There's a First Line for Everything

by Acidreams ( nell01@prodigy.net )

Rating: R

Pairing: Obi Wan/Qui-Gon

Status: Completed

Warnings: Slash humor - SPEW

Disclaimer: The characters DO NOT! belong to me. God's how I wish they did...

Summary: 'Kay, so I was going through the M_A archive... lovely place it is... n-e-way... Twas going through there when I saw all these first line challenges... and have this evil wittle idea! USE them ALL in ONE ficcie! This horrible thing is the out come! Enjoy!!!!!! Authors Note1: As me said a minute ago... SPEW WARNING! It's farking hilly!

"Qui-Gon deep-throated his Padawan, and at 21 Obi Wan finally understood the meaning of real ecstasy." Cheers filled the room, catcalls and hollers could be heard in the next room as well. The girl grinned took a bow and stepped stage right, as it was the next slasher’s turn to have fun with the boys.

On her way back to the stage door, she heard a conversation, and a voice she would not soon forget. "I’m desperate to pull down my Jedi-knickers and pull out my real light saber!" She stopped and stared at the source of the voice.

"Take me Jedi!" She squealed looking at the robed figure of Obi-Wan Kenobi himself.

“But your chastity...” Another hooded figure to behind her said. She spun around.

She squealed as she pinched herself. “This is real?” She asked eyes as large as saucers. Then as the last bit of conversation registered in her mind she said the first thing she thought of. “Fuck chastity!” She yelled laughingly.

“Ahh, Padawan, your light saber is showing.” Qui-Gon said, pointing to his padawan’s obvious erection.

"Eat me, Master." Obi-Wan purred.

Qui-Gon blinked looking closely at his little Padawan. 'That Padawan, is a grown man. Oh god how grown he is... look at those muscles, that smooth firm flesh. That tight little ass...' “QUI-GON JINN!” The girl yelled blushing.

“Huh? Wha?” He asked pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Are you masturbating?" The girl asked, looking at his hands, which were placed over himself.

“I um… uhh… I think it’s time we go home Padawan.” Qui-Gon gulped.

“Take me to your leader??? Please, please, please!” The girl begged dropping to her knees.

“Master she does have the highest sense of Force that I’ve ever felt in my entire life. She’s what drew us here.” Obi-Wan said looking at his Master.

“Yeah! What he said, and plus if you don’t I’ll sick a bunch of hormone driven writers on you two.” She purred now standing behind Obi-Wan holding onto what looked like a giant curtain.

“Ahh, that won’t be necessary we’ll take you with us. But the council will decide what to do with you.” Qui-Gon said, every bit a Master as before he met the young woman.

“Yay! Now lets go my muse is demanding that I get to work writing. And if denied she is a deadly thing.” The girl said nodding her head. “Just ask, Vivian, oh wait you can’t. My muse brutally destroyed her character. Fed her to the shark’s bit-by-bit, and then ground her bones and then boiled the ashes. Till there was absolutely nothing left.” The girl said smiling. The two Jedi looked at her a few shade’s too green.

“Did you really do this?” Qui-Gon asked, a little color returning to his face.

“Of course not! It is called FICTION! Surely they have fiction stories on Coruscant.” She laughed, amused that they had thought she had done all hose nasty things.

“Yes of course, but… never have we heard something like that described so…”

“Descriptively.” Obi-Wan cut in, he liked this girl. She laughed.

“Before we go, I want to take you two somewhere.” She said grinning, an evil plan forming in her mind.

"Is it supposed to taste like that?" Qui-Gon asked his face scrunched up.

“Sure is. What’s the matter Qui-Gon can’t hold your liquor?” The girl asked laughing then downed another shot.

“And you people like this stuff?” Qui-Gon asked looking at the various groups of people grinding themselves against each other.

“Not really, but we like the effect it has on us.” She laughed, and then added. “See even dour Obi here likes it.” She grinned then pulled the drunk Padawan of to the dance floor. Qui-Gon watched them for a few minutes, and then lost them as the giant crowd closed back in around them.

Meanwhile a conversation was going on between the two on the floor.

“Obi-Wan I know you’re not drunk. I’ve got a proposition for you.” She grinned.

“What is it?” He asked dancing. The tight black leather she had dressed him in sliding over his legs and ass.

