Feedback: I won't beg, and I'll write if the bunny bites
whether you feedback or not, but I'll love you for it.
Disclaimer: Not mine, as if this is a surprise
Author's Notes: Marnee is a wonderful lady who defeated the
terrible team of run-on and comma daemon. Any remaining
mistakes are of course mine. Thanks go to the TPM crowd, esp
Tera who made Marnee beta this(g) and Kalia and Iro and the
rest of the menagerie who nagged and loved. And those of you
who like warnings owe thanks to lorelei. Now that I've
blabbered long enough, here it is, my first tpm story(g)
"Somehow I never forgave you. I should have; nursing that hurt
was not something a Jedi should have done. But I did. I nursed
that wounded pride and wounded heart for twenty years. And now
I am old, my master. And you, you are older. The Force holds
us, but we age and will always age. I gave up twenty years to
pain and bitterness. I see the galaxy crumble and see your
protege, the boy you gave me up for, hunting down the Jedi, one
by one, starting with the ones he cared about. He killed Mace
and Adi Gallia, he killed Ki-Adi-Mundi and Eeth Koth. He killed
and killed and his robes ran red with blood. I hear he is
hunting Yoda now. Yoda, you and I. We are the last of the Jedi,
the last of the order.
I have left his child on Tatooine with my brother. I
told Owen nothing. Just that the child needed to live and I
wasn't sure I was going to live to care for him. The girl is
with her mother, hidden on Alderaan. He will kill Amidala
someday. I know it, but I could not take both her children from
her. So I protected the one I could, as best I could, and I
come to find you now.
So I wasn't the Chosen One. So I wasn't prophesied. I was
your padawan. When I passed my knighthood trials, it should
have been you who cut the tail, you who raised me up as a
knight. But it was a strange hand. One I had no connection to
who cut the tail, who raised me up. I was raised, and I looked
for you. I found out three days later that you were on a
training mission with Anakin. I know you had to have known the
date. A padawan becomes a knight only once, but again the boy
was more important to you. Again I was passed over. And I...I
hated. And I was fearful because I hated. I was closer to the
lure of the dark than I had ever been. Your approval had meant
everything to me, and you tossed me aside, and I said nothing,
merely obeyed as I always obeyed. I stepped aside for Anakin.
You never talked to me about it, never asked me. Merely looked
at me and told the council that you would take the boy as your
padawan. I was reassigned. Reassigned to a great master, but
Yoda wasn't you, could never be you.
I became a knight earlier than almost any other in the history
of the Academy. I never looked back. I went on mission after
mission, never on Coruscant for longer than a day. I didn't
want to see you, didn't want to see the boy who had replaced
me.
I had loved you. I had been so close to telling you before,
before the boy. But I never had the chance. Here we are, twenty
years later, and I still don't want to see you. Twenty
years-why didn't the love fade away, fade as I lost hope, as
Anakin turned, and gained power, as we hid, scattered to the
ends of the galaxy. Yoda on Dagobah, me in the stars and
you...you on Bandomeer, where it all started. I could tell you
were there; even before Yoda told me, I knew. And I knew I had
to see you. Had to tell you and I had to know. I had to
know why you cast me aside.
My craft nears Bandomeer, and I feel your presence growing
stronger. I will see you, talk to you. I do not wish to have
this meeting but I must, or I am no Jedi. I cannot bring down
the Sith your boy has become, neither can you, for all that you
were his teacher. In all likelihood, the two of us cannot bring
him down. His son may be the only hope.
Anakin did follow the prophecy you know, was likely the Chosen
One. You... we had never thought of the implications, never
thought that the Light Side had reigned supreme for a thousand
years. He brought balance to the Force. Balance. The Jedi
hunted and murdered, so slowly we did not even see it start to
happen. We just became more and more unwelcome as the rumors
spread and there were fewer and fewer Jedi. The ripples in the
Force confused us all. They were sent out on missions, and they
vanished.
