Setting: Prior to TPM and during TPM, on Coruscant and the
Queen's ship
Sequel: to "In space, everyone can hear you scream."
Pairing: Q/O
Rating: R ?
Category: Humor
Warning: The boys have a lovers tiff. No graphic sex in this
one, but we know what they do when no one's looking.
Spoilers: More from the movie, but you've all seen it by now,
or know the basic story, right?
Disclaimer: All characters owned by Lucas and Lucasfilms, no
money made by me, for entertainment purposes only. Sueing me is
like teaching a Gungan to fly by throwing it out of a plane. It
won't get you any money, and the results are not pretty.
Thanks: To Kaly and my Padawan Tiff for doing superb beta work!
You guys rule.
Obi-Wan tried not to wiggle sensuously as he strode
purposefully down the polished hall of the Jedi Temple, keeping
easy pace with his Master Qui-Gon and the precocious child
Anakin Skywalker. The boy was the newest addition to the list
of pathetic lifeforms that seemed to cling to his beloved
Master like....like.....well, like poison leechenberry to the
buttocks of a young Padawan. Obi-Wan smiled as his mind
wandered back in time....
He had been Qui-Gon's Padawan for several years, roaming the
galaxy and having nightly wet dreams about his Master, all the
while hiding his carnal desire for the older, inscrutable Jedi.
They had been abruptly assigned to assess farm land on the
forest covered planet Houila, and having no time to restock
their field supplies before embarking, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had
been putting their Jedi ingenuity to the test. Qui-Gon insisted
all they would need they would find in the woods, and Obi-Wan
had spent the days finding ways to make do with whatever they
came across and trying to impress his elder.
And so it had been when he found himself awakened one night
after a particularly hot fantasy about Qui-Gon in nothing but a
hair tie, striking out into the forest to wash away the
evidence of his dream. He washed quickly in a nearby stream
that ran so cold, he wondered if he would ever achieve an
erection again. Shivering, he realized he had absolutely
nothing with which to dry himself. Casting about in the dark,
his hands brushed soft, fuzzy leaves and he smiled. Qui-Gon
would be impressed with how well his Padawan adapted to this
environment! And maybe, just maybe, he would give Obi-Wan a
full body hug, something which could fuel the young man's
fantasies for weeks.
Breaking off several of the leaves, he rubbed them around his
groin and over his smooth butt cheeks. Oh how he wished it were
Qui-Gon's strong hands! The leaves seemed to soak up the water
very well, but soon became sticky. Before he knew it, they were
stuck to his hands and his behind, some sort of sap being
excreted and gluing the leaves to his flesh. Disgusted, he
peeled the vegetation from his body and washed off what he
could of the gluey substance. Now he was cold, wet and tacky.
Sighing at his failure, he decided it was best not to tell his
Master about this incident and slunk back to bed.
By the time breakfast was finished next morning, Qui-Gon was
beginning to notice something odd was up with his Padawan. The
normally cheerful apprentice who fawned all over his Master was
replaced with a sullen, twitchy young man who couldn't seem to
sit still for one minute. Watching out the corners of his eyes,
he observed his Padawan cleaning their dishes, scratching his
hands and rubbing himself against every available rough
surface.
"Padawan, are you quite all right?"
Obi-Wan froze. He was all but humping the pointy end of a tree
stump, trying desperately to assuage the inflamed itch in his
nether regions. There was no use denying it, and lying to his
Master would only make things worse. He looked at his reddened
palms and knuckles.
"I...uh, that is... I seem to have developed a rash. Of sorts."
"A rash you say? Hmmmm. I wonder if it was something you ate."
Obi-Wan's face flushed pink. "Well, actually, I think I might
have brushed against something in the forest."
Qui-Gon chuckled. "I certainly hope it wasn't that patch of
leechenberry leaves down by the water. One light stroke across
your leg and you'll gnaw your skin right off!" Qui-Gon stopped
when he saw the wide-eyed, horror filled look on his Padawan's
face. "You...you didn't go near the leechenberry plants, did
you? The ones with the soft, fuzzy leaves?" he asked in a
hushed voice.
Obi-Wan gave a manly mewl, for Jedi do not whimper, and bit his
bottom lip. Qui-Gon tried not to laugh, and launched into a
long discourse on the cautions one should take while camped in
the bush. While he lectured, he applied a thick salve to his
Padawan's hands, then began wrapping them in thermal blanket
strips. The itch would get worse, but at least the young man
would still have some skin left when the poison finally
dissipated.
