Inner Devotion
by kaly (razrbkr@juno.com)
Homepage: Kalynn's Fan Fiction - XFiles, Profiler, Star Wars:
TPM, Hercules, Young Hercules: http://www.geocities.com/kalyw
Rating: G
Archive: m_a
Classification: short story, series story, angst
Series: Inner Strength Series, # 8
Warnings: AU (compared to JA), knowledge of previous stories in
series will help this one make a lot more sense. Angsty? You
make the call ;-) Appearance of STUPID!council ;-)
Summary: The threat of Council interference becomes reality.
Feedback: please? *g* anyone still following this series? *g*
Thank Yous: As always, thank you to everyone who has continued
to support this series. I hope all of you continue to like it
(yes, I know where this series is headed, just give me a chance
to get there *evil grin*) Huge thanks to Ana, Holly and
Krychick - here's for keeping me sane, keeping me company in
irc and not letting me dwell in IAS (insecure authors syndrome)
for too long :-) Oh, and kry for the offer of protection *l*
*points at post-it note* don't make me regret giving you the
axe back :-)
Disclaimer: *insert witty remark here* gee, they're not mine
and for me they reap no profit. ;-) I don't know about you, but
I'm not surprised by that.
Qui-Gon didn't speak as he and Mace walked toward the Council
chambers. After being pulled away during the middle of his own
Naming day surprise gathering, Qui-Gon was feeling even less
amicable toward the Council than usual.
Before walking into the large chamber, Qui-Gon paused and took
a deep breath. With a glance over at Windu, he pressed the door
open and walked inside.
"Master Jinn," Master Ysari, the second chair of the Council,
said.
Qui-Gon bowed stiffly to the head of the circle, his gaze
focused on his own former Master, Yoda.
Ysari looked at Qui-Gon through cool blue eyes. "We wished to
speak to you about the boy, Obi-Wan Kenobi."
"A formidable future, foreseen for him, we have," Yoda said.
Qui-Gon blinked. He knew his Master was one of those Jedi most
gifted with the ability to read possibilities of the future.
But Yoda himself had taught him to be wary. "No future is set
in stone," Qui-Gon offered, and watched as Yoda nodded
slightly.
"True this is," Yoda agreed. "However, divided the paths appear
to be."
Ysari steepled his fingers. "We wish to speak to you about
accepting a mission. It would take you away from Coruscant for
sometime."
"You wish to separate me from Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon replied. It was
a statement, instead of a question.
"It is necessary," Ysari said.
Blue fire leapt to life in Qui-Gon's eyes. "How does it become
necessary to shield a Jedi initiate from a Master?"
"When that Master is a threat to the initiate, action must be
taken," Master Billaba interjected.
Qui-Gon forced himself calm, unwilling to give the Council any
additional leverage against him. "What wrongs have I committed
in your eyes to be labeled a threat?"
It was Billaba who replied. "What of Initiate Kenobi's recent
adventure through the lower levels?"
"You believe I somehow caused this misfortune?" Qui-Gon
contested, looking at Billaba with hard eyes.
Ysari shook his head. "Or the confrontation between Kenobi and
several other initiates? You are aware that he was singled out
because of his connection with you? Playing favorites is not a
trait of the Jedi."
Before he could speak the entrance to the chamber slid open;
Qui-Gon recognized the presence without turning. Yoda then
said, "Master Kohn, summon you, we did not."
The teacher shook her head, and moved to stand between Qui-Gon
and Mace. "With apologies to the Council, I have every right to
be here."
"We are aware that Kenobi is your student," Ysari said, "but
this point of contention is with Master Qui-Gon."
Elyzabe blinked slowly, calming her voice before speaking. "I
would contest that anything that so directly affects my
student, affects me as well. I am more involved with his life
than any of you here, save Master Qui-Gon."
"Very well, Master Kohn," Billaba said before Ysari could
speak. "You may remain."
Ysari waited a moment before asking, "Now, Master Jinn. As to
the confrontation in question?"
