by Vermillion Flame (Vermillion_Flame@hotmail.com)
Archive: Yes to m_a, anyone else please ask
Category: first-time, angst
Rating: NC 17
Warnings: none
Pairing: Q/O
Summary: When Obi-Wan demands that Qui-Gon be honest with him,
he gets unexpected results. (Strong!Obi makes an appearance)
Feedback: Any and all, desperately craved, on or off list
Disclaimer: While I wouldn't mind making a profit off the boyz,
I reluctantly admit they belong to Mr. Lucas.
Notes: A bouquet of Jedi to michelle for her perceptive beta
comments. This is my first fanfic of any kind, so feedback
would be most appreciated.
It was as though he were flying, effortlessly moving through
the air around him. His body was unhindered by gravity, the
pull of the planet's mass giving him only the resistence
necessary for his movements.
At five minutes into his kata, Obi-Wan knew that he was being
drawn into a mental and spiritual place he'd never been before.
Now, thirty minutes into the form, he was euphoric. He had fed
his reaction to the adrenaline and endorphins produced by his
youthful body into the Force, generating a simultaneous sense
of power and harmony previously unknown to him. His mind and
body functioned without conscious thought, serving only as a
conduit for the energy thrumming through him. Maybe he was
flying.
Obi-Wan wanted this to continue forever - this ecstasy of
knowing with certainty his place within the Force, for this one
perfect moment. But he knew that even in this, excess was not
the way of the Jedi. Balance must be maintained. He felt the
approach of the kata's conclusion, and reluctantly began to
withdraw his mind from the joy he was experiencing. He made one
last, flawless spin to the right, landing lightly on his feet
as he came to a stop. Slowly he reestablished his tether to the
world around him.
For a brief moment, the young man felt disoriented. He took
several slow deep breaths. Where was he? Ah yes, the Upper
Level training ring at the Temple. Eventually he became aware
of others in the room.
It was not just Qui-Gon, leaning against the wall near the
corner. Master Larus and his padawan must have entered the ring
after he had begun the form and lost awareness of his
surroundings. Now Obi-Wan noticed the pair approaching from
across the room.
The Master beamed as their steps brought them closer. "I hope
you don't mind our intrusion on your practice session, Obi-Wan,
but Janel has just begun studying this form. I wanted her to
see it performed by a padawan with some experience at this
level, but I did not expect to see such a superb rendition of
the movements." Larus bowed to Obi-Wan, a bit more formal now.
"It was a privilege to observe such a union of mind, body and
spirit."
Janel murmured, "Thank you, Obi-Wan Kenobi" as she mimicked her
master's bow. "I hope one day to reach your level of skill."
She looked decidedly in awe of the older apprentice.
Obi-Wan, his chest still heaving as he tried to bring himself
back to the reality of his surroundings, was at a loss for
words in the face of such unexpected praise. Finally he managed
to say simply, "I am honored by your words."
"Perhaps you could assist my apprentice in developing an
approach to the form?"
"Of course," Obi-Wan quickly replied with a quick grin towards
Janel. "I'd be glad to help whenever my duties allow."
The Master then leaned forward and almost whispered into his
ear. "You are going to do well in your Trials." With a final
smile the pair turned, gave a polite bow toward Qui-Gon, and
exited the room.
Qui-Gon had silently watched the exchange between the small
group, not showing any response to the praise Larus bestowed on
his apprentice. Obi-Wan strode to the side of the room and used
a towel to mop the sweat from his eyes. Without a word spoken,
master and apprentice picked up their things and started out
the door and down the hallway toward their rooms.
Obi-Wan's step was light. He smiled slightly to himself, still
glowing from his experience with the kata, multiplied by the
kind words of Larus and his padawan. He was also more than a
bit curious about the comment regarding his Trials. Although he
knew he was of the age when most padawans began the final
preparations for the culmination of their training, his master
had not spoken about the tests. In fact, Qui-Gon had said very
little to him of late.
Obi-Wan watched the broad back preceding him down the corridor.
