Master
Apprentice  Archive
Bittersweet Destiny
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Pairing: Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan/Bail
Category: Angst, First-Time
Rating: R
Archive: M_A, BailNow, and my site http://www.ravenswing.com/kimberlite/
Disclaimer: These beautiful boys belong to George Lucas, not me.
Thank you: To Alex, as always, for encouragement and beta.
Summary: A response to Emu's TMI plot challenge.
Feedback: Yes, please, to kimberlite@cox.net
Pain. His body was on fire, his vision blurred by the combination of sweat and blood that dripped into his swollen eyes. He knew the vidcam had captured his condition, sending a clear message from his kidnappers. He had to hang on until help arrived. And still the blows fell.
The Crystal Garden hummed with quiet energy as Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon sat facing each other in quiet meditation. When he felt the time was right, Obi-Wan opened his eyes, finding his master watching him with a small smile. Tilting his head, Obi-Wan grinned encouragingly.
"Happy eighteenth birthday, Padawan." Qui-Gon reached out to squeeze Obi-Wan's hand.
Returning the gentle pressure, Obi-Wan responded, "Thank you, Master."
"What would you like to do today?" Qui-Gon asked warmly. Spending the day together away from their normal training schedule had become something of a tradition, missions permitting.
"That depends," Obi-Wan said quietly. "Master, now that the Code allows me to speak, I want to tell you something." Obi-Wan watched Qui-Gon's face, hoping that he had correctly interpreted the silent dance they'd been doing for years. "I love you -- not just as a student but passionately, with my entire being."
Qui-Gon's expression brightened at Obi-Wan's declaration. "And I love you, Obi-Wan, with all that I am."
Relief swept through Obi-Wan. "You do?" As his birthday had approached, he'd almost convinced himself that the emotion he saw in his master's eyes was that of a proud teacher, not a lover.
Reaching out, Qui-Gon lightly cupped Obi-Wan's chin, running his thumb along Obi-Wan's lips. "I do, never doubt that."
Obi-Wan's breath caught in his throat, but then he managed to whisper, "Please kiss me."
Smiling in anticipation, Qui-Gon leaned across the small space between them. "Yes, love."
The feather-soft kiss was undemanding but filled with promise.
"I've waited so long for this," Obi-Wan murmured, stroking his fingers along Qui-Gon's hair.
"Not as long as I've waited." Resting their foreheads together, Qui-Gon ran his finger down Obi-Wan's braid. "I need you to tell me what you want, Obi-Wan."
"What I want?" Momentary uncertainty flashed across Obi-Wan's eyes, replaced by desire when he realized Qui-Gon needed reassurance. "I want you completely. I want us to be together, body and soul. Forever."
"Yes, I want that too." Qui-Gon pause. "But what about our age difference?" he asked, voicing his deepest fear.
Obi-Wan pulled back, meeting Qui-Gon's eyes. "Age matters not."
Smiling at the conviction in Obi-Wan's answer, Qui-Gon asked, "That simple?"
Nodding, Obi-Wan shifted until his was kneeling before Qui-Gon. "I love you. I want to life-bond with you. That simple."
Humbled by his padawan's trust, Qui-Gon rose to his knees, taking Obi-Wan's strong hands in his own larger ones. "I would be honored to life-bond with you, my love."
Raising Qui-Gon's hands to his lips, Obi-Wan kissed each finger, letting his love and excitement flow through the touch. "I'm yours."
Qui-Gon pulled Obi-Wan close, capturing his lips with unexpected possessiveness. "Mine. Just as I'm yours."
"Yes," Obi-Wan gasped, reveling in the feel of his master's hot, wet mouth and the weight of a solid chest pressed against his own as their arms wrapped tightly around one another. While he'd dreamed of touching Qui-Gon many times before, the reality was beyond anything he'd imagined.
After so many years of hiding his feelings, of careful, correct behavior, the freedom to touch his padawan was dizzying. Qui-Gon slowly deepened their contact, learning Obi-Wan's body with the senses of a lover.
"Master Jinn, Padawan Kenobi. Please report to the Council Chambers immediately."
It took a moment for the comm message to penetrate the haze of passion. But once it did, Qui-Gon pulled back from Obi-Wan. "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, but we'll have plenty of time soon."
Groaning, Obi-Wan nodded, quickly straightening his tunic and falling into step beside Qui-Gon.