Qui-Gon took a breath. "Yes, I was aware. It bothered me
greatly that he was put into such a position."
Kohn took a step forward, so that she stood directly beside
Qui-Gon. "You are all well aware of how competitive the
initiate ranks can be," she said. "Master Qui-Gon did more to
ease the situation than he did to cause it."
"That is of little consequence, Master Kohn," Billaba said.
Elyzabe's eyes seemed to glow as she said, "I would beg to
differ, Master Billaba. You were not there, nor did you see the
way interacting with Qui-Gon helped Obi-Wan move past not only
that event, but numerous others."
"It only goes to prove the boy's unhealthy dependence on Master
Qui-Gon," Billaba countered.
"A crutch," Ysari offered, his voice aloof. "A dependency. More
so a threat than your putting ideas of the lower levels into
the boy's mind."
"Obi-Wan is by no means dependent on me. He's as head strong
and independent as any initiate," Qui-Gon replied to the jab,
unable to remain quiet.
Billaba nodded. "But is he to remain this way, when able to run
to you with any inconvenience?"
Qui-Gon forced his hands not to clench into fists. "He is an
exceptional boy, and every inch his own individual."
"No matter," Ysari said, ending the debate. "What of his
misadventures in the lower levels?"
"What of them?" Qui-Gon countered boldly, just managing to
control his fraying temper. "I explicitly told him not to worry
with fantasies of the lower levels."
Ysari nodded. "Yet he is the only youth in an age that has
wandered off in the lower levels. Coincidence?"
Kohn glared at the outspoken council member. "Very much so. It
was my allowance that led him to being in that lift when it
malfunctioned."
"So noted," Ysari replied. "Do you wish this to become an
examination of your record as well, Master Kohn?"
Qui-Gon easily recognized the not-so-veiled threat, and glanced
at Elyzabe. "Please, don't do harm to yourself as well. Obi-Wan
needs you as much as any of us."
"Not under review is Master Kohn," Yoda interrupted. "A worthy
teacher, she is."
Elyzabe blinked at the rare compliment from the small Master.
"Thank you, Master Yoda," she replied respectfully.
"Obi-Wan must learn to be his own man, not merely a part of
you," Ysari said, returning to his earlier argument.
Elyzabe's eyes narrowed. "He is very much his own person,
Master Ysari. Yet, they do remain linked no matter how much you
wish it weren't so."
"It is the bond that worries you the most," Qui-Gon stated,
comprehension filling his eyes. "What reason do you have to
resent the connection Obi-Wan and I share? Why do you fear it?"
Ysari blinked, his face a mask. "No resentment. And Jedi do not
fear, Qui-Gon," the Council member replied, side-stepping the
question.
"This meeting leads me to wonder otherwise," Jinn countered
hotly, working to reign in his temper so as to not let the
Council get the better of him.
"Will you defer and accept the mission we place before you,
Master Jinn?" Billaba asked, her gaze cold as she returned the
meeting to it's original purpose.
"It is vital that Obi-Wan Kenobi be allowed to grow into his
own as a Padawan. Not to grow as a shadow of you, Master Jinn.
You coddle him." Ysari met Qui-Gon's gaze, daring Qui-Gon to
contradict him.
"I do no such thing," Qui-Gon said defiantly. "It was the will
of the Force that I found Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon shook his head.
"Yes, your bond," Ysari said. "It was unexpected."
"But there all the same," Qui-Gon said. "You speak of a future
undetermined and in motion. Still, you expect me to act on that
uncertainty, rather than focusing on what is true now. The
Force tells me this isn't right."
Billaba nodded. "Should you choose to go against the Council on
this, Master Jinn, you will do it knowing that your bond will
be cut as a result."
Startled, Qui-Gon turned to completely face Billaba. "You
wouldn't."
Behind him, he heard Elyzabe's voice raise an octave as she
cried, "What?"
