Spoilers: Oh, lemme see, how do I wanna say this? "No!" - with
passion. "No!" - with drama. "No!" - with cheery joyfulness.
"No!" - with deep sadness. "No!" - with a hearty hi-ho and aw,
who the hell cares? Let's just leave it at "No!", however ya
wanna take it.
Rating: To be determined as soon as I can cattle prod my neural
clusters into some semblance of coherence. Oh, no, wait, I
know. It's NC-17. (turns to shout to someone in background:
"What's that stand for, anyway?!")
Warnings: It's weird, it's sassy, it's an obvious flagrant and
spectacular violation of high-octane caffeine ingestion! It's
two, two, two Jedi in one! (Okay, not really, but dammit, I
couldn't resist!)
Summary: Challenge accepted! What happens when two Jedi are
abducted to perform on a game show that would make the Jerry
Springer Show look like Mister Roger's Neighborhood in
comparison? Read all about it!
Disclaimers: All together now! "Yea, though I walk
through the shadow of the Valley of the Dark Side, I shall fear
no evil, for our God-King, George Lucas, has created our
glorious boy-toys that I have shamelessly borrowed for the
creation of this writing from my whacked-out gray clay.
Merciful, is our Lord Lucas, for having stated my intentions, I
trust that he will not sue the pants off me, which would result
in hysterical blindness for the planetary population, which
means he would be responsible for destroying the world. And
that would just stink. Amen."
Feedback: Would it be considered duress if I pointed a
lightsaber in your general direction and demanded it from you,
or should I just beg pathetically?
"Welcome, ladies and gentlebeings of the cosmos! It's time for
another round of 'Galaxy Trivia' here on Black Rock Asteroid!"
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stood in an arena, surrounded by a
cheering, screaming, roaring crowd of spectators of every
nameable species and some the young Padawan didn't know. Lights
were aimed down on them as they stood at a double podium,
chained to it, actually. And they were naked, to boot. Obi-Wan
glanced up at his master, but Qui-Gon seemed as serene and
unshakable as always. "Master . . ."
The venerable Jedi Master looked down at his apprentice and
lover. "Yes, my Padawan?" His voice was a small pond of
calmness in a raging sea of cacophony.
Obi-Wan gaped up at him. "How can you just . . . just . . .
accept this without even trying to -"
"To escape, to break free? Possibly because we are weaponless,
defenseless, and ill-equipped to doing so without severely
injuring ourselves or dying in the process, Padawan. You were
told the same as I, that if we just follow through with this,
we'll be released unharmed. Considering the lesser of two
evils, I am content to play along for now," Qui-Gon replied,
grinning down at the younger man slightly.
Play along with it, he says, Obi-Wan groused silently to
himself as he turned his thoughts back on the events of the
last few hours.
He and Qui-Gon had been visiting a small planet in the Outer
Rim of the galaxy called Liskasnea. The servant, who had
escorted them through the governor's palace where they'd be
staying for the duration of their diplomatic mission had upon
arriving, had showed them to their suites. Then they had been
served drinks that had tasted tart and sweet all at the same
time. Not sensing anything untoward by the small, blue-skinned
aliens, they drank the liquid and soon thereafter toppled over,
drugged into a stupor before they could raise an alarm.
They had been carried onto a spaceship and flown out into the
middle of the Asteroid Wastes to a large asteroid called Black
Rock. There they had been placed in a cell, stripped of their
clothing and all their possessions, and were forced to wait.
For some reason, they had been unable to access the Force,
though they had tried. Eventually, a large, reptilian guard
with a long snout full of sharp teeth and a long, slinky tail,
looking like a cross between an Alderaan Alligator and a
Roscony Rat, had arrived outside their cell.
"Greetingssss, Jedi," it had laughed in a hissing, scaly voice.
"I'm here to anssswer whatever quessstions you have."
"Quite obviously, my friend, we would like to know why we are
here and what is to become of us," Qui-Gon had said calmly.
Only Obi-Wan had known how concerned he was by the slight
darkening of his blue eyes.
The reptilian had grinned at them, displaying teeth that
Obi-Wan was sure he'd seen advertised as a kitchen-knife
service complete with the handy Arm Slicer on Coruscant. "Well,
Jedi, you have been chosen to participate in 'Galaxy Trivia'.
Once the show is over and done with, you'll be taken back to
Liskasnea."
"And when the Republic discovers that we are missing? What are
you going to do then?" Obi-Wan demanded.
