Warnings: Behold the voice of The Force! And learn from it.
Spoilers: For TPM (but who hasn't seen that one by now!)
Summary: The Force had it with the Jedi
Disclaimer: All SW belongs to the Flanneled One, no money ever
will come out of this lunacy
Notes: I was in a pissed mood when this bunny bit and wouldn't
let go of me. I simply needed to ... dissipate something. I'm
feeling very much better now! Thanks to MrsHamill for a quick
beta and critique.
Feedback: Always welcome, but no whining, please (you don't
want to anger you-know-what) at quigon_jinn21@hotmail.com
I am the Force! I am all powerful, or that's what they tell
the little initiates at the Jedi Temple. Jedi? Those are the
guys who "use me" - well, to be honest, I let them believe that
they can manipulate me. In the end, though,
I have the final say.
Or so I thought for the longest time. Until that little green
man started to preach to them the mantra of "fear leads to
anger, leads to hate, leads to suffering..." yadda, yadda,
yadda. It went downhill from there, the Jedi, in not too
insubstantial numbers I might add, began to "dissipate" all
their negative emotions ... whereto? Right, into me! As
if I'm just a convenient storage medium for all the everyday
crap these people go through.
Got a crappy day with your light saber instructor? Dissipate
your frustrations - into the Force!
Master Windu rakes on you regarding the Code? Dissipate your
anger - into the Force!
Your Master got killed by a Sith? Dissipate your hate - into
the Force!
All this dissipating this and that into the Force - ME!
What the heck! Sure, I compartmentalize. All those dissipated
feeling I keep nicely stored away in what they call the Dark
Side of me. And then those two guys in black, spiffy outfits
can tap into that nicely-maintained reservoir of negative
emotions. But please - enough is enough! I've had it up
to filling level with all that angst, uncertainties, and
jitters that particularly those two Jedi just love to dump into
me. There simply is no end to this. And I've really had it.
What are their names again? Ah yes, Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan
Kenobi.
Do they have problems to get around to. Especially that young
pup, Obi-Wan. Man, tell your Master already that you wanna fuck
him! Get it over with and spare me all your anxiety. "Will he
reject me? He hardly took me as his Padawan on Bandomeer, am I
worthy of his love? Will I ever be able to live up to his
expectations?"
Helloooooo kid, stop whining and start doing... the
nasty that is; we don't have until the next millennium
here! If you'll never talk to him about your horniness and just
go doing your "dissipating-this-into-the-Force-thing," no,
you'll never have him in your bed with you.
And his Master? NOT a whole lot better. Having qualms about
taking his Padawan before the trials. Oh, the inappropriateness
of such a thing. As he likes to point out, "it's against the
Code." My friend, you screwed that precious Code of yours so
many times already, what does it matter this time around?
Oh yes, and then we have his angst of being too old , and his
perpetual pet pain of having been burned by that former
apprentice of his. Please, gimme a break here! At least
that Xanatos fellow had the good grace to use up some of all
that dark energy that the Jedi have dissipated into me. What a
relief! Same with that Maul character - splendid user of my
Dark Side, even if he was cut down much too early, right in his
prime. He would have gotten rid of lots of that Dark stuff I'm
harboring, but noooo, that pup comes along and "mauls" him
down.
And now he frets about his precious Master ... oh, is he one
with me? Why didn't he disappear like a good Jedi does? Tell
you what - Qui-Gon, ehm, he did so much against regulation, why
should this particular instance bother your so much? And again,
all I hear from this wanna-be Jedi is how his Master never said
a personal word of goodbye to him, only thinking about that
"stinking brat." Whine, whine, whine - and releasing all that
crap into me again.
But now I'll get my revenge, at last. Not for nothing have I
led Qui-Gon to Tatooine and that boy, not for nothing have I
clouded the Council's collective minds and instincts to allow
the pup to train Anakin. Not for nothing have I stricken that
Yoda fellow with his ridiculous speech pattern so he won't be
taken too seriously. Ha!
At last I will have the perfect tool for dooming the Jedi and
all their damn pollution of the Force with negativity. Anakin
will be their doom, and the pup will be my obedient, pliant
helper in that task.
At last I will get rid of the Jedi, at last I will find peace
from their constant anger dumping; at last I will let Palpy and
Anakin get rid of my Dark Side!
I thank the Gods - and particularly my pet pupil ... Qui-Gon
Jinn.
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