Summary: Obi-Wan's and Qui-Gon's first night together
Spoiler: Slightly for the JA books. I just borrowed Xanatos.
Disclaimer: Lucasfilm and George own everything. I don't even
have enough money to get a life, so don't sue me.
Note: This part starts right where the first part ended. No
delay.
Prime Priority
Part Two - The First Night
by Heavysaber
Qui-Gon ruffled through Obi-Wan's short hair and gave him a
warm smile. He motioned the boy to get on his feet again,
before straightening up himself. They would go back to their
quarters now, it was time for Obi-Wan to settle in. Qui-Gon
felt a clapping hand on his back and turned to see Mace,
smiling brightly. A rare sight. "I'm very glad to have seen
this happen, old friend. Enjoy your new life." And before
Qui-Gon had a chance of retorting something Mace had turned and
was headed back for the temple itself. Qui-Gon shook his head.
"What was that all about?" the boy on his right side asked
curiously. But Yoda demanded his attention before he could
answer the boy's question. And Qui-Gon wasn't all too sad about
the distraction. Qui-Gon had no intention of telling the boy,
who was his new Padawan for about three minutes now, about
Xanatos and the lonely years after him.
"Glad I am also, my Padawan," the small Jedi Master stated but
then changed his attitude abruptly. "No party there will be,
Master Windu told me?" Qui-Gon sighed. He knew this had to
come. In general, the new Padawan and his Master threw a small
party in their quarters to celebrate the event. But before the
ceremony Qui-Gon had made himself very clear that he wasn't
fond of parties. Obi-Wan had been a little disappointed but
hadn't said anything.
"No, my Master, you know that I'm not the party type." Qui-Gon
hoped imploringly that his former Master would be satisfied
with this answer and for once Yoda satisfied his wish and
didn't dig any further. An argument between his new Master and
the former Master of his Master was the last thing Qui-Gon
wanted Obi-Wan to witness on his first day as his apprentice.
Qui-Gon watched as Yoda addressed Obi-Wan, wishing him luck.
"Learn from Qui-Gon you will, young one. Forget that he must
learn from you also, you must not." Obi-Wan's smile vanished at
those words and he nodded slowly. Qui-Gon was surprised as he
sensed an emotion of insecurity bordering on fear in his
apprentice. His feeling was confirmed by a slightly troubled
look he got from his old Master. "Leave you now, I will," he
told the two Jedi who bowed respectfully as Yoda left the
garden. The rest of the congregation followed him out.
Only Emjay stayed behind, her Padawan waiting for his Master at
the gates. "I am still a little cross with you, Qui-Gon, that
you deprive us of the party. Although I think Yoda is the one
most disappointed." Qui-Gon couldn't suppress a grin at that
remark. It was a well-known fact that Yoda loved to celebrate.
"Promise me that you'll visit us shortly. You've been away from
the temple for too long. We have to catch up with several
years." She smiled up at him.
"We will do that, Emjay. I'll bring the bottle of Nuridad I
bought for you on Sirikan III. I wanted to give it to you when
I was in the temple last year but you were still on that
mission to..." Emjay raised her right hand, stopping him in
midsentence. "Don't you remind me. I still have nightmares
about that one. Just drop me a note when you can spare some
time and I'll have Ruben cook something special. I know he
hates it when I invite guests and order the food in the
cantina. He even calls it a breach of hospitality."
"I appreciate your invitation, Emjay." Qui-Gon bowed his head.
"How formal! This ceremony sure has left his mark on you,
Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan," she nodded in the boy's direction and then
left. Qui-Gon followed her with his gaze, still smiling. He had
missed her in those last years. It was good to be back. A
slight movement at his side brought him out of his reverie.
"Master?" Obi-Wan voiced in his peculiar accent.
"Yes, Obi-Wan?"
"Why did you cancel the party for tonight?" Qui-Gon was amazed
at the question. But then he realized that Obi-Wan tried to
fight his fear the Jedi Master had detected a few moments
earlier. He was astonished at the boy's courage. Qui-Gon didn't
know why the boy felt so insecure in his presence but had an
idea it had something to do with certain rumors the Initiates
and young Padawans kept spreading about him. Yoda had mentioned
it once or twice, his ears twitching with amusement. He decided
on trying to take some tension out of the boy.
"If you had been Yoda's apprentice for ten years, you wouldn't
ask. He dragged me to everything from ceremony over festival to
birthday-celebration. On any planet we could reach. I certainly
had my share of parties, Obi-Wan." He smiled and, when the boy
didn't answer, added, "Would you have liked a party?" Qui-Gon
searched eye-contact with Obi-Wan but the boy evaded his gaze
and looked down to the ground instead.
"No. I mean, yes. I... I don't know." They had passed the gate
by now and were walking down the long corridors in the temple,
heading for the lift to bring them to their quarters. They had
dropped by there shortly before the Athinai to bring some of
the boy's clothing and such over, but they had only been there
for a minute or two.
Qui-Gon watched his Padawan as he kept his eyes down and
decided to let the matter drop for now. There were better
places to discuss things like this than these open corridors. A
short time later Obi-Wan Kenobi stepped for the second time in
his life into the quarters he would share for more than ten
years with his Master. Compared to the rooms the initiates
lived in they were luxurious. It consisted of a living room, a
bathroom, a small kitchen, and sleeping rooms for the Master
and the Apprentice. Apart from the standard furniture, Qui-Gon
had gathered in his years as a Knight and Master several items
on various missions. Those gave the rooms a more personal note.
