by Kaly (razrbkr@juno.com)
and Taleyna (taleyna@juno.com)
Rating: PG-13
Archive: Master-Apprentice
Warnings: Angst; Jedi Apprentice series spoilers
Summary: What would happen if . . .
Feedback: This story represents many firsts for us. Not only is
this our first attempt at semi-slash, but it is also our first
time to work together. We've got other ideas, but need support.
Disclaimer: Master Yoda said we should be mindful of the future
and also copy right laws. Alas these boys aren't ours, but
we'll take them gladly in the form of donations. The characters
belong to George Lucas and Twentieth Century Fox. The idea
sadly belongs to us. Weesa maka no monies.
Obi-Wan had been kneeling beside his master for several moments
before he heard it. A faint flicker against the steady hum of
the laser walls.
A heartbeat. Qui-Gon's heartbeat. Obi-Wan jerked slightly,
surprised. For a moment, he was concerned that he had imagined
the faraway sound. Then, it was followed by another beat, and
another.
Before Obi-Wan heard the breath that tore from Qui-Gon's
throat, he felt the resurgence in the Force that his anguish
had drowned.
Tears again sought to fill the Padawan's eyes, but these were
tears of joy. For the moment, he did not even care that his
Master's eyes had not opened. Obi-Wan slowly rose from the
floor, clutching his Master gently to his chest.
Waiting for the laser walls to complete their cycle again was
almost impossible. Slowly, Obi-Wan was able to carry his
Master's limp form from the melting pit. With every step, he
was plagued by the memory of standing helplessly as the
mysterious Sith landed the killing blow. Or so the young Jedi
had thought.
By the time he reached the palace's medical facility, his mind
was full of questions. However, in his heart there was only
cautious hope and an incredible sense of connection with his
unconscious companion.
He had just stepped into the medical room when the medical
droids took Qui-Gon from his care. Obi-Wan watched helplessly
as they removed the Jedi Master from his view. He took a step
forward to follow them, but felt a cold hand on his shoulder.
"Please wait here," one of the droids requested.
He had no choice but to stand outside and look through the wall
of transparisteel that divided the medical area. The droids
hurried about the small room doing everything that they could
to completely revive the rebellious Jedi. Letting out a sigh,
Obi-Wan rested his forehead against the cool wall as he waited
for word about Qui-Gon.
Time disappeared as Obi-Wan watched over his Master in the
medical ward. A Jedi meditation technique is all that had kept
him from flying into the room and demanding answers. He jumped
slightly as someone tapped his shoulder. It was the medical
droid that had stopped him earlier.
"If you would follow me," the droid said in an almost singsong
voice.
Obi-Wan nodded but remained quiet. His only concern was
returning to his Master's side. As he followed the hovering
droid, he passed many of the palace guards who had been injured
in the battle to reclaim Naboo.
As Obi-Wan rounded a corner, he found himself directly facing
his wounded Master. Crossing the distance with only two steps,
Obi-Wan reached out to touch Qui-Gon.
"Careful," the hovering droid said before Obi-Wan's hand could
reach his Master, "he is in a healing stasis field. You cannot
touch him."
Obi-Wan tore his gaze from the healing Jedi long enough to nod
his understanding. He dropped his hand to the side and gazed
thoughtfully at his Master.
"How long will he be in stasis?" He asked the droid.
"Uncertain," it replied automatically.
"I'm relieved that he made it at all," the Padawan said to
himself.
Obi-Wan jumped slightly when the droid spoke: "It is a mystery.
He should not have survived his injuries."
Obi-Wan nodded slightly and turned his complete attention to
the resting Jedi. Without looking away, he spoke to the droid
again.
"Would you mind leaving me with him? I can call you if anything
changes."
"Of course," the droid whirred to life as it started for the
room door.
"Has the Council been informed of what has happened?"
"We sent a messenger once he was in stable condition. We have
not received a reply yet."
"Thank you. You have been a great help. You have our
gratitude."
Without another word, the droid whirred out of the room,
leaving Obi-Wan alone with his thoughts and memories.
"I killed him, Master," he said suddenly.
