Rating: Just to be on the safe side I would rate it NC-17 for
the last scene, rest of the story R
Category: First time
Warnings: TPM, and some minor spoilers for the Jedi Apprentice
Books
Disclaimer: Characters portrayed within this story belong to
George Lucas and LucasFilm. No copyright infringement is
intended and no money was made off this story.
Summary: Read it and find out
Author's notes: Feedback good or bad (if it is constructive)
welcome at padawan-sasch@spiritguide.de. Note: Flames are
cheerfully ignored.
I'm no native speaker, this is my first story in the
SW-Universe and my first slash story ever - keep that in mind
before you hit me ;-)
Credits: Many, many thanks to my wonderfull betas {{{HUGS}}}
Amber, Leigh and Jennifer ..... believe me - they probably
saved me from embarassing myself :-)
".... and now get on board !", had been the last words from his
Master. Swallowing his anger, Obi-Wan-Kenobi turned around and
strode up the walkway into the Naboo Spacecraft. He heard the
rustle as his Master kneeled down to talk to Anakin.
Ignoring the hurt that tried to tear his heart apart he walked
on.
Reaching the quarters he shared with his Master he flung
himself down on one of the small cots. Sitting back against the
cold metal wall, he hugged his knees to his chest and closed
his eyes, intending to meditate to clear his mind.
Meditation was one of the most important techniques a Padawan
had to Master before he was to be allowed to become a Jedi
Knight.
Normally Obi-Wan had no trouble achieving a meditative state in
which he was able to let go of everything and just let his
being join with the Force. Not this time, too much had happened
over the course of the last few days.
When had everything started to go wrong ?
He was about to quench the thought. "Wrong" was not the word a
Jedi should use, everything that happened was connected to the
force. But wrong was exactly the way he felt right now - his
Master was about to exchange him for Anakin.
.....thoughts:
When Qui-Gon had asked him to analyze the blood sample he'd
taken from the boy for the midi-chlorian count and the readings
had been off the chart, a slightly uneasy feeling entered his
mind.
Then his Master had returned from Mos Espa bringing the parts
he needed to fix the hyperdrive generator on the spacecraft.
He'd watched Qui-Gon mounting the eopie again. "Start getting
this hyperdrive generator installed. I'm going back...some
unfinished business. I won't be long", he'd said and the uneasy
feeling spread further.
The first look he'd gotten at the boy that he believed was soon
going to replace him at his Masters side was when Anakin burst
into the ship yelling that Qui-Gon was in trouble. Focusing on
the desert landscape that covered Tatooine, he spotted his
Master fighting some thing a few hundred yards away from the
ship.
He'd ordered the pilot to take off and fly low. Somehow Qui-Gon
had managed to get on the still extended walkway. Fear had
spiked through him when he'd arrived and found Qui-Gon lying on
the floor. He'd not registered that Anakin had also run to his
Master's side. Qui-Gon assured them that he was okay, but
Obi-Wan had seen his Master fight before, and he'd never looked
so beaten afterwards. There was no time to ponder his thoughts,
"What are we going to do about it?" the boy had asked.
WE?
And then Qui-Gon had introduced them. He' d even managed a
small grin.
.....Present:
Was he jealous of Anakin? Jealous about the way his Master
looked at the youth?
.....thoughts:
They'd landed on Coruscant, and Obi-Wan had been relieved when
the boy had gone with Jar Jar and Queen Amidala while he had
gone with Qui-Gon to the Jedi Council
Qui-Gon'd related to the council what'd happened on Tatooine
and had also informed them of his conclusion that the being
he'd fought had been a Sith.
Since the Sith had been extinct for over a millennia, the
council did not believe that they'd returned. However they had
agreed that Queen Amidala was in grave danger and had to be
protected. He'd then turned to go, but his Master had continued
to face the Council telling them about the boy. It had been
decided that the boy was going to be tested.
Later on he'd faced his Master while they stood on a balcony
overlooking Coruscant telling him that the boy would not pass
the Council's tests because of his age. Qui-Gon had promised
that Anakin would become a Jedi, no matter what. Even though
he'd tried to convince Qui-Gon to follow the code just for
once, his Master had ended the conversation with the words "You
still have much to learn, my young apprentice".
