Archive: If anyone wants it, they're welcome to it, just please
let me know
Summary: Bant is very ill, and Obi-Wan needs some comfort from
his Master.
Notes: Just a little piece of pre-slash fluff here. I haven't
posted to this list before, but it was suggested to me that m_a
might like this, so I'm being brave <g>. The slash
is coming, but it's taking its sweet old time.
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters belong to George Lucas.
I make no money from this.
Qui-Gon approached his quarters with relief. After the rather
long and draining Council briefing he had just attended, he
would be glad to get some rest.
He activated the door and stepped inside gratefully. The common
room was dark, so he assumed that Obi-Wan had already gone to
bed. He would be very pleased to do the same.
He started towards his room, then paused. It had been a long
day, and most of it had been spent in meetings. Perhaps some
fresh air would be nice before he retired for the night.
Changing direction, he walked over to the balcony door, opening
it - and stopped dead.
Obi-Wan was standing on the balcony, leaning on the rail, his
head bowed and his shoulders shaking with silent sobs.
Qui-Gon was surprised, although he knew he shouldn't be. When
they had arrived on Coruscant two days ago, Obi-Wan had gone to
visit his friend Bant only to be informed that she was very
ill; having contracted a virus that her amphibious physiology
had made her much more susceptible to. Another Calamarian
student a few years older than Bant had been similarly
affected, and although the Healers were doing their best, they
could not give any assurances about the outcome for either of
the two.
Obi-Wan had reported his findings to Qui-Gon with no visible
emotion, and had then merely asked permission to visit Bant if
the Healers would allow it. There was no danger of him getting
ill, he had said, because the virus was not dangerous to
humans. So Qui-Gon had given his permission, and this afternoon
the Healers had allowed Obi-Wan his visit. Clearly, it had
taken its toll. Reaching out with the Force, he could feel the
boy's distress emanating from him in waves.
So although Qui-Gon knew he should not be surprised at
Obi-Wan's current state, he found he still was, for the simple
reason that he had never seen Obi-Wan cry before. He had seen
the boy angry, had seen him afraid, had even seen him panic -
but he had not seen him cry.
And he was not quite sure what to do.
Oh, certainly he and Obi-Wan had settled their differences, and
despite the rocky start to their relationship, they had become
much closer since the mission to Telos. Qui-Gon was sure that
eventually they would make a very good team...but they were not
quite there yet. There were still insecurities,
uncertainties...boundaries between them that had not yet been
crossed. And knowing this, he simply was not sure if he should
offer comfort at such a time. He was not sure if it would be
welcomed, or accepted, while Obi-Wan was in such distress - and
most likely feeling extremely vulnerable.
But compassion demanded that he not leave the boy to cry alone
on the balcony, either. Obi-Wan had not actually noticed him
yet; he must be miserable indeed to have missed his Master's
arrival. Steeling himself, Qui-Gon took a step out onto the
balcony, deliberately making noise.
Obi-Wan started and spun around, hurriedly scrubbing tears off
his face. "Master! I'm sorry, I was just--"
"It's all right, Padawan," Qui-Gon said, keeping his voice low
and soothing. "I apologise for the intrusion, but I was
concerned. Are you all right?"
Obi-Wan wiped at his tear-stained face again, flushing with
embarrassment at having his Master see him in such a state.
"I-I will be, Master. It's just that--" His voice broke then
and his pale cheeks flushed even redder.
"You went to see Bant, yes?" Qui-Gon asked, moving closer to
Obi-Wan.
"Yes."
"And it was hard for you to see her so."
Obi-Wan nodded, clearly struggling for control. "She's in some
sort of coma, and she was just so still - the Healers said I
should talk to her, try to reach her through the Force, but I
couldn't; I couldn't feel her--"
A small sob was torn from Obi-Wan's throat, and Qui-Gon stepped
forward to put a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder. "I
understand," he said gently. "It's hard to see the ones we care
for suffer. Especially when there is nothing we can do to
help."
Obi-Wan leaned into the soothing hand and took several deep,
shaky breaths, trying unsuccessfully to steady himself. Tears
stood in his eyes, and the look in those eyes spoke volumes of
the pain he was in. Through the hand on his shoulder, Qui-Gon
could feel him trembling uncontrollably.
"I can't--" Obi-Wan's voice broke again, and he had to stop and
take another deep breath before continuing. "I can't lose
another friend, Master. Not after Cerasi. I c-can't lose Bant
too." He turned his face away, wanting to hide the tears.