The sound of his voice echoed in the small room. To his ears,
the sound was cold, alone, and desperate. He spotted a chair in
one of the corners and carried it over next to the bed. He sat
down and tried to calm himself, but the need to reach out and
lay a comforting hand on his mentor was overwhelming.
He recalled times in the past when Qui-Gon had done so much to
help his apprentice, it didn't seem fair to Obi-Wan that he
could not repay the debt now. Against his will, he found his
mind drifting back to a specific time when Qui-Gon had saved
his life.
The tunnels had been dark and musty. The air in the tunnel was
so thick that Obi-Wan was finding it hard to breath even
without his wild suggestion. Through the Force he sensed
Qui-Gon's horror at his suggestion.
The Jedi had been lured down into the tunnels by Qui-Gon's
previous Padawan, Xanatos. The young, dark Jedi had trapped
them in a tunnel that was going to explode in any moment. All
of the ways out had been sealed, and there appeared to be no
exit except through Obi-Wan.
The collar around his neck appeared to be there only way to
escape. If Obi-Wan were to activate the transmitter, the collar
around his neck would explode; thus, allowing Qui-Gon to escape
to warn the people of Bandomeer.
In a desperate attempt to stop this rash solution, Qui-Gon cast
his previous decision to not take an Apprentice behind by
calling Obi-Wan his Padawan.
The memory brought a faint smile to Obi-Wan's lips as he
recalled how hard he had struggled to be accepted as Qui-Gon's
apprentice. He had been rejected several times, but apparently
his persistence had not been completely in vain. Another memory
sprang to mind at this thought. A lesson that had been learned
at almost too high a cost.
Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon had just helped negotiate a settlement
between two warring parties on the distant planet of Turoch.
The planet, a lush jungle world, had been a pleasant change
from the sterile conditions on Coruscant.
The negotiations were almost over when during a break, Obi-Wan
ventured out into the wilderness alone. He had been exploring
for some time, awash in the Force that surrounded him, when he
heard a stirring in the brush.
Turning quickly, he found himself facing a wolf-like creature.
Obi-Wan tried to reach out through the Force to calm the
creature, but it had little effect. The beast's eyes glowed red
as he stared at the Jedi. With reflexes even faster than those
of a Jedi, the animal struck out at Obi-Wan.
The beast had sunk his teeth into the Padawan's arm by the time
Obi-Wan managed to activate his lightsaber. With a flash, the
animal howled, and dropped to the jungle floor, dead.
Clutching his injured left arm to his chest, Obi-Wan
deactivated his lightsaber and returned it to his belt. With
one last glance at the decapitated creature, he set off in the
direction of the Turochian capital city, Reoch.
Before seeking out Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan first sought out a medic
droid. Taking the offered bandaging and salves, he retreated to
their shared quarters. Though the task was difficult, he
managed to clean and bandage the jagged bite marks with no
help. By the time Qui-Gon returned to their room, the injury
was carefully hidden underneath Obi-Wan's tunic sleeve.
The Padawan gave little mind to the injury for some time after
that. The negotiations continued, and it was during a
particularly long session that he first became aware of a
burning sensation in his arm. It was quickly followed by a wave
of dizziness that flooded over him.
Although Qui-Gon spared a concerned glance at his Padawan,
Obi-Wan masked the emotions, and projected at his Master that
he continue. That evening, when Qui-Gon asked, he had dismissed
it as a fleeting occurrence, nothing more. Had Qui-Gon not been
so worn by the meetings, he might have pressed further,
however, he decided in this instance to take the young Jedi at
his word.
When it came time to leave, the dizzy spells had grown more
frequent, and the last time he had checked, his arm had turned
a scarlet hue. Quickly, he covered his continued discomfort so
as to not alert his Master, and boarded their transport.
Once onboard, Obi-Wan settled their belongings into their room
while Qui-Gon spoke with the transport's captain. Placing the
two cases on the bed, Obi-Wan gasped and clutched his arm as
pain radiated through it.
Until now, Obi-Wan had done his best to conceal his condition.
The negotiations had been tense, and the Padawan knew that his
Master could not afford any distractions. In truth, he forced
himself to admit, he had convinced himself the discomfort would
pass, only it hadn't.
