DISCLAIMER: LucasFilm owns all. I'm just borrowing.
SUMMARY: Twelve Jedi students. Two Jedi Masters. One Jedi
campsite. Do the math. This is an AU fic, and something like a
sequel to "Breaking the Code," which can be found at
http://lonejack.simplenet.com/jedi/qgfic.htm .
"You know what I'd like to know?"
"What?"
"How."
Mace Windu looked up from his packing. "How what?"
"How do I let you talk me into these things?" Qui-Gon Jinn
said, crossing his arms.
They were in Mace's quarters, where the Master was putting the
last of his things into a small rucksack.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Mace asked, tightening the
straps.
"I'm not a stupid man. Not a naive man. Not a careless man.
But, somehow, I keep finding myself in these-- these
ludicrous situations. And I just don't understand it. I
know it isn't Jedi mind control. So how?"
"It's fun," Mace said, simply, hefting the sack. He headed for
the door.
Qui-Gon took up his own pack. "What?"
"Fun. You don't know how to have it, but you know you
should be. So, here you are. It's your subconscious at
work, my friend."
"It's my lack of self-preservation at work."
"We're going to be fine. We'll only be gone overnight, we'll be
within easy distance of the Temple, if anything happens; and
nothing's going to happen," Mace said firmly, as they walked
down the hallway.
"Every time you say that, we end up saying things like 'Well,
it seemed like a good idea' to Master Yoda," Qui-Gon
muttered. He forced a smile as they emerged into the hallway,
where he was unsurprised to find their weekend companions
waiting for them.
"We're ready to go camping, masters," Obi-Wan Kenobi said,
cheerfully.
The noise in the speeder was deafening. Twelve small children,
all excited, all talking, all at the same time. Qui-Gon hunched
his shoulders slightly-- a habit from adolescence he had never
quite outgrown-- and concentrated on his driving. In the seat
next to him, Mace was turned completely around, talking almost
as loudly as the children.
"Can we have a campfire?"
"Yes, of course."
"Can we tell ghost stories?"
"Absolutely!"
"And go hiking, and swimming, and--"
"Yes, yes, yes. Anything you like," Windu said expansively.
Qui-Gon repressed a whimper as a rousing cheer went up from
their little crowd.
"All right, everyone, let's sing!" Mace said, clearly
determined to make the most of the experience. Mace's problem,
Qui-Gon had long ago decided, was that he was just a little too
enthusiastic about everything. "One hundred bottles of
juice on the wall, one hundred bottles of juice....!"
Qui-Gon didn't bother to repress his whimper, this time.
"Iiiiiffff one of those bottles should happen to fall, no more
bottles of juice on the waaaaall!" Shrieks and applause filled
the air. Qui-Gon relaxed slightly.
Obi-Wan Kenobi, in the seat directly behind Qui-Gon's, leaned
forward to say, "Isn't this great, Master Qui-Gon? Isn't this
great?"
"The greatest," he agreed. And then, the unbelievable happened.
"Sing it again! sing it again!" shouted happy little voices.
And Mace-- damn him, damn him, damn him-- obligingly
began again. "One hundred bottles of juice...."
Five hours later ["Close to the Temple, my combat droid,"
Qui-Gon muttered.], he was in a much better mood. They had
arrived at the nature dome without any actual disaster, and
unloaded everyone's gear with minimal insanity. They had even
got the pavilion they would be sleeping under erected-- even
with the children helping. He eyed the pavilion's guy wires. He
had tied strips of white cloth to them, to prevent anyone from
tripping over them, hoping to minimise the chance of anyone
doing themselves damage.
Now, everyone was sitting in a circle, eating the box lunches
the Temple cafeteria had supplied them, and Qui-Gon's nerves
were beginning to stop twanging. Of course, the fact that all
the children were devouring their lunches like starving rancors
meant that their energy levels would be peaking soon; but a
nice, long nature hike should take the edge off. He looked at
their small assembly. They were almost vibrating with
suppressed energy.
Yes, a very long hike. Definitely.