.....Present:
The Padawan opened his eyes and looked around the cabin, he
felt cold, his body was numb. The next memory was the one that
Obi-Wan dreaded the most, but he knew that he had to go through
it again to try to understand why his Master had pushed him
away.
Again they'd faced the council. This time the boy had been with
them. The council members had tested Anakin and they'd agreed
that there was something special with the boy. But when Qui-Gon
asked if Anakin was to be trained they refused.
At first his Master had seemed shocked and Obi-Wan had felt, as
hard as it was to admit, relieved. Then the nightmare had
begun. Qui-Gon requested to take Anakin as his Padawan learner,
and he'd felt as if someone had pulled the ground out from
under his feet.
The Council had told his Master that it was impossible to take
on a second apprentice. Instead of accepting their verdict
Qui-Gon had told them that his Padawan was ready to take the
trials. Even though he'd felt like something inside him was
dying, he'd stepped forward and confirmed his Master's words.
The Council would have none of it and had, dismissed them with
the order to return with the Queen to Naboo. Anakin was allowed
to stay with Master Jinn, but not as a trainee.
He'd left the Council room ahead of his Master too hurt to face
him at the moment.
There was something about the boy that alarmed him. Something
dark, just out of reach of his conscious thoughts. Walking
towards the Nubian Ship on the Senate's landing platform this
night he had tried again, tried to convince his Master that
Anakin was dangerous - this time Qui-Gon had almost angrily
sent him on board.
.....Present:
Swallowing against the lump that had suddenly formed in his
throat, Obi-Wan opened his eyes. He was still alone in the
cabin. The vibrations in the wall he leaned against and the
slight hum he heard signalled to him that the ship was about to
take off.
It would be a few hours before they'd reach Naboo. He felt a
bone deep weariness spread through his body. Normally he would
be at his Master's side, but that place was not his any longer,
despite what the council said.
For the first time since Qui-Gon Jinn had taken him as his
apprentice just a few weeks before his 13th birthday he felt
hopeless.
Yes, he wanted to become a Jedi Knight more than any-thing
else, but not at such cost.
His Master had always informed him of important decisions
before he told anyone else. Why did Qui-Gon not tell him
beforehand that he thought his apprentice was ready to take the
trials, and that he intended to take Anakin as his new Padawan?
"Anakin will become a Jedi...I promise you", a part of the
conversation with his Master on the balcony drifted back into
his conscious thoughts. Had that been a warning? Should he have
known then what his Master was about to do?
Had the years they had spend together as Master and Padawan
really meant so little to Qui-Gon that he pushed him away
without second thoughts?
While trying to come up with a reason to explain what had
happened, self-doubts began creeping into his mind.
When he'd first met Qui-Gon Jinn at the Temple, the Jedi Master
had refused to take him as a Padawan learner, and Obi-Wan was
well on his way to join Agri-Corps on Bandomeer. On his way
there he'd blamed himself for being not good enough to be a
Jedi. Fate however had other ideas and he'd ended up as
Qui-Gon's Padawan despite being rejected earlier. They made a
good team and a deep friendship soon developed between them,
but Obi-Wan never really shed his fear of being abandoned by
his Master - and now it had happened.
As he continued to ponder, sleep claimed Obi-Wan, but it was
not restful.
Images flared through his mind, too fast to fully grasp, but
they all contained him standing alone somewhere And watching
his Master teaching Anakin. Voices were taunting him, "You are
nothing, not worthy to be a Jedi..." and there was something
else, something dark and evil hidden in the whirling shadows
that surrounded him, slowly growing bigger and stretching its
deadly tendrils towards him.
Gasping he awoke not even half an hour after he'd drifted off.
Cold sweat beaded on his forehead, and he had a feeling that he
was being watched.
Slowly turning towards the door, he saw his Master standing
there, a concerned look on his face.