'I only wish I could hear a few words of encouragement from my
own Master,' was his rueful thought. In the last year, Qui-Gon
had become increasingly harsh in his judgement of Obi-Wan's
skills. He seemed to have only terse comments on his padawan's
deficiencies. Although Qui-Gon had never been effusive in his
praise, he had until recently always been ready with a warm
"Well done!" when Obi-Wan demonstrated his considerable
abilities.
When the criticisms began, Obi-Wan had driven himself harder,
ever striving to please his teacher. He analyzed his work,
trying to find his weaknesses and alleviate them before Qui-Gon
could point them out. He spent many extra hours in the practice
ring and at his studies, hoping to regain his master's praise.
Months went by, but all his efforts were to no avail. In fact,
the negative comments became more frequent, while other
conversation dwindled to almost nothing. Even the strength of
their training bond had suffered. The apprentice sorely missed
the small compliments and gestures which had helped him grow
from an insecure boy to a confident young man.
After many hours of meditation, Obi-Wan slowly and painfully
began to realize that the deficiency did not lie in his
performance, but in his master's perception of him. He did not
know what he had done to cause his teacher to develop such
negative feelings towards him, but he could not change it. He
could only focus on his own work, developing self-sufficiency
and striving to become the Knight that he knew he could be. He
had finally accepted his fate, but deep in his heart it still
hurt not to have his own master's approval.
Now as they made the final turn into the corridor where they
would find their rooms, Qui-Gon at last broke the silence. "Do
not let Larus's words go to your head, Obi-Wan. You became lost
in that form, totally unaware of your surroundings. You were so
lost in your movements that if an attacker had approached, you
would have been totally vulnerable."
The teacher's words cut to the quick. Without thinking, Obi-Wan
snapped back a retort. "I was not sparring, Master. I was
performing the 8th level form. I thought that the katas were
the time to seek harmony with the Force. It's not as though
some phantom menace was going to enter the training ring of the
Temple and attack me!"
The two men entered their quarters, placing their sabers and
robes to the side. "Nevertheless, Padawan, you must maintain
awareness at all times. You were oblivious to your environment.
A dangerous state for any Jedi to seek," Qui-Gon chided.
Suddenly, Obi-Wan would take no more. He swung around to face
his master across the width of the common room. His words came
rushing out, tinged with bitterness. "Why must you do this? Why
can't you allow me the simple pleasure of a job well done? Why
must you always find something to criticize?"
"It is not my position to offer you compliments, Obi-Wan. It is
my responsibility to find your weaknesses and turn them into
strengths. And ... I do not care for your tone of voice."
Qui-Gon's own voice was neutral, his expression perfectly
composed.
On the other side of the room, the emotions began pouring from
Obi-Wan. Now that he had opened the gate of his frustrations,
the words crashed out. "Do you know what I am beginning to
think? That I must explain my talents to the very person who
should know them best - you, my teacher. Let me tell you,
Qui-Gon Jinn, in case you have not noticed. I am a grown man,
intelligent, strong and able. I am skilled with weaponry and
other physical expressions of my strength and coordination. I
am quite capable in a wide range of Jedi duties, from piloting
a space craft to mediating trade negotiations. I may not be as
attuned to the Living Force as some, but I at least know my
place within it. Master Larus is not the first to compliment me
on my skills. If other masters can see my worth, why can't you,
Qui-Gon?" He spit out the final words as a defiant challenge.
The particular master in question stood looking at his padawan,
face still molded into the mask of composure. But Obi-Wan could
see the small signs of a struggle. The older man's fingers
repeatedly clenching and unclenching into a fist. The eyes
starting to narrow. Breath becoming a bit more rapid and harsh
as seconds ticked by. Obi-Wan locked his eyes with the other
man's, demanding an answer, watching the internal struggle of
the Jedi Master and the man who was Qui-Gon Jinn.
The Master lost.
"All right!" The words came out so explosively that Obi-Wan
jumped. "Do you want to know what I see? Do you want to know
what I live through every day?" All composure was gone now. The
young man was startled to witness the change overtake his
master. He spoke with a vehemence he'd never before heard.