"Obi-Wan, you must hold still," said Qui-Gon for the third
time. His Padawan was squirming and gyrating while Qui-Gon
coccooned his hands in cloth. It was almost as if.....
"Obi-Wan, do you have this rash anywhere else?"
"Uhm...I might. A little." Obi-Wan tried to run his fanny over
the rough bark of the treestump without being obvious.
"Where, exactly, is the rest of the rash? You've got it on your
arse, haven't you?" Obi-Wan tried to skitter away, but Qui-Gon
caught him and pulled his leggings down past his waistline. "Oh
Force, Padawan! What did you do, sit in it?" Obi-Wan nodded his
head miserably. Tears welled in his eyes, and it melted
Qui-Gon's heart. "Don't worry Padawan, it'll be all right. I'll
take care of you. But we have to get those pants off..."
Obi-Wan blushed crimson. How many times had he fantasized about
those very words coming from his Master's lips? "But Master,
surely I can do this myself..."
Qui-Gon snorted. Not when an opportunity like this presented
itself! "Er...not with your hands in this condition. I'm sorry
Padawan, I'll try and be gentle." Obi-Wan did whimper
then, and thanked the Force he had remembered to put on clean
underwear. His Master turned him around and expertly divested
him of his leggings. Hiding a smile and sighing, Qui-Gon
positioned him over his knees and began applying salve to the
reddened cheeks, angry looking bumps dotting the perfect twin
globes. My, how Qui-Gon had wanted to do this for such a long
time! He applied more salve, running his hands over his
apprentice in slow, smooth strokes.
The young man seemed to grow excited as the stroking continued,
Qui-Gon could feel his Padawan's erection bumping him in the
leg. Obi-Wan was now mortified as well as severely
uncomfortable, but he couldn't stop himself! It felt so good.
Then Qui-Gon dipped a salve-covered finger in between those
abused cheeks and Obi-Wan began to writhe. A groan from deep
within his Padawan made him scoop the young man into his arms
and seal his lips over Obi-Wan's. His apprentice returned the
kiss forcefully and wrapped his mummified hands around
Qui-Gon's neck. They broke apart to catch their breath and
Obi-Wan smiled brightly through tears, caught between the
ecstasy and the itch, rubbing himself against his Master.
Qui-Gon then wrapped a salve covered hand around his reddened
manhood and stroked him, all the while whispering words of
promise to his beloved Padawan. His other hand wound into the
silky hair at the back of his head.....
.....and tugged sharply at his Padawan tail. Obi-Wan squeaked
as he was shaken out of his delicious memory. His Master had
halted him in time to save young Anakin from being trampled by
the day-dreaming apprentice. Obi-Wan blinked and followed his
Master and Anakin into the council chambers, rubbing his head
and pouting slightly.
Qui-Gon argued with the council to have Anakin trained,
insisting he was 'The One.' It was not the first time Qui-Gon
had dragged someone to Coruscant to be trained, although he
usually used the excuse of "He followed me here, can we keep
him?" And as usual, the council said no. Obi-Wan was pleased
when at last the they were given leave, and made a politely
slow dash for the door. He was quite surprised when Qui-Gon was
not behind him, but even more surprised when his Master asked
to take Anakin as his Padawan! Obi-Wan was shocked, and gave
Qui-Gon his patented "We will be discussing this later,
pal" look before remembering where he was. Covering quickly, he
assured the Council he was ready for testing, only to be
brushed off and told to go back to Naboo with his Master.
The dismissed Jedi bowed and headed for the doors. Qui-Gon
murmured to his apprentice, "You're okay with this Anakin
thing, right?"
Obi-Wan's whisper was sarcastic. "Oh, I haven't been this
thrilled since I won the Jedi Sweepstakes."
"You never play the Jedi Sweepstakes. You're too..."
"Frugal."
"Cheap, yes, that's the word."
As they entered the hall, Anakin cast a last pleading look back
at the Jedi council as Obi-Wan gasped theatrically.
"I am not cheap!"
"I'm always buying you lunch."
"I'm your Padawan! You have to buy me lunch!"
Yoda rolled his eyes and shook his head. "So married, they
are." Master Windu smiled ruefully and nodded.
Stepping aboard the Queen's ship again, Anakin scuttled ahead
of the two Jedi, excited to be going on an adventure. In a
deserted corridor, Qui-Gon put his arm affectionately around
his Padawan's shoulder. He had some major kissing up to do with
the young man.