"Master Qui-Gon, what's that tree called?"
"That's a kasaba tree."
"Where the fruit comes from?"
"Yes."
"What's that plant called?"
"That's called a..."
"The common name is sarlacc's tongue," Mace said, coming to his
rescue. "See how it's all sticky and bumpy?"
"Eeeeeeew!" The squeals were more delighted than nauseated.
The question-and-answer session had begun within moments of the
hike, and continued non-stop. So much for peaceful communing
with nature.
Obi-Wan and Lesandre stayed close to Qui-Gon, sometimes talking
to him, sometimes whispering between themselves. The
Shistavanen wolfboy and his friend were constantly straying
from the path; but only briefly. Given the boy's excellent
tracking skills, Qui-Gon had no fear of their getting lost.
He wasn't entirely sure of the rest of them, and that certainly
included Mace, who was now lecturing three of the other
children on how to tell the difference between male and female
thridbirds.
"Master Qui-Gon?"
"Yes, Obi-Wan?"
"The Force is in everything, right?"
"Yes, that's right."
"Plants and animals, too?"
"Plants and animals, too."
"Then how come it's okay for us to eat them?"
"That's a very good question," Qui-Gon hedged. To his
irritation, he noticed Mace watching them, waiting for his
friend to come up with an answer.
"Nature has its own rules," he managed, at last. "Part of those
rules determine where each lifeform falls on the food chain."
"So we're supposed to eat other things? Even if they're
part of the Force?"
"It's the natural way, Obi-Wan," he said.
"Sometimes we get eaten, too," Lesandre pointed out,
practically. "That's natural, too."
"Well, yes, I suppose--"
"Thanks, Master Qui-Gon! It makes more sense, now." The boys
hurried off to join one of their friends, who was looking
closely at a rock.
"They ask hard questions," Qui-Gon said.
Mace nodded, soberly.
"Everyone, wait a moment." Qui-Gon's voice rang out over the
children's, and they quieted. "This path is worn away at the
edges by erosion. I want everyone to walk single file, and pay
attention. It isn't dangerous, but the slope is very steep, so
I want everyone to be very careful."
"Yes, Master Qui-Gon." Mace joined in the chorus, and they
giggled.
"Good. I'll go first. Then all of you; and Master Mace will
walk in the back."
At the end of the small path, Qui-Gon waited for the others to
catch up. He felt obligated to say something; they were
looking at him, with the awed expression that made him
profoundly nervous.
"When we're with nature, we can feel the Force most clearly--
the living Force, in all its power. The wind and the earth; the
birds, and the insects, and the plants. Even the things that
can eat us." He smiled at Lesandre and Obi-Wan, and they both
giggled. "We're part of something far greater than any single
being." He noticed that Mace was hanging back, and took a step
to the side, to see what was going on. "Is everything all right
back there?"
"We're fine," Mace called back. "Ki'Tohr's caught on
something."
Qui-Gon continued his little lecture. "We're part of a pattern;
and, when we let the Force speak to us, we can see more clearly
what our role in it will be. We can see where we are going; and
who will join us on our journey through life." He moved to the
side again, to make room for the others, as Mace reached them.
"One false step can lead to downfall," was an old Jedi proverb.
The next moment, Qui-Gon became that proverb in action.
"That slope really is steep," Ki'Tohr, a Noghri boy,
said. He was clearly impressed with Qui-Gon's knowledge.
Mace looked down the slope. "You all right?"
"Just fine, thank you," came the reply.
"Do you need some help?" a cheerful, if somewhat concerned,
voice asked.
"No, Obi-Wan. Thank you for asking." Qui-Gon made his way back
up the slope carefully.
You're the only man I know who can keep his dignity even
when he's sliding down a hill on his butt, Mace commented.
Feel free to get stuffed at any time.
No.
Silence.
Absolutely not.
Silence.
It's out of the question.
Silence.
The irresistible force was meeting the immovable object, and
the object was winning.