The man in the holovid screamed again, writhing in agony as his captors tortured him. Finally, the image froze and blinked off.
Obi-Wan tried to focus on Master Windu and the details of their mission, but a part of his mind kept repeating "That's Bail" over and over again. They'd met a couple years ago on Alderaan, and when Bail had come to Coruscant recently to work with the Senate, they'd renewed their acquaintance. That anyone would use his friend for political ransom infuriated him.
"May the Force be with you," Mace concluded.
Qui-Gon bowed shortly before turning and heading for the transport. He didn't think the Jedi team working on negotiating was going to accomplish anything, but hopefully it would provide a distraction.
Following his master, Obi-Wan tried to calm himself. If they were going to rescue Bail, he'd need to be free from the distractions of fear and anger.
Aware that Obi-Wan knew Bail Organa and hadn't been paying complete attention to Mace, Qui-Gon used the short transport ride to make sure Obi-Wan was ready for their mission. "Padawan, the transport is going to drop us off near the suspected location of the kidnappers. We're going to go in and find Bail, but there will probably be resistance. I need you focused on the mission, not distracted by your fear for Bail."
"Yes, Master. I was listening, and I won't let my concern for Bail get in the way."
"Good." The transport slowed to a stop deep in the sub-levels of the Nectow District. "Let's go."
Blaster fire exploded all around them.
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had discovered the hideout almost as quickly as they had been discovered. With at least a dozen captors, the odds weren't good, but they didn't have a choice. They deflected bolt after bolt, trying to protect themselves, take out their opponents, and work their way to Bail.
As they moved closer, forced through an area without adequate cover, Qui-Gon felt pain flare through his leg. Limping a few steps, he realized he wasn't going to get very far. "Obi-Wan, go on without me. I'll try to hold them back."
Seeing the charred flesh of Qui-Gon's thigh, Obi-Wan was torn between staying to help his master and completing the mission. "I can't just leave you here."
"We don't have much time. Go!" Qui-Gon ordered.
Biting his lip, Obi-Wan turned, darting down the corridor to find the room where Bail was being held. There was only one guard, but when he saw Obi-Wan he grabbed the nearly unconscious Bail, holding him at knifepoint as a shield.
"Release him," Obi-Wan demanded, slowly moving closer.
Keeping his eyes on the glowing lightsaber, the guard maneuvered his way to another door. "Okay, here you go." With a mocking grin, he stabbed his captive in the back, pushing his body toward the Jedi and slipping through the door.
Dismissing the guard, Obi-Wan caught Bail as he sagged to the floor. There was blood everywhere, but the knife wound was the most serious problem. Obi-Wan placed his hands on Bail, attempting to send healing Force into the dying man. From a distance, he thought he heard Qui-Gon calling for medical assistance, but it was all so far away and he was suddenly so very tired.
Obi-Wan awoke from a deep blackness to find himself in the Healers' ward. He couldn't remember being hurt, but he felt different somehow. Then it all came back to him -- his master had been hurt, and so had Bail. Qui-Gon's leg had looked terrible but not life-threatening. Obi-Wan cringed as he remembered seeing the knife thrust into Bail's already weakened body. He'd tried to stabilize Bail but the wounds had been so severe.
Getting out of bed, Obi-Wan went into the hallway, looking for someone who could tell him where Qui-Gon and Bail were. The lights were dim and the corridor empty so Obi-Wan followed the Force, seeking his love.
He found Bail floating peacefully in a bacta tank.
Centering himself, Obi-Wan visualized his training bond with Qui-Gon. It was still in his mind and as he concentrated, Obi-Wan knew his master was in a room down the hall. However, there was a new bond, incomplete but still shining brighter than the training bond ever had.
He'd saved Bail by forming a life-bond.
Shaken, Obi-Wan sat down. Slowly his memory returned and he recalled the moment of decision when he'd chosen to save Bail's life and betray his master's love.
Qui-Gon sat in a tub of bacta, impatiently letting it heal the blaster burn on his leg. Once he'd either disabled or scared off the last of the kidnappers, Qui-Gon had limped after Obi-Wan. Finding him motionless on the floor with Bail in a pool of blood had not been a good moment. Fortunately, his call for medical assistance had been answered quickly and he'd been assured that Obi-Wan was well and that Bail could be healed.
But Obi-Wan hadn't been to see him.
Qui-Gon tried to convince himself that there were any number of logical reasons why this was so, but undercurrents in the Force told him that something had happened.
