Archive: M_A. Anyone else, just ask.
Rated: PG
Categories: PWP, humour
Summary: Dialogue. Chocolate. Mention of whelks. Basically just
a short, light, fluffy ficlet.
Disclaimer: George Lucas owns them, I'm just briefly borrowing
them.
Notes: Many, many thanks to RavenD for beta-ing for me.
Feedback: Always appreciated
I'm glad that's over, Master. I didn't think the amity banquet
was ever going to end.
[Laughter] You concealed your impatience very well. I'm sure
the Ulbian tetrarch is convinced of your interest in breeding
prize whelks.
[Groan] Please don't mention whelks to me. If I ever have to
hear about whelks again, I'll turn to the dark side.
It could have been worse, Padawan. You could have been sitting
beside the Scaldi duchess.
You seemed quite fascinated by her conversation, Master.
Hats, Obi-Wan. She spent the whole evening talking about
fashions in hats. I don't usually have premonitions, but I'm
very much afraid that she'll present me with a hat at the
ceremony tomorrow.
[Laughter] I'm sure you'll looking stunning in it. And I
promise not to laugh.
Thank you. I sincerely hope the tetrarch presents you with a
whelk. Now, give me your assessment of the situation.
The delegates all seemed to enjoy the banquet and I sensed no
evidence of discord. Both sides achieved the concessions they
most desired - the Ulbians will keep their sea-holdings and the
Scaldi their orbital platforms. I believe the treaty-signing
will go smoothly tomorrow. I hope I didn't miss anything
important, Master.
No. I agree with your assessment, Padawan. An embarrassing hat
is the only problem I foresee tomorrow.
It's nice to have an uneventful mission for a change. It gives
us more time together.
Very true. Perhaps I'm unadventurous, but there are times when
I'd prefer not to be interrupted by gunfire or the building
being blown up.
[Indistinct noises - ?kissing. Sounds of boots and robes being
removed.]
What's in the bag, Obi-Wan?
[mumble]
Obi-Wan ...
Chocolate pastries, Master. I brought them from the banquet.
I don't think doggie bags are appropriate to the dignity of a
Jedi.
That would sound a lot more convincing if there wasn't a bottle
concealed in your robe, Master. If you can bring back booze,
surely I can bring back chocolate pastries.
This is not 'booze', Padawan. It's Varesian brandy.
It all tastes the same to me. I'd much rather have a chocolate
pastry.
[Sounds of clothing being removed. Movement. Liquid pouring.
Sounds of bodies settling onto mattress.]
You aren't going to eat those now, are you?
They're much nicer when they're fresh. If I leave them until
tomorrow they'll be stale. And you're drinking the brandy now.
[munching noises]
You're dropping bits of chocolate all over me, Obi-Wan. Maybe
you should use a plate.
Not a good idea. If I used a plate, I'd have to wash dishes
later. It's much more convenient to lick the crumbs off you.
[licking sounds]
Are you proposing to eat all your meals off my chest in future?
Hmm, soup would be a problem. But I could try it. They say
you've never lived until you've drunk Varesian brandy from a
Jedi master's navel.
[growl] They say no such thing. And you certainly wouldn't live
very long if you tried it.
[pause]
Obi-Wan ...
[pause]
That "oh-poor-padawan" look is not going to work.
[pause]
Stop it. It's is worse than a mind trick.
[pause]
All right. But don't spill the brandy.
[Laughter, lapping sounds]
You know, Master, there may be something to this Varesian
brandy after all.
Padawan, you appear to have chocolate all over your fingers.
Give me your hands.
[more licking sounds, accompanied by appreciative noises]
Thank you, Master. Oh, I missed a bit.
[Movement, then energetic licking sounds]
[gasp] Obi-Wan, how did you manage to get chocolate *there*?
I didn't. [laughter] I just like licking it.
A shame it's not chocolate coated for your convenience.
Actually no, Master. Chocolate is only my second favourite
flavour.
[Assorted gasps, moans and laughter follow. Intelligible
conversation breaks off.]
[Later]
[Rustling of bedclothes. Snuggling sounds]
I love you, Qui-Gon.
I love you too, Obi-Wan.
[pause]
What will you do if the duchess does present you with an
embarrassing hat?
I'll accept it graciously. We are acting as diplomats, after
all, so we must be diplomatic.
[pause]
You're looking forward to it, aren't you Obi-Wan?
Well yes, Master. I want to see if you can manage to look like
a dignified Jedi with a silly hat on. [laughter] Purely for
educational purposes.
Perhaps I should suggest to the duchess that the hat would look
better on my young apprentice. I'm sure she would agree. She
did comment on how very attractive you are.
You wouldn't, Master!
[pause]
For a Jedi Master devoted to the Light, you're remarkably evil.
[laughter] A devoted padawan should be happy to spare his
master embarrassment.
[grumble] Not without a reward.
I could find out if the kitchens made any more chocolate
pastries ..
Hmm, not a bad offer. There's one more condition though.
What is it?
If the tetrarch offers us a tour of a whelk farm, you find a
reason to refuse.
[laughter] I think we can agree on that.
[More snuggling sounds]
I wonder if I missed any of the chocolate I dropped on you.
I don't think so. You were very ... thorough. Although I think
some of the chocolate crumbs fell on you as well. Perhaps I
should lick them off?
Excellent plan, Master.
[Movement. Licking sounds]
You taste wonderful, Obi-Wan.
Better than Varesian brandy?
Much better.
[Licking and sucking sounds, accompanied by incoherent, but
happy noises. No further intelligible conversation.]
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