It laughed at him and hissed, "Aren't you the impatient
one, Jedi-boy? I'm getting to that. The Liskasnea governor
doesssn't know about your abduction. He hasss been led to
believe that you are off taking care of sssome training
exercissses before you begin your official dutiesss." It's tail
swished back and forth along the floor lightly.
"Hmm. Now, if you could answer the first two questions, friend
. . .?" Qui-Gon prompted.
"The name isss Rakasss," it said, grinning still. "And here are
your anssswers. You're going to be guestsss on 'Galaxy Trivia'.
You will be given twenty quessstions to anssswer againssst an
opposssing team of two other people. The reassson for your
nakednesss isss that each time you anssswer incorrectly, one of
your opponentsss performs a sssexual act on you, and you do the
sssame for them when they anssswer incorrectly. The team that
makesss the opposssing team come off firssst wins."
Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon had glanced at each other. The younger had
been slightly worried. They had no idea what to expect. Obi-Wan
glanced back at Rakas. "We have to perform a sexual act? What
for?"
"Becaussse it'sss the mossst honessst sssubmisssion you could
give, Jedi-boy," Rakas laughed. "And in cassse you get any
ideasss about usssing your Jedi powersss, forget them. Sssee
thossse little creaturesss?" It pointed to a tiny, winged
rodent that actually looked kind of cute. It was covered in a
soft fur, looking for all the world like a Corellian squirrel,
only it sported two large fan-shaped ears and a pair of tiny,
strong wings that enabled it to fly short distances. It was
rather cute looking, at least to Obi-Wan.
The two Jedi nodded in reply to the question asked them.
"Well, thossse are Iorasss," Rakas stated. "They sssomehow
block Jedi powersss. The whole arena isss crawling with them.
You won't get your powersss back until you're off Black Rock."
"I see," Qui-Gon said. "I suppose, then, that we have no other
choice?" "You could alwaysss die, Jedi," Rakas hissed, grinning
at them. To the Jedi, it was obvious that this whole thing was
just one big joke to it.
"Again, I see. Well, then, it would seem that we'll be
contestants on your game show," Qui-Gon replied quietly.
"Of courssse," it said as it turned and walked away, lashing
its tail. "What elssse could you do?"
Now Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon stood in the arena and the younger man
took the time to view their opponents. To his relief, they were
humanoid. It was a pair of a man and a woman. The woman was
tall and slim, yet possessed an impressive pair of breasts,
long legs, and curvaceous hips that he frankly admired. While
he did love Qui-Gon with all his heart, he wasn't exactly dead.
The woman had a weird greenish-gold skin tone and her hair was
the color of caramelized syrup. Her eyes were large,
almond-shaped, and had no discerning pupils in their milky
white depths. But Obi-Wan was certain she could see everything
that was going on around her.
The man stood tall as well and Obi-Wan felt an involuntary
shiver of desire roam through his body as he looked. Slim, yet
muscular, and nicely proportioned, especially where his manhood
was concerned. His skin was a bright orange with
coppery-colored hair, and piercing black eyes. As he noticed
Obi-Wan looking at him, he gave the younger man a lecherous
grin and a wink that made Obi-Wan blush.
"Making friends and influencing people as usual, eh, Padawan?"
an amused voice murmured in his ear, and he looked up to see
Qui-Gon grinning down at him, and blushed yet again.
Qui-Gon chuckled as he looked down at his enticing Padawan, and
then turned his attention to the announcer, which was a droid
with a weird, pulsing globe of energy in the middle of its body
that seemed to animate it.
"We have with us today, friends, four very spectacular
specimens as our participants!" the announcer called out in an
annoyingly cheery male voice. "A smuggling team from Kystra,
let's have a warm Black Rock welcome for Shiradni Dulu and
Jaycen Forlira!"
The crowds in the stands cheered wildly.
"On the opposing team, we have two special contestants. Give it
up for those mystical magicians of the Milky Way, Jedi Master
Qui-Gon Jinn and his young Padawan, Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi!"
This time, the roar was absolutely deafening.
"Of course, thanks to those cute little critters from Naas, the
Ioras, the Jedi will not be able to use their powers.
But hey, with looks like those, it's not like they'll need
'em!" the announcer belted out, and the crowd in the stands
laughed uproariously.
Obi-Wan cringed slightly and Qui-Gon chuckled. "Now, there's
flattery for an old man to hear," the elder man said quietly.
"You're not old, Master," Obi-Wan stated in automatic
defense.
"Not precisely young, either, Padawan. But thank you."