When Obi-Wan finally arrived, he was pale and subdued and Qui-Gon knew that something was really wrong. "How's Bail?" he asked, hoping that Bail hadn't taken a turn for the worse.
"He's in the tank, but he should heal completely," Obi-Wan answered. He'd practiced an explanation, but it was so much harder in person.
Seeing Obi-Wan's distress, Qui-Gon reached for his hand. "Why don't you just tell me what's the matter?"
Obi-Wan grasped Qui-Gon's hand, hanging onto it like a lifeline. "I'm so sorry, Master. The guard stabbed him in the back. There was so much blood. I saved him by forming a life-bond. I'm sorry."
The implications of Obi-Wan's actions ripped through Qui-Gon's heart with jagged teeth. "Don't apologize for saving a life, Padawan. You did the right thing."
"Then why does it hurt so much?" Obi-Wan asked quietly.
"I don't know."
The first thing he noticed was a lack of pain. It was dark and he was floating, weightless and detached from his body, warm and safe. He thought, perhaps, that he was dead.
They sat in silence, connected by their hands and the grief of what now could never be. Finally, Qui-Gon said, "We will get through this, Obi-Wan. I know it seems hopeless now, but we are strong enough to go on."
Knowing that his master was trying to help, Obi-Wan resisted the urge to argue that their lives had just been ruined. Instead, he nodded carefully, trying to be strong. "As long as we're together --" Obi-Wan paused, suddenly very still. "You will continue to train me. I will still be a Jedi Knight."
Hearing the question behind Obi-Wan's statements, Qui-Gon hastened to reassure his padawan. "Obi-Wan, no one is going to take you from your training. You are destined to be a great Jedi."
Breathing a little easier, Obi-Wan said, "As long as we're together, Master."
Qui-Gon touched Obi-Wan's braid, aching for their now uncertain future. "We'll always be together, Obi-Wan. Even if we are parted in this life, we will be joined in the Force."
"I know. I just wish..." Obi-Wan said softly, looking up at Qui-Gon. "I don't think the bond is complete -- maybe it can be broken."
"My preliminary report to the Council stated that Bail didn't enter into the bond of his own free will. If they know of a case where a life-bond was broken, they should inform us. Of course, having a member of the Royal Family of Alderaan bonded to a Jedi might be considered useful. I'll speak with Master Yoda personally just to be sure."
"Thank you."
As much as Qui-Gon didn't want to speak of the bond, didn't want to make it real by discussing it, he knew he needed to prepare Obi-Wan. "Once Bail is healed, the bond is going to demand completion."
Obi-Wan broke eye contact, his face heating with embarrassment. "I don't want to talk about that."
Gently touching Obi-Wan's flushed cheek, Qui-Gon said, "I know, but if the bond isn't completed properly both of you will suffer."
"I don't think I can -- with him," Obi-Wan murmured, feeling dread and shame at the thought of anyone but Qui-Gon touching him intimately. "I...I saved myself for you."
Qui-Gon felt his heart break with Obi-Wan's quiet confession. "I am honored, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon kissed the hand he still held tightly. "I truly wish I could accept your gift."
Blinking back tears, Obi-Wan nodded.
"Will you meditate with me, Padawan?"
Qui-Gon's voice cut through Obi-Wan's turmoil, offering solace, a closeness they could still share. "Yes, Master."
Slowly the rush of emotions quieted. When their minds were calm, Qui-Gon deepened their connection, letting his pride and love in his padawan flow through the training bond.
Obi-Wan felt the comfort of his master's familiar presence. Wrapping it around himself, he drew strength and peace from it. When he saw the underlying pain of Qui-Gon's grief, he reached out, trying to soothe him, and felt Qui-Gon reach back. Sharing their pain helped soften it, if only marginally.
They drifted in a sea of stars, silently enjoying being together, careful not to think beyond the moment.
Suddenly, Obi-Wan felt a burst of energy cutting through his connection with Qui-Gon. Gasping as his master was literally flung from his mind, Obi-Wan tried to center himself. Once they were separated, the energy quieted and Obi-Wan was able to open his eyes.
Slightly stunned, Qui-Gon looked at Obi-Wan with concern. "Bail is awake, I gather."
"Yes, he is."
