Summary: A clueless neighbor tries to outwit the boys.
Disclaimer: Is it really necessary to tell you they're not
mine?.Well,they aren't and I'm not making money with them.
Notes:Sequel to Sleepless in Coruscant.With thanks to Laureanna
for the tape recording idea.I know,I know, it's not the exact
idea you gave me,but I think this worked too.:)
Okay,talking to Qui-Gon was an obvious waste of time.The
damnable man had even accused him of being noisy!."My
Padawan needs his rest?". Ha!.Rest was the last thing on the
mind of that little lecherous boy. All he wanted to do was fuck
Qui-Gon or be fucked by Qui-Gon. "He works hard on his
lessons",indeed!.He worked all night long on lessons
that were never supposed to be a part of Jedi training.
After that little fiasco,I started thinking of ways to make
them stop their continuous and noisy torture.But what could I
do?.In my desperation I even thought about trying to steal
Obi-Wan affections, making him fall in love with me and leave
Qui-Gon.That would teach that insufferable man !.Alas,as
satisfying as that idea was,I only had to look in the mirror to
realize that was never going to happen. I simply do not possess
Qui-Gon's impressive physique.My hair,what is left of it,is
completely white,unlike Qui-Gon's leonine mane.My body is not
the tall,well toned instrument that Qui-Gon's body is.
Oh well, he would have to take other steps to make sure those
two would put an end to their activities. Going behind their
backs,(figuratively speaking of course),was not very Jedi-like,
but they had not given him any other options.Tonight he would
put his plan in motion, and he was sure Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan
would unknowingly cooperate. And tomorrow he would talk to the
Council about it, he was sure that when they found out about
this,they would be outraged.Of course they would be, they were
the most honorable and wise of all the Jedi, they could not
possibly ignore or condone such behavior. Could they? .
- That Night -
THUMP,THUMP,THUMP.
"Oh yes Master,more,more!".
"YES!"."Obi-Wan,love,you are sooo amazing!"
Yes, enjoyed it.It would be the last time they did it.He would
see to it.Tomorrow all would be over.
Next Morning at the Council Chamber -
"Oh,Qui-Gon, you are so BIG!"."You feel so good inside me!".-
"Yes, Obi-Wan, feel me,take all of me!".-
The words echoed inside the Council Chamber.All the Council
members were listening attentively to them.Perhaps too
attentively.Mace Windu, for example,seemed particularly
interested.He sat at the edge of his seat,hands holding the
arms of his chair hard and he seemed to be having problems
breathing. Adi Gallia fanned herself constantly as if the
temperature inside the Council Chamber had become incredible
hot and Yoda sat with his eyes closed,but with his ears perked
up.
They had been listening to the first of the tapes he had made
last night.Two hours of moaning,groaning,slurping and
sucking,and there were other 2 tapes they had not listen
yet,but he did not think it would be necessary for the Council
to hear any more,surely this was enough for them to understand
his problem.
When the tape finally ended and the echoes died down, there was
a stunned silence for a moment,as the Council members looked at
each other.Nobody wanted to be the first one to speak .Finally,
after clearing his throat,Mace Windu spoke.
"And it goes on all night like that,you say?."He sounded
awed.
"Yes Master Windu,I still have two other tapes ".
"Two?",now it was Adi Gallia who spoke."And they were all
recorded last night?",she also sounded...amazed.
"Yes Master Gallia".
"How long has this been going on?",she asked.
"Ever since Obi-Wan's 18th birthday.Master Gallia".
"And he is twenty-one now,right?.Well, that explains a
lot,but... Mace,isn't Qui-Gon your age?",she asked,sounding a
bit accusing.
Mace Windu turned towards her, startled by her tone."What does
my age has to do with this Adi?",he asked, in a defensive
voice.
"Well, he is your age,isn't he?".He just nodded,still
uncomprehending.
"Then how come you don't show that kind of stamina and
enthusiasm when pleasing your partner!",now she was
really accusing Windu.
"That is true.I live right next to you and I have never
heard anything like that coming from your
quarters",Ki-Adi-Mundi added, rather unhelpfully.
Windu,surprised by Adi's outburst and mortified by Mundi's
commentary and the sound of suppressed laughter coming from the
rest of the Council members,answered without thinking.