Mace closed his eyes for a moment, wary of watching the
possible threat he had been warned about as it played out in
front of him. He rested a hand on Kohn's shoulder, trying to
calm her. While she didn't shake the touch away, neither did
she acknowledge it.
"What could be so dangerous that you would dare? You could
cripple him," Qui-Gon argued.
Billaba shook her head. "You underestimate the abilities of the
Jedi healers."
Elyzabe laughed humorlessly. "To do such a thing to a child
would not be the work of a healer, but rather a butcher."
Ysari looked to Kohn. "You are free to leave at any time."
"And you should know you needn't ask," she retorted. "You're
talking about breaking a natural bond in a five-year-old," she
continued, her gaze falling on Yoda. The powerful Master was
far more quiet than was usual in a Council meeting.
Qui-Gon's hands were clenched at his sides, and he forced
himself to take a deep breath and release his hands. "Would you
take away such a bond from a boy with so few ties left?" he
asked, his voice low.
"The Jedi are his ties, Master Jinn," Ysari replied.
"You really do know very little of Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon commented.
"A boy he may be, but he remembers the pains of his past well
and is just now moving beyond them."
Ysari nodded, "This too could be corrected."
"You'll do no such thing," Kohn replied. She knew it was
reckless to threaten a council member, much less the second
chair, but had ceased to care.
The Master shook his head. "You do not make the demands, Master
Kohn. Rather, it is our decision that . . ."
"Is it now only the future that is all important?" Kohn asked.
"What has happened to make you so adamant about this? Why risk
Obi-Wan's health now?"
Ysari blinked. "The future is always in motion. We can only do
what is in our power to help ensure a positive one."
"And this is something you hope to accomplish by threatening
Qui-Gon or hurting a child?" Elyzabe argued.
"I'll go."
All eyes turned to look at the tall Master standing in the
middle of the room, Elyzabe the most shocked of all.
Mace looked at his friend with shadowed eyes, at the same
moment Kohn reached out her hand. Simultaneously, they said,
"Qui-Gon . . ."
Shaking his head, he turned to look at Yoda. "If these are to
be the only options, you leave me no choice. I will not fight
to the end that it causes Obi-Wan such pain. Nor will I let you
take his past from him."
"At last you bow to reason," Ysari said, the faintest smile on
his face.
Qui-Gon shook his head. "I've done no such thing, I've merely
sought to avoid insanity."
"No matter, your transport leaves before the dawn," Billaba
said. "It would be best if you use this time to make ready for
your journey. You will be sent information in your rooms before
you are to leave."
"I have one stipulation," Qui-Gon said, ignoring the dismissal.
"Request, you have?" Yoda asked, speaking for the first time
since defending Kohn.
Qui-Gon nodded. "Yes, my Master. I am to be allowed to return
when this mission is completed, and this . . . Situation
re-evaluated."
Although Ysari opened his mouth to argue, Yoda silenced him
with an upraised hand. "It will be so," Yoda replied.
Turning, Qui-Gon met Elyzabe's gaze, and shook his head
imperceptibly as he walked past. Both Kohn and Mace followed
him from the room without a glance back.
After storming from the Council chambers, Qui-Gon went straight
to his quarters. Asking to be left alone, Kohn left to see to
Obi-Wan, and Mace agreed to meet Qui-Gon when it was time for
him to leave.
Palming the door open, he walked inside and tossed his cloak
onto the couch. He was pulled from his seething emotions when
he heard a soft thump on the floor, but glancing around he
failed to see the source of the noise.
Taking a deep breath, Qui-Gon tried to release the agitation he
felt into the Force. He only marginally succeeded. Glancing at
the computer terminal, he noted that the message light was
blinking. Punching the button to receive the message, he
skimmed over the information about his upcoming mission and
downloaded it onto a datapad.
He then walked into his bedroom to gather the few items he
needed to take with him while he was away. It didn't take long
to pack his travel sack.
He had just placed it onto the couch when he felt his foot kick
something. Glancing down, Qui-Gon felt both the anger he had
been unable to release into the Force and the breath from his
lungs flow out of him.