Obi-Wan nodded and then turned his attention back to their
predicament.
"Each team will be given twenty questions, as usual, to answer.
If they answer incorrectly, then a member of the opposing team
will be chosen to tease and tantalize them in an effort to
bring them off and win! All answers must be given in the form
of a question." The crowd roared and both Jedi mentally
prepared themselves for an exercise in patience and restraint.
"The smuggling team may go first. Question number one: What
spice from the planet Jirini is poisonous if injected directly
into the bloodstream?"
Shiradni and Jayce conferred for a moment and then Shiradni
said, "What is the Illusion Spice?"
A buzzer sounded and the announcer said, "Incorrect! The answer
is the Parla Spice. Penalty play is now in effect!"
Suddenly, Shiradni was being pulled by her energy restraints
towards the center of the arena to where a series of bars
waited. Her manacles were attached to the bars and then Qui-Gon
was also being tugged around his podium.
"Master?!" Obi-Wan yelped.
Qui-Gon looked back at him and said, "Watch and learn, my
Padawan. Watch and learn." He was led up to the bars as well
and his manacles were likewise attached.
"Qui-Gon, that venerable Jedi Master from Coruscant, has one
minute in which to do his best. Go get 'er, Master!" the
announcer cheered.
The elder Jedi smiled comfortingly at the woman, who simply
nodded to him. Leaning down, he swiftly kissed her lips,
running his tongue over them. Then he bent and briefly suckled
on her nipples, arousing them, and then he dropped to his knees
before her, leaned over, and set his mouth on her.
Obi-Wan watched as Shiradni stiffened and then closed her eyes,
obviously trying to endure as his master's tongue prodded and
probed and stroked and flicked over her sensitive tissues.
Qui-Gon brought his mouth to her pleasure center and sucked
firmly and she shuddered, just barely restraining herself, and
a moment later, the buzzer sounded.
"Ooohhh, so close, but not quite there! Good try, Qui-Gon,
better luck next time!" the announcer commented, and the two
contestants were led back to their stations, Shiradni walking a
little shakily, Qui-Gon seemingly unconcerned with his
stiffened erection on display.
Obi-Wan suddenly felt a very urgent need to be with his Master,
but knew there was no chance of it while they were still on
Black Rock. Steeling himself, he nodded to Qui-Gon as the elder
man rejoined him at the podium.
Qui-Gon chuckled and said nothing.
"Okay, now it's the Jedi's turn! Here is your first question:
What religion do the Booranis people of Cleed Five practice?"
Qui-Gon lifted one eyebrow and replied calmly, "What is
Rudachas Zen?"
"Oooh, he got it! No torture for the Jedi this time around!"
the announcer called, and the fans in the stadium either
cheered or booed, depending on who they wanted to win.
The next few answers for both sides were given correctly and
then it was the Jedi's turn again. "Question Four for the Jedi:
What is the purification process of the water on Ylamin Two
called?"
The two Jedi conferred with one another, neither one of them
certain, and then Obi-Wan said, "What is Uisce Cleansing?" A
buzzer sounded and Obi-Wan shut his eyes as he heard the
announce say, "Close, young Jedi, but the answer is Fliuch
Cleansing! Out you go to meet your destiny!"
Then, to his dismay, he was being pulled from behind his
podium. Glancing back at his master, he heard Qui-Gon say,
"Courage, Padawan. Remember your training exercises. If nothing
else, try to picture Master Yoda naked."
Obi-Wan stumbled as nausea rose up in his stomach and he was
led out to the bars and shackled to them. He watched as Jaycen
was brought toward him and his nausea faded as he watched the
handsome alien come sauntering towards him with a seductive
smile playing about his mouth. Obi-Wan had the distinct feeling
he was in trouble when he felt his own manhood harden at the
sight.
Jaycen was shackled before him and the other man smiled down at
him. Then, without preamble, Jaycen dropped to his knees and
opened his mouth. Obi-Wan's eyes unfocused as he felt a wet,
warm tongue lap at the head of his cock for a few brief moments
and then his world skewed sideways when Jaycen simply took
Obi-Wan into his mouth with one deep stroke, deep-throating
him, and then twisted his head slowly from side to side.
The young Jedi grit his teeth and shuddered as he fought to
keep from climaxing. Oh, Force, but that mouth was too hot, too
wet, too good . . . He was never going to make it . . .
