The Watcher and The Watched: Dreams and Nightmares

by Ki

Warning: the following story contains implications of a m/m relationship. STOP NOW if you are below 18 years of age OR if you are easily offended.

Disclaimer: all hail almighty Lucasworld and its attendant minions. And also please note: this story is not for profit, only written for the satisfaction of my readers.

Archive: MA archive?, personal homepage

Category: AU, angst

Pairing: Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan

Rating: NC-17 (for dark imagery)

Warning(s): Speculative fiction. Post-TPM.

Summary: Obi-Wan recovers but he is plagued by dreams.

Brief outline: The series "The Watcher and The Watched" is a sequel to the "Lycanthrope" series where Qui-Gon becomes infected with lycanthropy. In this alternate universe, Qui-Gon doesn't die. Instead, he and Obi-Wan become co-Masters to Anakin Skywalker. Insofar, Qui-Gon has managed to control his lycanthropy and has suggested Bonding with Obi-Wan.

In "Trial", Obi-Wan takes his Knighthood trials and is later traumatized by it. "Dreams and Nightmares" is where Obi-Wan recovers and tries to make sense of his Trials.

Obi-Wan Kenobi sat in the middle of the meditation room, cross-legged and eyes closed in silent contemplation. It was mid-morning and he could smell the aromas of lunch drifting up from the Main Dining Hall. There were hints of mint fish and steamed vegetables. But he shut these distractions away and instead, he withdrew more into his meditative state.

Shutting out everything. The noises. The glare of the sun.

The dreams.

They came right after the trials, screaming phantams that simply refused to go away. They came in the forms of blinding images, jagged pieces of memory and snatches of voices that were eerily familiar. He always found himself helpless, held captive by these night demons. Often, he would wake up, perspiring profusely and Qui-Gon would be right beside him, his blue eyes darkened with worry.

After-affects from the Trials, he told himeslf constantly, trying to find reassurance. My mind is still recuperating.

For two days, he lay weakened and drained.. He felt as if he was an infant, stripped of strength and energy. It was as if the Trials had sucked out most of his essence and left him lifeless like a seed-husk. For two days, Qui-Gon stayed with him and barred any visitor from seeing him. Anakin moved around on tiptoe, knowing that something was indeed wrong.

Then, thanks for his youthful body, he recovered quickly and soon he was back on his feet, practising his 'saber with Anakin as if he was his normal self. It was not true. The dreams started right after his 'recovery'.

He shifted in his meditative position, muttering the Inner Peace mantra to himself. Peace. A center. Something to hold onto.

It was hard.

The moment he closed his eyes, he saw them again. The Sith demon with the red-and-black face, leering with an unholy glee. Qui-Gon transforming into the Beast. The blood. So much blood.

" ... A Jedi values life, no matter how big or small it is ... "

Obi-Wan shuddered. In the trials, he killed. Twice. First to the demon. Second ...

Qui-Gon.

He killed his own Master. The person he loved so much.

He had succumbed to his fear and reacted according to him. He was unfit to be a Jedi Knight.

Jedi Knight indeed. The Council took their own sweet time.

With a sigh, Obi-Wan stood up, flexing his arms. He couldn't meditate. Not with the inner turmoil in his mind. He walked towards the window, feeling the warmth of the sun on his face.

Coruscant was covered with a sheen of gold. The never-ending lines of cruisers and transports moved slowly across the sky like criss-crossing cave-spider webs. The metal spires glowed bright. Obi-Wan could feel the Force pulsating like a healthy heart, sending streamers of pure energy across the planet. He breathed in deeply as he experienced the familiar exhilaration, the know ledge of the concentration of minds in the Jedi Temple. The Temple was providing the Force-heart and now, the heart beat with a strong regular rhythm.

He leaned against the wall, smiling at the analogy. The heart. Suddenly, unbidden, a image of a red glossy heart appeared in his mind, startling him with its sense of urgency. As the red heart beat, tiny tendrils of darkness began to cover it, choking it. As he watched, chilled to the bone, the heat was soon smothered with these dark tendrils. Withins minutes, the red glossy healthy heart was gone, replaced by a sick blackened organ.

Obi-Wan shivered, even though the sun caressed him with its heat. This must be a vision.

He wanted to tell Qui-Gon about it but the older man wasn't present. Qui-Gon was training Anakin in one of the smaller practise rooms allocated in the Temple.

(( Master? Qui-Gon? ))

No reply. No reassurance. No warmth. Nothing. The link was simply dead. It was dead the moment he started his Trials and it remained lifeless until now. It was if Qui-Gon had shut him out too.

((Qui-Gon ... no .... ))

Of course, the dreams came to haunt him that night. Nightmare faces growled at him, their demon eyes pinning him down like predators ready to pounce on a weak field-mouse. Dream spirits swirled around him, beautiful and deadly.

He dreamed of the Sith demon and he fought it again in the dream. Everything he tried cutting it down, it would come back to life, stronger than ever.

He dreamed of Qui-Gon. Of his tall imposing figure, awe-inspiring. Of his blue eyes . Of his hands, warm and gentle. He dreamed of the Bonding ceremony. He dreamed of love and trust.

