ARCHIVE: M_A only please.
PAIRING: Q/O
CATEGORY: Romance, POV.
RATING: PG
DISCLAIMER: They belong to George Lucas, not to me.
SUMMARY: Obi-Wan's thoughts about his first and only
love.
NOTES: This isn't really a sequel, it's more a companion piece
for my First Touch story, from Obi-Wan's POV. I'll post another
story soon.
He was my first love. This is a normal thing to happen to
Padawans, after all, our Masters are constantly with us,
teaching us, protecting us and yes, even loving us. But that
love didn't disappear as I got older, instead it became even
stronger. I dated other people, of course, Padawans my age;
I've felt deep affection for a few of them, but I never felt
for them anything more than that, affection.
I've slept with two of those Padawans, but I've never really
made love with anyone. This may sound confusing but it's true.
Having sex with someone you don't love isn't the same as
making love with the person who holds your heart.
And the only person I have given my heart to, is my Master,
but I knew that I was too young, that he wouldn't take my
feelings seriously if I were to tell him about them. He
wouldn't mock them, he wouldn't be angry or disappointed by
them, but he wouldn't believe in them either. So I never told
him.
I loved him, but I thought he would never love me. I have
never been so happy to be proved wrong.
Last night I felt like I was truly alive for the first time in
my life.
Qui-Gon, my Master, confessed his love for me, a love I never
truly believed he could feel for me. Oh, I knew he loved me as
his apprentice and that he considered me his friend, but my own
love for him went beyond that. Last night, when I returned to
our quarters, I found him kneeling, meditating. But I never
imagined what he was meditating about. He called me by my name
and I immediately felt that something was going to happen,
something unexpected. I went to him and kneeled in front of
him. When he took my hand and kissed it, I almost fainted. Even
that simple, chaste touch was overwhelming, his lips felt hot
against my skin, so hot that I was sure they would leave a
mark. The mark of his love. Because now I knew what he wanted
to tell me, I could see it, not only in that gesture, but in
his eyes, in every part of his body. He loved me and I was so
immersed in that sudden knowledge that I almost didn't hear him
when he said it to me.
"I love you, I'm in love with you", words I thought I would
never hear, words that I desperately wanted to hear, words that
were not really necessary, not when I could look into his eyes
and see that love, incredibly alive, inside them.
Nonetheless, those words were treasured and I had to return
them with all the honesty and passion with which they were said
to me.
"I love you Qui-Gon", such simple words that didn't really
showed the many different feelings I have for the man in front
of me, my Master, my friend and now, my lover. But I saw his
smile, illuminating his beautiful face and I knew he understood
everything. Even the things I've never said to him.
We talked for along time after that. He said he wanted us to
be together for the rest of our lives but that he would
understand if I needed time to think about it. He was trying,
once more, to protect me, but I told him that he didn't have to
protect me from the thing I have always wanted. To be always
with him, to be his,Padawan, his friend, his partner and his
lover.
This morning there will be no lessons, no training. He wants
me to think more about our new relationship, about the
difficulties we will have to face in order to make it work. But
I am sure about this. I know we belong together, I've known
this since the first time I saw him. And I want to show him
this in every way I can, I want to love him with all that I am,
I want to give him all the passion and tenderness he deserves.
I know he has been hurt many times, even by me, and I want to
erase that hurt, those painful memories, with my love and
respect.
I want to show him how wonderful our love can be. I want to
whisper sweet words in his ear, dance slowly with him, give him
everything he wants.
I want to be with him when he is happy and peaceful, his
happiness will bring me peace, I want to be with him when he is
sad or angry or hurt, I will share his sadness, calm his anger
and ease his pain.
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