Dropping onto the bed, next to the bags, Obi-Wan shut his eyes
tightly. Distracted by the pain, he let his shields drop and
was instantly aware of Qui-Gon's approach and concern. He was
barely conscious when the door slid open and an apprehensive
Qui-Gon hurried into the room.
The next thing the young man could remember was waking in a
medical bay. As he blinked against the harsh light, he focused
his eyes to see the figure kneeling next to him. His throat
dry, he was unable to speak as Qui-Gon looked at him with a sad
expression in his soft eyes.
"Why must you always hide your pain, Obi-Wan?" the elder Jedi
asked eventually.
Obi-Wan found himself unable to look at his Master. "I'm sorry,
Master," he replied.
Qui-Gon nodded, "So you should be," he said, "But that is not
what is important now. You gave me quite a scare, Padawan."
"I believed the symptoms would pass," Obi-Wan pressed. "I did
not want to distract you from the negotiations."
Shaking his head, Qui-Gon sighed. "Then let this be a lesson to
you, Obi-Wan."
"A lesson, Master?" Obi-Wan asked, his eyes betraying his
incomprehension.
The Jedi Master nodded. "Yes, Padawan. You should not hide
things from me, as I should not hide from you. If we are to
function as a unit, there must be no secrets. This time the
price was almost too high."
Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes, Master."
Qui-Gon then reached to touch Obi-Wan's face softly. "Sleep
now, my young apprentice. There will be time for lessons when
you have recovered."
Obi-Wan could feel the comforting touch of Qui-Gon's hand on
his forehead as his eyes dropped slowly closed. "Yes, Master,"
he mumbled as he fell asleep.
As the memory faded back into the recesses of his mind, he
heard the door of the room open. He turned quickly to see
Master Yoda hobbling into the room.
"Rest you need, young Padawan," he said as he walked toward the
young Jedi.
"He needs me here," Obi-Wan protested, his voice finding a
strength he didn't feel.
Yoda nodded, but said, "True, it is. However, rested you must
also be."
Obi-Wan stood from his meditative posture. With his head bowed
respectively, he again protested. "Master Yoda, I can't explain
it. Everything inside me says that I shouldn't leave my
Master's side."
Yoda closed his eyes, searching out with the Force. "Something
is not right, I sense," he said, again opening his large, blue
eyes. "Something very wrong with this there is."
"I will not leave him," Obi-Wan said firmly. "My place is at
his side."
"So be it," the elder Jedi said. "Not your fault, his pain,"
Yoda pressed. After a glance at Qui-Gon, he said softly, "Yet,
not as it should be, this is."
Obi-Wan tensed, uneasy at hearing the Master's words. "Master
Yoda, I fear that if I were to leave Qui-Gon, I will lose him
forever."
Yoda looked up at the young man, and searched his eyes for
answers. "Fear is a path to the dark side, this you know, young
Padawan."
"Yes," Obi-Wan said, his gaze falling on the floor.
Yoda shook his head, "I sense little fear in you, Obi-Wan."
When Yoda paused, Obi-Wan looked up from the floor to the
Master's face. "No, instead it is much love I sense in you."
Obi-Wan nodded, forcing himself not to look away from Yoda.
"Yes, Master Yoda."
Surprising Obi-Wan, Yoda smiled. "Good this is. Love is of the
light." With that cryptic remark, Yoda turned to leave. "Stay
with him, you will."
"Thank you, Master," Obi-Wan said with a bow.
Turning, Obi-Wan heard rather than saw the doors close behind
Yoda. The young Jedi settled back into his chair. In reflex,
Obi-Wan positioned himself in a Jedi meditation posture, and
closed his eyes.
The slight hum of the stasis field surrounding Qui-Gon reminded
Obi-Wan of his failure to reach his Master in time. Master
Yoda's reassurances aside, the young man still felt at fault.
With those words ringing in his ears, it was not much later
that his failed attempt at meditation led Obi-Wan to fall
asleep and dream.
Obi-Wan paced in front of the last laser wall that separated
him from his Master. He knew that he should be meditating,
regaining the energy that had been lost, but his mind refused
to be still. He stopped to shake the tension out of his muscles
and evaluate the struggle taking place in the melting pit.
