Breathe

by Becky ( regine_e73@hotmail.com )

Pairing: Q/O

Rating: G Archive: yes please - MA, anyone else just ask first.

Warnings: None

Disclaimer: They do not belong to me, although it certainly would be nice!

Feedback: Always appreciated!

Obi-wan -

I sit before the window, overlooking the sea, attempting in meditation to find my center. So much has happened. So much has changed. What had begun as a relatively simple treaty negotiation quickly turned into a bitter battle, with each side caring much more about coming away from the confrontation with a victor's tale than with the value of any one person's life. So much pain for pride.

Breathe in, breathe out. Again. I know that I have many duties yet to perform, still I fear the constriction within my chest will not allow me to feel anything but bleak emptiness.

Unbidden, memories of the previous hours descend upon me. I can hear it so clearly now. The argument that had moved from mere bickering over land boundaries to fierce declarations of avenging honor so quickly that neither Qui-gon nor myself had any opportunity to attempt a mediation. One moment there were cutting words, the next flesh biting steel.

My beloved Master, as always, had thrown caution to the winds in the name of duty, bounding across the ornately carved table to shield the Prime Minister of Artala as one of the Poglas delegation flung a sparkling blade squarely at his heart. As Qui-gon succeeded in moving the intended target aside, I am not sure which of us was more surprised, the Prime Minister, my Master, or myself when yet a second Poglasian emerged right beside the pair and quite efficiently drove a sleek blade through my Love's robes.

It would have been laughable, the look of astonishment upon Qui-gon's face as he observed the quickly spreading wash of blood, if not for the sudden realization, by us both, that such a crude instrument was to put an end to all that we had become. Over our bond, I could clearly feel my Master's life slipping away, as the Force beckoned him. As his body slowly slid to the marble floor, the melee that had so quickly begun, ceased. I guess killing one another was fine, even noble, but taking the life of one sent in the name of peace was enough to shatter their fragile fantasy of just cause for brutality.

But now, returning to the present, the distance of reminiscence falls away to leave me drowning in despair. I find that I no longer have the will to proceed. I know that this decision would not meet with Qui-gon's approval. He would insist that as a Jedi, a Knight, I am obligated to set aside personal feelings in the name of duty. But as much as I have always strove to never be a disappointment to my Master, I will become one now. I allow my heartbeat to slow well below the level needed to sustain my existence and I feel numbness settling over my body. As my life force begins to fade away, I cry out, "Qui-gon! Why did you have to leave me? Why?!"

Qui-gon -

"Obi-wan! Hear me! Do not think for a moment that I will allow you to leave me like this! Not before I have the chance to tell you of my Love," I fiercely declare, as I try desperately to awaken my Knight. I refuse to loose such a gift from the Force. Not before we have even begun to reveal our true feeling for one another.

How did we come to this? Just this morning Obi-wan had merely been suffering from a local virus. Nothing particularly dangerous, if one were to believe the healer sent to us by the Artalian faction. A minor inconvenience she had said.

But soon my Beloved's minor aches and slightly elevated temperature had become a raging fever and a struggle for breath, leaving him pale and delirious. His thrashing and trembling were painful to observe. Tears had leaked from beneath his tightly closed eyelids to trickle slowly down his cheeks, as if shed in such grief that it renders one unable to make a sound. And then, as I felt that my Obi-wan would surely fall right from the bed, his movements simply stopped. And thus my desperate plea for him to remain and not leave me to go on alone. Again.

Obi-wan -

Just as I prepare to make that final leap into oneness with the Force, harshly spoken words erupt from above me. I struggle to escape as breath once again fills my lungs. Why can't I just be allowed to go to my Love in peace! Why am I being tortured so? Can't they understand, that without my Master, the one I have loved for so long from behind my veil of Jedi serenity, I find no desire to exist?

Finding my wish for oblivion denied, I slowly open my eyes. I fully expect to find a healer, or perhaps Master Yoda or Master Windu, arrived from Corusant to assist with returning my Qui-gon home, one final time. But as I behold the light of day once again, it is none of these beings I see. Oh, what a cruel joke being played upon me... For although I know it cannot be, the sight before me now is the last I would expect. How can my Love be here at my side, when I saw him fall with my own eyes just hours before?

Wearily I close my eyes, only to be shaken back into awareness once again. The next words that I hear, though softly spoken, will forever mark the most precious moment in my life. And bring me so much joy.

"Fear not, my Obi-wan. My love. It was but a dream. I am here, and will remain so for as long as you will have me."

Looking up into the bluest eyes I have ever seen, I smile and once again begin to breathe.