The boy was in such obvious distress that Qui-Gon suddenly
forgot all about uncertainties and boundaries and just reacted
with instinctive compassion. Drawing Obi-Wan to him, he folded
his arms around the trembling boy and held him tightly.
Obi-Wan stiffened in surprise, but the offer of comfort was too
tempting, too longed-for to resist, and after a few moments
Qui-Gon felt the boy relax against him. And once Obi-Wan
relaxed, the tears began again, soft sobs that were now muffled
against his Master's tunic.
Qui-Gon held him, stroking his hair, murmuring words of comfort
and understanding, and before long the dam broke entirely and
Obi-Wan was suddenly sobbing openly into his chest, hands
fisted in the folds of his tunic. Gratefully accepting the
unexpected show of tenderness, Obi-Wan had given his emotions
free rein and clung to his Master as if he were drowning and
Qui-Gon's arms held the only chance for survival.
How long the storm of weeping lasted, Qui-Gon was not sure. He
was aware of very little except Obi-Wan's trembling body held
against him, of his Padawan's broken sobs, of offering the
comfort that was needed so badly. But several eternities later
the sobbing began to lessen, and finally subsided into
occasional shuddering gulps. And then Obi-Wan was quiet again,
leaning against him, only the occasional sniffle attesting to
his earlier distress.
Qui-Gon pulled back a little and placed a hand under his
Padawan's chin, lifting the boy's head so that Obi-Wan would
meet his eyes. "Better?" he asked gently.
Obi-Wan nodded, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "Yes, Master.
Th-thank you."
"It was my duty and my pleasure, Padawan. What you need from me
I will give you. And sometimes what you need from me will go
beyond a sparring lesson or the answer to an astronavigation
problem." He favoured Obi-Wan with a rueful smile. "I'm afraid
I have neglected those other areas of need somewhat. But you
should know that you can come to me, Padawan - I will always
listen, and help if I can."
Obi-Wan was looking up at him with such undisguised surprise
that Qui-Gon felt a stab of guilt. Clearly the boy had not been
expecting such understanding, and Qui-Gon was suddenly
painfully aware of just how much he had neglected the emotional
aspect of their association. It was all very well to be Master
and Padawan in name, but the bond had to go deeper than that
for them to function as a true team. Silently he vowed that he
would do better by his Padawan from now on. He only hoped that
their rocky beginning would not leave too many scars on their
relationship.
But Obi-Wan was smiling at him now, shyly, but with obvious
pleasure. "Thank you, Master," he said quietly. "Thank you for
understanding."
"I too have lost friends, Padawan," Qui-Gon said. "And I know
the grief you must feel at being unable to help Bant. But she
is strong, and determined. She will not give up without a
fight. You must trust in that."
"I do, Master...I know that Bant will fight. And I know that
the Healers are not giving up. It was just...so terrible to see
her so still like that. And then when I couldn't feel her..."
"The reason you couldn't feel her in the Force may well have
been due to your own distress, Obi-Wan, and nothing to do with
Bant's condition. I would suggest that you meditate on it, and
clear your mind of fear, and then try again. You are a close
friend to her...perhaps it will make the difference."
Obi-Wan nodded slowly, then more decisively, his jaw firming.
"Yes, Master. I will do that. I will meditate and then visit
her again tomorrow." He gave Qui-Gon a small smile. "I want to
do everything I can to help her."
"You must have faith in the Force, Obi-Wan. Whatever happens,
the Force will be with you, and with Bant." He ran a gentle
hand over Obi-Wan's spiky hair. "I will come with you to visit
her tomorrow, if you would like."
Obi-Wan looked up in surprise, then nodded. "Yes, Master...I
would like that. She admires you very much; perhaps having both
of us there will help." He ducked his head a little, hiding his
face. "Thank you - thank you for helping me, Master. I was
feeling...so alone."
Qui-Gon felt his heart contract painfully at that soft
confession. "You are not alone, Obi-Wan," he said firmly,
pulling the boy close to him again. "You are never alone. The
Force is with you, and so am I. You will never be alone."
He felt Obi-Wan relax against him once more, and then slowly,
tentatively, the boy wound his arms around Qui-Gon's waist,
returning the embrace. A flash of love and gratitude came to
Qui-Gon through their bond, and he smiled.
Bant would be all right, he suddenly knew. And what's more, so
would he and Obi-Wan. The Force was telling him so, whispering
to him like soft music.
Archive 