The Sith Lord continued to battle against the elder Jedi
without any noticeable loss of energy. The same could not be
said for Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan could see his Master moving more
sluggishly with every second that passed. The need to be in
there helping his Master was unbearable.
The fight continued; Qui-Gon moved more slowly with each blow
that he blocked. It all ended when the Sith pierced Qui-Gon's
body.
"Noooooo!" Obi-Wan's scream echoed in the small room where
watched over his Master.
When a startled medic droid rushed into the room, Obi-Wan was
struggling to slow his racing breathing. Instead of speaking to
Obi-Wan, the droid hurried over to Qui-Gon. After checking on
the Jedi, he then turned to Obi-Wan.
"It would appear that he is stable enough to lift the stasis
field," the droid explained. Turning, the hovering droid
pressed several buttons and the restraining field lifted from
Qui-Gon.
Obi-Wan blinked slowly. "Thank you," he said, but his gaze was
fixed on his Master.
After the droid hovered out of the room, Obi-Wan moved the
chair closer to the edge of Qui-Gon's bed. "Master?" he asked
softly, resting a weary hand on his arm.
Obi-Wan felt a stirring in the Force and looked at Qui-Gon's
face as his eyes blinked slowly open. "Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon asked,
his voice sounding far away.
Blinking, Obi-Wan nodded, "Yes, Master. How do you feel?"
Qui-Gon's sharp eyes seemed to pierce Obi-Wan's soul. "Better
now," was his only reply. "And you?" he asked a moment later.
"I was not the one who was almost killed, Master," the Padawan
said. He didn't lower his gaze, instead, he found himself
unable to stop looking at Qui-Gon.
The Jedi master nodded, "You were able to defeat the warrior?"
"Yes, Master."
Qui-Gon smiled, "I had faith that you would succeed. I only
wish I had been able to help you."
"Help me?" Obi-Wan asked, shock coloring his features. "It is I
who failed you. If I had been faster . . ."
Qui-Gon shook his head. "Never mind that, Obi-Wan. The dark
warrior was destroyed before he could complete his mission.
That is all that matters."
Shaking his head, Obi-Wan fought the emotion that sought to
cloud his mind. "But what of you?"
"It is the greater good that matters, my Padawan," Qui-Gon
pressed. "A young man once sought to teach me that long ago on
Bandomeer."
"I've missed you, Master," Obi-Wan replied.
Qui-Gon smiled, "And I you, Obi-Wan."
Obi- Wan leaned forward. "You should rest now, Master," he said
softly.
"Obi-Wan . . ." Qui-Gon said.
Obi-Wan sought to silence his Master with a kiss, and brushed
his lips across Qui-Gon's. In less than a second, he recoiled.
The familiar pressure that he expected was missing, and as he
pulled back, it was to see Qui-Gon slowly fade away and
disappear.
Obi-Wan tore himself off of the bed and out of sleep. Hugging
his knees to his chest, he stared into the darkness. Salty
tears slid down his cheeks.
Ever since the duel on Naboo that had cost Qui-Gon his life,
Obi-Wan had buried himself in duty. Duty to the Council, to
Anakin, and to the Force.
It was only late at night that his nightmares served to remind
him of his failure to ease his own guilt. The dream was the
same night after night. The loss that he lived through again
and again reminded him of what had been lost.
It was during this time, when the presence of other living
beings faded with sleep that Obi-Wan found himself unable to
cope with the guilt and doubt. At this time, questions and
uncertainties arose in him.
//I could have saved him,// he often thought. //If only I had
been quicker.//
New tears joined the ones that had traveled down his cheeks
earlier. Memories sought to haunt him. Between Master and
Padawan much could be expressed in a single glance or a
fleeting touch. The dream promised both, yet it denied either.
In the end, the quiet, dark solitude of his chambers that
awaited him each night was the worst part. It was what reminded
him that his mind could escape the truth, but his heart could
not escape the emptiness.
While he was still sitting there, with his forehead resting on
his knees, he felt a tremor in the Force. Obi-Wan jerked his
head up as a painfully familiar voice spoke to him.
"Obi-Wan."
