Archive: master_apprentice, and anyone else that wants it, just
ask.
Category: humour/parody, pre-slash
Rating: PG
Summary: The Jedi Council meets to discuss a very important
matter.
Acknowledgements/Dedications: I'd like to thank all the
wonderful writers of First-times. I just had to play with the
concept. And another thanks to my Master, Eliz-mar Von, without
whom this fic would never have seen the light of day.
Disclaimer: Alas and alack, i don't own the Jedi or the
Council, Georgie "no sex in my universe" Lucas does.
Feedback: Yes please. So I know if I'm amusing or just raving
looney. Possibly both.
Trivia Challenge: Can you identify the titles of all the
First-Time stories mentioned in here?
"Back from mission, they are?"
"Yes, Master Yoda."
"Bonded, they are?"
"No."
"This is getting absurd. What can't Jinn and Kenobi just see
the obvious?"
"We'll just have to try something else."
"What else is there? For the last three years, all their
assignments have been single quarters, single bed. A small bed,
I might add."
"We've put them on hot planets and ice planets. We've sent them
to places where clothing ranges from optional to just damn sexy
looking, especially on Kenobi."
"For them, hard to see, the obvious is."
<nodding>
"And all they do is take cold showers and meditate."
"Turn off cold water to their quarters, could we?"
/thoughtful silence/
"We'll consider it."
"Any other ideas?"
"I don't suppose we could.... no, that's against the code."
"Sith."
"My thoughts exactly."
"That's it. We are the Jedi Council, for Force's sake. If we
can't manage to get two gorgeous men together very soon, I may
just turn to the Dark Side."
"Patience, Master."
/a couple of deep, cleansing breaths/
"What if we slip something into their food?"
"Nothing specifically in the Code against that."
"Is there any planet where, through a series of conveniently
placed societal behaviors, they'd end up having to have sex?"
"Look into it, we will."
"Virgin sacrifice?"
"Neither are virgins."
"How do you... oh forget it, I don't want to know."
"Someone making a few drunken comments at the Christmas party,
causing them to re-evaluate their relationship?"
"No Christmas in this galaxy."
"Right, drat."
"Have Obi-Wan join Jedi-only sex club, we could."
"You never told me we had one of those!"
"Give you address later, I will."
"Send Qui-Gon a lettre from Obi-Wan, revealing his true
feelings?"
"Trust Coruscant Postal Service, I do not."
"Have one of them interrupt the other during... erm....
'private meditation'?"
"Too risky."
"Send them on a mission where Kenobi has to pretend to be
Jinn's pleasure boy?"
"Hmm..... nah."
"Assign Kenobi to teach sex ed?"
"Too silly."
"Obi-Wan, if you can't stop that, turn the speaker off."
Qui-Gon couldn't help smiling at his young lover, almost
doubled over with laughter.
Obi-Wan nodded and complied. "I still can't believe Bant
managed to plant a transmitter in there," he said, grinning.
"Or that they're actually talking about us..." He started
chuckling again.
"Just as well they don't know." Qui-Gon pulled Obi-Wan closer
for a snuggle. "Think how much fun we'll have if they follow
through with any of these ideas."
Archive 