And that final, fatal day when Anakin...Vader invaded
Coruscant, and the council died. We fled scattered to the stars
and we, we who had been respected, loved and feared were
treated like scum of the earth. We were hunted, refused food,
refused shelter. The code is hard to follow when there is no
food and you are near death. Some followed the code to death;
others bent, broke and trampled on it. Vader found them all and
either turned them or killed them. I have killed more then my
share of friends. Their hearts and minds were warped beyond all
recognition, but I knew their faces, knew the way they moved.
Only their eyes were dead, cold and dark.
I see the familiar stars of Bandomeer, and your presence in my
heart and in my mind grows stronger. I feel that if I were just
to reach...I did, I touched you, and I quickly shut off that
flicker of contact. Maybe you will think you imagined it, or
maybe you will see the ripples in the Force that will tell you
it was no dream. The bond is still there, still active, still a
living, breathing thing. So many times I tried to rip it out,
and I always failed. I once tossed myself into psychic shock; I
never tried again. Did you know? Did you care? When I was your
padawan it never would have been a question in my mind.
I was nervous, insecure when I was first taken as your padawan,
aware you didn't want me, but I got over it. By the time I was
15 I realized that you were scared yourself, afraid of losing
me or any other padawan as you had lost Xanatos. As you have
lost another, lost the boy, the one who was better than I. He
has turned, and he is ravaging the galaxy. He hunts your master
now. When Yoda is dead he will come for me, and for you. And I
know not what he will find. A united pair, as we once were, a
squabbling couple, or one or both dead.
I know not what I will find. Have you changed, Master? Have you
changed since you cast me aside? What has this second failure
done to the man I used to think was invincible, the man I
loved? I suppose I shall find out soon enough.
"Master? Is that-?"
Qui-Gon felt tears in his eyes, tears he would never shed. The
log had cut off there. He had followed the ripple in the Force
from Obi-Wan's touch. It had been odd, a feeling he could have
felt only from Obi-Wan or from Anakin, now Vader. A touch he
had never thought to feel again. A whisper along the
master/apprentice bond had awakened him and he had followed it,
wary that it might lead him to a trap of his ex-padawan's
making. It hadn't; it had led him to the clear light of
Obi-Wan. As he started to make contact, he had felt Obi-Wan
die. A hand of Force had gripped his heart and squeezed, and
Obi-Wan had died. It happened so fast that there had been
nothing either of them could do. Qui-Gon had only the last
comfort of knowing Obi-Wan had felt him, and the words that had
echoed across the bond. "I forgive you...love."
Qui-Gon turned away from the recorder that he had salvaged from
the burning ship. The guilt weighed heavy on his soul.
The flames had immolated his former apprentice's body and he
turned, realizing he had to go to Tatooine, had to train
Skywalker's son. He made his preparations, feeling as if there
were eyes on him. He dared not open to the Force for fear Vader
would see it and kill him as well. A day ago it would have
meant peace. A day ago he hadn't a goal or a quest.
But his pride had created this -- his pride in Obi-Wan, his
pride in himself for finding the Chosen One. He bowed his head
as he set his course. He had never meant to cause Obi-Wan pain;
it had been Yoda's decision that he leave and allow their bond
to dissolve so that new bonds could form. The wrong decision,
and now it was too late. Their last chance was gone, burned to
ashes in the flames that had claimed Obi-Wan's life. And now he
owed it to former padawan to atone for his blindness in the
only way left to him. He would train the boy, the son of the
monster he had made. He looked out into the stars as he left
behind the last remains of Obi-Wan's life and death. "I promise
you, my love," he whispered. "I will make this right."
Qui-Gon debarked on Tatooine, a planet he had set foot on only
twice, once when he found Anakin, and once in the failed
attempt to find Shmi Skywalker. He knew only enough to find the
mountains where he planned to make his home. He turned and saw
a blue shadow. It resolved itself into the shape of a laughing
young man as he walked. "Obi?"
"Yes, Master, I'm here and we will wait for him together."
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