"I will tell you. Every day I see you excel in your lessons, in
your training. Every day I see you extend yourself, getting
just a little bit better. Every day I see before me the
dazzling skill of the Knight you will soon be. And every day
brings you one step closer to leaving me!"
Qui-Gon's eyes went wide with shock as his words caught up to
him. Obi-Wan saw the look of anguish as his master wheeled
around, hiding his face and his feelings, staring up now at the
line where the ceiling joined the wall in front of him.
Obi-Wan's felt as though his mind had just been sent careening
through hyperspace. He rubbed his hand through his hair, over
his forehead. What was this? His master thought his skills
were... "dazzling?" He was worried about them being separated?
This just didn't make sense. He stared at Qui-Gon's back,
mentally racing to put some logic into the words. Why was this
so difficult to understand?
"Qui-Gon, turn around. I need to see your face. Don't hide from
me." Softer now, "Please?"
Slowly, reluctantly, he turned. Obi-Wan was disheartened to see
the mask of composure again fixed to his Master's face. The
frustration returned with a vengeance.
"Master, tell me what is happening! Can't you be honest with me
?"
"I have never lied to you, Padawan."
"The absence of lies is not the truth. My Master taught me
that." Obi-Wan allowed himself a touch of irony in his tone.
Qui-Gon closed his eyes and took a sharp breath. "What is it
that you want to know?" he huffed.
Confronted with the question, Obi-Wan didn't know where to
start. Finally he settled on, "What makes you think I would
leave you?"
Qui-Gon rolled his eyes slightly as he voiced his exasperation.
"Honesty, Obi-Wan? Here it is. You are well on your way to
becoming one of the strongest, most powerful Knights the Jedi
have produced in decades. You are going to be one of the
Order's greatest assets. As for me, I am not a vain man, but I
must admit that my talents are not to be dismissed. Do you
really think that the Jedi will pair two of their best Knights?
Of course not. We will be split. Both of us will be encouraged,
if not forced, to take on padawans immediately."
Qui-Gon continued forcefully, "For once, I'm telling you to
look to the future, Obi-Wan. Do you see how clouded it is? The
Jedi must maximize their effectiveness quickly, and prepare to
meet the troubled future as it comes rushing towards us." He
ended sadly, "You will leave me, Padawan, whether you want to
or not."
Quietly, "Is that what you want? To be separated?"
"Obi-Wan, how could you ever think.....? You are my partner, my
comrade, my friend, my...." The words became choked with
emotion and he whirled away to walk out of the room.
"Stop right there!" Obi-Wan through as much of the Force into
the command as he dared, and Qui-Gon complied.
The tension in the room weighed on them like a physical
presence. The padawn stared at the master, trying to envision a
life apart from him. How could he have been so unaware? His
complaints about Qui-Gon's criticisms now seemed petty when
balanced against all they had shared, the years of mutual
support, struggle, danger, accomplishment, joy and love.
Suddenly Obi-Wan felt an overwhelming need, and he gave into
it.
Four long strides were all it took to bring him into his
master's arms - arms that reached out to grasp him tightly into
an embrace. It had been so long since he had been held this
way. It felt like coming home.
"I don't want to leave you, Master. I can't imagine a future
without you beside me." Obi-Wan spoke into Qui-Gon's chest. His
throat constricted with the effort of speaking. He tipped his
head back to look at the older man's face. He saw his own
emotions mirrored in those blue eyes.
"Nor can I, Padawan."
They clung to one another, eyes locked. Silence hung between
them for a long moment, and then Qui-Gon bent down and very
lightly, brushed his lips against Obi-Wan's. It was tentative,
a question more than a kiss.
The world dropped away from the younger man, his entire being
focusing as only a Jedi can, on just this moment and the face
before him. He did not think, he simply followed where his soul
led. His right hand trembled as it reached up to cradle the
back of Qui-Gon's head, and pulled it down. This time their
lips met harshly, demandingly. The desire each gave and felt
was that of a warrior, desperate for something yet to be
defined.
As they kissed their embrace tightened, each of them craving
full body contact. Obi-Wan briefly thought that he should have
been surprised by his arousal, but was not. This felt so right.