Betrayal.

He dreamed that Qui-Gon took him. It was not gentle lovemaking; it was instead demanding, almost brutal. He yelled out as he felt rough hands squeeze his vulnerable genitals and a hot insistent mouth covering his own. He found that he enjoyed them, these erotic dreams that wove in and out of his consciousness. And he would feel ashamed when he woke up in the morning to find himself swollen with desire.

With a cry of terror, Obi-Wan sat up from the bed. For a moment, the darkness in the room disorientated him. He thought that he was lost in some nightmare-turned-reality. Then, slowly, he forced himself to recite the Inner Peace mantra and the calm returned, even though his heart pounded in his ears and his skin was covered with perspiration.

"Obi-Wan?"

A gentle rumble.

Obi-Wan started. In the darkness, he couldn't see the speaker. Images flashes in his mind. A fanged mouth, feral snow-wolf eyes. Deadly claws.

"Obi-Wan, are you alright?"

"Master ... "

"I heard you cry out in your sleep," Qui-Gon appeared and he re-activated the lights. He stared at the dishevelled youth on the bed, the wide blue eyes gazing back at him.

"I am ...fine, Master."

Qui-Gon saw the slight movement, Obi-Wan withdrawing into himself. "Obi-Wan, what is wrong?" He walked up to his beloved, feeling the younger man draw away from him. It must be hard for Obi-Wan. The Trials had unsettled him and for a moment, Qui-Gon experienced a surge of anger in him. The Council did this. Why must they do that to a young man?

The Alter in him paced back and forth, ready to lash out. He curbed that desire down furiously.

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me, Obi-Wan. "

The youthful face fell. Obi-Wan looked away, as if he was embarrassed or ashamed. "I was dreaming. In fact, I have been dreaming since the Trials ended a while ago. "

"Dreams?"

"Dreams of me reliving every single detail of the Trials, " Obi-Wan's voice was neutral. Almost lifeless. "Dreams of me killing the Sith demon and you. "

Qui-Gon shivered. The matter-of-fact tone chilled him to the bones.

Obi-Wan fell silent. He turned to look out of the window, as if seeking comfort from the night sky.

"I think that there are more. Am I right, Obi-Wan?"

The young man didn't answer. The silence stretched out between the two of them. Then, Obi-Wan spoke. "Yes. I feel as if the purpose behind the Trials was to force me to face my own fears."

"Insightful."

"Wait, I have more to say. I can't even feel our bond now. "

Qui-Gon could feel the despair in Obi-Wan's voice. "Obi-Wan ... "

"Don't shut me out."

There was a hazy memory of Obi-Wan saying similar things to him. It seemed a while ago. It was during the days when he was trying to control the lycanthropy . He had severed the master-apprentice bond then, causing both of them a great deal of pain.

He embraced the youth, feeling the lithe body shudder. They stayed linked together for a few minutes, each attempting to regain back the love and the trust. Obi-Wan listened to the soft beating of the heart next to his heart and he sighed softly.

"We need ... to work on our trust again," Qui-Gon said quietly.

"Master? Qui-Gon?"

"Yes, 'Min ?"

Obi-Wan frowned automatically but he smiled inwardly. Qui-Gon was using 'Min', his rarely-used shortened version of his full name. The older Jedi was trying to reach out to him.

"Has the Council said anything about my Trials?"

Qui-Gon's right hand touched his cheek. "No."

Disappointment filled Obi-Wan like a pool of stagnant water. He looked at his hands, feeling useless. Then, he gazed at Qui-Gon's hands. Faint scars covered one of them, a reminder of his lycanthropy. Sighing, Obi-Wan lifted the older man's hand and kissed it lightly.

Anakin squinted as he examined the crystal chess-figures before him intently, trying to work out a strategy. The Coruscant version of pyramid chess involved four levels of difficulties. It was a perplexing game and sometimes, Qui-Gon used it as a lesson in patience and observation.

"Queen to Level 47. Checkmate." The boy announced proudly.

Qui-Gon chuckled with amusement and admiration. "You won again, Ani."

Nearby, Obi-Wan watched the chess-players with a faint smile on his lips. Earlier on, he had received a summon to appear in front of the Council. He had obeyed, subjecting himself to the gaze of the assembled Jedi Masters . It was there that Yoda informed that he had passed his Trials and was now ready to be Knighted.

He had experienced a burst of joy and relief. Finally!

Yet, the euphoria had faded the minute he stepped back into the shared quarters. It was not because of Anakin or Qui-Gon. He felt that it was himself. He had not told Qui-Gon about his vision of the diseased heart. He had not told the Council. He was not being truthful to himself.

He dreamed again. This time, he saw himself in Qui-Gon's arms as the older man teased him senseless with his kisses. It was one of those intensely erotic dreams again.

Obi-Wan knew that he would soon go insane with these dreams and nightmares. He quickly glanced at Qui-Gon who looked so relaxed, so calm without any trace of his Alter. Obi-Wan drew strength from this comforting sight.

They had to talk soon.

The Bonding Ceremony shouldn't be delayed any longer.