Dropping onto the couch, he leaned forward and retrieved the
fragile item that he had came close to crushing in his
distraction. Holding it out in front of him, Qui-Gon stared at
the small clay fish, and found himself wondering at how things
had changed so quickly.
He blinked slowly, unable to tear his gaze from the present as
waves of memories flowed over him. Flashes of the events of the
past months were juxtaposed over the earthen fish he clutched
carefully in his hand. Most especially he recalled every smile
and delighted laugh he could remember.
The Master found himself realizing that only losing his former
apprentice to the Dark had torn at his soul in such a way.
Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly and rubbed the
bridge of his nose with one hand. It was a rare occasion, that
he was dreading what was to come next.
He had yet to move when the door chime sounded. "Enter," he
said, not glancing up when the door opened.
"Qui-Gon," Elyzabe said, walking into the quarters.
Instinct took over, and Qui-Gon looked at the teacher and
stood. "Elyzabe," he acknowledged. "Please, have a seat."
Hesitating for a moment, she moved to sit and motion for
Qui-Gon to again sit on the couch. She didn't speak, instead
simply sat with her hands folded in her robe. Her attention was
drawn to the gift he held in his hands.
After several moments of silence, Qui-Gon asked, "What do they
think they are doing?"
Kohn fought the urge to flinch at the rough edge to the other
Master's voice. She shook her head. "I don't know," she said
plainly.
"I don't think they know," he replied, his voice not quite as
harsh.
Shaking her head, the teacher replied, "Neither do I. The
Council rarely resorts to blackmail."
Agreeing with a nod, Qui-Gon said, "Yet I have no doubt they
would have gone through with it."
"Yes, they would have. The Council has always been protective
of the initiates."
Qui-Gon stood, and successfully fought the urge to pace in the
small room. Turning his steady gaze on Elyzabe, he asked,
"Could it possibly be true?"
Smiling softly, she replied, "Qui-Gon, you've never been one to
focus on the future before. Why do you wish to start now?"
Lowering his voice so that Kohn had to struggle to hear it, he
replied, "Because this time it's not my destiny I'm trying to
control."
"And that is why the Council is wrong," Elyzabe said. "Your
devotion to Obi-Wan is almost greater than to yourself. You
would no more hurt him, than you would allow him to be hurt."
She shook her head, adding, "Do you think I would have stormed
in there, and fought against this absurdity if I believed
otherwise?"
Qui-Gon found himself buoyed by the fire in her words. "No, I
would rather think you would have been screaming 'off with his
head.'"
"Exactly." She paused for a moment, then pulled a small box out
from behind her back. "I never had the chance to give you your
Naming day present."
Shaking his head, Qui-Gon held up his hand. "Thank you, but you
shouldn't bother."
"It wasn't a bother," she responded. "Just take it. You don't
have to look at it now."
With a nod, Qui-Gon took the offered gift. "Thank you for the
kindness."
Elyzabe nodded. "It's less than you deserve, after the way the
Council has acted."
Qui-Gon was silent for several moments. "My transport leaves
before dawn. I should finish getting ready."
"Would you leave without telling him goodbye?" Elyzabe asked,
her soft eyes searching Qui-Gon's features.
She was surprised by the flash of emotion she read from him
before he slammed his shields into place. "I seem to have very
little choice," he replied, his voice cool.
Seeing the smile that formed on Kohn's face, Qui-Gon knew that
his choices might soon change. "The Council plays its games,
Qui-Gon. So can we."
"You risk bringing the Council after you as well," the Jedi
replied. "Ysari was more than willing earlier."
Elyzabe shook her head. "I'm still his teacher, Qui-Gon," she
said, her voice suddenly lined with steel. "And I fear the
effects would be worse were you to simply disappear."
"He's asleep . . ."
"You can wake him," she replied, cutting him off. "I'm not
letting you run away without telling him goodbye, and I'm
giving you another chance to see him before you're away for
Force knows how long."