Qui-Gon finally broke the series of searching kisses, looking
down at the man in his arms with an arched eyebrow, asking the
unspoken question. It made Obi-Wan quiver. "Yes, Master. Oh,
yes."
Obi-Wan realized he was no longer standing, and felt the slight
disorientation of being carried. He took advantage of the close
proximity to Qui-Gon's neck to kiss, taste and suck the soft
skin he could reach. He was rewarded with a moan, and
quickening of steps as he was taken to the master's bedroom.
Once again his feet touched the floor, but this time he was
next to the large and inviting bed.
Qui-Gon's hands slid up his arms, rubbing over his shoulders,
caressing his neck and finally cupping the sides of his face.
He rubbed his thumbs across the younger man's cheeks, so
softly. He pulled him forward then for another fierce kiss,
tongues exploring as fingers moved to do the same. Obi-Wan felt
large hands cup his ass, pulling his pelvis against grinding
hips. The desire fired explosively as their erections met.
They broke apart abruptly, pulling at their own clothes, at
each other's, anything to remove the barrier between them.
'Damn these boots for all time!' flashed briefly through
Obi-Wan's mind, but at last they were off and so were his
leggings. He was grabbed, lifted and thrown to the bed in a
rush that ended with the ecstasy of his master's skin against
his own, full body contact once more.
Qui-Gon propped himself on his elbows over the younger man,
gazing at him with intense desire. "What?" demanded Obi Wan.
The blue eyes sparkled with lust. "I have longed for this
moment for so long, Padawan. So many nights fantasizing about
touching your beautiful, strong body in this way, making you
moan."
"What are you waiting for then?" Obi-Wan pulled Qui-Gon down,
commanding him to continue what he had begun.
The lips, the teeth, the fingers were everywhere. Obi-Wan did
moan as every inch of his body was explored. He discovered
there were parts of his anatomy that he never knew were
erogenous. He cried out, lifting his hips off the bed as
Qui-Gon sucked his toes. The sensation of a tongue licking the
back of his knee was impossibly erotic, and then surpassed when
the soft flesh there was suckled by strong lips. His nipples
ached as they were treated to the sweet harshness of Qui-Gon's
calloused fingers.
"Enough, Qui-Gon......please!" The words were barely
understandable as the young man's body writhed in response to
the torturous pleasure.
"Yes, my Padawan." There was a pause, and then Obi Wan's vision
turned to a field of red as his cock was engulfed in the
lovely, hot mouth. Bliss. Tender, aching bliss. The tongue
circled and licked. Teeth rasped lightly against skin that was
soft as silk and hard as steel. When Qui-Gon began to suck,
moving in rhythm up and down his length, Obi-Wan felt as though
his toes, his mind, his very soul were being pulled into that
amazing mouth.
His moans grew more frantic, his heart pounded. He tried to
move his hips with the rhythm of the suction, but Qui-Gon's
large hands pinned him to the bed. It only added to his
excitement. His lips began to tingle as he felt the long
smoldering finally burst into flame, quickly flaring into a
firestorm. The wave of orgasm began in his groin, roaring
swiftly through his system as his seed exploded into Qui-Gon's
mouth, and "Master !" exploded from his lips. Qui-Gon released
the grip on his hips, allowing his padawan to rock with the
strength of the muscles spasming in pleasure.
For the second time in the space of a few short hours, Obi-Wan
found himself struggling to regain his grasp on the world
around him. He lay on the bed, his breath slowly beginning to
even out, his heart resuming its normal beat, the capacity for
logical thought returning. He propped himself up on his elbows
and gazed down the length of his body at the Master's
lust-filled eyes. There was only one thing he could say.
[ More. ]
Qui-Gon's eyes widened as he realized he'd heard the word with
his mind and not his ears. His need was too great, though, to
analyze this new development. He only wanted to obey that
order.
