WARNING: Kaiburr called this story "sweet" - you're warned! Of
course, I did write much of this in my office on the third
floor of a sugar refinery...
NOTE: This is Obi-Wan's POV in this story. No sequel
forthcoming on this. Although this sort of thing has been done
over and over again, I like to think I gave it a little
freshness. <g> Apologies if any of you recognize elements
of other story plots in here. But can we really have too much
of a good thing?
DISCLAIMER: Absolutely no monetary benefit is being derived
from my enjoyment of these two characters, except for the
lining of George Lucas's wallet, considering all the SW stuff
I've spent MY money on!
ARCHIVE: on M-A archive, please, and add my e-mail addy:
peacewind@home.com
FEEDBACK: Positive feedback encouraged and welcomed
SUMMARY: When Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon get together, the result is
something quite extraordinary indeed.
"Obi-Wan."
"Hmmm?" I straightened abruptly, unaware that my master had
returned from meeting with Healer Tommas so soon. Hastily I set
aside my datapad and looked up, giving him my attention. To my
wonder, he was smiling, his demeanor calm as always but with
something of warmth. I even felt something of a tingle in our
bond.
Master Qui-Gon, his robe folded close about him, came and sat
beside me at the table in here in the common room of our
quarters. "I just received a very satisfying compliment about
you from Master Tiin. And I've decided to share it with you."
"Oh?" I felt a flush of pleasure in my master's evident pride
in me. He wasn't given to compliments... at all. I usually had
to discern from his subtle nonverbals when I was meeting his
exacting standards.
He reached over and laid a hand just near my datapad. "He said
he was impressed with your maturity and poise," he said
quietly. Then he met my eyes. "As am I."
I smiled, feeling a little surge of happiness. "Thank you,
Master. It's very kind of you to say so. And I will thank
Master Tiin tomorrow."
Qui-Gon looked into my eyes a long time. I stilled as the
tingling in our bond warmed to a genuine affection. [He feels
affection... for me?] I certainly felt that... and more... for
him, although I did not allow myself to let my thoughts wander
in that direction. "It's not kindness, Padawan," Qui-Gon
responded at last, his voice soft. "It's the truth. You've
grown up beautifully, my Obi-Wan."
Abruptly I felt myself blushing. "Master..."
He sat back, still regarding me warmly. "It's the truth," he
replied simply. "It's not just that you'll easily be ready for
your Knight trials in a year or less, but you have become a
confident and sure man, knowing yourself and your gifts, your
strengths and weaknesses."
I ducked my head, though it was in surprise for the deep peace
his words stirred in my heart. "I owe my Master a great deal,"
I said, feeling very humble.
To my amazement, he laid his hand atop mine in reassurance.
"And I owe my Padawan a great deal..."
Automatically I turned my hand over and twined my fingers in
his. It was such a natural gesture that I barely thought about
it, and when I did, I only noted that it felt so very right.
"What... does my master owe me?" I asked curiously in a soft
voice. I was slowly becoming aware that something wonderful was
beginning.
Qui-Gon looked at me solemnly and in our bond I could feel his
own peace. "I owe you for rescuing my heart. If you recall
its... condition... when our lives intersected. You helped me
trust again, Obi-Wan."
I did recall, though it was years later that I was able to
fully understand how much of a hollow shell Qui-Gon Jinn's
heart had become since the betrayal of his last padawan,
Xanatos. I'd focused on my own inadequacies, believing that I
was barely acceptable, until I understood that he'd been barely
able to accept... anyone. And I did know that he had become
more whole through the time of our association, and I'd hoped I
had been a part of that healing.
Now, to hear it from his lips, I felt within me the bloom of
love I already knew for this man. "You have many friends who
care for you, too, Qui-Gon," I said, and squeezed his fingers
within my grasp.
But to my continued surprise, he shook his head vehemently and
tightened his grip on my hand. Then he raised my hand to his
cheek, holding the back of my fingers against his soft beard. I
felt my heart beat faster. "No, Obi-Wan," he whispered. I could
not look away from what was clearly a loving gaze. "It is you
who are saving my heart."
I was stunned and could not say anything. [He said 'is'...
'are'... what if...?] I could not even think it.
Then the moment was gone. He was releasing my hand and sitting
back, his gaze shifting to my datapad. "I have something to ask
of you, my Obi-Wan..."