"You cannot take that-- that thing back to the
camp with us," Mace hissed, keeping his voice too low to be
overheard by the children.
Qui-Gon met his eyes evenly, but made no reply. In his arms, he
cradled a tarirse with a newly-splinted broken leg. It was
roughly the size of a cat, covered in thick, brown fur, with
strong back legs, long, floppy ears, and a mouthful of nasty
fangs. It narrowed its amber eyes at Mace.
"It's a wild animal. It can take care of itself."
"It's hurt," Qui-Gon replied, calmly. "If we leave it, it will
die."
"What about the rules of nature?"
Silence.
"I don't believe it. It's happening again."
"What is?"
"Every time we go anywhere, you end up finding something
to drag home with you. You're like-- like a magnet for strays!"
"It's the responsibility of the strong to protect the weak."
"That thing is not weak. It's a predator. It's
dangerous."
"Doesn't seem too dangerous to me," Qui-Gon retorted. Mace had
to agree with that. The animal seemed perfectly content to let
Qui-Gon shelter it.
"Don't worry so much, Mace. I'll make sure it doesn't do any
damage." Qui-Gon turned and walked off.
"Famous last words," Mace said, glumly, but followed.
Mace gathered all the children in a group, as they reached the
campsite. "It's getting dark. Time for dinnner--"
"And songs!"
"And songs. And then--"
"Ghost stories!"
"And ghost stories-- and then bed," Mace said, hurriedly.
The children scattered to wash dirty hands and faces, while the
adults set out the box dinners. Qui-Gon settled the tarirse in
a nest of rags, off to the side, cautioning the fascinated
children to leave it alone.
"Can't we share our dinner with it? It looks hungry."
"It's a wild animal, Narren. They can take care of themselves,"
Qui-Gon said, automatically. Then, before Mace could make a
sarcastic comment, added, hastily, "Once its leg is healed, it
will be returned to the wild. We can't let it become too
dependent on us."
"My parents raise Jubba birds," volunteered a young Quian boy,
and the rest of dinner was taken up in questions and answers
about the birds, their habits, and if they really used the
Force, or if that was just a myth.
"Songtime!" Mace declared, as soon as the washing-up was
finished. The children applauded happily.
"What do we sing first?" D'lar, the Quian, asked.
"Master Qui-Gon knows a good song-- all about birds," Mace
said.
Qui-Gon was stricken speechless by this act of treachery. For
about half a second. "I don't think I--"
"Sing it, Master Qui-Gon, sing it!"
"Please, sir?"
"Please, please, please!"
"Come on, Master Qui-Gon. Don't be a spoilsport," Mace said,
grinning.
You, Mace Windu, are a little, little man. But he knew
when he was beaten. He was a lousy singer, and he knew that,
too. But he supposed he could at least say the words.
"I am a little yellow bird,
I fly throughout the air.
I fly above the puffy clouds,
I fly to Everywhere."
Mace was smirking. Qui-Gon could feel his face reddening, but
continued on, doggedly.
"I am a little yellow bird,
And through the great big sky
I flap my little yellow wings,
Because I love to fly.
"I am a little yellow bird,
I fly to where lands end.
You know the reason why I fly?
To see my friends again."
Mace led the applause. Qui-Gon relaxed.
"I know that song, too!" Ki'Tohr said, his voice excited. "Can
we do it again?"
"Of course!" Mace said, happily.
"Can we do the dance?"
Mace's smile grew even wider. "There's a dance?"
"Oh, yeah!"
"Oh, please. Yes, please, do the dance. Come on, Master
Qui-Gon," Mace said. "Do the dance."
And so, flapping their arms and bobbing their heads, Ki'Tohr
and Qui-Gon did the Yellow Bird Song, while the children
clapped and cheered with sincere admiration, and Mace Windu
tried his hardest not to wet his pants.
All good things come to an end, however, and finally-- after
three encores-- Qui-Gon took his seat again, plotting
vengeance.
"Time for a few stories, and then bed," he said, firmly.
"I know a good one!" Llyland, the other Shistavanen student,
volunteered.
