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Rating: PG-13 (only for the fake swearing)
Warnings: twisted ramblings and utter silliness. hope the
drunken vernacular won't prove to be too difficult to make
sense of!
Spoilers: none.
Summary: The Jedi Academy's Advertising Department presents yet
another gratuitous brand name plug, from the Padawan point of
view. (Granted, this one is fictitious)
Feedback: Yes, please. We own the rights to our mistakes. LOL
Disclaimer: We're only playing with the Lucas boy toys. we'll
put'em back. really.
[Fade in on a disheveled Obi-Wan. His eyes are bloodshot, his
braid looking more like an untended dreadlock with floss and
pieces of hair sticking out, stubble-faced, a wonderful shiner
around his right eye, looking hung over from what might be a
3-day bender. He's sitting at the bar. In fact, the only thing
holding his sorry a$$ up is the bar. He's got a
cigarette hanging off his lip and finally realizes the camera
is on him, so he decides to sit up and look into it, trying to
be as presentable as possible.]
'Lo. Um Obawan K'n {hic}obi. Whenyer Mahsta goes compleely
wonky an' decides ta train a liltwerp insteada his Padawin an'
yer so depresst that all you can do is go to da pubbin drink
like a bahstid....
[He picks up a large green bottle vaguely in the shape of Qui
Gon Jinn (think Mrs. Butterworth's syrup)]
"May I suhjest {brrrrrrrp} Qui-Gon Jinn's Gin inna large green
bottle."
[He places the bottle down on the bar HEAVILY, swaying
slightly]
"It's even gottan easily 'movable top...."
[Tries to twist the top off, but the bottle cap isn't
cooperating. So he finally removes the cigarette hanging out of
his mouth and goes to put it out in the ashtray, but misses,
putting it out on the bar itself. Muttering something
completely unintelligible, he pulls out his lightsabre and lops
off the top of the bottle. The lightsabre falls to the floor,
burning a hole in the floor as, once again, he forgot to turn
it off.]
"It's got a rather nice flavor, not unlike, well....gin!"
[He looks at the bottle, furrowing his brow, swaying a little
again and burping - quietly this time.]
"So next time ask for Qui-Gon Jinn....no that's not
right....Qui-Gon's Special Gin....no....Qui-Gon....oh
fawwwwwwk....."
[He tips the open bottle to his lips and takes a looooong
drink, tilting himself back so far that his eyes roll back in
his head and he falls backwards off the barstool. His boots are
barely visible over the bar, as his legs are resting against
the barstool. As he consumed most of the beverage, only a
little bit spilled onto him and his lightsabre - just enough to
extinguish it.]
[Enter Qui-Gon Jinn, who looks at one of the bottles on the bar
curiously, and then at the floor, where Obi-Wan is lying, still
holding on to the bottle he just opened, one eye (the
non-punched one) barely open.]
"Padawan?"
[The bartender hands Qui-Gon a tab....er, um, an itemized bill
for all the damage done in the last 3 days that Obi-Wan's been
near the bar. Qui-Gon's eyes grow large and the look on his
face is incredulous.]
"20,000 dataries?!?!?!"
[Fade to a black screen, with white writing: "Brought to you by
the Jedi Academy Advertising Department - Don't Drink and Drive
Bongos, and for Sith's sake - Don't Go Pickin' Fights.]
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