In the middle of the living room stood Obi-Wan's bags that
contained his spare clothes and his hygienic utensils.
"Welcome to your new home, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon stretched out his
right hand and laid it on the boy's shoulder. He felt the
slight tremble. More fear? No. When he reached out with the
Force he realized that Obi-Wan was excited.
"Thank you, Master." Obi-Wan gave him a shy smile. He opened
his mouth to add something but decided against it.
"Yes, Obi-Wan?" the Jedi Master encouraged him.
"I... I just wanted to tell you... I am happy that you took me
as your Padawan. And I am grateful for the honor in it. I hope
I won't disappoint you." The boy stared up at him and again
Qui-Gon detected the insecurity. But there was something else.
Despite his fears Obi-Wan trusted him. He didn't fear him,
Qui-Gon, he feared that he, Obi-Wan, would fail or wouldn't
live up to his Master's expectations.
Qui-Gon squeezed the young man's shoulder shortly and gave him
another smile. The whole affair with the AgriCorps had been
like poison for Obi-Wan's self-confidence. It had been a close
call for the boy and the Jedi Master regretted that he hadn't
been able to accept him as an apprentice earlier. But he hadn't
been ready then and the outcome would have been worse. He was
sure he could deal with Obi-Wan's feelings. It was a good thing
they were on their own this first night. "Don't worry about
that, Obi-Wan. Just concentrate on the here and now. And
remember, we will face the future together." Always two there
are... Obi-Wan nodded wordlessly.
"Why don't you bring your stuff into your room and get settled?
I'll prepare something to eat," the Jedi Master asked while
handing over Obi-Wan's bag which he had given his new Master in
the ceremony. The young man threw him an astonished look.
"What? I am not Emjay. I can cook!" Qui-Gon's voice sounded
exasperated. Amused, he registered the boy's reaction. Slowly
Obi-Wan's expression changed. A sparkle lit up in those
green-blue eyes.
"I'd love that," his Padawan enthusiastically said. And in an
afterthought he added, "Master." A curt bow and he walked over
to his other bags and disappeared with them in his new room.
Qui-Gon chuckled to himself. There was definitely something to
this boy. Yoda had been right. He strolled over to the small
kitchen area in his rooms. A Jedi was seldom 'home' if one
could call the temple that, so there was no great need for
luxurious furniture or other facilities. Everything was kept
plain and simple, just enough to serve their needs and purpose.
The Jedi-Master had a little exaggerated when he told the boy,
he could cook. Well, he certainly wouldn't starve being forced
to cook for himself but compared to the cooking arts of Mace
Windu (or Ruben, he thought with a smile) his skills were not
worth mentioning.
He just set a boiler on the oven to heat some hertuhs. Maybe he
could fix a little salad, too. Obi-Wan was so excited that he
wouldn't be able to eat anything heavier, anyway. While waiting
for the water to start boiling he tended quickly to the wound
in his right palm, depositing the bloody cloth.
His preparations finished he decided to check on the boy, who
had been in his new room for quite a long time now. He left the
cooking to itself and wandered over to Obi-Wan's chamber. The
door wasn't closed so he could see the kid standing in the
middle of the room, seemingly completely frozen in place. He
reached out with the force but couldn't detect anything
conclusive about Obi-Wan's emotions. For the second time in
what? half an hour? he wished their bond would already be
stronger than it was. However, wishful thinking wasn't going to
get him anywhere, so he just walked into Obi-Wan's room and
took a place slightly behind the boy to his left. There was no
visible reaction that his apprentice had noticed him, so he
placed his right hand on the youth's right shoulder once more.
Obi-Wan flinched. That wasn't the response Qui-Gon had hoped
for but at least he hadn't pulled back.
"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon asked as the boy hadn't said anything for
another ten seconds or so. He was slightly worried now. What
had his Padawan confused like this? Slowly the boy turned his
had back and up to look at his new Master.
"Yes, Master?" The confusion was still there. But to look into
those eyes didn't help the Jedi Master a bit to fathom the
boy's feelings.
"Is there anything wrong, Padawan?" Qui-Gon was surprised to
see a smile flash on Obi-Wan's face. The boy looked around
himself, taking in the surroundings. He looked up at his Master
again.
"No, not at all. It's just... I still cannot believe that I'm
here. As your apprentice." The smile intensified and his eyes
sparkled. Qui-Gon couldn't help but smile back. "You called me
Padawan, Master. I like the sound of that. And I like this
room. And the quarters. A place where I belong."
The Jedi Master studied Obi-Wan closely. Again he reached out
with the Force and found the confusion gone. Contentment was
the most appropriate expression for the boy's mood. Well, he
deserved a little respite before he would find out what it
meant to be a Jedi Apprentice. "I see, Obi-Wan." He kept his
voice deliberately neutral. "Are you finished in here? Then we
could eat..."
Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes, Master." After a short break he
continued. "I am quite hungry now. The others... the Initiates,
I mean, would have eaten more than two hours ago." Qui-Gon, who
was already leaving the room stopped for a second as he heard
the pride in Obi-Wan's voice. As he had expected. One of the
first things he had to take care of... But for the moment he
let it slip. After all, it had been a long day for both of
them. And he looked forward to a nice meal. The training would
begin after they had eaten. Before the meal, however, Qui-Gon
expertly tended to Obi-Wan's injured left hand. The wound was
already healing.
Both Jedi settled themselves across from each other at the
small table in the kitchen where Qui-Gon used to take in his
meals. The Jedi Master studied his new student intensely during
the meal, trying to find out more about the boy. Obi-Wan ate
quite hastily and politely thanked and praised his Master for
the meal, but Qui-Gon knew that his apprentice was barely
tasting anything. He was much too excited of the entire new
situation yet. He kept eyeing around in the room, trying to
take everything in, as if seeing it for the last and not the
first time. Qui-Gon regretted to have to take the boy the
illusion that being a Padawan would be easier than being an
Initiate. It would be just the opposite. The Jedi Master
remembered that he had thought the same when Yoda had taken him
on.
Obi-Wan had been quiet during the entire meal. Due to
nervousness or to good manners, Qui-Gon couldn't tell. He
decided to brake the silence anyway. "Obi-Wan, are you glad you
made it to Apprenticeship?"
With some effort the boy brought his wandering mind back to the
moment and blinked once, before answering. "Yes, Master Qui...
Master." Obi-Wan smiled a little shy. He had yet to get used to
the aspect of being someone's 'personal' Apprentice.
"And do you think being an Initiate was a hard life?" Qui-Gon's
voice was completely neutral, not giving any intentions away.
The young Jedi looked puzzled for a moment. This question had
caught him off guard. "Well, I don't know but I think so, yes."
Qui-Gon decided not to let the boy off the hook so easily. This
wasn't small talk, this was the beginning of a very intense
time of getting to know each other. Intense for the boy, but
also for himself. Maybe even more intense for himself. So he
nodded in Obi-Wan's direction, encouraging the boy to go on.
Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "Master, all of my life I lived
here in the temple as an Initiate. I do not know another one.
So I cannot compare." Another nod. "You see, everything I ever
wanted was to become a Jedi Knight, I mean, a Padawan first, of
course. I loved the stories they told us about the Jedi..."
"You mean the adventures and missions?" Qui-Gon supplied
smiling when Obi-Wan stopped, obviously at a loss for words. He
was astonished when the boy shook his head vehemently.
"No, Master. I mean, yes, Master. I did love that part, but
there was more. It's about the Force. It enables the Jedi to be
totally independent. He doesn't need an army or legions of
supporters to succeed. Master Yoda once told us that the Force
is a strong ally."
"So you crave the power that comes with the Force, young
Padawan?" The Jedi Master marveled at the speed with which they
had gotten into deep waters already. But he was determined not
to shy away from his responsibility.
"Master, I know about the Dark Side." Obi-Wan stared at his
Master, hard.
Qui-Gon gave his apprentice a sad smile. "The first thing you
have to learn, Obi-Wan, is that you know not nearly as much as
you think you know. This is one of the first things you will
learn from me." Qui-Gon had to admit to himself that his
apprentice had very quickly found him out about his intentions
to probe him. He had actually provoked him to say something
un-jedi-like. But the boy hadn't. On the contrary, he had seen
through it. Obi-Wan certainly was no fool.
After a moment of silence the boy only nodded. "Yes. Master,"
he said. Qui-Gon sighed inwardly. The bright glow of joy the
boy had been broadcasting for the longest time had faded during
their discussions. The Jedi Master hated himself for having
done this but he hated even more what he had let happen to
Xanatos by spoiling him. No, this would definitely not run the
same with this kid. Even after three years since his second
Padawan's turning to the dark side there was still a large
amount of guilt hidden deep inside him about this incident. He
was determined to make his standing as clear as possible on
this very first evening.
Obi-Wan had fallen completely silent now and used his fork to
poke around in the remains of his salad. "Obi-Wan, what do you
think are the advantages and the disadvantages for you being a
Padawan now? Please tell the truth. I need to know what you
think." The older man's voice was much gentler now. He saw no
need in intimidating his new apprentice any further.
The boy shot him a guarded looked. Qui-Gon steeled his heart.
No use to get too soft now. His Padawan would have to adjust to
his ways. He would have to learn... "I am not sure what to
expect. We weren't told that much about it in the classes." He
started eating again as if he wanted to stall for time. Qui-Gon
waited. "Of course there are rumors..."
The Jedi Master interrupted him. "Don't tell me about those
right now. I probably know more about those stories than you
do, Padawan." His voice showed clear amusement now. "Just tell
me what you think. Tell me about... your dreams." Now that his
former good mood had been restored somewhat it was easy to go
lightly here. And after all, this was no pretense on his side.
He wanted to learn about Obi-Wan's thoughts.
His apprentice blushed a little. "Master, those dreams are just
silly. A distraction from the here and now..."
Again Qui-Gon stepped in. "Who told you that, Obi-Wan? Dreams
are very important. Without a dream Jedi wouldn't even exist.
As long as you are aware of their effect on you there's nothing
wrong with dreaming."