After helping Qui-Gon out of the bacta tub and into some clothes, Obi-Wan led him down the hall to Bail's room. Several healers hovered over the bed where Bail rested. Moving closer, Obi-Wan caught a glimpse of Bail's dark brown skin, still marred by pale silver scars, but looking so much better than the last time Obi-Wan had seen him. Unconsciously, Obi-Wan moved closer.
Qui-Gon watched as Obi-Wan was drawn to Bail.
While he'd meditated with Obi-Wan it had been impossible not to see the life-bond. Knowing that the thing he'd most longed for was so close but yet so totally out of his grasp left Qui-Gon with a hollow feeling. Watching Obi-Wan gravitate to Bail made him feel brittle, ready to shatter. But he was a Jedi; he had to be strong.
Seeing Obi-Wan, the healers finished settling Bail and left the room. Bail smiled as Obi-Wan sat down next to the bed. "I hear I have you to thank for my life."
Obi-Wan ducked his head, unsure what, exactly, the healers had said. "How are you feeling, Bail?"
"Surprisingly good. I've never been in a bacta tank -- I thought I was dead." Bail smiled, reaching out to take Obi-Wan's hand.
Feeling a small shiver race up his arm at the contact, Obi-Wan said, "It's peaceful, isn't it?"
"Yeah, sort of womb-like. Nice, but I think I'll try to avoid needing a repeat performance, if you don't mind," Bail said, grinning.
Nodding, Obi-Wan looked over to Qui-Gon, who was standing at the foot of the bed. Obviously Bail didn't know about the bond, and Obi-Wan wasn't sure how to tell him.
Stepping forward, Qui-Gon came to Obi-Wan's aid. "Bail, it's good to see you feeling better."
"Thank you, Master Jinn."
"I know the healers told you that Obi-Wan rescued you. I don't think they told you how close to death you were..."
"Well, they said I was gravely injured, so I figured it wasn't too good. After a certain point, the torture sort of ran together and I don't remember a lot of details," Bail said wryly.
"Once he realized we'd found you, one of your captors stabbed you in the back. You would have died, but Obi-Wan fed you energy from the Force until medical help arrived."
Turning to Obi-Wan, Bail squeezed his hand. "I had no idea you could do that. I'm in your debt."
Flushing, Obi-Wan blurted out, "To save you, I had to tie you to me, give you my energy. I had to form a life-bond."
Not understanding the implications, but seeing Obi-Wan's agitation, Bail asked carefully, "What are you trying to tell me? You formed a bond to save my life, but..."
"But, it's permanent," Qui-Gon said. "It's a bond that ties two people together for life. Focus your thoughts on Obi-Wan and you'll feel it."
Together for life? That sounded serious. Bail's thoughts swirled about until he focused on Obi-Wan's eyes, watching their intriguing colors. Immediately, he felt the connection in his mind, like a rope tethering them together. "But how is this possible? I'm not Force-sensitive."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "That's not true. I'm having to shield myself from your thoughts."
Feeling along the training bond, Qui-Gon could sense the amount of energy Obi-Wan was using to keep Bail's thoughts from inundating his mind. "Bail, visualize the bond. See it as a river flowing between you and Obi-Wan. Now build a dam between you so your thoughts stay in your mind."
Even if the training bond hadn't quieted, Qui-Gon could see by the subtle relaxation in Obi-Wan's shoulders that Bail was following his directions.
"Is that better?" Bail asked Obi-Wan.
"Yes, much."
"Very good," Qui-Gon said. "With a little practice you'll be able to shield without thinking about it."
Feeling rather overwhelmed, Bail said, "I'm Force-sensitive?"
"We can do some tests, but I suspect you, and possibly your family, are, and you've learned to use the Force in small ways, even without classical training," Qui-Gon said. "It's actually not that unusual in powerful families. But we're getting away from our main concern now."
"There's more to this bond than shielding," Bail guessed.
"Yes, it's a life-long connection, mental and physical," Obi-Wan said, looking pointedly at their joined hands.
Shaken that he hadn't realized they were still holding hands, Bail asked, "Are you saying we're married?"
"It's so much more than that, but yes, that's the idea," Obi-Wan said uncomfortably. "I'm sorry."
Too stunned to believe they were serious, Bail joked, "Forgive me, Obi-Wan, but you're not my type -- I like women."
"I'm afraid that's no longer a consideration," Qui-Gon stated.
Looking at Qui-Gon's serious expression, Bail sobered. "There's got to be a way to break the bond."
"There isn't."