[ Yes. More. ]
Obi-Wan received a quick but passionate kiss as Qui-Gon rose
from the bed and strode out of the room into the smaller
adjoining one. He heard sounds of his master rummaging through
the cabinet, and closed his eyes, waiting. He turned the
moments just past over in his mind, savoring them, and
fantasized about what was yet to come. His cock began to twitch
again at the thoughts running through his head. He opened his
eyes to view the extraordinary sight of his master's lean,
strong body heading towards him from across the room. Obi-Wan
soaked up the new sensation of viewing his master as an erotic
object, proud, muscular and erect. Very erect.
[ ...oh, my... ]
Qui-Gon grinned predatorily and began another kiss as he
returned to the bed, this one just as passionate but lingering,
refueling the fire. Then Obi-Wan finally had a chance to do
some exploring of his own, touching the wholly masculine body
laying beside him, searching out the places which generated the
strongest reaction.
Licking the salt from the small hollow at the base of Qui-Gon's
throat earned him a shuddering moan. His master's ears were
evidently very sensitive. While wrapping a leg over the larger
man's pelvis, he plunged his tongue in and out of his right
ear, mimicking what he hoped would soon be done to his own
body. Qui-Gon let out a sharp hiss and his hips jerked upward
in need.
Evidently that was all Obi-Wan was going to have a chance to
discover at the moment because he was flipped onto his back,
and large hands spread his knees apart. The bath oil secured on
the mission to the 'fresher found its way into Qui-Gon's hand,
on to his finger, and into the most sensitive orifice of
Obi-Wan's body. The probing finger, make that fingers, pushed,
stretched, and ...curled. "Aaaaahhh," Obi-Wan encouraged his
lover's tactics. He was lost, he had totally surrendered to the
plundering of his body. The probing fingers were exquisite,
invasive, searching, and then they were ....gone.
"Uunhh?" he objected, lifting his head to view his Master
pulling him forward by the hips, pushing his knees back.
Qui-Gon's eyes were half-closed, glazed with lechery. Obi-Wan
laid back again with a groan of desire that was quickly
fulfilled by Qui-Gon's large penis penetrating him, filling him
to the utmost of his imagination. [ Yes! ] they hissed
simultaneously, sharing the intense eroticism across their
newly reawakened bond.
Obi-Wan sensed that his lover would not, could not, hold back
the compulsion for immediate satisfaction. They were both
driven by desire, and Obi-Wan thrived on the pounding of his
own flesh. In and out, in and out, the master stroked
ruthlessly. Obi-Wan reached down to grasp his own cock, wanting
to match the brutal thrusts, but his hand was batted away.
Qui-Gon instead wrapped his fingers around the engorged organ,
pulling and stroking as they both balanced on the edge of
sanity. They screamed as they came, trembling and gasping for
oxygen to feed the demands of their powerful lovemaking. The
wave continued for long seconds, the pleasure flowing between
them until it slowly abated in a final denouement of satiation.
When they were once again coherent, they discovered themselves
intertwined in a jumble of arms and legs, with no desire
whatsoever to move.
[ Qui-Gon? ] murmured the apprentice.
[ I am here, Obi-Wan. ]
Assurance given and received, they each fell into an exhausted
doze.
They reawakened laying side-by-side, their bodies pressed
together. A mental touch renewed their connection and confirmed
the novel sensation they were feeling, as yet unnamed. At last
Qui-Gon was driven to speak.
"Padawan, can you ever forgive me?"
"For what, Master?" Obi-Wan pulled back to look into the strong
face.
"For the way I've treated you during the past year. I was only
thinking of myself. In my misguided way, I thought that I could
hold you back by finding fault with your work. I wanted to keep
you with me longer. I'm so sorry for making you suffer for my
selfishness."
There it was again, acknowledgment of the pain of their
eventual separation. It felt like a stab to the heart.
"Of course I forgive you," the padawan reassured. After a long,
searching look, he continued. "So you really think we will be
split. What will we do, Master?"
"We are Jedi, Obi-Wan. We will trust in the Force. The Force
brought us together, and we must trust that our roles in
tomorrow's world will be made clear."
Obi-Wan sighed. "I know this is something I must accept. I only
hope my future is with you."
Qui-Gon reached out and pulled his padawan close. "And I with
you, Obi-Wan."
They lay silently, the master holding the apprentice, each
trying to imagine the future.
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