Obi-Wan bowed his head slightly. He put away his fork. "Yes,
Master. Maybe I cannot even call it a dream. It's kind of a
mixture of the things they taught us about the Jedi, of the
stories we've heard in the temple and... my own ideas."
"Exactly what I want to know." Qui-Gon nodded to his Padawan.
Obi-Wan drew a deep breath. "I think the biggest advantage is
that there are less distractions. Being with the other
initiates left very little room for meditations. All the time
there were people around. And it was hard to concentrate on the
Force. I have difficulties to access it, to feel it." He looked
at his Master questioningly and was relieved to see another
nod.
"I understand that, Obi-Wan. You have to make your mind free of
every thought to make room for the Force, for letting it take
over your actions. This is not easily accomplished. We will
study techniques that will help you."
"Yes; Master. And about the disadvantages... I am not sure what
to do as your apprentice. We had a tight schedule, everyone
know every time what he or she had to do. But I have no idea
what you expect from me now."
Qui-Gon lay his right hand on his Padawan's left, squeezing it
for a short moment. "That's the advantage of living in a
uniform group, Obi-Wan. There is little room for individuality
and responsibility of the one. You will learn that as well. And
don't worry about the schedule. There is much to do for you.
For both of us."
The boy nodded eagerly. Qui-Gon could see that his apprentice
wasn't intimidated by hard work. On the contrary, he seemed to
look forward to it. He remembered Yoda's words. "Determined he
is and eager. Too eager, I fear. Much good is in him, though.
Your task to bring it to a good use, it will be." Yoda was
right. About Obi-Wan and about himself. After he had lost
Xanatos Qui-Gon had thought for a long, mind-numbing time that
he would never again be a teacher. Now he realized how much he
had missed it.
Encouraged by Qui-Gon's honest curiosity Obi-Wan continued. "I
understand that I only learned the basic steps in lightsaber
fighting so far and you will teach me all the details, right?"
Despite himself Qui-Gon had to smile at the boy's eager tone.
"Yes, that's true. The creche Masters only taught you the first
steps."
Obi-Wan made a jerk in his chair, deliberately concentrating on
staying seated. All the joy was back now. Within a matter of
minutes. Incredible. "That's great!" Obi-Wan finally announced.
Then, more shy. "You are known as one of the best fighters in
the temple. I hope I can come up to your expectations." He
lowered his gaze to his empty plate once more.
Qui-Gon stood, grabbed is also empty plate and ruffled through
the boy's short hair with his free hand. "If you like we could
start tomorrow morning with lightsaber training." Don't be too
soft on him, the voice in his head told Qui-Gon warningly, but
he silenced it. Obi-Wan grinned and nodded before jumping up
from his chair. He started clearing the table and placed the
dishes in the sink, starting to fill it with water. "Obi-Wan?"
Qui-Gon asked after a few seconds. "What are you doing?"
His apprentice looked up to him, astonished. "I thought you
would like me to clean the dishes and the kitchen."
The Jedi Master straightened himself to full height and took on
a stern posture. "Obi-Wan, are you of a telepathic species?"
The boy nearly jumped at his tone and instantly bowed his head.
"No, Master."
"Then what makes you believe I want you to clean the kitchen?"
Obi-Wan took a deep breath. "I... I thought it was expected,
Sir. I'm sorry."
Qui-Gon sighed and once more placed a hand on the apprentice's
shoulder, his voice returning to its normal tone. "I'm afraid,
you will have to tell me about the rumors after all. Obi-Wan,
you are my apprentice and not my servant. But we live together
now and therefore we should either take turns or do it
together. All right?" His Padawan nodded. "However, there are
certain things I expect from you, Obi-Wan and because we are
already in the matter I might as well start to explain some of
them to you now. Please join me on the couch. Leave the dishes
for tomorrow."
Without waiting for an answer from Obi-Wan Qui-Gon walked over
to the couch and let himself down on it. The boy followed his
master and looked at him expectantly. His face wore an serious
expression telling Qui-Gon that Obi-Wan knew about the
importance of what was to come now. "'Loyalty, obedience,
absolute willfulness to learn and respect are permanently to be
expressed towards your Master.'" The man smiled at his Padawan.
"Those are great words, Obi-Wan, and they are true to the
point. However, we have to see to it that they mirrored in the
daily life. You'll have to follow some rules without
questioning them. Of course there exist reasons for exceptions
but you have to ask for permission in any case. And I as your
Master am the only one to give you that permission."
Obi-Wan didn't return Qui-Gon's smile. He merely nodded and
said, "Yes, Master, I understand that."
"Good. Now here are some rules you should know. First: Apart
from the times you have common classes with your fellow
Padawans you'll have to ask if you want to leave our quarters
on your own. Curfew is at 1800 hours. Second: There will be no
allowance for you. This may differ from the others, but the
decision lies with the Masters. I will provide for you,
Obi-Wan, and if there's anything you need, tell me. Third: I am
your guide and you'll have to follow my lead. Don't speak
before you're allowed or asked to when we are not alone. And a
fourth rule: If you have problems of any kind - personal ones,
with your training, or me - don't discuss them with the other
Jedi. You come to me with those problems first." Qui-Gon
suppressed the urge to heave a sigh. He didn't like this style
of speech. Although he acknowledged the necessity of it, he
felt awkward about it. Only the memory of Xanatos held his
misgivings about this kind of lecture in check.