Qui-Gon had tried to reach Obi-Wan through the mental bond they
shared just after he'd talked to Anakin outside the Nubian
spacecraft, but the younger man had erected strong mental
shields intended to keep everyone out. The Jedi knew full well
that he had hurt his pupil deeply, but he also knew that if
Anakin was not to be trained as a Jedi he would be very
dangerous.
Maybe he should have warned Obi-Wan that he thought the young
man was ready to take the trials that would make him one of the
finest Jedi Knights ever, but everything had happened so
quickly, maybe too quickly.
Knowing that Obi-Wan needed a little time to himself, he kept
out of their shared quarter.
He'd just left Padme's quarters where he'd left the boy when he
had felt a wave of great anguish along the bond that linked him
to his padawan. The mental shields had crashed, and the
disturbing images of Obi-Wan's dreams flooded into his mind.
Hurrying along the corridor, he reached the cabin and opened
the door, Obi-Wan was writhing on the small cot, caught in his
nightmarish visions.
Then suddenly as if the young man was aware of his presence,
the struggles ceased and he awoke with a gasp.
Quickly composing himself and pasting a blank expression over
his face the young man sat up, "Master".
Qui-Gon sighed as he saw the flash of pain pass over his
apprentice's face before he was able to school his features
into a blank expression. He pressed a button on the wall and
with a soft noise the door slid shut. Then he walked over,
"Obi-Wan, I think we need to talk".
Obi-Wan did not answer.
"I'm truly sorry that you had to go through all that happened
during this last day", the Jedi Master addressed his Padawan.
Still the young man did not answer, his eyes firmly fixed on
the floor.
Stepping closer the Jedi Master reached out and gently cupped
Obi-Wan's chin with one hand, forcing him to look up, "Please,
listen to what I have to say, Obi-Wan. You can despise me all
you want later, but please listen to me.."
What had his Master said? Despise him?, "I could never
despise you, Master", he said out loud before Qui-Gon was able
to finish his request.
Qui-Gon let go of his apprentice, knowing now that he had the
young man's attention. "Don't be so sure, my young apprentice.
What I did to you in front of the council is inexcusable. I
should have spoken to you first".
Making sure that he still looked into the younger man's eyes,
he continued. "I want you to know, that everything I said is
true. You are ready to take the trials, there isn't really much
more I can teach you, Obi Wan. You must know that I never
intended to hurt you. I don't want to let you go, but every
teacher has to give his pupil a chance to fly on his own
someday and I'm afraid that time has come faster then both of
us realized. I should have talked to you about this before we
started on our mission."
"I understand, Master. I'm sorry about my earlier behavior.
I..", he trailed off.
"No need to be sorry, Padawan. You were acting according to
your feelings.Even though we are Jedi, we are not machines.
Know this Obi-Wan, you mean more to me than a son. After
Xanatos I was devastated. I thought about giving up. Then there
was the mission to Bandomeer and you know about the rest."
For the first time in years, Obi-Wan allowed himself to really
look at his Master, not as a teacher but as the man he was.
What he saw took his breath away.
He'd felt a deep love for his Master since the day he had taken
him in, but it has always been a kind of love someone had for a
father or a good friend. When he'd turned 18 he'd discovered
that there was more to it - he discovered that he really loved
his Master. He'd spent nights fantasizing about the Jedi.came
rushing back to him.
When his Master stopped speaking, Obi-Wan realized that he was
staring at his Master's body, unable to suppress the desire he
felt spreading through him. Afraid of the reaction he would
receive from the other man he tried to force his feelings back.
Closing his eyes, he tried frantically to erect mental shields
to hide his thoughts from his mentor.
Afraid that Qui-Gon would find out and send him away, he had
buried the feelings deep inside, but they'd never really
vanished. Now, that Qui-Gon stood before him he allowed the
feelings to resurface.
While he talked to his Padawan, Qui-Gon noticed just how much
the young man had changed over the years. He had grown from a
lanky teenage boy to a beautiful adult, his body no longer that
of the child he once was.
Obi-Wan was not tall, but he was not too small either, with a
well-muscled frame. His eyes were the color of an emerald
forest.