“You want your Master,” She asked waiting for a response, when he nodded his head she continued. “I want to watch. I’ll help you get him but I want to watch.”

Obi-Wan seemed to think about it for a minute or two but decided to go for it. After all, it got him his master. All his attempts so far had been shot down. “Alright. You get him in my bed, you get to watch.” Obi-Wan purred in her ear.

“Damn you’re fine you know that.” She asked, wiggling her eyebrows. “That little swagger you got. Hell-O. Makes a body stand up a listen.” She purred in his ear. Making him flush.

“Thank you, but I thought we were trying to get my master in my bed, not you.” He said grinning.

“We are, but Qui’s on his way. So let us get back to our little talk. Shall we?” She purred nipping at his neck making sure to leave a mark. “You got an erection yet?” She asked, and he nodded. “Good, when Qui-Gon gets here I want you to dance with him, pin him between us, got me?” He nodded and she stepped back, just as Qui-Gon stepped into their own area of dancing space.

“Oh good! Qui-Gon!” She laughed, pulling him into their dance. He was facing his Padawan, who had a hickey on his neck. ‘He is not mine, he is not mine… there is no anger… Ahh nothings working.’ He groaned to himself, then, he felt it. Subtle movements from both the girl and his Padawan, he may be old, but damn it, he was just a bit wise too. Either this girl was playing with him, or they both wanted to include him in their, game.

“I just came to ask where the bathroom was.” Qui-Gon said willing his body back under control.

“Ahh… that way.” She pointed; Qui-Gon followed her fingers to a giant sign that said Bath Rooms. He nodded once and then took off in that general direction.

The two continued to dace for a few minutes more before she got a wicked idea. “Hey Obi-Wan you trust me?” She asked, a sly smile lighting her face.

“Yeah.” He said, and she grinned.

“Good.” Was all she said before dragging him onto the stage.

“Remember what we talked about Obi-Wan?” She asked leading him to a set of thin stairs.

“It was leather or nothing?”

“No about trust.” She spurred on.

“Oh, Yeah.” He said nodding his head.

“Good climb.” She said pointing to the stairs.

She was about to follow him when she caught sight of Qui-Gon threading his way through people. So she waited, Qui-Gon looked like he was about to object so she cut in. "Podium dancing is a perfectly valid art form." Then followed Obi-Wan up the stairs to the dais.

“You know what to do?” She asked Obi-Wan as she reached the top and saw him starring out into the crowds.

“Dance, anything else?” He asked, winking at her.

“Be sexy about it. Be very sexy.” She said, laughing.

“Well what are you waiting for?” He asked pulling her to him grinding and moving against each other.

As they continued to dance they sought out Qui-Gon. He was sitting at a table just off to their right… seething. “Hey Obi think it’s working?” She asked, nodding in Qui’s general direction.

“If he gets any hotter he’s gonna blow a fuse.” Obi-Wan said smirking.

“Don’t talk about getting hotter or blowing anything please. I’m wired enough.” She moaned as he ground into her once more.

After a few more songs the two finally climbed down from the podium. As soon as Obi’s feet had touched the floor Qui-Gon was there eyes on fire his presence dark and looming.

“What the hell was that? That was not podium dancing.” Qui-Gon growled.

“What’s the matter Qui… jealous?” The girl teased throwing herself up against the Jedi master, her actions softening the taunt.

“I will see you later.” Qui-Gon said and abruptly turned on his heel.

“Oh force!” The girl cursed, “Lets go lover boy.” She said to Obi-Wan trailing after Qui-Gon only stopping to pick up a Rhiannon Special. A blend of six alcohols that was illegal in most states. One of these puppies and you were out of your mind drunk. Just the way she wanted Qui-Gon.

“Wait, Qui, I’m sorry. Please accept this shot as an apology.” She said biting her lower lip. A nervous habit that the Jedi Master mistook as genuine worry. He downed it in one shot. And came up gasping.

Five seconds later he was falling all over himself.

“Hey Qui-Gon…”The girl purred, to the conked out master. Finally she got fed up with trying to be nice so she roused him with some smelling salts and an order from the force to get ride of the hangover and most of the drunkenness.

“Master…” Obi-Wan purred licking his master nipple.

“Obi…” Qui-Gon moaned and then sat straight up shocked. “Padawan… I am so sorry…” He began to spout off apologies but his Padawan silenced him with a kiss.