The Jedi Master went on as there was no visible reaction from
Obi-Wan. Impressive. Qui-Gon could sense the boy's
determination again. "Those regulations apply as long as we are
in the temple. On missions it will be different but then we
will discuss those occasions in great detail anyway so you
don't have to bother with them right now." A sparkle lit in his
apprentice's eyes. He was a boy after all. The prospect of
adventure clearly agitated his Padawan. "Don't expect any
laxness from me when we are out there, Obi-Wan. Normally your
behavior has to be controlled even more when we pursue our
diplomatic endeavors."
Qui-Gon hated to subdue Obi-Wan in this way but he knew it
would be easier. For both of them. In the long run it would pay
off, Qui-Gon knew. But he didn't want to end the day with
lecturing. "Do you have any questions, young Padawan?"
Again that flicker of pride. "Yes, Master. What happens if
there is a case of emergency? If there occurs a situation when
I do not have the possibility to ask permission to violate the
regulations?"
"We cannot discuss any eventualities that might arise, Obi-Wan.
In those cases you will have to make a decision on your own.
Just remember that every violation of rules will be dealt with.
You must take on the responsibility of your actions, whatever
the outcome." Qui-Gon saw a sparkle of concern in his Padawan's
eyes and decided to clarify. "But I agree that there might be
situations were it is necessary and right to ignore my orders
for a more important cause. Just not very often, keep this in
mind," he added with a warningly raised index-finger.
Obi-Wan nodded again. He was deep in thought now, processing
the information and rules his new Master had just given him.
Qui-Gon let him be a few moments, then asked, "So, Padawan, now
I'm anxious to hear about those rumors you mentioned earlier."
Obi-Wan looked up and there was some unease in his expression
now. "I... I don't think I should tell you. They are really
just nonsense." He cast his eyes down again, avoiding his
Master's stare. The older Jedi had suspected something like
this. His Padawan had a little backed off now after he had felt
the first touches of the stern hand Qui-Gon intended to have on
him.
"No, Padawan, don't get me wrong. You can tell me everything.
You will never be lectured or such when you voice your opinion
or just want to tell me something. Anything. As long as you
don't come up with such things in the middle of a council
meeting, okay?" His Padawan nodded again but didn't look very
convinced. Nevertheless he started to talk.
"Well, the creche Masters taught us that our Masters would be
very special persons in our lives. That they will be our first
real attachment figures, our... err... psychological parent.
And that we are supposed to trust them. And I'd like to tell
you that this is what I do. Trust you, I mean." His voice was
merely a whisper at these last words. His apprentice obviously
had a very hard time talking in such manner to a stranger.
Because that's what they still were to each other: Strangers.
Qui-Gon sighed again and felt the urge to embrace his new
student. But he didn't. His apprentice had to learn the hard
way, he told himself for the hundredth time. No spoiling this
time. "This is true, Obi-Wan. I take it you don't remember your
biological parents?"
"No, Master."
"Then, do you know what exactly is meant with the term:
attachment figure?"
"That you are something like my role model?" Obi-Wan asked
cautiously and Qui-Gon couldn't hinder the slight smile
creeping to his lips.
"That's only a little part of it, Obi-Wan. The important part
is about the things I just told you: You can come with every
kind of problem, question or whatever, to me. And I mean every
kind. Don't bury your problems and worries inside you as you
undoubtedly did until now. I know this because I have been an
Initiate and a Padawan myself, Obi-Wan, never forget this. We
need to build a firm bond of trust between us because we will
be facing everything in the future together. And we can only
establish such a close and trusting relationship when we talk
to each other, understood?"
"Yes, Master." There was a humorous sparkle in the boy's eyes
now. The thought of Qui-Gon as an Initiate seemed to have
amused him. He stifled a yawn and continued quickly, "Could you
just tell me more about the bond between us? That was the most
disputed subject. And most of the rumors are related to it."
Figures. Qui-Gon would have liked to talk about that special
topic at another time. Obi-Wan was far to worn out by now to
tackle such a difficult matter. However he didn't want to
discourage the boy. "Yes, the bond between the Master and the
Apprentice. Always two there are. No more, no less. Obi-Wan,
the tradition to delegate the training of Jedi Knights to other
Jedi Knights is one of the oldest of the codex. It's to be
found in the ancient scriptures, way back in time. And not only
the rumors speculate on it. Every Jedi, be it Padawan, Knight
or Master does. The only truth about the bond that is
established is a very simple one. The depths and the intensity
of the bond is special for every Master Padawan relationship.
You cannot compare the different pairings, less judge on them."
Obi-Wan blinked and Qui-Gon felt a wave of confusion. He
decided to be a bit more precise. "Not all Masters and Padawans
are equally well matched. Intensive training takes care of
that, of course. But still there will be differences. There
will always be pairs that are nothing more than a fine fighting
team, relying and trusting each other in battle because they
were trained to do so. On the other hand many Masters share
closer bonds with their Apprentices. They could access the
other one's feelings through the bond. They would know if the
Apprentice or the Master would be in danger or pain. There is
nothing like a one and only kind of bond. And no one can tell
at the beginning which shade the relationship will take on.
Although the Council tries to find the most appropriate
matches..."