A buzzer sounded and the torturous mouth released him and he
gasped, his eyes flying open. Jaycen was getting to his feet
and grinning down at him, licking his lips, as the announcer
said, "Jedi Kenobi is apparently too slick for that trick,
because he held on right down to the sticking point! No points
for the smuggler team!"
Then the two participants were taken back to their podium.
Obi-Wan stood shakily beside his master and then bit back a
groan when Qui-Gon murmured quietly, "You did well, young
Padawan. Perhaps, sometime, you'll let me know what it was
like?"
The younger Jedi shot his master a telling glare and ignored
the elder's rich chuckle as he muttered, "Just whose side are
you on, anyway?"
"Next question for the smuggler team: What is the main export
for the Hutts from their planet of Nal Hutta?" the announcer
stated.
The smuggler team conferred again and then Shiradni said, "What
is Kystrelli Spice?"
A buzzer sounded and the announcer chortled and said, "Good
try, and one would think so, but wrong! The Hutts' main export
from Nal Hutta would be the swamp mud from their bogs. The mud
contains many chemical compounds that can be used by many
different species for a variety of uses. Out you go, Shiradni!"
Qui-Gon was ready. He might not have been able to use his hands
or his physical presence, but for the last few questions he had
held Shiradni's gaze with his own and then used his eyes to
caress her body. He knew he'd had an impact on her because she
seemed a little hesitant to reach the bars this time around,
less sure of herself.
Once he stood before her, he smiled at her again and dropped to
his knees before her yet again. They had limited range of
movement and could not use their hands. However, they could
adjust positions. After using his tongue on her briefly, to get
her wet again, he stood and whispered, "Turn around and lean
forward."
Shivering, Shiradni did as he said and Qui-Gon eased forward,
teasing her with his cock. He was mentally counting down the
seconds and just when it hit the ten second mark, he pushed his
cock into her all the way to the hilt. She stiffened against
his invasion and he ground into her, stroking her inner muscles
in a twisting movement, and with a helpless cry she came,
climaxing around his invading shaft.
A wildly chiming bell sounded and the crowd roared with
satisfaction as the announcer said, "Oh, yes! Masterful play on
the nerve endings by Jedi Master Jinn! Guess it's true what
they say, Jedi do know how to move fast!"
Qui-Gon pulled back from the heavily breathing woman and bent
down, whispering in her ear, "There, my dear, you're fine. You
did very well." Then he was being led back to his podium where
his apprentice was staring at him in awe. He raised an eyebrow,
grinning slightly, and said, "There is a reason I'm a
Master, Padawan."
Obi-Wan gulped and then turned his attention back to the game.
"Okay, Jedi! Here's your next question: What animal, other than
the Ioras, are able to block your Force abilities?" the
announcer asked.
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan glanced at each other. They hadn't even
known that the Ioras existed and were capable of doing such a
thing, let alone that there might be other creatures out there
with the same ability. "Ummm . . . we don't know," Obi-Wan
stated.
A buzzer sounded and the announcer said, "Well, I'm surprised!
It would seem to me that the Jedi's would learn all about such
things, and know that the answer they're looking for are the
creatures known as the Ysalimiri! Time for your lesson, young
Jedi!"
Obi-Wan was brought forward again, and again Jaycen sauntered
up to him. As before, the taller man dropped down and took
Obi-Wan into his mouth, sucking and licking him with a
tantalizing pressure and pattern that made him shudder wildly.
Just as he believed he would actually be able to control
himself, however, Jaycen released him and stood, smiling at
him. He pressed his hips to the Jedi's and began to thrust
slowly and suggestively against him, stroking Obi-Wan's
erection with his own.
With a strangled cry, Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes shut and
shuddered hard as he came, his hot seed spilling wildly over
his stomach, coating both his erection and Jaycen's, which
throbbed warningly against him, but remained hard.
The bell sounded again and the announcer yelled, "Well, well,
the tricks you can learn in Smuggler's School! Point goes to
the smuggler's team!"
On shaky legs, Obi-Wan was led back to the podium where he
stared down, not wanting to meet his master's gaze.
Qui-Gon leaned over and said, "It's alright, Padawan. Jaycen
appears to be a highly skilled lover. I'm pleased that you
managed to hold out as long as you did, and that there was no
pain involved in the act."
Obi-Wan sighed. "I never thought I'd say this, but thank you,
Master."
Qui-Gon muffled his laughter as the game commenced once more.
The next question the smuggler team was asked was answered
correctly, and then it was the Jedi's turn again. "What do the
birds and fish on the planet Zelcor have in common?"