"Obi-Wan, you will always, always be my love, never
doubt that for an instant. Nothing can take the place of you in
my heart."
Obi-Wan nestled into his Master's embrace and pouted for
effect. "Not even 'The One?'" Qui-Gon shook his head and kissed
Obi-Wan's temple. "But, if I become a Knight, I will be
assigned separate missions and..."
"Don't worry about that beloved. I have enough dirt on Master
Windu to make sure he sends both of us on many assignments
together. Who knew that he liked Wookies that way...." As they
entered their quarters, Qui-Gon's hand drifted down to cup his
Padawan's well formed buttocks. "That reminds me. Don't think I
didn't notice you swishing this around outside the council
chambers. I haven't seen you move like that since Houila."
Obi-Wan's smile was beautiful. "That's exactly what I was
thinking about!"
Qui-Gon embraced Obi-Wan tightly. "I promised you then you
would be my love forever, and I meant it." Qui-Gon kissed his
apprentice feverishly, both men shedding each others cloaks as
they stumbled towards the sleeping chamber.
"Hey guys! Look what I found!"
Two sets of eyes flashed wide and the two men pulled their lips
apart with a loud smack. Obi-Wan nearly hurt himself whipping
his head around to stare dumbfounded at Anakin, sitting atop a
nightstand and looking at them curiously. Gulping, he released
Qui-Gon and nodded at the older Jedi.
"And that is...uh...how you share air if..uh...you ever
misplace your underwater apparatus. Er..um...Jar Jar told me.
Quite useful." Qui-Gon sighed at his sweating Padawan. By the
time Anakin became a Jedi, Obi-Wan was going to either be a
nervous wreck, or a much better liar.
"Hey guys, what is this stuff? I found it in the drawer by the
bed." Anakin briefly held up a tube, then read the side.
"Ass-tro-lube. What's Ass-tro-lube?"
Obi-Wan choked. Apparently the crew of the ship, after
over-hearing the two Jedi making love, had helpfully provided
them with supplies. Qui-Gon decided it was time to teach
Obi-Wan Jedi Diplomacy Trick number twenty four, 'If they reach
their own conclusions, it's not really lying.'
"What do you think it is, Anakin?"
The boy scratched his chin. "Ass-tro...Ass-tro....I know! It's
lube for the astromech droids!"
Qui-Gon smiled at the beaming child, choosing his words
carefully. "You're very clever, Annie."
"But what's it doing in your bedroom?"
Qui-Gon turned to Obi-Wan and smiled encouragingly, expecting
the young man to follow his example. Obi-Wan stammered and
waved his hands vaguely.
"It's ah...well..it's, uhm....it also is very good....bug
repellant...?" Obi-Wan finished sheepishly, risking a look at
his scowling Master.
"Oh boy! This is to ward off space spiders! Can I use some?"
"Er...uh, sure Annie. Take the whole tube. Now go find your
quarters. We'll see you tomorrow." Thanking the older men
profusely, the boy bade them good night and dashed out the
door. Obi-Wan sunk his head into his hands. Qui-Gon wrapped his
arms around the young man and stroked his back. "Maybe you're
not quite ready for those tests yet, Padawan." It took some
encouraging, but eventually Qui-Gon got his young lover relaxed
enough to take him to bed and re-create the salve applying
episode from their first lovemaking. Begrudgingly, Obi-Wan had
to thank those stupid leaves for his present happiness.
Sometime later that night, Obi-Wan wiggled out of his Master's
warm embrace and shrugged into his robes, intending to visit
the little Padawan's room down the hall. Muffled sounds from
the corridor outside caught his attention. Eeeeee...thump.
Eeeeee...thump. Scowling, he opened the door only to step back
as Anakin went flying by, executing a belly luge down the hall
until he hit the far wall.
"Wheeeeee..." Thump.
"Anakin! Whatever are you doing?"
The boy scrabbled to his feet, trying to get a foothold on the
slippery deck. "Oh, Obi-Wan! That spider repellant stuff is
great! And if you smear it all over yourself, you can slide
down the hall. Watch!" The child launched himself into the air
and went sailing past the astonished apprentice. Obi-Wan sighed
and headed to the bathroom, slipping on the slick floor, his
command of the Force the only thing that kept him from landing
on his butt. He wasn't looking forward to explaining to the
Queen why her decks were greased, or having to face Qui-Gon
once he found their young charge slathered in sexual lubricant.
Considering how things were going, whatever happened on Naboo
had to be better than this.
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