Archive: yes to Master_Apprentice and Nesting Place, everyone
else please ask first
Category: PoV
Rating: PG
No warnings
Spoilers: tiny hints at JA-books but easy to mis or
ignore
Disclaimer: Once upon a time a man named George Lucas created
the wolrd of SW and I hope he doesn't mind that we now play in
his sandbox as well, we only do it for the fun
Summary: With Obi-Wan asleep, Qui-Gon uses the moment to muse
about his padawan
Feedback. Would you believe me, if I said no? Really? Of course
I would love it. I'm relatively thick-skinned so feel free to
be honest
Notes: I'm actually working on a different TPM-story at the
moment when this ficlet sneaked in and demanded to be written.
Special thanks as always to Katja for everything, especially
her patience with me. And to Angela for fast and helpful beta.
Enjoy!
It's when you're asleep that I'm most reminded of the boy I
took as a padawan almost ten years ago. You still sleep on your
stomach, a pillow clutched tightly to your chest, looking so
vulnerable and innocent. It makes my heart ache and I again
feel like a corrupter of youth, especially when I think about
what we did before you curled up and fell asleep.
But you are no innocent, are you? Even back then, you weren't
really an innocent child. Circumstances forced you to do things
no child should do and to make decisions not even many adults
ever have to face. But in some ways that's so typical for
Jedi-children. We try to keep you safe but life as a Jedi
forces you all to grow up so quickly, even though your old
masters don't always notice it. I didn't. And so I was rather
surprised when one day, I finally noticed that the lanky,
earnest boy I'd known had turned into a beautiful young man.
And there I was, always reminding you to be aware of your
surroundings, missing what was right in front of my nose. And
I'd overlooked more than just your growing up, hadn't I?
Love.
At first I was tempted to dismiss it as an adolescent's crush
but I had to face the fact that you weren't a youth anymore.
And even if you had been, Jedi-children can't be measured by
normal standards. If you're old enough to kill or be killed,
aren't you also old enough to decide whom you love? I have to
admit I don't know an easy answer to this question. As your
master, I hold so much responsibility. I confess the thought of
love scared me. I had accepted the fact that the Force would be
my companion and that I sometimes would share my nights with a
fellow master or a knight but nothing deeper, nothing that
could rival the importance of the Force in my life. Until...
Until you forced me to think about it, forced me to question
your place in my life, your importance. And I knew that I
didn't want to lose you. Couldn't lose you. So I did everything
in my power to keep you, to bind you even closer to me. Maybe
it was wrong, maybe it wasn't. The Force didn't protest, and
neither did Master Yoda, so I guess it's right.
And now here we are. You stealing my pillow and poking my ribs
with your sharp elbows. Your complaints about the earliness of
the hours by now a familiar morning ritual. And I have to admit
that I don't want it any other way. My life would be incomplete
without you, Obi-Wan.
Archive 