As he told the story-- something about woodcutters and a red
hooded evildoer-- Qui-Gon let himself relax. Personal
humiliation aside, it hadn't been such an awful day. The
children were obviously having a wonderful time. With a little
luck, they'd learned something, as well.
"I know a good one," Mace said, when the oohs and ahhs had died
down after the big finish.
Qui-Gon had to admit that it was a pretty good story, and Mace
told it well. As the other man's voice got lower and more
ominous, the children crept closer to Qui-Gon, and their eyes
got wider. Obi-Wan had pushed himself up against the Master's
side. Gently, he lowered his arm to take in both the boy and
his Shistavanen friend; and repeated the process on his other
side, to gather several of the other children in. The remainder
were clustered around his legs, pressing in tightly.
Mace was clearly enjoying himself, as he got closer to the
story's climax. "...and the boy crept closer and closer to the
bushes, as his friends watched. And he threw a rock in!"--
dramatic pause-- "and nothing happened. And he picked up a
stick, and he poked the bushes!"-- another pause-- "and nothing
happened. And the boy turned his back, and said 'There's
nothing there!'" Long, long pause. "And then..." -- pause -- "A
long, slimy tentacle reached out, and grabbed him by the leg,
and dragged him in!"
A shriek rose from all the children at once, and there wasn't
even a little amusement in the sound.
"I think that's about enough," Qui-Gon said, although the
damage had been done. Several of the younger boys were already
eyeing the shrubbery with concern. "Time for bed." Twelve sets
of enormous eyes looked at him in disbelief. "Now."
Very reluctantly, the small party broke up, and they began to
head for the pavilion and their sleeping bags. Qui-Gon glared
at a surprised, and sheepish, Mace.
"I didn't think they'd take it seriously...."
"Well, they did. Nicely done."
When the Masters settled down in their own bedding, Qui-Gon was
somewhat amused to find that the students in their bags were
scooting themselves closer to the adults.
"Master Mace?"
"Yes, Narren?"
"There isn't really a Swamp Monster, is there?"
"Of course not. It was just a story." Windu's voice was calm
and reassuring, and he sent a warm wave of comfort and
protectiveness over their small charges, all of whom relaxed.
He stretched out one long arm, and pulled Narren's bag a little
closer. "The only thing anyone here has to be afraid of is
Master Qui-Gon. If you wake him up too early in the morning,
he's a real grouch."
Sleepy giggles answered this sally, so Qui-Gon added, "Just you
remember that, all of you. Now, go to sleep. Good night."
"Night, sir."
And silence reigned over the site.
Something just under the level of consciousness woke Qui-Gon. A
slight exertion of the Force told him Mace was awake, too.
There was something near the camping site.
Careful not to wake the sleeping children, both adults slipped
from their bags, and out of the pavilion. The night was very
cool, and the moon shining overhead, very bright. They could
see nothing.
I know I felt it.
Mace nodded. So did I. I didn't bring my lightsaber.
Me, neither.
A very faint rustle made both men reorient themselves... to see
nothing.
I'll go around the back, Mace sent. You take the
firepit.
Qui-Gon nodded, and they both moved off.
Qui-Gon had just got to their little circle, barely five metres
away, when he heard the shriek of twelve little voices,
upraised in panic.
"It's the Swamp Monster!"
He turned on his heel, and sprinted back, long legs covering
the distance in an instant. From behind the pavilion, he could
hear Mace cursing; and from the pavilion's entrance, all twelve
students emerged. The corner poles collapsed; and the tent came
swooping down. A struggling figure in the middle of the
material bore witness to the fact that there was
something there.
Mace extracted himself from the folds at the back, and limped
up. "That-- thing-- you saved bit the Sith out of me,"
he gasped. "I tripped on a guywire, and--" He realised the
attention of the others was on the pavilion.
Slowly, the material began to rise into the air.
"It's the Swamp Monster," whispered the tiny Geelan boy.
"No," Mace whispered. "It's worse."
The pavilion continued to rise.