"But what about --"
Bail's shields wavered and Obi-Wan was assaulted by a jumble of emotions and concerns. Obi-Wan tried not to be hurt by the unconscious thoughts, but he couldn't stop himself from snapping, "I'm sorry you're unhappy with me, but did you stop to think that you might not be my choice, either?"
A stunned silence fell.
"I'm sorry, Bail." Obi-Wan looked horrified. "I didn't mean to say that."
Bail began to laugh, releasing some of the tension. "I'm sorry, too. You're right, I was so busy thinking about myself that I didn't stop to think about you." Bail quieted, looking at Obi-Wan carefully. "I realize you saved my life, and I don't mean to be ungrateful, it's just a lot to process all at once."
"That's all right," Obi-Wan said. "I do understand. Your entire future has just been radically altered."
Sensing that Obi-Wan was holding something back, Bail asked, "How does this change your future?"
Unable to lie to Bail, Obi-Wan said simply, "Qui-Gon and I were planning to form a life-bond."
Feeling the pain behind Obi-Wan's words, Bail suppressed a curse. "I'm so sorry."
A healer swept into the room, scolding Qui-Gon for leaving the bacta tub early and then upsetting her patient. Knowing Bail needed to have some time to himself and to get some sleep, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan allowed themselves to be shooed from the room.
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan went to their quarters, sharing a quick meal before admitting that rest might be a good thing for them as well. Obi-Wan slipped into the fresher to clean up, returning to find that Qui-Gon hadn't retired to his room yet. Sitting beside Qui-Gon on the couch, Obi-Wan asked, "How is your leg feeling?"
"Well enough," Qui-Gon replied, dismissing his injury. "Obi-Wan, I want you to know how proud I am of you. You are a credit to your Jedi training."
Smiling at the compliment, and the unspoken love and support he felt flowing from the training bond, Obi-Wan said, "Thank you, Master."
The short silence that followed was comfortable, filled with the ease of long acquaintance. Obi-Wan found himself wishing he could freeze time and stay in this quiet moment forever.
Feeling the direction of Obi-Wan's thoughts, Qui-Gon lightly touched Obi-Wan's hand. "I love you, Obi-Wan. Whatever happens tomorrow, you will always have my love."
"I love you, too." Unable to stop himself, Obi-Wan fitted his body next to Qui-Gon, nestling in the crook of his master's arm with his head resting on Qui-Gon's chest. Qui-Gon's heartbeat and the quiet strength of his embrace had always calmed Obi-Wan. Now, they hinted at a closeness that could never be theirs. All too soon Obi-Wan would have to complete the life-bond, surrendering his body to a different man. Suddenly, that thought was unendurable. Anger flashed through Obi-Wan at the monumental unfairness of it all.
Qui-Gon stroked Obi-Wan's hair, trying to provide comfort without wishing for more. When Obi-Wan's anger exploded through their bond, Qui-Gon allowed himself a moment to share the feeling before he instructed gently, "Acknowledge your anger, Padawan, then release it. Let it flow from you into the Force. We may not have what we want, but trust that there is a reason, that the Force has a greater purpose."
Drifting with Qui-Gon's words, Obi-Wan faced his anger and his fear of the future. Purging the negative emotions, Obi-Wan watched as they dissipated from his mind into the Force, leaving behind a sense of acceptance.
Knowing that Obi-Wan had conquered his anger, Qui-Gon allowed himself to hold Obi-Wan for one more moment before releasing him, saying, "We should get some sleep."
Obi-Wan sat up, smiling softly. "Will you grant me a birthday wish? Please let me stay with you. I want to fall asleep in your arms, if only this once."
Helpless to deny Obi-Wan, or himself, Qui-Gon stood, extending his hand to his love. When Obi-Wan clasped it, Qui-Gon pulled him up so they stood chest to chest. Leaning down, Qui-Gon placed a kiss on Obi-Wan's forehead. "Yes, Obi-Wan, I want that, as well."
He should be exhausted, but Bail found himself too wound up to sleep. He felt horrible for Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, but that didn't mean he wasn't upset for himself. He'd been kidnapped, tortured, killed and reborn. He knew he should be grateful to be alive, and he was, but being life-bonded to Obi-Wan was not what he'd been groomed for since birth. There had to be some way to solve this, he just couldn't think how.
He'd talked with his family, assuring them that he was all right. The political scene was a mess, but he didn't have the strength to care -- his father would take care of it. The Jedi Council had briefed his father about the bond, and they'd all agreed to keep it quiet. He was being given time to recover and adjust, and then he'd be able to step back into his life, they said.