The name echoed around the room, setting at last onto the
recently promoted Knight's heart. Obi-Wan glanced around the
room quickly, a flash of hope shined in his eyes before it was
blurred by disbelief.
"Why do you doubt your instincts?" The voice pressed a moment
later.
He knew the voice, but with his nightmares fresh in his mind,
he was afraid that he was truly beginning to imagine things.
"Master?" He asked. His voice did not achieve anything more
than a hoarse whisper.
"Yes, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan shook his head, "But how?"
In an instant the shimmering blue form of Qui-Gon appeared,
sitting on the edge of the bed. The glow was enough to cast
light onto Obi-Wan's face. It revealed his tired, sleep
deprived eyes.
"Even now, I can feel your pain, Obi-Wan. Standing by watching
you suffer over something that you could not control is
something that could never do," Qui-Gon explained.
Obi-Wan blinked slowly. "I'm sorry, Master. You shouldn't have
faced that warrior alone."
"All things happen for a purpose, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon explained
with a patient but sad look in his eyes. "Even this."
The younger Jedi nodded more out of respect than true
agreement. "Your last request was for the boy . . ." he began.
This had been another cause of pain that Obi-Wan had pushed
away from him.
"Yes, I spoke of Anakin then," he admitted, "but I am with you
now. You were always the first in my heart; you must know
that."
"There was a time when I thought I did," Obi-Wan replied.
Inwardly, he winced at the uncertainty he heard in his own
voice. It was a sound that he had not heard in a long time.
Near him, Qui-Gon sighed softly. Although his student had
learned to overcome his fierce temper, Qui-Gon was often amazed
by his student's lack of self confidence.
"You have a great destiny before you, Obi-Wan," he said
eventually. "I am grateful to have been a part of it."
Obi-Wan looked at Qui-Gon; his blue-gray eyes searching the
Jedi Master's gaze. "You should still be a part of my life,
Master."
"My time on this plane is finished," Qui-Gon admitted
reluctantly. "There is no changing that, but we have avoided
why I am here."
"Why?" Obi-Wan asked, confused. "If it is about Anakin, he is
at the Academy . . ."
Qui-Gon shook his head.
"No, my Apprentice," he interrupted, "it is about you." When
Obi-Wan remained silent, he continued: "You cannot dwell in the
past. Be mindful of the present because the future lies in the
balance."
"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan replied.
The young Jedi could sense that he was running out of time. A
thousand questions battled in his mind. However, none of them
seemed important enough to ask.
"Do you regret anything?" He asked finally.
Qui-Gon sat in thought for a moment. "We all live with some
regret, Obi-Wan." Looking at the young man's fallen expression,
he continued, "But the only regret that I have about you, is
that I waited so long to accept you into my life."
Dropping his arms, Obi-Wan relaxed his posture.
"It wasn't for my lack of trying," he smiled faintly, a glint
of long lost humor lit his eyes.
Qui-Gon smiled, a warmth glowing in his own eyes, "No, it
wasn't."
The Jedi Master was relieved to feel the young man's spirit
lifting.
"Now you need to sleep, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said after watching
his former Padawan for several moments.
"Master, will you still be here when I wake?" Obi-Wan asked; he
was not willing to lose this new found connection so quickly.
Qui-Gon smiled and waved a hand in front of Obi-Wan's eyes. "I
will always be with you, my love. Sleep now."
Relaxing back onto the bed, Obi-Wan fought the urge to close
his eyes. On the verge of sleep, he whispered so softly that no
one but Qui-Gon could have heard: "I love you."
Although Qui-Gon's hand rested on Obi-Wan's cheek, the younger
man could not feel the reassuring pressure physically. Instead,
waves of calm and peace that generated from Qui-Gon's fleeting
touch flowed through him.
"And I you," Qui-Gon returned softly.
Leaning forward, the older Jedi gently pressed his lips to
Obi-Wan's forehead. In his sleep, Obi-Wan stirred, as if he
felt the gesture.
As the glowing figure of Qui-Gon slowly faded from the room, he
waved a hand over the sleeping Jedi's form. Obi-Wan grew still,
and for the first time since Qui-Gon's death, each of the Jedi
finally rested peacefully.
The End.
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