"But they could be mistaken?" Obi-Wan's voice sounded strained.
"Of course, they can. All the Council Members are still
sentient beings destined to err. They aren't Gods though many
people believe them to be. But the Jedi Masters are well
trained and experienced, especially the members of the Council.
You, no, we can trust their judgement. And there's more. I have
the feeling we will work out, Obi-Wan."
The troubled expression on the boy's face turned into a
brilliant smile and Qui-Gon reached out with his right to clasp
Obi-Wan's shoulder. At the same time he used the Force to
access his Padawan's emotion. For a few moments both of them
sat their, silent, in their first attempt to join in the Force.
Finally Qui-Gon broke the quiet. "And now it's time for you to
return to your room. So if there isn't anything else on your
mind..." Obi-Wan thought a little bit and Qui-Gon felt the
doubt in the boy. "What is troubling you, Padawan?"
"Master, you are right, there's one more thing... another
rumor... I heard about the beating." The apprentice didn't look
up, his voice a mere whisper.
The Jedi Master sighed. That was also a sore point with him. He
had talked about appropriate punishment with Yoda what seemed
to be a thousand times. Still he wasn't sure about the perfect
solution. If there was such a thing. "What exactly did the
rumors say?"
"Just that the Padawans are occasionally beaten by their
Masters. And I heard some Apprentices talk about it, too."
Obi-Wan finally raised his head. "I have never been physically
punished before, Master." There was a pause and Qui-Gon reached
out with the Force to check on his new Padawan. Among the fear
and the insecurity there was also astonishment at his Master's
hesitation to answer his remark. The Jedi Master had to make
sure that there was no room for misunderstandings.
"You have never been beaten, Padawan, because this is a matter
so delicate and personal it should only be conducted in a firm
and close relationship. Anything else could be a fatal mistake
and leave severe psychological marks. Now to the basic
understandings: Masters never hurt their Padawans without
cause, Obi-Wan. Inflicting pain can be a part of the training
or be used as a method of punishment. The latter's sole purpose
is to further the education of the Padawan. To teach him right
from wrong. But any discipline has to be appropriated to the
misdeed, Padawan. In my experience, only rather severe breaches
of the rules justify a beating. But that may differ from Master
to Master and also from Padawan to Padawan." Qui-Gon tried to
soften the impact of his words with his voice. There was the
great danger of frightening the boy. That shouldn't happen. An
Apprentice should never be afraid of punishment. It was just
another aspect of his or her duty. Theoretically, Qui-Gon
thought with some sarcasm. "Obi-Wan, beatings or such will
never be used in any other way than punishment. And it's never
done lightly or thoughtlessly. Trust me. Don't be afraid."
Obi-Wan thought about this for a long while, his eyes trained
on his Master. The boy finally nodded. It was clear to Qui-Gon
that he didn't understand the concept right now, but at least
he tried. And he was ready to give his Master the trust he
needed. Qui-Gon had a feeling the boy would endure anything
that stood between him and Knighthood. "This has been a long
day for you, Padawan, and if we want to start with lightsaber
training tomorrow morning..." He let his voice trail off.
There was no need to end the sentence. Obi-Wan nodded eagerly,
his doubts seemingly forgotten for the time being. "Yes,
Master. I have to admit I'm tired. Good night, Master." The boy
stood and waited for Qui-Gon to raise as well before he gave
him a bow.
"Sleep well, Obi-Wan." And he touched the boy's cheek for a
split second, then the boy turned and headed for his room to
gain some things he needed in the bathroom before retiring to
his chamber for good. Qui-Gon decided not to go to bed himself
immediately but to catch up on some reading he had to do. And
Obi-Wan's new schedule needed his attention, too.
At this time of night it was usually very quiet in the temple
and somehow silence always enhanced his sensitivity with the
Force. Qui-Gon concentrated a couple of times to find out if
his new Padawan was sleeping. But their bond was still to weak
to say for sure, though he thought he was not. No surprise.
An hour or so later happened what Qui-Gon had expected. His
apprentice came out of his room, heading for the kitchen,
probably to get something to drink. He looked strained and
Qui-Gon gathered he had been right in assuming that his Padawan
hadn't slept at all so far.
Obi-Wan nearly jumped when he saw his Master sitting on the
couch, reading. "Master!" he said. "I... err... I just..." the
boy stammered, not sure what to say.
"You couldn't sleep?" Qui-Gon's voice was gentle and
understanding, letting the boy know he wasn't mad at him.
Obi-Wan nodded and made a few uncertain steps towards his
Master. "That's okay. You had a very exciting day, Padawan."
Qui-Gon placed the Datapad on the small table beside him and
gestured to the place next to him. "Sit down for a while, will
you?"
Obi-Wan did as he was told. "I'm sorry, Master."
"There's absolutely no need to apologize, Padawan. Would you
like some hot milk?" When the youth nodded, Qui-Gon grasped
another cup from the table and poured his Padawan some hot milk
into it; which he had been drinking himself. Obi-Wan took the
cup from his hands and sipped on it. "Why couldn't you sleep?
Still too excited?" Qui-Gon asked after a few seconds.
Obi-Wan placed his cup on the table and mingled his hands in
his lap. "Partly, Master," he started and when Qui-Gon nodded,
he continued. "It is so quiet in my room, Master. I... I never
slept alone before." His voice broke and he was close to tears,
Qui-Gon realized with a start.