Somehow, Bail didn't think it would be that easy.
Obi-Wan felt the heat of Qui-Gon's body enveloping him, holding him safe. Snuggling closer, Obi-Wan ran his tongue around Qui-Gon's nipple, sucking and nipping until it peaked. The quiet rumble vibrating against his cheek told Obi-Wan that Qui-Gon was awake. He smiled, pushing his hips against Qui-Gon, letting the fire inside him burst into life.
A white-hot flame flared across Obi-Wan's mind, destroying the bliss of his dream. Crying out, Obi-Wan instinctively slammed up his shields, trying to stop the pain.
Qui-Gon woke to find Obi-Wan clinging to him, keening in pain. Holding him close, Qui-Gon tried to use the training bond to see what was wrong, but ran into a wall that completely shut him out.
Finally, Obi-Wan stilled, his body relaxing into Qui-Gon's. Blinking, Obi-Wan opened his eyes, groaning at the light.
Giving Obi-Wan a chance to recover, Qui-Gon rubbed his back, murmuring quietly to breathe and center himself.
"I'm better," Obi-Wan said, reluctantly slipping from Qui-Gon's arms.
Qui-Gon let him go, sitting up and watching as he drifted back and forth in front of the bed. "What happened?"
"I'm not quite sure. I was dreaming about...touching you...and then there was a blinding pain. I tried to shield against it, but I couldn't. I guess it was Bail and he eventually realized what was happening and raised his shields." Obi-Wan ran his hands through his hair. "The bond isn't going to go away, is it?"
"No, it isn't," Qui-Gon agreed. "I doubt Bail even knew that he was doing anything."
"Then we'll have to complete it soon."
Qui-Gon strode into the Healers' ward. He'd left Obi-Wan in the suite of rooms assigned to Bail, telling Obi-Wan to meditate and prepare himself while he went to get Bail. In truth, someone else could have escorted Bail, but Qui-Gon felt the need to speak with him alone first.
Bail stood as Qui-Gon entered the room. Waking up to Obi-Wan's mental screams had been jarring, harshly spotlighting the need to resolve the bond between them. "Master Jinn," Bail said politely, all too aware of the awkwardness of their positions.
"Please, call me Qui-Gon."
"Qui-Gon."
"I needed to speak with you before we go to Obi-Wan."
Nodding, Bail gestured to the chairs near the bed. "Would you like to sit down?"
"Thank you," Qui-Gon replied. At least sitting would keep him from pacing nervously around the room. For a diplomat, he was handling this conversation with a decided lack of finesse. And it was sure to get worse.
Bail sat quietly, letting Qui-Gon make the first move.
"I wanted to make sure you didn't have any questions. Obi-Wan knows how to complete the bond mentally, so you really don't need to do anything, but..." Qui-Gon paused for a moment, wondering how he was going to ask this question. "But there needs to be enough energy. And you mentioned before that you prefer women."
Taking pity on Qui-Gon, Bail stepped in. "I assume you're trying to say that Obi-Wan and I have to have sex to provide enough energy to complete the bond." After Qui-Gon nodded, Bail continued, "I don't have any experience with men, but I'm not ignorant and I have no desire to hurt Obi-Wan."
"He is infinitely precious to me," Qui-Gon murmured.
"You can trust me."
"Thank you."
Obi-Wan waited in the front room, outwardly calm but trying to maintain his inner serenity. He'd been shielding the life-bond as much as he could, but now he was feeling an increased urgency. It seemed like he was being torn in two different directions. He wanted Qui-Gon, but he couldn't have him. It was as simple as that. And yet, he felt disloyal, for Bail called to him, demanding everything he wanted to give Qui-Gon.
The door opened and Qui-Gon and Bail entered. Obi-Wan smiled, glad that they'd gotten through whatever talk they'd had. He knew Qui-Gon had his best interest at heart, but it was still slightly unsettling to have him talking to Bail alone. "Hello," he said, hoping he didn't sound as nervous as he suddenly felt.
If talking to Qui-Gon alone had been awkward, this was more so. Determined to give them some privacy, Bail said, "I'll just look around," before heading for the balcony.
Qui-Gon approached Obi-Wan, seeing apprehension beneath his brave expression. "Everything will be fine, Obi-Wan."