Qui-Gon glanced at Obi-Wan, who shrugged back at him. He
thought hard about it, trying to remember what little he knew.
Finally, he hazarded a guess. "What is a basic similar genetic
code?"
A buzzer sounded and he sighed. "Wrong-o, mighty, mighty, Jedi
Master! The answer is air!" At Qui-Gon's surprised look, the
announcer said, "Yes, that's right! The fish on Zelcor, as well
as the birds, breathe air! Ain't that a hoot! Payback time,
Master Jinn."
True enough, I suppose, Qui-Gon thought as he was led
out to the bars and Shiradni was brought to him. The expression
on the young woman's face promised gleeful retribution for his
forcing her climax earlier.
Shiradni placed quick kisses to his mouth and chest before
dropping to her knees before him and taking his erect cock into
her mouth. She sucked hard at the head then deep-throated him,
retreated slowly, then flicked the corona with her facile
little tongue before sucking on him again. Qui-Gon shivered
slightly and closed his eyes. He knew he'd be able to endure
for the full minute, but he also knew he was going to be sorely
tested in that time. He was aching and ready for release after
watching, as had the spectators in the stands, his Padawan's
stunning climax.
Finally, the buzzer sounded and the contestants were separated.
When he reached the podium again, he shot a glare at Obi-Wan
when the younger man grinned at him engagingly and said, "My,
oh, my, Master, perhaps you'll let me know sometime what that
felt like? After all, your expression was inspiring, to say the
least."
"Pay attention to the game, Padawan," he growled, and followed
his own advice, quelling his slight irritation at Obi-Wan's
soft laugh.
The next few questions were answered correctly by both teams
and then it was the smuggler team's turn again. "What four
moons ring the planet Terotid?"
The two conferred quickly and then Jaycen replied, "What are
Felk, Bealtha, Cyrmini, and Diograis?"
A buzzer sounded and the announcer said, "Incorrect, my orange
friend! The answer is Felk, Bealtha, Cyrmani, and
Diograis. Come out and play, tall, smuggly, and orange!"
Quickly, Qui-Gon leaned down and whispered in his apprentice's
ear, "Padawan, listen to me. Jaycen is from a race of people
who are known to have highly sensitive nerve endings in their
neck and shoulder areas. Use that to your advantage."
Obi-Wan glanced up at him in disbelief as he was led around the
podium. "In one minute?"
Qui-Gon smirked. "I did say highly sensitive,
Padawan." And he quelled his laughter at the fiendishly bright
glow in Obi-Wan's blue-gray eyes.
Obi-Wan walked up to where Jaycen waited and he borrowed a
tactic from his master's book. Smiling at the other man, he
said softly, "Turn around and relax."
Raising an eyebrow, Jaycen did as he was told, bending his
knees slightly so the Jedi could reach him easily enough.
Obi-Wan grinned and then moved forward until the head of his
cock was pressed against the entrance to Jaycen's body.
However, instead of immediately entering, he focused his tongue
and lips to the back of Jaycen's neck and shoulders. The hard
shudder that rewarded him made him grin and when he felt he'd
gone far enough, he gripped the sensitive curve between neck
and shoulder firmly with his teeth and pushed inside Jaycen's
incredibly receptive body, moving with a few short, vicious
thrusts.
With a muted roar, Jaycen bucked back against Obi-Wan and came,
his seed spurting over his legs and the ground, his muscles
clenching tightly around the Jedi's straining erection. Obi-Wan
grit his teeth hard, but managed to hold off.
A wild cacophony of sound blared through the stadium and lights
flashed wildly as the announcer started yelling, "He did it! He
did it! Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi has scored the winning point for
the Jedi Team! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Let's give it up for the
Jedi Team, Black Rock Spectators!!"
Obi-Wan slid from Jaycen's trembling body and leaned down to
whisper encouragement in the orange alien's ear, and then he
turned and flexed his arms as his manacles suddenly dissolved.
As the spectators in the stadium chanted his name, he raised
his eyes to meet Qui-Gon's, and shivered slightly, then
grinned, in response to the blatant desire in his master's
gaze.
This is going to make for an interesting report for the
Council when we get home. Although they'll find the information
on the Ioras and the Ysalimiri to be interesting, I doubt it's
going to have as high an impact as the full description of this
game show, Obi-Wan thought to himself as he and his master
were escorted out of the arena and back to a changing room
where they could get their clothing and possessions.
But I think I'll leave Master Qui-Gon's mention of his Yoda
tactic out of it.
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