The Good Sex Kit

by The Rose (rosarocaminis@yahoo.com)



Title: The Good Sex Kit
Author: The Rose
Archive: M/A and my web site, http://www.sockiipress.org/~rose
Rating: R
Category: Humor/Parody Warnings: None
Spoilers: None
Feedback: *waves hand slowly in air* You WILL send feedback. Ah, come on! You know you want to!
Summary: Faced with being without his lover for awhile, Obi-Wan decides to create something to, um, fill the void.

Qui-Gon was dreaming. Gentle yet firm hands were caressing his cock, bringing it slowly to fullness. He moaned in his sleep but didn't wake. In his mind's eye, his beloved Padawan and bondmate was bending over him, a look of concentration creasing his brow.

"Shhh," Obi-Wan said, his voice whisper soft in the quiet darkness as he watched his Master for signs of waking. He reached into the jar beside him for a handful of petroleum jelly. After carefully warming it in his hands, he smoothed it onto the column of flesh rising before him.

Qui-Gon stirred in his sleep, making a little whimpering sound, and Obi-Wan froze. He sent happy, peaceful thoughts through their bond, urging the older man to stay asleep. Finally, with a sigh, Qui-Gon slipped deeper into slumber, and Obi-Wan continued his single-minded task.

He applied more petroleum jelly, this time coating the sensitive tip, then spread some down onto Qui-Gon's belly. He couldn't resist stroking this satiny skin for a moment with his slippery fingers. Oh, but he loved this man. He didn't know how he was going to live without him while Qui-Gon was away on his Sith-damned solo mission.

If it weren't for my finals, I'd be going with him, Obi-Wan thought with a frown. Oh, well. The "Good Sex - Make Your Own Dildo kit" that had arrived yesterday would ease the loneliness a bit.

After carefully checking to be certain Qui-Gon was still sleeping peacefully, Obi-Wan laid aside the petroleum jelly and opened the tub of quick-setting plaster. He used the Force to warm it, then spread on a liberal layer, completely coating his Master's erect penis in peach-tinted paste.

Oh, yes! he told himself excitedly, feeling his own organ stirring at the sight. This was going to be perfect!

He waited the requisite time, then touched a fingertip to the plaster. He grinned. It had hardened to perfection! Now, all that remained was removing it, filling the mold with silicone, and voila! Instant Qui-Gon sized dildo!

Briefly, Obi-Wan reviewed the instructions for removing the mold. Simple enough. Merely twist slightly and slide upward. He glanced at Qui-Gon's closed eyelids and gently clasped the plaster between his hands.

One little twist . . .

He halted.

Hmmm, that hadn't worked. Obviously, he merely needed to exert a bit more pressure.

He tried again.

Still nothing. The plaster mold refused to twist, even slightly.

You're a Jedi, he reminded himself. A touch of the Force can easily remedy this. He reached out with his feelings, searching for the source of the problem.

His eyes widened. Damn! Unwilling to panic just yet, he checked again. Damn, damn, and double damn! I forgot to put petroleum jelly on his balls!

Sure enough, the plaster was -well - plastered tightly to Qui-Gon's scrotum.

Obi-Wan bit his lip, not sure what to do. He took a deep breath and settled his emotions. Okay, he told himself. Don't panic. Just because the thing won't turn doesn't mean it won't pull straight off. His brow creased in concentration, he gave the mold a tug.

Qui-Gon grunted in his sleep.

The mold didn't budge. Obi-Wan took a deep breath and pulled harder.

"OW!" Qui-Gon yelped, waking up. His gaze focused and settled on Obi-Wan, then lowered to his peach-covered erection.

"Padawan," he said, his voice quiet and much too carefully controlled. Just the sound of it made Obi-Wan's blood freeze in his veins. "What are you doing?"

"Um, doing?" Obi-Wan squeaked. He glanced down at his hands, still wrapped around the plaster-encased penis. "Oh, this? Well, I was just --- Since you were going to be away for awhile, I thought I'd --- The instructions said it would come right off, but ---" He swallowed hard. "I wanted to make a cast of your penis," he finally began. Seeing the look on Qui-Gon's face, he finished the rest all in a rush. "So I would have part of you here with me while you were gone!"

"I see." Qui-Gon glared at the nearby packaging material. "You were going to make a sex toy from the mold?"

Obi-Wan nodded, eyes wide in dread. "And, now, I'm afraid it's stuck, Master."

"Stuck?"

"Uh huh. As in, won't come off."

Qui-Gon sat up, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "Padawan, you had better be joking."

Obi-Wan swallowed. He shook his head. "I used lots of petroleum jelly," he said, steeling himself for whatever dire punishment was about to befall him. "But, I forgot to put it on your, um, balls."

