Gazing

by Lia Jinn (RavenSelene@hotmail.com)

Spoilers: None

Rating: G

Archive: if you want it

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So don't you turn away from me
Because my heart and my hope are in your hands
If I don't seem certain, it's just a common fear from a common man
But it's in your hands...
Bebo Norman "In Your Hands"

Beloved.

Three distinct sounds to comprise one graceful word. It begins on the lips, at the front of the mouth, the vowel trailing down the throat... to the center of the tongue and a light puff of air in the cheeks... then a final velvet touch at the back of the throat, firm and enveloping... I love the word and the name inextricably woven into it. Qui- Gon Jinn. Beloved. I know so many who hold you in awe. But I who have held you in my arms-- it is I who have seen your true greatness, and it is I who know that you are none for reverence. I cherish you... adore you... I am infatuated with the concept of your existence. Everything you have said and done in my presence, good or bad, wise or foolish, mean or great, has heightened your beauty in my eyes. Everything about you is dear to me, and it is by this token that I know I love you.

I have watched at your bedside so many nights, wanting nothing but the precious picture of your silhouette, illuminated by the moon, to stay a little while within the cast of my eyes. I think at such times that I hardly see your face; your beauty is so blinding that I wonder whether it is the starlight or your spirit that glows silver around your sleeping form. You are not divine. You are not a saint. Sometimes, you are not even particularly admirable. You are weak and blind; you can be harsh, and as brightly as your ardour blazes, so furiously cold can the winter of your ill favor be. When you choose to turn your face away, hours pass like years on the dark side of the coldest moon... then you speak my name and I can hold no thought in my mind other than the joy of your presence.

I would shout it from the pinnacle of the highest steeple in Coruscant. I would scream it silently in the dark night of the soul.

This is my beloved.

FIN