"What is it?" The boy's eyes were enormous.
Qui-Gon's deep voice replied, "Master Yoda."
Qui-Gon and Mace waited for their fate to be determined. Before
them, Master Yoda was pacing-- never a good sign. The tip of
his walking stick clicked with each step, in perfect rhythm.
Under ordinary circumstances, this could be amusing. Under the
current circumstances, the tap-tap-tap was disturbing.
At last-- just when Qui-Gon was ready to scream-- he turned to
look at them both. "At a loss for words, I am." Of course, he
wasn't. The only reason Jedi never said "I told you so", is
that it was too short. "Jedi, you are. Make a good example for
the children, you should."
"Yes, Master Yoda."
"Teach them to be aware of their surroundings, you should. Fall
down hills, you should not."
"No, Master Yoda."
"Introduce them to nature, you should. Adopt carnivorous
animals, you should not."
"No, Master Yoda."
"Encourage their imagination, you should. Terrify them with
stories, you should not."
"No, Master Yoda."
"Came out to see how you were doing. An error in judgment,
that was." Yoda took a deep breath and looked at them.
Looked away. Paced some more. Tap-tap-tap. He turned to them
both. "Talk to you now, I cannot. Go to your quarters.
Meditate."
The two younger men paused.
"Go. Now."
Two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. This
fundamental law was proven, as both men tried to exit the
chamber at the same moment. A brief struggle ensued, which Mace
won [barely].
Safely in the hall, the friends were uncharacteristically
subdued. Other Masters gave them a wide berth as they passed.
It was clear that word of their little adventure had spread
through the Temple; the look on each the face of each passer-by
said, as clearly as words, "Sucks to be you guys."
"You realise, we're never living this down," Mace said, at
last.
"I'm just glad I'm getting a chance to live through it,"
Qui-Gon said.
"It wasn't that bad."
"Like Sith, it wasn't."
"Admit it. Some of it was fun."
Qui-Gon didn't bother to answer.
Mace sighed, then said, "You know, they're going to do a nature
trip to Endor soon. I was thinking--"
"Don't."
"Don't what?"
"Don't think. Not ever again."
"Someone's grumpy."
"Mace...."
"All right, all right. No more teasing."
They walked a few more metres.
"Qui-Gon?"
"What?"
"You know, you looked really cute, doing that little dance."
Qui-Gon chased him all the way back to his quarters.
The Jedi's fist made the door shake in its housing. "Windu! You
can't hide in there forever, you son of a space slug! Come out
here, so I can kick your--"
"Master Qui-Gon?"
Qui-Gon stopped, and looked down. Obi-Wan Kenobi and Lesandre.
What a surprise.
"Yes, children?"
"Is everything okay?"
"Yes, just fine. I was just... going to say good night to
Master Mace," he said. Well, he wasn't stretching the truth
too much.
"Okay. Well... we just wanted to say thanks. It was a lot of
fun," Obi-Wan said.
Lesandre nodded. "I've never been on such a neat camping trip
before."
"I'm glad it was fun. Now, both of you need to be on your way
to your quarters. I'm going to mine, myself," he added, turning
reluctantly from Windu's door.
As they walked down the hall, Obi-Wan was watching him closely.
"Sir?"
"Yes, Obi-Wan?"
"Did you get your nose broken when you were a padawan?"
"As a matter of fact, yes, I did."
"Was Master Mace there when it happened?"
"Yes, he was."
Obi-Wan nodded. "I kind of thought so. Bye, Master Qui-Gon."
"Good-bye." He watched the youngsters turn down the corridor
that would take them to the children's quarters. For a moment,
he considered renewing his assault on Mace's door, then changed
his mind. Time enough for his revenge later.
A long, hot shower later and a cup of tea later, Qui-Gon
collapsed into bed. Once again, he was covered with bruises.
Once again, his pride had taken quite a beating. But... taken
all in all, it had been a pretty good trip.
He dialed down the lights, and settled in for a sound night's
sleep. In the corner, the tarirse snored.
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