Qui-Gon closed his eyes briefly and pinched the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger. "Let me get this straight," he said finally. "The plaster is adhered to my ---"

"--- balls. Yes." Obi-Wan was pleased with how well Qui-Gon was taking this. Perhaps there needn't have worried -

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!"

The shock wave from the shout rocked the walls and made Obi-Wan fall backwards off the bed. He hit the floor hard, bruising his backside and cracking his elbow on the bed frame. His whole arm lit up in tingling pain. Laboriously, he pulled himself to his feet, holding his throbbing limb, and glanced at his Master.

Qui-Gon was sitting up, both large hands working at the plaster form encasing his erection. "How do you expect me to get this thing off!" he growled, shooting his Padawan a look that would terrify a Rancor.

"We could go to the Healers," Obi-Wan suggested.

Qui-Gon glared at him.

"Or, maybe not." Obi-Wan drew a deep breath. "Well, there is one way. We'll just have to make you come."

Twin eyebrows lowered.

"No, no. Think about it," Obi-Wan urged, certain this was the solution. "Once you come, your penis with shrink and pull back out of the mold."

"But, it'll still be stuck to my balls."

Obi-Wan winced. "Yes. But I should be able to, um, urge it loose."

"You mean, pull it loose, don't you?"

"Look, it can't be that bad, right?" the Padawan said, climbing back up on the bed. Feeling was finally returning to his arm, and he pushed his Master's legs apart and knelt between them. He opened the petroleum jelly again, dipping a finger into it. "So, just lie back and let me take care of you, all right?"

"Fine," Qui-Gon said with another narrowed look. "But this had better work." He dropped back onto the bed, trying to release his anger through the Force, as his lover's finger stoked down his crack.

"Relax," Obi-Wan soothed as he pushed his finger inside. "Relax and enjoy this."

Qui-Gon closed his eyes, breathing around the slight discomfort as a second finger joined the first. Soon, Obi-Wan was scissoring him open, stretching the tight muscles of his anus. When a third finger easily slipped in with the others, he felt the bed shift just before Obi-Wan entered him.

"Mmmm," he moaned, spreading his legs further and angling his hips to allow deeper penetration. "That's nice." His present dilemma was scuttled to the back of his mind as Obi-Wan's cock stroked his prostate. "Yes," he said. "Just like that."

The strokes became deeper and faster. Hands and then a mouth found his nipples and stroked and suckled them into hard peaks. Qui-Gon felt his body tensing as it neared orgasm, his balls drawing up tight . . .

"OW!" he yelled as the hardened plaster held the skin of his scrotum firmly in place. "Sith! Obi-Wan, do something!"

Obi-Wan pumped faster, suckled harder, apparently trying to speed his release along.

Qui-Gon's cock twitched painfully within its hard shell. His balls tightened further, the plaster pulling painfully on the tiny hairs.

"Owwwwww," he groaned. Obi-Wan merely thrust faster, opening the link between them and letting a backlash of his own, somewhat desperate pleasure, flood Qui-Gon's mind.

"Come for me, beloved," Obi-Wan whispered, his breath puffing warm into Qui-Gon's ear.

The older man tumbled over the edge into orgasm with a shout of pain, thrusting his plaster-covered cock upward against Obi-Wan's stomach. As the after shocks died away, he felt his penis becoming flaccid, shriveling back out of the mold. Through their enhanced link, Obi-Wan felt it, too.

"See?" he said, a pleased, after-glow smile on his face. "It worked."

Qui-Gon mustered up the best glare he could manage under the circumstances. "It's still stuck to my balls," he pointed out.

Obi-Wan nodded nervously. "I know. But, I'll take care of that." He resumed his kneeling position between Qui-Gon's thighs and grasped the plaster mold again. "Now, just relax, Master," he said, tipping the thing downward experimentally. Sure enough, Qui-Gon's member slipped free easily. He gave the mold a gentle tug and got a grunt of pain in return. He steeled himself for what he had to do.

// Think happy thoughts, Master // he sent through their link. Then, in one swift motion, he jerked the plaster free.

He was quite certain that Qui-Gon's scream could be heard throughout the Temple. He gathered his lover quickly up into his arms, shushing him and soothing him and promising that no permanent injury had been done. Finally, Qui-Gon settled enough to sit up and look for himself.

"Obi-Wan," he said, looking at the bright red, abraded skin on his scrotum. "If you plan to live to see your twenty-first naming day, you had better get busy healing that."

"Uh, yes, Master. Right away, Master." He cupped his hands over the damaged area, sending healing energy into it. As he worked, his gaze settled on the plaster mold, thinking with a secret smile of the lovely, peach-colored dildo he'd soon have.

Qui-Gon might not agree, but Obi-Wan was certain it had all been worth it.

The End