Qui-Gon was stunned by the power that carried over in her
voice. With a nod he replied simply, "Thank you."
"I'll leave so you can finish packing," Kohn said. "Then I'll
meet you outside the sleeping area."
Another nod. "When?"
"Whenever you're ready. I'll be waiting." With that, she turned
and left Qui-Gon's quarters.
The Jedi watched as the small woman walked away before glancing
down at the objects he still held. Needing to hurry, he
carefully placed both the fish and the still-unopened gift from
Elyzabe in his travel pack.
For a moment, Qui-Gon stood still, staring at the sleep-relaxed
features of the little boy who had come to mean more to him
than his own heart. The Jedi was still at a loss as to how it
had happened. As a Jedi, he was often saying goodbye to any
number of friends and acquaintances. Yet, suddenly saying
goodbye to one person left him empty.
He reached out a hand and carefully brushed a lock of hair away
from the sleeping boy's face, but stilled when Obi-Wan stirred.
Murky sea-green eyes opened part way, blinking sleepily as his
gaze fell on Qui-Gon.
"Master Qui-Gon?" he asked in a rough whisper.
The Jedi nodded, not able to force a smile although he tried.
Instead, pulled his hand back into the sleeve of his cloak.
Obi-Wan yawned and moved to sit up on the bed. Qui-Gon easily
read the confusion spiked with uncertainty that radiated from
the boy, but within it he felt the trust that flowed even more
strongly.
Obi-Wan tilted his head to the side, rubbing his eyes with
balled hands. "Something's wrong," he said, even though still
not completely awake.
"Lay back down, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said quietly, pulling the
covers back.
The child looked at him, still confused, but followed the
instructions. After tucking the covers around him, Qui-Gon
handed him the tattered stuffed wookiee that had fallen from
the side of the bed. Obi-Wan sleepily held the toy to his
chest, and looked up at the Jedi with blurry eyes.
Qui-Gon cleared his throat as quietly as possible, wary of the
other sleeping children. Somehow he found it harder to talk to
the little boy than to argue with the entire Council. "I have
to go away, little one," he explained, his voice rough.
As Qui-Gon watched, Obi-Wan's eyes widened and a surge of
emotion flooded the fledgling bond between them. "Why?" the
child asked. He tried to set up, but when Qui-Gon held him
down, he snuck a hand out from under the covers to grab one of
the Master's hands.
The Jedi looked down and the small hand clutching his, and
swallowed audibly. He moved his hands to clasp Obi-Wan's hand
between them. "The Council has a mission for me," he tried to
explain, hearing the empty echo to his words. He pushed the
bitter thoughts toward the Council aside, needing to focus on
Obi-Wan.
"This isn't like before," Obi-Wan replied, meeting Qui-Gon's
gaze. He sucked his lower lip into his mouth and stared at
their hands. His chin quivered, and his eyes sparkled with
tears. "You never told me goodbye before."
"I know," Qui-Gon replied in a whisper, reaching out to brush
away an errant tear that spilled over from Obi-Wan's eyes.
Obi-Wan looked up and for a moment simply stared at the Master.
Finally he asked in a small voice, "Will I see you again?"
"Qui-Gon," Mace's hushed voice interrupted them. "It's time to
go."
Qui-Gon nodded to Mace, who turned and walked from the room.
However, Qui-Gon kept his attention directed toward Obi-Wan.
"I'll miss you, little one," Qui-Gon whispered so that only the
child could hear.
Obi-Wan glanced over at Mace, before untangling himself from
the covers. Before Qui-Gon could blink, the boy was buried in
his cloak. Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around Qui-Gon's chest, "I
don't want you to go away," he said.
"You know that missions are part of being Jedi," Qui-Gon tried
to explain, despising the very words as they came from his
mouth.
Shaking his head against Qui-Gon's chest, Obi-Wan pressed his
eyes closed. "This is different. I can tell."