Nodding, Obi-Wan took a step closer, desperate for reassurance.
"Bail is a good man." Qui-Gon smiled, gently cupping Obi-Wan's face in his hands. "Trust him."
Obi-Wan's lips quivered, but his voice was strong. "I will."
They embraced, silently declaring their love. And then Qui-Gon was gone and Bail stood before Obi-Wan.
Qui-Gon wandered through the Temple gardens trying not to think about Obi-Wan and Bail. While he'd told Obi-Wan the truth, that he trusted Bail, it was too soon to think of them together without feeling pain. He tried to console himself with the thought that, all things considered, they'd been incredibly lucky that it had been Bail. Qui-Gon shuddered to think how he'd feel if Obi-Wan had saved a complete stranger or a less than virtuous being.
Feeling the humidity increase, Qui-Gon came back to the world, looking about to see that, of all the biomes recreated in the gardens, he'd ended up in what he thought of affectionately as the Old Troll's Swamp. He grinned, realizing that the frenetic hum of life in the swamp had a soothing effect on him. He'd certainly spent a good about of time here as an apprentice.
Settling on a log, Qui-Gon tried to blank his mind and become part of the swamp.
"Bail." Even as Obi-Wan mourned the loss of Qui-Gon, he could feel the need for Bail tugging at him. Bail was beautiful, his dark hair and eyes set off by his richly dark skin. Whereas Obi-Wan still felt some of the awkwardness of adolescence, Bail was perfectly proportioned, well-muscled, and obviously comfortable in his body.
"Obi-Wan." Bail could see that Obi-Wan was trying to put Qui-Gon out of his mind and focus on him. He felt a moment of jealousy that Obi-Wan loved another so intensely, but let it go, chiding himself for his pettiness. He'd begun to feel an uncharacteristic possessiveness of Obi-Wan, which he knew must be the bond since he'd never looked at Obi-Wan with lust. It was disconcerting, nonetheless, to recognize how beautiful Obi-Wan was.
Stepping into each other's arms, Bail and Obi-Wan kissed tentatively. Obi-Wan noted that Bail was much less massive than Qui-Gon, while Bail noticed that Obi-Wan was harder, more solid than the women he had known.
The bond sprang to life as they slowly explored each other.
Qui-Gon lifted rocks with the Force, running from the simplest to the hardest exercises in hopes of ignoring his training bond with Obi-Wan. He'd promised himself he'd respect Obi-Wan's privacy, but he couldn't help the bad feeling he had or the desire to check on the well-being of his padawan. He lifted another rock, trying to distract himself.
When the rock said his name, Qui-Gon gasped in surprise, unconsciously dropping all the rocks he'd been supporting.
Yoda landed with a thud. "Trained you better than that, I did."
"I'm sorry, Master." Though embarrassed, Qui-Gon was grateful for Yoda's presence. "I'm sure it's just an excuse to meddle, but I can't stop feeling that something is wrong with Obi-Wan."
Closing his eyes, Yoda let the Force flow through him. "All is as it should be, Padawan."
Qui-Gon sighed, noting that Yoda hadn't really answered his question. "I told Obi-Wan that the Force has a greater purpose for us; right now I'm having trouble believing it."
Yoda's ears rose a little then fell back. "Bittersweet destiny is."
Trying to rein in his frustration, Qui-Gon said, "You always told me to trust my feelings. I can't sit back and ignore the fact that Obi-Wan might be in trouble." Qui-Gon knew he sounded like he was trying to justify an action he wanted to take, but his sense of unease was growing.
Yoda placed his clawed hand on Qui-Gon's knee, patted him, then turned to leave.
Obi-Wan tried to breathe through the pain. He didn't understand where they'd gone wrong. Their first touches had been exciting. They'd explored each other, laughing in relief that they could feel pleasure together. Bail had been tender, moving slowly and carefully, giving both of them time to adjust. And then, when they'd built up passionate energy, Obi-Wan had reached to complete the life-bond, and everything had gone red with fire.
Qui-Gon had just decided to check the training bond when he was caught in the backlash of Obi-Wan's pain. Staggering to his feet, Qui-Gon sent waves of calm across the bond, then ran through the gardens to Obi-Wan.
When he entered the bedroom, Qui-Gon found Obi-Wan on his knees, bent over and clutching his head. Bail was draped over Obi-Wan, practically unconscious. Qui-Gon carefully rolled Bail off Obi-Wan, then turned Obi-Wan over onto his side. "Obi-Wan? Can you hear me?"
