Dust in the Wind

by Heidi (beaglepack@earthlink.net)

Category: POV,angst
Rating: PG
Pairings: Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon
Warnings: Post TPM but still canon, so beware. Also minor spoilers for the first several JA books.
Summary: Obi-Wan finds peace on the planet he suffered his greatest loss.
Archive: m_a, my web page and KoS
website: http://members.aol.com/Beagles4Us/fic.html
Feedback: yes, please, any comments welcome.

Disclaimer: All thing Star Wars belongs to George Lucas and we bow to his greatness... Lyrics to "Dust in the Wind" belong to Kansas.

Notes: This is a sequel to Ashes. Thanks to by beta readers Bast, V and Zerena.

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind...

Obi-Wan stood at the door of the transport ship waiting for the final touchdown with Anakin by his side. The boy practically vibrated with excitement. He and Queen Amidala had kept in touch but the pair hadn't seen each other since he'd begun his training. Obi-Wan, however, was nervous. It was the first time he'd been back to Naboo since Qui-Gon's death. He had almost refused the Queen's invitation but didn't think it was fair to his young padawan to refuse based on his own lack of desire to return to the place where he'd had the most precious thing in his life taken from him, Qui-Gon.

The transport sat down with a jolt that caused the two Jedi to lose their balance momentarily, then the door in front of them began to move slowly, opening from the top downward. He could feel Anakin's excitement and growing hesitancy with every meter of daylight revealed in the opening of the door. Obi-Wan reached out and settled a hand on his padawan's shoulder, calming the boy as his master had done with him many times in the past. The simple gesture also calmed his own apprehension.

Obi-Wan stood on the high knoll above Theed. He'd paid his respects to the Queen upon their arrival and once they were settled in their rooms, he saw understanding in her eyes when asked if he might be allowed to borrow a speeder. She knew why he was asking and even directed him to the spot he now stood. The city looked beautiful in the setting sun, gleaming gold and bronze.

He cleared his thoughts in a long practiced and almost instinctual habit of taking a few deep breaths and letting everything but the moment he was in disappear. He felt the tranquility settle in him and knew it had been a long time since he'd felt this at peace. Maybe coming here was the right thing after all. He opened himself and let the living force flow through him, taking energy from the land around him and returning it back, all the while energizing himself and clearing his mind even more. When he felt as though he were a part of his surroundings, he slowly channeled the living force back into the ground that gave it to him in the first place, leaving only the feeling of a peaceful completeness behind.

He reached to his belt and pulled the tattered but still intact brown cloth pouch from its resting place. Slowly he untied the thong that once had tied his padawan braid and opened the pouch. The faint breeze caught some of the ashes there before Obi-Wan could close his hand around them, holding them in place.

"Are you trying to tell me something, Master? Is it time for me to stop mourning you and let you go?" Obi-Wan asked the wind.

Again the wind blew around his feet, causing waves to ripple across the grass fields and the breeze passed down the hill.

'Yes, it was time,' Obi-wan thought to himself.

But before he released the last remaining physical connection to his Master he allowed himself to reflect on the past and looked once again at the cherished memories of his time with his Master, his best friend, his lover.

He remembered his time on Bandomeer and the forging of the bond between him and Qui-Gon. Gone now was the desperation he'd felt of ever convincing Qui-Gon to take him as a padawan. Gone, also, was the hurt he'd put them both through when he'd stayed on Melina/Daan. In place of those feelings were the memories of the first time Qui-Gon had called him 'his padawan' and when his Master again called him 'apprentice'.

They had had so much to work through during those early years -- betrayal and mistrust. But the bond that had formed between them during those earliest days grew stronger with each passing year until they each discovered that the friendship they formed had become something more and they then joined as lovers. Each new emotion added to their relationship and strengthened their bond until at times they seemed to move as one, all the while remaining separate with their occasional disagreements.

Obi-Wan knew he could stand there for eternity remembering the time he spent with his Master. Every moment spent loving one another or quiet companionship was ingrained in his memory. It was the first time since he'd held Qui-Gon as he died he was able to look at his memories of the older man and not feel the stabbing ache of his absence. Maybe that was his purpose of coming to Naboo again, to allow him to remember and take comfort in the memories he held rather then feel the pain of having them and the pain of Qui-Gon's death overshadowing it all.

He squeezed the bundle in his hand one last time then reluctantly opened his hand, holding it out away from his body, letting the next gust of wind carry the remaining ashes and the heavy wool cloth away from him. Unable to watch the ashes as they scattered, Obi-Wan kept his eye on the brown cloth, the last remnant of his final days with Qui-Gon as it rose and fell in the thermal eddies of the wind.

"Good-bye, Qui-Gon," he whispered as the cloth fell from his sight. He knew he would join him in the Force one day and until then he would train Anakin and other padawans as he was once taught. The last physical piece of his Master was gone but Qui-Gon would always be with him in spirit.

The End