"How?" the Jedi asked in a whisper, pulling Obi-Wan back where
he could see the small face.
With a sniff, Obi-Wan rubbed the moisture from his cheek
absently. "I just know," he whispered. "It's wrong."
"It's my duty, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon reasoned, brushing loose hair
from Obi-Wan's wide eyes; although the Jedi too doubted the
mission or the motivations behind it.
The boy shook his head, and again hugged the Master. "Not this
time."
Qui-Gon shook his head, battling internally with his own
emotions, as well as the child's. "Obi-Wan . . ."
"You can't leave," Obi-Wan insisted. "I don't want to lose
you."
A sad smile on his face, Qui-Gon kissed the top of Obi-Wan's
head. "You'll never lose me, little one."
Obi-Wan stared up at the Jedi, and Qui-Gon blinked at the surge
of love that filled the bond in his mind. "Promise?" the child
asked, large tears brimming in his eyes.
Torn, Qui-Gon nodded and hoped Obi-Wan forgave him the
uncertain truth. "Didn't I tell you I'd always come back for
you?"
When Obi-Wan blinked quickly, but nodded, the Jedi felt his
heart clench at the sight of the boy still fighting against
tears. "Are you in trouble?" the child asked, feeling as if it
was somehow his fault. His gaze flickered back to where Windu
stood near the door, arms crossed stiffly, and back to Qui-Gon.
"No more than usual," Qui-Gon replied, hoping some hint of
humor was in his voice.
Green eyes searched Qui-Gon's. "It's my fault," he said, the
words causing Qui-Gon to flinch at the maturity in the
statement.
"Never, little one," Qui-Gon said, his tone brooking no
argument. "I'll see you again."
Obi-Wan blinked. "I won't be able to feel you, will I?"
Qui-Gon closed his eyes and hugged him tightly one last time,
before steering him back under the covers. "I'm sorry," he
whispered, tucking in the covers.
"I'll miss you," Obi-Wan said, again clutching the worn stuffed
animal.
Unable to see the pain in the young eyes any longer, Qui-Gon
brushed his hand over Obi-Wan's cheek. "Sleep, my Obi-Wan," he
whispered.
He fought the suggestion, long enough to whisper, "I love you,"
before falling into a Force driven sleep.
Qui-Gon blinked at the moisture that burned his eyes, and for
the first time in over a decade said, "I love you too, little
one."
Qui-Gon stood beside Obi-Wan's bed unmoving, until he felt a
hand on his arm. Turning to his left, he found himself staring
into Elyzabe's sad eyes. "I know how hard that was," she said
in a soft whisper. When Qui-Gon merely nodded, she motioned for
him to follow her from the sleeping room.
Once they were just outside the doorway she found herself
trying to read Qui-Gon's darkened blue eyes. "Are you okay?"
she asked in a whisper.
The Jedi's attention still lay inside the nearby sleeping room,
and he turned his gaze toward the teacher at the question.
"This isn't right," he tried to explain.
Elyzabe nodded, but didn't speak. She knew there was nothing
that should be said.
A moment later, Mace returned. "Ready?" he asked quietly.
Qui-Gon nodded curtly, and glanced between the two Jedi
Masters. "Watch out for him," he said simply.
Kohn nodded, her heart breaking at the scene. "Force go with
you, Qui-Gon," she replied before ducking back into the
sleeping room.
Qui-Gon watched her leave before looking at Mace. "You didn't
have to ask," the dark-skinned Master replied. "You know I
will."
Looking through the still-open door, Qui-Gon could see Elyzabe
leaning over Obi-Wan's bed, checking on the child. With a nod
to Mace, he turned and walked down the hallway without looking
back.
The sooner he started his forsaken mission, the sooner he might
return.
End
comments, rants? razrbkr@juno.com
And, just for kicks, the IS series in order:
Inner Strength
Inner Fire
Inner Struggle
Inner Spark
Inner Light
Inner Conundrum
Inner Child
Inner Devotion
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