"Hurts...hurts...hurts..." Obi-Wan mumbled, curling up into a ball.
Qui-Gon worked his way along the training bond, avoiding the roadblocks thrown up by Obi-Wan's pain and trying to soothe him. When Qui-Gon saw the life-bond, it appeared as an electric wire with Obi-Wan holding on and the current running through him. Firmly, Qui-Gon said, "Padawan, release the bond."
Obi-Wan whimpered, but held on. "Can't -- I'm supposed to finish the bond."
"Listen to me, Obi-Wan. It won't work like that. Let go and we'll find a way to make it work."
Slowly, Obi-Wan peeled his fingers off the bond. When he lifted his hands free, the pain dropped to a faint echo of its former strength. Gasping with relief, Obi-Wan opened his eyes. "I'm all right. How's Bail?"
Qui-Gon moved over to check, finding him stirring. "He appears to be recovering."
"What happened?" Obi-Wan asked, reaching out to touch Bail. "I tried to complete the bond and everything blew up."
Now that the immediate crisis was over, Qui-Gon couldn't help but notice skin -- lots of naked, beautiful skin.
Obi-Wan saw Qui-Gon's gaze drift over their bodies and blushed, pulling the blanket up to cover Bail and himself.
"I'm sorry --"
"No, it's fine. I'm sorry --"
"No --"
"Would you two stop apologizing and tell me what just happened?" Bail asked.
Turning to Bail, Obi-Wan said, "We don't know, exactly."
Qui-Gon sat on the edge of the bed, trying to appear calm. "It looked like Obi-Wan touched an electric wire when he wasn't grounded."
"Okay, that's not really too helpful," Bail said. "Unless it means that we can't finish the bond until he's grounded."
"Probably true. Obi-Wan, will you show me the bond?"
"Of course." Obi-Wan closed his eyes and focused on letting Qui-Gon into his mind.
Qui-Gon surveyed the life-bond, seeing blue strands wrapped with purple. It was common to visualized colors representing the partners, with the strands entwined to form the bond. In this case, however, there were many more purple strands than blue. Curious, Qui-Gon reached out to touch a purple strand. Expecting to find Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon was startled when he felt Bail.
Obi-Wan watched Qui-Gon examine the bond, following his thoughts as he realized the strands were uneven. Suddenly, Obi-Wan understood -- even as he'd formed the bond, he'd felt torn between Qui-Gon and Bail, and he hadn't given all of himself to the life-bond.
Recognizing the logic of Obi-Wan's insight, Qui-Gon began to search for a solution.
Bail watched from the outside as Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan sank into meditation. It was frustrating not to be able to join them, but he hadn't been trained to do so. He tried anyway, closing his eyes and focusing on the life-bond. He could see it, feel it even, but when he tried to follow it to Obi-Wan, he kept hitting a wall. Then, for a moment, he was inside Obi-Wan's mind.
Feeling Bail tugging on his arm, Obi-Wan broke his connection with Qui-Gon and opened his eyes.
"I was in Obi-Wan's mind for a moment." Suddenly the center of attention, Bail felt foolish for interrupting them. "I was trying to follow the bond but I kept hitting walls, and then I was just there."
"I touched the bond for a moment and felt you," Qui-Gon said.
Obi-Wan grinned, unable to believe this was possible. "Bail, the bond is missing strands and I can't give more to complete it."
Bail looked at Obi-Wan, seeing his excitement. "But you think Qui-Gon can add them." Surprisingly, Bail didn't feel threatened by the thought.
"Don't get too hopeful," Qui-Gon said. "It sounds promising, but it may not work."
"It has to work," Obi-Wan argued. "We are close enough to act as one person."
"One way to find out is to try," Bail suggested.
Obi-Wan found himself in the center of a wild tangle of limbs. It was amazing to feel Bail's slim body tight around him while at the same time opening himself to Qui-Gon's ferocious heat. As they moved together, his body overflowed with pleasure, feeling more alive than it ever had.
In his mind, Obi-Wan reached out to Qui-Gon, gathering strands of green and weaving them into the bond of blue and purple. As they climaxed, Obi-Wan completed the life-bond, binding them together in love.
Yoda sat quietly on a rock, listening to the chirping and slithers of the swamp. When the Force brightened around him, glittering in a helix of greens, blues and purples, Yoda smiled.