“Master just be quiet and enjoy. I’ve wanted you for a very, very long time.” Obi-Wan purred nibbling on his master’s neck.

“Ahhh…” Qui-Gon moaned and then was lost to all thought, because of his padawan’s gifted hands.

“Travel not here. To see this. I did not.” Yoda said, smacking his gimmer stick on the carpet. Which did not make it usual tap sound. To which annoyed the master. “Sound my stick did not make. Why?” He asked looking at the girl on the chair across from him.

“It’s called padded carpet… does wonders.” She grinned. “Ahh… I wouldn’t go in there…” Katie called, following the Jedi master into the bedroom.

“Next Day it is. Get out of bed they must.” The little master said and then suddenly two startled figures sprung out of the bed and then right back into, causing a commotion that was hilarious to anyway allowed to see it.

“Owe! WATCH your foot!” “That wasn’t my foot…” “Well what ever it is get it out of my face!” “Look who’s talking Padawan, you’re the one who’s giving my toes a job.” “MASTER!!!” “What?”

“AHHHH!” Qui-Gon scream and then he jumped out of the bed and ran to the freshener.

“Oh my god! This is hilarious! Qui-Gon Jinn locked himself in the bathroom!” Katie laughed all but rolling on the floor.

“Well what can I say? I'm really quite embarrassed about my little girly scream when he licked my toes.” Qui-Gon said through the door.

Meanwhile Obi-Wan who had been flipping through the Tv channels when he found and old David Bowie movie began reciting on of his favorite lines from the movie. “I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave, oh yeah and please never lick my toes…” The Padawan grinned, and suddenly burst out laughing at the shocked figure of Yoda who was starring eyes wide at Katie.

“Doing what, are you Katie?” Yoda asked drooling.

“It’s too hot in here so I’m meditating in the nude…” She said closing her eyes once more only to open them when the bathroom door was flung open and almost off it’s hinges.

“She’s not joking?” Qui-Gon asked shocked. Clearly this girl had no moral value… or she was just really comfortable with her body. Qui-Gon thought to himself.

“Oi! There’s no need to stare you know! Even the guys at the clubs don’t stare that badly!” Katie laughed, watching as the Jedi Master blushed a bright red.

“Time it is, for me to go. Windu will be, by later.” Yoda said shaking his head confusedly and leaving the quarters.

“Oh well, you two should go back to playing now. I’m just gonna tag along with the little green troll… err Jedi Master!” She grinned before dashing out of the room, having dressed while informing them of her plans.

“Look’s like it’s just the two of us Master…” Obi Wan grinned.

“Hmmm… Just as it should be Padawan… If I remember correctly you were going to teach me a few things.” The Jedi Master smirked.

“I could, but I’ve got to say, that little swagger you got. Hell-O. Makes a body stand up a listen.” Obi Wan grinned then proceeded to stalk his master.

“Oh the things I could do to you boy… I think I’ll start by sucking you off…” Qui-Gon purred.

"No Master, I believe it would be me deep throating you first. Taking you all the way in and then almost all the way out, in and out. Until you are about to bust and then, after I work you into that painful frenzy, only then will you ride me. And you ride me hard. I can feel it now, can you Master?" Obi Wan purred watching the glazed eyes of his master.

At his Masters nod the boy pulled him to the recently vacated bedroom, "Good because, I don't want to die a virgin!" Obi Wan laughed throwing his master onto the bed.

The Next day… or is it the day after that?

“Qui-Gon Jinn!” Mace Windu screeched as he watched the Master swallowed his Padawans jutting erection whole.

“Mmmaaddduunniitt! NnnnoooWUYYY” Qui-Gon growled around the juicy morsel in his mouth.

“I think he meant go away.” Obi Wan panted, trying not to arch off of the bed into his masters questing mouth.

“I ummm…I think I’ll go now!” Windu said and then a twirl of capes he was gone.

“Told you not to go in there… but did you listen Oh no! Nobody listens to the little earth girl.” Katie pouted, glaring up at the bald man.

“Better put that pout away before I find a better use for it.” Windu said flirtingly. Katie went pale.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!” Then ran into the bathroom gagging.

“What?” Windu asked the room before stomping out of the quarters.

The Farquing END!