Feedback: Lovin' it, dyin' for it. Direct it to:
livia@mail.datatrans.hu Flames will perish in the seventh Sith
hell.
Archive: M_A. Others please ask.
Category: Humor/Parody
Spoilers: nope
Rating: PG-13 (for one or two bad words)
Summary: Everybody's favourite psychiatrist takes a look at the
TPM gang.
Disclaimer: George, my heart. Do you know how much it costs to
order Obi/Qui plush babes via Internet- from Hungary?! No? Then
let me put it this way, I've already paid you more than I
shouldda have. So please don't sue, kay? You owe everything.
This is just a lil' innocent plot bunny, that hopped into my
room this Sunday- I had to catch it!
Mistakes- mine they are not. /waves hand/ You've seen nothing.
Go ahead.
OBI-WAN: Um...hi.
DR. KATZ: (not looking up from his notes) Yeah, hi.
silence
OBI-WAN: (clears his throat) Ahem...
DR. KATZ: (still buried in his notes) So, what's your problem?
OBI-WAN: Actually, I feel neglected. Nobody ever notices
me. (whining) They always talk to my master! They don't care
for me!
DR. KATZ: (not paying attention at all) Go on, go on...
OBI-WAN: (suspiciously) So, what I try to say is, that nobody
listens to me...
DR. KATZ: (still not paying attention) Yeah, go on...
OBI-WAN: But I've already told you...
silence
even more silence
DR. KATZ: (looks up) Sorry, would you please repeat what you've
just said?
OBI-WAN: Ahhhhhh!! (runs out screaming)
(The assistant shoves Qui-Gon in)
QUI-GON: (kicking and screaming) No! Let me go! I don't want to
go in there! I don't want a doctor!!
DR. KATZ: (gives Qui-Gon a lollipop): Here, take this. No need
to be afraid. The uncle doctor won't bite.
QUI-GON (sits down whimpering): Promise?
DR. KATZ: Promise. Now tell me about your problem.
QUI-GON: I'm tired! I'm tired of being the always perfect Jedi
master! Serene, dignified, serene, dignified... I can't stand
it! (sobbing) I want a character change!
DR. KATZ: Then why don't you simply behave otherwise?
QUI-GON: (stops sobbing abruptly) Are you crazy?! I have a
Padawan to impress! (sucking on the lollipop) Wow, that's cool!
Can I have an another one?
Dr. Katz is silent.
PADME: I have a life crisis.
DR. KATZ: That's why you are here.
PADME: No, you don't understand! I have a life crisis.
DR. KATZ: Whatever.
PADME: A nine year old little twit is hitting on me! Not to
mention that my husband will turn into the ugliest black-robed
hissing machine in the whole galaxy! Not to mention that my kid
will wear a cinnamon roll hairdo! And a nine year old little
twit is hitting on me! Have you ever had a nine year old little
twit hitting on you?
DR. KATZ: No, I don't believe so.
PADME: (looks at him): Well, I'm not surprised.
DARTH MAUL: I have a problem with making relationships.
DR. KATZ: (eyes him): Hard to believe.
DARTH MAUL: No girl wants to go out with me!
DR. KATZ: Well, then try to impress them.
DARTH MAUL: I tried but they were too easy to kill. (flashes a
smile at Katz)
Katz falls off his chair.
DARTH MAUL: Whatever. Wanna see my lightsaber?
PALPATINE: Ah, look, look. A voter. What a pleasant surprise.
(smiles)
DR. KATZ: Sorry, I think you misunderstand something. I'm not a
voter.
PALPATINE (sweetly): Oh, oh, don't be so humble. I know who you
are.
DR. KATZ: I'm not a voter!
PALPATINE: Of course you are! And you will vote for me, won't
you? (gives him an impressing look)
DR. KATZ: FOR GOD'S SAKE, I'M NOT A VOTER!
PALPATINE: (Sidious' voice) We'll see.
Dr. Katz is silent.
YODA: Surrounded by idiots, I am.
DR. KATZ: What do you mean by that?
YODA: Well, know do you, how hard it is to rule a temple full
of useless hormon-overloaded brain-deads, who the whole time
they spend, by screwing each other?
DR. KATZ: I suppose I don't.
YODA: Well then, tell you I will...
DR. KATZ: I think I'll rather pass on this one.
MACE WINDU: I'm frustrated. Nobody wats to screw me.
Dr. Katz is silent.
MACE WINDU: You know, they're all doin' it at the Temple. I
mean all. Even master Yoda!!
DR. KATZ: And you wanna do it as well.
MACE WINDU: Exactly. You know, there's that sexy little fuck
toy Padawan Kenobi...
DR. KATZ: Maybe I'm not the right therapist for you.
Anakin comes in, bursting through the door.
ANAKIN: Hi, sire!
DR. KATZ: Um, hi. So what's your problem?
ANAKIN: (cheerfully) I have no problems! I'm the nicest kid in
the galaxy!
Dr. Katz is silent.
Anakin starts to run around in the room, making pod-racer
sounds.
DR. KATZ: (annoyed) Would you please sit down?
Anakin continues.
DR. KATZ: (even more annoyed): I told you to SIT DOWN!
ANAKIN: (holds out hand, and makes a hissing sound) I find your
lack of kindness disturbing.
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