"Do you miss your friends, Obi-Wan?" the Jedi Master asked
kindly. And now his apprentice's eyes were wet with tears and
he could see how Obi-Wan fought not to let them flow. This time
Qui-Gon gave in to the urge to soothe the kid and when he
slightly opened his arms to embrace him, Obi-Wan flew into them
full force, pressing his hot face against Qui-Gon's chest. The
tears fell openly now and the older man hugged his apprentice
firmly, giving him protection and security, trying to calm him
with a soothing litany.
The boy's outburst showed Qui-Gon clearly the pressure he'd
been under. Obi-Wan was so different from the boy he'd been
when he became Yoda's Padawan and even more different from
Xanatos. Qui-Gon had been a couple of years younger and
definitely less eager, while Xanatos had always been very
self-confident and never intimidated by anything. Obi-Wan, on
the other hand, was frightened and insecure as to his future,
though he had told Qui-Gon repeatedly that his only goal was
becoming a Jedi Knight. He had considered everything else as
inferior. And he still did. There was a great deal of
determination in Obi-Wan, which - coupled with his moodiness
and suppressed anger and fear of failure - made the youth hard
to handle.
But right now Obi-Wan was completely exhausted and one could
only push oneself so far. He was over the edge and needed some
time to get used to the new situation. The Jedi Master smiled
to himself. Be careful what you wish for. He was determined to
help Obi-Wan as well as he could. This young one would
definitely need his guidance and his protection. He was so
volatile in his emotions. Flying high one second, crashed to
the ground the next. Qui-Gon had to deal with this part of
Obi-Wan's personality most carefully.
While the Jedi Master slightly rocked back and forth to calm
the sobbing youth in his arms, his mind wandered back to his
second Apprenctice once more. Xanatos had been so different. So
sure of himself. Qui-Gon often had the impression he didn't
even need a Master. And then his extraordinary skills. There
had been so little room for correction or reproach. And as time
had gone by Qui-Gon had just enjoyed their triumphs without
questioning his or his Padawan's actions anymore. This
particulat danger didn't exist here. Whatever was in store for
them he wouldn't take anything for granted.
Gradually the sobs stopped. But Qui-Gon didn't release his hold
on the boy. On the contrary he started to stroke the
short-cropped hair and after a few moments the crying ceased
altogether. "I think that had to come out."
Obi-Wan lifted his head and nodded. "Yes, Master." Qui-Gon
repositioned himself a little, never letting go of his
apprentice. And Obi-Wan snuggled closer to his Master,
breathing more calmly now. The older man could still sense the
remains of the mental uproar. Well, he would support his
Padawan as long as he needed it.
"Just relax now, my young Padawan," he said softly, resuming
the stroking of the hair. He listened to the boy's breathing,
felt the heartbeat, both getting calmer with every second. "I
remember, when I became Yoda's apprentice I more than enjoyed
the privacy my own room offered me. I've never been the social
type, Obi-Wan. And believe me when I say, sooner than you may
think there will come the time when you will appreciate the
given privacy." In response to his words Qui-Gon felt a slight
nod against his chest. The boy was almost asleep now. Still,
Qui-Gon had a notion that he could feel some astonishment over
his open words to his apprentice. The Jedi Master made a mental
note to express his feelings and his trust in Obi-Wan more
clearly in the future.
He kept stroking the youth's hair for a few more minutes until
he was totally sure he was asleep. He carefully lifted him up,
carried him into his room and laid him down in his bed. Obi-Wan
didn't even stir at all this, already sound asleep. Qui-Gon
smiled despite himself and tugged his new Padawan into his
blanket; then quietly left the room and switched the lights
off. He himself felt a little uneasy about all this and he
considered to go to Yoda for support and advise. He wasn't sure
if his former Master was already asleep, so he reached out with
the Force to check.
The old Master immediately answered to his mental touch,
sending a wave of reassurance through their bond. So he had
already picked up on Qui-Gon's unease. Yoda seemed fully awake.
No wonder, Qui-Gon thought, he had always been a night owl. He
sometimes even wondered if Yoda was of a nocturnal species. And
despite the fact that it was already quite late at night, he
left his quarters and headed for those of his former Master
which had been his own quarters for more than ten years.
As was to be expected the corridors were quiet and deserted
now. The light was sparse but Qui-Gon knew his way by heart and
would have found it in pitch darkness without even relying on
the Force. He had to change the level though. All Council
member's quarters were located near the administrative center.
Nevertheless, it took him only a few minutes to reach Yoda's
door.
No need to knock. After all he was expected. He entered
silently and closed the door behind him. Yes, Yoda was fully
awake, engaged in a game of Saruk with the computer as an
opponent. Since it was not only a strategic game but also
sported quite a part related to luck, it was a popular game
with many Jedi. When Qui-Gon joined his former Master he
glimpsed at the counter displayed on the screen. Yoda was about
to lose this round.
"Never can be sure, if this thing isn't cheating." With that
the small Jedi Master shut the computer down. "No use to fight
a lost battle." Somehow Qui-Gon had the impression Yoda wasn't
referring to the game at all. He sat back on the couch, closing
his eyes. His new Padawan hadn't been the only one who'd gone
through a hard day. "Obi-Wan is asleep." It was no question.