"Well I don't have a 21 year old doing all those
inventive things to me, do I!?"."And you're not the right
person to say such things Mundi,after all, when was the last
time you had any company, other then that silly parrot
of yours?".
"WHAT!?.You dare blame me when you are the one who never
wants to try anything new?",Adi's eyes were blazing furiously
and she was half standing on her seat.
"Silly parrot!"."May I remind you,Windu,that you gave me that
silly parrot as a birthday present last year,because you are to
cheap to buy someone a decent present?".Mundi sounded
completely offended.
Windu,realizing his error,tried to rectify it."Adi,love of my
life, perhaps we should talk about this privately?",he
desperately wanted to end this conversation,noticing that the
entire Council was now listening with morbid
fascination,exchanging amused looks and nodding their heads,as
if agreeing with Mundi's accusation.
A loud tapping noise ended the discussion.Everyone turned to
look at Master Yoda,the wisest and oldest among them all as he
stood up,leaning on his stick.
Finally,I thought.Now this nonsense would end and I would get
the justice I deserved.Right?.
"True are all things Adi and Mundi said.Discuss them here we
should not",he added,before Windu could interrupt him. "Qui-Gon
and Obi-Wan's neighbor right is,too.Annoying to hear all night
those noises are."he said sympathetically ."But nothing we can
do there is".
"What?!"."You are the bloody Jedi Council,surely you can do
something. Separate them,forbid this relationship or,at
least,give me other quarters on a different part of the
Temple!."
"Oh,I'm afraid all quarters are already taken.And we really
can't forbid this relationship,I mean, Obi-Wan is an adult and
he clearly accepted it willingly, very willingly",Windu
said,apparently recovered from his earlier embarrassment.
"Well,send them away on a long,long mission to some far,far
away place".
"We can't just send them away like that,there's nothing urgent
happening at the moment and they've been working here at the
Temple, helping in different places..Besides they requested to
take some time off from missions and we already granted it to
them.You really should have come to us sooner",Windu's look
was.
"Time off?","You gave them time off?".This was totally
intolerable!. "Every time I have requested time off you
tell me it is not possible because there is too much to do,too
many planets with too many problems to solve!".
"Ahhh,yes, well..",Windu looked almost sheepish."Well,Yoda was
the one who told them they could take time off!",he finished,in
a rush.
Yoda's ears went up at this and he glared at Windu.
"Time off I gave,yes.Problem with my decisions,you
have"?,daring Windu to reply to this.
"Errr,no Master Yoda,of course not".This was certainly not
Windu's day.
" I have a problem and none of you are helping me to
solve it!!", I shouted,yes shouted at the Council.BIG
mistake.Never, ever shout at the Council.Silence
descended as they all turn to look at me with icy eyes.
"Much anger I sense in you,yes.Dangerous,this is.Dark Side full
of anger it is",Yoda now looked at me suspiciously,as if I
would turn into a Sith right in front of their eyes.
"Yes,I think some extra meditation is in order",Windu
again,seemingly happy with the fact that someone other than
himself was in trouble with Yoda. "And perhaps a visit to the
healers,you know,to make sure everything is all right up
here",he tapped his head lightly.
"Yes ,do this,you will",Yoda said firmly.
"But I am not insane!,I just want to be able to sleep at
night!", this could not be happening to me,it had to be some
king of joke!.
"Of course you're not,just the same,you will visit the
healers", Windu's voice sounded menacing as he said this.
I was defeated.So I just bowed my head and said,meekly,"Yes
Masters", and prepare to leave the chamber.A somewhat anxious
voice stopped me.
"Before you leave,could you give me the tapes you made?,"Windu
asked.
"The tapes?.Why do you want them?".
"Well,it's not right to have them around,you know, we really
don't want to violate their privacy,so I think it's better if I
hold on to them,to keep them safe",Windu seemed quite eager to
get the tapes.
" Keep them safe ,right!",Mundi muttered sarcastically.
"And why should you be the one to keep them anyway?.I
think I'm the most adequate person to take care of those
tapes",retorted Adi.
"Excuse me",I said,"I thought I could just destroy them...".
"NO!".Several frightened voices stopped me.
"That won't be necessary,I can do it for you.Just give them to
me!", Windu stood up,walking quickly towards me.
