Summary: Obi-Wan gets a little frog stuck in his throat.
Series: Once Upon A Time, In A Galaxy Far, Far Away
Notes: This is the fourth in the series.
Feedback: Well, sure. Otherwise, I'd just sit around and read
this to myself.
Disclaimer: I didn't do it. And even if I did, I didn't make a
dime.
Once upon a time, there lived a tall, handsome, oblivious Jedi
Knight named Qui-Gon Jinn. Master Jinn had a beautiful young
apprentice named Obi-Wan Kenobi. One day, while Qui-Gon was
tied up in lengthy, boring meetings with the Jedi Council,
discussing the wisdom of granting the Mattel Trade Alliance a
license to mass-produce Jedi Knight Barbie, which came with
fashion robes and pink light-saber (Coruscant Townhouse sold
separately), Obi-Wan wandered around the quarters he shared
with his master, feeling lonely and terribly neglected. He
decided to pass the time by taking his light-saber to the
Temple meditation garden and practicing a few of the more
demanding solo katas.
After warming up, Obi-Wan began the moves to the strenuous Bob
Fosse Kata. He gyrated and spun, feinted and parried, lunged
and thrust. And lunged and thrust again. And again. And yet
again. Suddenly, overcome by the blantant psycho-sexual
implications of the kata, Obi-Wan gave a cry of deep-seated
frustration and flung his light-saber into the air. It made
several graceful revolutions before, much to Obi-Wan's dismay,
dropping like a stone into the garden's reflecting pool.
With a disgusted sigh, Obi-Wan walked over to the edge of the
pool. This particular reflecting pool was deeper than most and
well over Obi-Wan's head, so he first attempted to use the
Force to levitate his light-saber out of the water.
Unfortunately, levitating his light-saber was not one of
Obi-Wan's strong suits--unless, of course, his Master was
near-by to inspire him--and he found that he could not raise
the weapon from the dark depths of the pool. Resigning himself
to diving for his light-saber, the young man sat down on the
ground and began to unlace his boots.
"Help you, I can," croaked a voice behind him. Obi-Wan turned
to see a large green frog sitting in a puddle behind him. Well,
acually, it wasn't a frog, because there aren't any frogs on
Coruscant. It wasn't really green, either--more of a mossy
bluish-greenish gray. And it wasn't really all that large, when
you got right down to it.
"Hello, Master Yoda," Obi-Wan said, spinning on his luscious
derriere to face the diminutive Jedi Master. "I guess you saw
what happened, huh?"
"Saw it I did," replied Yoda, nodding and shuffling over to the
young man seated on the ground. "Get your light-saber back for
you I will."
Obi-Wan's face lit up. "Oh, thank you, Master Yoda. Qui-Gon
would have my ass on a platter if I came home and told him
that--"
Yoda interrupted. "But first to reward me with a kiss, you must
promise."
Involuntarily, Obi-Wan's adorable nose wrinkled in distaste.
However, he immediately smoothed the expression from his face
and said, with as much respect as he could muster, "Master
Yoda, I don't think--"
Yoda interrupted again. "Think not. Either promise, or promise
not. There is no 'think'."
Perplexed, Obi-Wan stared at the small sage for a long moment.
Than, after carefully considering what Qui-Gon would do to him
if he found out that his Padawan had thrown his light-saber
into the reflecting pool, Obi-Wan made his decision. He said
solemnly, "I promise", all the while thinking, "Silly Jedi
Master. You'll never get a kiss from *me*."
Yoda's wise old eyes crinkled slightly, as he caught the young
man's imperfectly shielded thought. "Heard that I did,"
muttered the little gnome to himself. "See we shall."
Then Yoda gestured for Obi-Wan to stand and turned toward the
reflecting pool. Holding out a small, thick-fingered
grayish-bluish-greenish hand, he closed his eyes briefly in
concentration, and Obi-Wan's light-saber flew up out of the
pool, dropping at the young man's feet. Obi-Wan was so
overjoyed at the return of his weapon that he picked it up and
skipped all the way back to his quarters, without ever once
looking back at Yoda.
That very next day, Obi-Wan was spending some, to his thinking,
long-overdue quality time in his quarters with his Master, when
a knock came at the door.
"Obi-Wan, the door open," croaked a familiar voice.
Obi-Wan rose from the floor where he and Qui-Gon had been
playing an aggressive game of Twister, which wasn't going at
all the way Obi-Wan had hoped, and went to open the door.
There, on the front stoop, stood Yoda.
"Who is it, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon inquired from his current
position of right foot green and left hand red.
"It's Master Yoda," Obi-Wan responded.
"What does he want?" Qui-Gon asked, gracefully lowering himself
to a new position on the Twister mat, left cheek blue. Obi-Wan
opened his mouth to answer, then hesitated.
"A promise you made. A promise you must keep." Yoda smiled
smugly and made kissy faces behind his hand at the young
apprentice.
Qui-Gon looked at his padawan, then at his former master, then
back at his padawan again. "Obi-Wan, if you made Master Yoda a
promise, you must keep it."
"But Master--"
"No buts, Padawan. A broken promise leads to suffering, and
suffering leads--"
"I know, I *know*...to the Dark Side," Obi-Wan responded,
rolling his eyes. With a huff and an irritated glance at his
master, he knelt down next to Yoda and looked into the Jedi
Master's large eyes, so full of piercing insight and ancient
wisdom and deep-seated amusement.
Amusement?
Before Obi-Wan could react, Yoda bent forward and planted a
big, wet, sloppy kiss--with more than a little amphibian
tongue--on the young man's pretty mouth. Qui-Gon shot up from
left cheek blue to stand right foot green and left foot yellow,
a furious look on his sternly handsome face.
"What the hell is *this*?"
Yoda leaned back from the kiss, and Obi-Wan drew in a shaky
breath, his changeable eyes wide and uncertain. Suddenly,
Yoda's face and body seemed to transform, and he turned in...
....the direction in which Qui-Gon was standing and smirked.
Broadly.
"This *your* job should be, Qui-Gon. Beautiful and
high-spirited and tasty your padawan is. A firm and inventive
hand he needs." Yoda raised his thick greenish-grayish-bluish
fingers to Obi-Wan's startled face and patted him
affectionately on the cheek, brushing one finger across his wet
bottom lip.
"Here my work is done," the little gnome pronounced with
satisfaction. Yoda turned and shuffled out the front door,
closing it behind him.
Obi-Wan sat back on his ankles and looked up at Qui-Gon, who
stood staring at the door through which his former master had
just departed, his brow wrinkled in confusion. After a long
moment, Qui-Gon's brow cleared, and he smiled down at his
padawan in a way that made Obi-Wan's breath catch.
"I believe that it was your turn to spin, Padawan."
Obi-Wan blinked in surprise, and then said, hesitantly, "Yes,
Master. Um, would you spin for me?"
Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow and nodded once, bending over to
flick the spinner at his feet. He watched closely as the arrow
spun around and slowly came to a stop. Then he looked back up
at his apprentice with a new expression that caused Obi-Wan to
shiver from the crown of his red-gold head to tips of his
suckable toes.
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