Home Improvement

by Oncidium (hellsmouth@sympatico.ca)

Archive: M_A

Category: Qui/Obi, Humour

Rating: PG for implied sexual activity

Warnings: Hmmmmm silliness? This was something I found while cleaning out my old documents folder. Written a long time ago...

Summary: Have you ever wondered what it must be like to live in a neighbouring set of quarters to Qui and Obi? Mace finds out

Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not belong to me; they belong to George Lucas. I just like to play with them and will try and return them in somewhat the condition in which they were found.

Feedback: Oh Yes!!!!!...please

Special thanks to my betas Crystal and The Rose on this one and especially to my old roomie, Jo, who literally sat next to me while I wrote this.

Mace Windu, Jedi Master and Council member, hesitated before palming the summons next to the door to Master M'warne's quarters. It was his turn to go over for tea with the old human Jedi Master and he was really not looking forward to it, he had many other things to do, but seeing as she really was a nice old bird (even though half blind and deaf with age) it was something each member of the Council took upon themselves in rotation. The once a week visit for tea. Last week it had been Yoda to visit Master M'warne and he came back with his cheeks flush from the firm pinching and grumbling something about, "When 800 years old, one reach, be subject to same story again and again one should not be..." Oh yes, this would be one long afternoon.

Finally summoning up his legendary Jedi courage Mace placed his hand firmly against the summons. He waited and waited and waited some more for the reply. Ten minutes passed and he tried it again. The door opened and a chubby, kind face poked out. The old woman craned her neck up to look at the tall Jedi's face. "Oh, there you are! You naughty young scamp! You're 10 minutes late, you know... Did they allow you to run Council in such a manner? Really! Well, don't just stand there like someone who has been hit by a stun ray! Come in and wipe your feet on the mat, please."

He sighed as he scraped his clean boots on the coconut mat with the picture of flowers and the words "A Garden Is A Place of Tranquillity" emblazoned upon it. Oh yes, this was going to be one long afternoon.

Master M'warne came out of the kitchen carrying a large pot of good strong tea and rich cookies. He had asked once, long ago, what kind of tea this was. Since it only seemed to be found in her apartment. He was never sure what an Irish was or where it was from, but if he ever went there on assignment he would make double sure to pick up some tea. Soon the old master seemed satisfied that she had been caught up on all the relevant temple gossip such as who was dating whom, who formed soul bonds and what children were born under scandalous conditions. Master M'warne caught him off guard by asking, "Whom, may I inquire, inhabits the quarters just above mine?"

Mace swallowed the piece of cookie he had just bitten into and replied, "Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his Padawan learner, Obi-Wan Kenobi, I believe. Why?"

"Oh it's nothing really I was just wondering. So little Qui-Gon decided to take on his first Padawan learner, isn't that nice."

"Third," Mace corrected before he really thought about it.

"Pardon? Third? Oh, now I don't believe that at all. It would put him close to 60 and I don't think he's anywhere NEAR that age, silly boy." The old Master admonished gently.

Mace smiled to himself and thought how pleased Qui-Gon would be to hear that. "Well now they seem like a nice team from what I hear of them," Master M'warne continued.

"You know temple gossip..." He started, suddenly uncomfortable with the possible direction this conversation was taking.

"Oh no, dear. I mean hear of them. The floors are dreadful thin. Surprised sometimes that I can't just look up and actually see them." She chuckled, "But one thing I am curious about is when the Council changed its mind on making changes to ones quarters."

"Pardon?" He gasped.

"Changes to the quarters." She continued unfazed by the Council member's obvious discomfort, "I can only assume that's what's going on up there. Some renovations perhaps?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Oh mostly the furniture scraping that is going on up there. Sounds like they have rearranged just about every piece at some point or other."

He bit the inside of his cheek to take the attention off the blush that was threatening to take over his face. He was going to have to have a word with Qui-Gon about this. Oh yes, this was now an extremely long afternoon.

Master M'warne looked over at the council member in distress and said, "You don't look at all well, Mace, my dear. You really should see a healer after you leave. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes! And apart from that there is the hammering, which happens at any time of day or night. I have no idea what it is but due to the banging that keeps occurring against their one wall, I can only assume that something refuses to stay put and has to be refastened with a good hammering every once in a while."

Mace was now going slowly from discomfort to amusement. The old woman really had no idea did she? The afternoon was suddenly getting much shorter. "Oh, please do go on." he said, not even trying to keep the smile out of his voice.

"Well that's really it for the renovations. But they should really look into their plumbing at some point with all the work going on in there."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, there is one nasty water stain forming in the ceiling in my bathroom just under their bathtub. Looks like someone gets in there and just tosses water out the sides carelessly and seeing as neither one seems to have any children I can only assume that there is a leak."

Mace was now biting his lower lip trying to stifle the small laugh, which was about to escape on him.

"But mind you one would wonder why they hadn't noticed, what with all the time they seem to spend in the `fresher up there. Sometimes eight or nine times a day it seems. Not that I am keeping track, mind you."

He was now finding discomfort in another way, as the gale of pent up laughter was threatening escape and his ribs were most certainly bruising trying to hold it in.

"But I don't want to complain bout them at all. They seem like such nice young men... especially that Obi-Wan. He is so very agreeable. It's always 'Yes, master. Yes, master. Yes, master' One would say they very rarely have a disagreement. Sometimes Qui-Gon's Padawan is extremely vehement in his agreeableness. Seems like a nice young man. Young man like that should be attached. Does he have a girlfriend that you know of?"

Mace could not open his mouth for fear of the merriment that would escape so the best he could manage is a frenetic shaking of his head.

"Oh, too bad. Probably has something to do with how hard his master works him. Poor dear must be completely tuckered out by days end."

"Oh that does it," he thought, "I am going to have to beat a hasty retreat from here, lest I embarrass myself."

"Anyway... I was thinking of making some changes myself in here and I would very much like to see what they have done with their place. I was figuring if anyone could arrange such a thing it would be a member of the Council." Master M'warne looked at Mace expectantly.

"Done!" Mace blurted out as quickly as he could, "How about I arrange that next week on you tea day. You may take it over at Qui-Gon Jinn's quarters and I will make sure his apprentice is there also."

"Oh!" Master M'warne said with obvious delight, "You are such a sweet boy! And Qui-Gon is going to be so surprised!"

"Oh indeed he will," he thought.

"Well, you have things to do, as do I," Master M'warne said to Mace as she started to clean up the remnants of their tea together, "You should scedaddle."

"Yes, Master." He said as he stood and bowed to the old lady and left her quarters. As soon as the door slid shut behind him, he leaned against a neighbouring wall and let out that laugh that threatened.

Finally, he started off in the direction of the lift to Qui-Gon's quarters. Oh boy, wasn't Qui-Gon going to be surprised! Mace wiped the tears from his eyes and recited to himself the Jedi tenet on revenge as he readied himself to go and give his friend the good news. Oh yes, this was going to be fun.