As I was taking the tapes out,they flew right out of my
hand...and into Yoda's.
"Keep them I will",he said looking too smug for a venerable
Jedi Master.
"But Master Yoda,that really isn't fair...!"-
"Yes Master Yoda I think we should have them..".
"You could at least make copies for us all",this last
suggestion was met with enthusiastic nods from everyone in the
room.
I left the chamber,stunned.Just what the hell had happened in
there?. Not only no solution had been given to my problem,but
now I was going to have to go see the healers,as if I were sick
or mentally unstable!.Perhaps I was ill because I was
starting to think that the entire Jedi Order was full of
perverts and lewd men and apparently the women were not much
better,as Adi Gallia had just demonstrated. Oh,well I better
just go right away to the healers,hopefully they would be able
to help.
-The Healers -
"Oh my,you really are terribly stressed,my friend.And this
sleeplessness of yours is very worrisome as well,have you
tried...?"
"I have tried everything,sleeping
pills,meditation,earplugs,they do not work",I interrupted,
frustrated.
"Well then,perhaps you should stay here in the infirmary for a
couple of days until we can determine the cause for your
affliction",the Chief Healer said.
"I know what is the cause of my affliction!",I was
shouting againg, and I would have stormed out but, suddenly,the
first part of what he had just said entered my tired mind and
gave me an idea."Wait,you said I could stay here in the
infirmary?.Sleep here,in my own private room,with nobody
talking,moaning or screaming?.Nothing but pure,blessed silence
in the night?".Oh Force,please let it be true!.
"Err,well,yes.As a Master you would have a private room and
it's normally very quiet here.We don't allowed visitors at
night,only the nurses are here".
"And could it possibly be more than just a couple of days,maybe
a week or two?",I asked eagerly,finally finding a way to get
some much deserved rest.
The Chief Healer looked a bit surprised,normally patients
wanted their stay at the infirmary to be as short as possible.
"I don't think that would be necessary..",he did not
continue,the desperate look in the eyes of the man in front of
him told him that, perhaps,it would be better if he did stay
for a while.
"Oh,alright,two weeks,but no more,we may need the room for some
real sick people",he said, reluctantly.
-That Night -
At last!.I was lying in a comfortable bed, all alone, and above
all, in a very,very quiet room.I let my eyes close in
ecstasy.Let Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and the Council have all the sex
they wanted,I just needed sleep,lots and lots of peaceful sleep
and for two wonderful weeks I would have exactly that.
Yes,everything was nice and quiet and I was already drifting
off, sleep finally within my reach,oh yes,I could rest now...
"Hello my friend!",a cheerful and loud voice called from
the doorway.
"Hello Master!",another loud voice joined in.
No,this could not be happening!.What in the name of the Sith
were they doing here?!.They should be in their
quarters,fucking their brains out,as they did every night!.I
opened my eyes and, yes,Force help me, it was them .
"What the hell...?",before I could finish,they were already
inside my room,talking happily to me.
"We were so sorry to hear you are ill,my friend,that we decided
to visit you",said Qui-Gon,his face full of concern.
"Yes,we didn't want you to think we don't care about you",said
Obi-Wan with a big grin on his face.
"But visitors are not allowed at night!",I said, desperately.
"Oh yes,we know that,but you see, we were already working here
in the infirmary,helping here in there during the day,and when
we found out you were going to stay here,we offer to take the
night shift,that way you won't be lonely.After all,two weeks is
a long time to spend in here,without nothing to do,nobody to
talk to, and this place is so awfully quiet,you'll be terribly
bored", Qui-Gon was smiling, broadly, as if he was truly
pleased with himself.
"Yes,but now you'll have us to make you company,we'll be
working here for two weeks",Obi-Wan's grin got even bigger.
I was completely speechless, tears falling from my eyes as I
contemplated the days and nights ahead of me.
Obi-Wan,leaning towards Qui-Gon,whispered in his ear,"You see
Master I told he'll be happy to see us,look he's even crying
with joy".
"You were right Padawan,this poor man needs us.From now on
we'll stay by his side at all moments,I don't want him to feel
alone anymore".
"Oh Master,you are such a good friend!", adoration shining in
the Padawan's eyes.
Qui-Gon just smiled, pleased to have his beloved Padawan with
him to help their poor neighbor.
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