Yoda just stated a fact. Qui-Gon opened his eyes again and
nodded slowly.
"Yes, finally. He had been awake for a couple of hours after
I'd sent him to his room. I am still surprised at the intensity
of the boy's... eagerness." He wanted to use another
expression. But then, ambitiousness had sounded too harsh.
"Ambitious he is, yes." Qui-Gon stared at the other being and
sighed. Why didn't he just give up trying to hide anything from
his Master? One would think he should have learned this lesson
by now. Yoda continued mercilessly, "Your training, it will
decide the outcome of your Padawan's ambitiousness."
"I know, Master. That's what's troubling me." No need for any
pretense. Yoda would know anyway.
"As it should. Troubles you didn't have with Xanatos. Not until
the end, that is. Not until it was too late." There was no
reproach in Yoda's voice, but Qui-Gon felt the guilt
nonetheless. It still stung. Well, there are some battles that
cannot be won. Better leave this feeling alone, accept it, but
not linger on it.
"My Master, the more I come to know this boy the more I like
him. I'm afraid of getting too close to him. You know why." He
leaned back and closed his eyes once more when Yoda didn't
answer right away. Force, it was so nice to just sit here with
his former Master. There was no other place in the entire
temple where he could relax like he could here. He still felt
home and safe here after all those years. He sensed a flicker
of the Force - strange, how he could exactly tell that it was
Yoda using it - and then a warm cup was pushed in his right
hand. He smiled when he could smell Truon-tea. Not his favorite
kind of tea, but when Yoda had made it, there was nothing more
delicious in the entire galaxy. He took a sip without opening
his eyes. Once again Yoda had managed to bring him perfectly at
ease within only a few minutes. He wished nothing more than
being able to do this with his own Padawan in fifteen or twenty
years from now. He felt the movement next to him, when Yoda
settled dow n beside him.
"Padawan, Xanatos and Obi-Wan, more different they couldn't be.
Trust me, do you?" he asked.
Now Qui-Gon opened his eyes to look at the old Jedi Master.
"I've always trusted you, Master. With all my heart and soul.
We might have had our disputes but I've always trusted you."
"Then trust me now, when I say: Fine you will do with this boy.
Just not get too soft on him. A stern hand he needs for he has
quite a temper."
Again, Qui-Gon nodded. After a moment he said: "We were a good
team, after all, weren't we, Master?" Yoda smiled slightly,
nodded and twitched his ears. "I hope Obi-Wan and I will be
another good team. You put a great effort into our bonding,
Master. Why didn't you speak to me more openly in the first
place?"
His Master threw him an amused look, keeping his silence.
Qui-Gon sighed in defeat. He knew perfectly well why Yoda had
endeavored another of his famous - or infamous - plots to lure
him into this. His own thickheadness had triggered of some of
their most disputes as he just called it. If Yoda had pressed
the matter on him he just would have run away in another
hazardous mission. One of those that had kept his mind of the
past for the last years. Qui-Gon flushed a little at the
memory. There had been several occasions when he had acted very
un-Jedi-like. Qui-Gon tried to relax some more. "Master, I'm
sorry. When I think of the time I've wasted..."
The small Jedi interrupted him, fervently. "No. Stop this you
must, Qui-Gon. Not ready for another apprentice you have been
for a long time. And that time, wasted it was not. Understand
that you must. Live in regret, more regret there will be in the
future."
The human frowned at that. He was lectured again. Rightfully so
he had to admit. He had to think of the presence, of Obi-Wan,
not of Xanatos. Of the things they would accomplish, not of the
past they couldn't change anymore. He took another sip from his
tea. It had been a long time since he had been here. Qui-Gon
was determined not to forsake the opportunity to seek advice
with Yoda in the time to come. Obi-Wan's training would be for
the better of it.
Telling from the sound only, for Qui-Gon hadn't opened his eyes
yet, Yoda poured himself some more tea. "Worry too much, you
shouldn't, Qui-Gon. I will help wherever I can."
"Thank you, my Master." Qui-Gon got up from the couch, placing
his empty cup on the small table in front of him. "I should go
now. I'm not sure I would already notice if he wakes up. I was
planning to start with lightsaber training tomorrow morning and
some meditation in the afternoon; and then I have scheduled an
appointment later with Healer Asdo'r." Qui-Gon wasn't sure if
his last sentence had been a statement or a question.
The old Master's ears twitched slightly. "Never liked it, when
I sent you to Asdo'r, you have." Yoda's smile could only be
heard in his voice not seen in his face.
"And neither will Obi-Wan, I gather," Qui-Gon countered with a
smile of his own.
Yoda only nodded. "Go to one of the smaller training gyms you
should. Usually crowded with Initiates the two big ones are in
the mornings. Privacy you and Obi-Wan need."
Qui-Gon bowed slightly. "I will, my Master. Thanks for the
advice." His former Master nodded again and with that Qui-Gon
left Yoda's quarters and returned to his own. A few minutes
later he quietly opened the door to his new Padawan's room to
check on him. But in spite of his worries the boy was sound
asleep, taking deep, calm breaths. After another few minutes,
Qui-Gon lay in his own bed, drifting towards sleep.
Archive 