Hope to those who have not (10/12)

by Adalisa (marioz@spin.com.mx)



Archive: My site and the m_a archive. Anyone else, just ask. I won't say no.

Category: I'm not at all sure, but it's an AU, h/c, angst, and POV. Yeah, I think that's all.

Rating: PG-13

Warning: I'm sure I'm not following Canon somewhere. After all, I'm not all that familiar with anything in this universe besides the movies, the comic adaptation and what I have been reading here.

Spoilers: Some for TPM. This is an AU so it doesn't really matters.

Summary: Anakin re-thinks a lot of things about Jedi and the Republic as the ship heads for Coruscant and Obi-Wan's kiddnapper's identity is revealed.

Disclaimer: Everything here belongs to George Lucas, who is god. And I'm not making any money out of this... so it would really be pointless to sue me for it.

Content: Q/O.

Feedback: I love it. It's inspiring... and if anyone would have time to detailed feedback, I would really appreciate it.



We're only a day away from Coruscant, and I know everyone is worried about what will happen once we get there.

So worried, that Qui-Gon hasn't said a word about Panaka teaching me how to use a blaster. He spends almost all day inside his quarters, meditating or doing some other boring Jedi stuff.

Training with lightsabers is great, but I don't think I like to stay still doing nothing. I'm glad I'm not going to be a Jedi. Pilots have more fun.

And Pilots don't try to pretend nothing is wrong when everything is buried in poo-doo. After we rescued 3PO from the bounty hunter that had him and Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon gave his report to 'Dala just like he had given his report to the Jedi Council when Obi-Wan stayed in Tatooine.

It was so dry that it sounded almost like: We got there, we fought. We don't have Obi-Wan with us...

Why can't he admit that he's suffering because we didn't rescue Obi-Wan?

And sure, he didn't mention that the man who has Obi-Wan now is the same man he supposedly killed at Naboo during the big battle.

Maybe he thinks I didn't notice, but I did... That horrible face is not easy to forget.

If I looked like that, I would hide my face under a helmet forever. A helmet scary enough to make people forget all about my face and make them remember me and fear me forever.

Maybe that's why that Sith doesn't hide himself. He really made a lasting impression on everyone. I remember him quite clearly from when I saw him for the first time, on Tatooine.

I was very scared then, because I was thinking that I would not see Mom ever again... and because I really thought that he could kill Master Qui-Gon.

I'm not that big of a fool to think that nothing can kill a Jedi. I worked for a Hutt.

And the Hutts don't like Jedi much. Now that I know what the Jedi are, I can't blame them. Jedi only get into other people's affairs and leave things half done.

I just said that when I met Qui-Gon because I wanted him to like me. I really thought they were on Tatooine to free all the slaves.

I am getting better with the blaster every day, and Panaka is very proud of me. He says I'll be the youngest captain at the Naboo army if I keep up my pace.

I told him that Naboo doesn't have an army, and he got very serious. That was right after 3PO identify the voice of the man who was buying Obi-Wan... and he is probably the only one who was not surprised to hear who it was.

Chancellor Palpatine. The one who was 'helping' 'Dala at the Senate.

When we told her, she went livid. She's very mad at this, just as Qui-Gon and Master Windu... But I don't know why they're so angry, if they're angry because Palpatine kidnapped Obi-Wan or because they didn't realize he was the one behind all it all.

I can't help but chuckle when I remember what the green old mynock told Qui-Gon at the Council when they decided I couldn't be a Jedi.

'Hard to see, the Dark Side is...'

Yeah, right! It was right under their noses and they couldn't see it!!

I still carry Obi-Wan's lightsaber in my belt, because Qui-Gon wanted me to have it until we can rescue his Padawan... but it feels better to have the blaster. Because if I only use the light saber to defend myself, and then I give it back to Obi-Wan... Then what will I use?

Maybe Qui-Gon didn't thought of that.

Something is worrying him so much that he doesn't see past that.

R2 beeps near me, trying to cheer me up... And a new idea shines brightly in my mind.

The only thing that helped us against the bounty hunter's robots was that they were not expecting us. And this time...

Well, I would bet everything I have that Palpatine knows we're going to save Obi-Wan.

But he might not expect Obi-Wan to have a weapon...

I get my tools and motion R2 near me. I know I can do this little modification, because it will be a lot easier than adapting the holo-projector.

I only have to find the right place to hide the spring, and then I know that R2 can find Obi-Wan and give him his saber.

If I can get this to work, maybe everybody will re-think the usefulness of R2 units in battle.



Obi-Wan's Interlude

'They do not care about you'

Maul's words taunt me in my sleep, just as they do when I am awake. There's nothing I can do to stop them, not when they're entwined with the very clear image of my Master at Anakin's side... not when I can still remember the child using my lightsaber in battle...

My lightsaber.

Was Qui-Gon so eager to start training the boy that he didn't stop at the Temple long enough to teach him how to build a proper lightsaber? Was I so easily forgotten?

I don't want to believe that.

I don't want to give way to the doubts that Maul has seeded in my heart.

But how can I do otherwise if deep in my heart I have always know that I meant very little to Qui-Gon? If I have always known that he only took me as a Padawan out of a misguided sense of honor?

That old nightmare has returned, and... And now I know that it would have been better if he had not chosen me, sent me to Agri-Corps where I could not hinder him.

It would have been better if I had died then.

If I had, I could not fail him now by falling so easily in the Dark embrace.

My mind revels at this thought. It screams me that I have not fallen... that the Dark Side has no hold over me as long as I can remember where my heart lies. That if I still love Qui-Gon with all my heart, I will never turn.

But Maul's touch is more welcomed by my body every night...

I lost long ago the will to fight, when it was Bobba Fett the one who raped me. After all, what was there for me to fight? My life has always been unimportant... And I could not let Qui-Gon fall into a trap for me.

How long will it be before I start to answer in kind? How long will it be before I crave the darkness' touch?

How long before I finally understand that I do not mean anything to Qui-Gon?

Darkness' Interlude 2

They are coming.

They know who am I, and in their foolishness they believe they can defeat me.

No one can defeat me. At the end, all outcomes bring me the final victory.

The Empire might not come to reality in this cycle, but I am a patient man. It won't be long before this breaks the Republic, and when that happens, I will be ready.

And as for the hated Jedi?

They will be no longer a problem by then.

I had hoped to turn Qui-Gon - not as a Sith, but as a Dark Jedi. There can only be two Sith, but there is no limit to Rouge Knights. The strong Master would have been a great addition to my numbers.

But his apprentice...

Young Kenobi is a much better prey, and he is almost mine.

It amuses me to see how he clings to hope for those who have not.



To be continued...