The Jedi Master had always tried to ignore the beautiful man
his padawan had grown into, trying to focus solely on their
friendship and teacher/pupil-relationship. He had to admit that
since he had just told Obi-Wan that he could no longer be a
teacher to him, the feelings he had always suppressed
It was to no avail. Qui-Gon had easily picked up on the younger
man's desire, not through his thoughts but through the look in
his eyes. It did not shock him to find his own feelings
matching those of his apprentice.
However he felt Obi-Wan try to reign his emotions in, and for a
second time he reached out. While he gently forced the young
man's face up, he opened their mental link and sent a single
command, "Don't".
Obi-Wan opened his eyes and was instantly mesmerized when he
saw his own desire mirrored in the intense blue eyes of his
Master.
Blinking his eyes in an attempt to clear what he was sure was a
vision from his mind, he was not prepared when he suddenly felt
soft lips touching his own. His surprise only lasted a second
before he responded to the kiss.
Each of the men savored the feeling of the other's lips on
their own and soon the intensity changed from a soft kiss to
inviting each other's tongue to join in a dance.
Panting, they had to withdraw after a while, facing each other.
Qui-Gon was the first one able to get himself enough under
control to be able to form a question that would determine the
outcome of their lives. "Are you really sure about this,
Obi-Wan?", his voice husky with passion.
Unable to form a sentence, Obi-Wan opened the mind-link. A tear
spilled over his eyelash and rolled down his cheek, "Yes,
Master. This is all I have ever dreamed of. I love you with
every- thing that I am. Please, don't deny me this".
"Oh my Obi-Wan, I would never deny you something like this. I
love you, too", with that he hugged the younger man to his
chest.
Obi-Wan relaxed and returned the embrance, still not quite
believing what was happening. The older Jedi's hands started
moving along his shoulders, back and forth, soothing and
relaxing, trying to calm the ragged breathing.
They kissed again, this time with an urgency entered their
movements which had not been there before.
Soon, clothes were shed.
Nipples hardened when hands, driven by lust, stroked over them.
Hearing his apprentice moan in delight at the action, Qui-Gon
swept his hands across the touch sensitive tips of the nipples
again.
They followed their passion, nibbling earlobes and licking
across throats.
The last clothing barrier disappeared, allowing hard cocks to
spring free of their confinements.
Not longer able to stand, Qui-Gon pushed Obi-Wan down on the
small cot before sinking down himself.
Obi-Wan seized each of his Master's nipples between his teeth,
giving them a light bite.
Escaping his apprentice's torturing hot mouth, Qui-Gon turned
his head downward to lightly lick the younger man's belly,
enjoying the rippling muscles he felt as result.
Head thrown back in a silent cry of passion, Obi-Wan did not
resist when hands descended further to nuzzle his stiff cock.
Not even realizing what he was doing, he began to mirror his
Master's movements.
Within moments, they were not able to hold back any longer and
both came with a silent cry of the other's name on their lips.
Sinking back down on the small cot they'd used for their
lovemaking they tried to grasp what'd just happened.
Shivers wracked Obi-Wan's body. He was not sure if it was from
the relative cold air that circled through the spacecraft, or
the strong emotions he still felt rushing through their mental
bond. Qui-Gon pulled him close, pressing a kiss to Obi-Wan's
forehead as he whispered words of comfort into the younger
man's ear.
Slowly the shivers dissipated, letting the Padawan relax once
more into the warmth of the body besides him. The two stayed
like that for awhile, feeling content just to lie there.
Untangling himself from the now boneless heap that was a
sleeping Obi-Wan proved to be quite a task, but Qui-Gon
mastered it without waking the younger man up.
He tenderly stroked the sleeping Padawan's cheek before
grabbing his clothes and dressed.
After cleaning up the result of their lovemaking, he stood
before the cot, watching the man that for now still was his
Padawan, but also so much more.
Examining his feelings, he was glad that he found nothing more
than acceptance for this new form of their relationship.
Aware that they'd soon had to meet the Queen to discuss their
further actions, he carefully woke up Obi-Wan.
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