.
He thought of Master Windu, but the man had gotten as flustered
as his own master over the whole virgins thing.
Obi-Wan walked into the quarters he shared with his master,
still pondering his predicament. Qui-Gon looked up from his
reader as his padawan entered. He could tell the young man had
something on his mind, but he was loath to ask him about it.
Lately, anything his padawan was pondering was sure to
embarrass the Sith out of him.
That very reaction made Qui-Gon pause. He had raised padawans
before. He had brought them through puberty. He had looked
death in the face on numerous occasions, been tortured and had
all manner of foul things done to him. Surely he could handle
one 13-year-old boy.
"Welcome home, Padawan," he said from the couch. "I was
beginning to worry where you had gotten off to."
"I was talking with Master Yoda," he said glumly as he walked
into the common room. That set off warning bells in Qui-Gon's
head immediately. There was no telling what was liable to come
out of the boy's mouth now.
"Come, Padawan. Sit with me," Qui-Gon patted the seat next to
him and Obi-Wan obeyed. "Now, tell me what you and my master
discussed that has you so troubled."
"Well, he explained to me why you kept getting so upset over
the whole virgins thing," he began. "I understand about the
different ways to eat people now."
"He did what!" Qui-Gon bellowed, practically bolting off the
couch. When he got his hands on that little green troll...
The stunned look on his padawan's face stopped him cold. The
boy's eyes were the size of saucers and Qui-Gon realized that
the young man had never heard him yell before. Feeling his
headache come back full force, he sat down beside his rather
nervous apprentice. Gently he laid a hand on the boy's arm and
sent reassurance along their bond. When Obi-Wan no longer
looked like he was going to run from the room, Qui-Gon spoke.
"If you... if you understand the different ways to... um... eat
people, then what is troubling you now?" he asked. He was quite
proud of the fact that he managed to keep all traces of
apprehension from his voice.
"I'm sorry, Master," Obi-Wan said, still a bit frightened by
the earlier outburst. "I shouldn't have said anything."
"Padawan, I am your master," Qui-Gon began softly. "You are
supposed to come to me with your questions, your concerns."
"But you got so angry..." the young man said. Qui-Gon could see
the beginning of tears in those bright green eyes and cursed
himself. Oh he was going to have a very long talk with a
certain little green troll he knew. But right now, he had a
padawan to help.
"I am sorry, Padawan," he said truthfully. "My anger was not
directed at you. Nevertheless, I should not have lost control
like that. I'm sorry if I frightened you, Obi-Wan."
"That's all right, Master," the young man said. "But why are
you mad at Master Yoda?"
"Because the discussion he had with you was inappropriate. He
should have sent you to me to discuss such things." It was a
master's place to instruct his student, after all. And little
meddling trolls, be damned.
"But I went to him, Master," Obi-Wan said, trying to explain.
He did not want his master angry with Master Yoda for helping
him. "I didn't want to go to you because you got upset every
time we talked about it and I didn't understand why."
"I know, Obi-Wan," he said. "And I am sorry for that, as well.
Now, please, tell me what it is that still troubles you. I
promise, I will do my utmost to help you with it. And to not
get upset."
"Alright," Obi-Wan said a bit dubiously. He would believe that
when he saw it. "Well, like I said, I understand the different
ways to eat people and all. I just don't understand why anyone
would want to. Master Yoda said it was quite pleasurable,
but... I mean you pee out of there!"
Qui-Gon rubbed the bridge of his nose and thought it just does
not pay to get out of bed some days. How in all the
incarnations of hell was he supposed to make the boy understand
this? He took a deep and not so calming breath and looked at
his eagerly awaiting padawan.
"It really is quite pleasurable, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said,
realizing that sounded very, very lame. "I understand your
concerns. You do urinate from... there... but, well, you'll
just have to take my word at it for now."
Qui-Gon was blushing. He knew he was blushing. It was so
undignified to blush. But even more so to blush in front of
your own padawan. He only hoped he lived long enough to see
Yoda take on another apprentice.
"But, Master, wouldn't that be unsanitary?" the boy asked.
Qui-Gon hung his head. He was a Jedi master. He had faced
horrible things in his life. He had never once admitted defeat.
But he knew when he was beaten. And by a 13 year old boy at
that.
"Obi-Wan... Padawan... I well and truly love you," the Jedi
master said. "But I am going to bed. Goodnight."
With that, Qui-Gon stood and strode into his bedroom, leaving a
very bewildered apprentice behind. Obi-Wan just stared after
his retreating master. Resigned to not understanding yet again,
the young man stood to enter his own bedroom.
//I guess I'll just have to ask Master Windu// he thought as
the door slid shut behind him.
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