It suddenly occurred to me that he'd been calling me that - "my
Obi-Wan" for some months now. How was it that I had not
noticed? "Yes, Master," I responded obediently, a response that
I made with joy, and had for most of our years together.
"I ask that you consider continuing to work with me after you
become a Knight." His head came back up and he met my gaze
again, solemn and serene. "I cannot imagine finding a better
partner than you, and I think you are aware of our success
rate."
The war in my heart was a swift one. Of course I'd hoped to one
day go out and make a name for myself as a Jedi Knight. But
Master Qui-Gon and I had evolved into - I had to admit this
honestly - a formidable diplomatic team. Working beside him
indeed made me feel fulfilled, especially as more and more he'd
begun to entrust me with handling negotiations alone. It was a
supreme pleasure working with him.
"Master..." I inclined my head, offering him a pleased smile,
"I am deeply honored. I can imagine no better partner either...
were I to choose to work in tandem with another Jedi when that
time comes." I hoped that didn't sound like a rejection. It
wasn't a decision I could make right now with any finality.
Finishing my training, passing the Trials were all I wanted to
concentrate on.
That... was a lie. But at least I knew well he would not want
me to decide my future now. And to my relief he nodded,
understanding.
"It's not time to decide now, I know, my Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said
calmly. I felt the careful receding of the previous warmth.
Puzzled, I wondered about that for a moment until I realized he
thought he was respecting my uncertainty. I felt... something,
the Force thrumming through me, hope, a knowing... whatever. I
sensed that he was about to leave things as they were and get
up to go. "Wait," I breathed abruptly, my hand on his arm. I
did know what I wanted. It wasn't everything I wanted, but it
would be more than I'd hoped for. "That's not true, Master. I
do know what I want. I accept your offer."
I knew I was right when an expression of relief mingled with
joy passed through his face. The emotions surged briefly in our
link as well. "This pleases me deeply, Padawan," Qui-Gon
murmured. "Of course if you should later choose otherwise..."
I smiled and shook my head, squeezing his arm before I sat
back. "I doubt that I will. We do indeed work very well
together, Master."
"Yes, we do..." Qui-Gon sighed, smiling as well. Then he leaned
forward toward me, his eyes on mine intently. "I have never
felt such harmony with another being... as I feel with you."
His voice was quiet and low.
The implications of his words went straight through me
wonderfully. I was thrilled and shocked all at once.
"Master..." I did know a good measure of confusion. "But Healer
Tommas..."
"What?" Qui-Gon inquired, frowning.
I didn't really know what I was saying. "Aren't... aren't you
and Tommas... aren't you two...?" Qui-Gon had been seeing the
Healer for a good many years, and while I had heard no one
speak specifically of their relationship, I'd just assumed...
He was shaking his head at me, bewildered. "Aren't we what? You
think we're together?"
It had been one reason why I did not allow myself to consider
anything in the way of a personal relationship with Qui-Gon
Jinn. Another being that he wouldn't want such a young, raw cub
as myself... and besides he was my teacher although that had
indeed eased into a deep friendship over the last couple
years... I met his gaze squarely. "It has seemed so, yes..." I
replied honestly. They did spend regular time together.
Qui-Gon, however, just sighed. "You respect my privacy too
well, perhaps, my dear Padawan," he said, his expression wry.
"Or I have indeed, as Tommas has accused me, held too much of
my heart from you. Healer Tommas has been my counselor for
nearly thirteen years. And has become a friend as well."
Counselor... then... [Since Xanatos,] I had the sudden thought,
and wondered with an abrupt wrench to the heart just how bad
off Qui-Gon had been and how far he'd come before our fateful
encounter on Bandomeer which led to his taking me as Padawan.
"I am sorry, I should not have assumed..."
"It's all right," Qui-Gon said quickly. "You probably thought
that... since he is close to my age."
"Age?" I was surprised, as truly that had never occurred to me.
"No, not at all."
Then I saw something in his eyes that I hadn't seen before, not
like this, a hope... and something of a wondering shyness. "No
one... else... holds my heart, Obi-Wan." Then he stood up and
turned away from me.
I closed my eyes, sensing the Force as it hummed and purred
between us. With a second shock I read him clearly,
understanding what he offered, feeling the resonance within
myself, knowing that what he felt, what I felt, was true
and right and good. Harmony between us... And in response, our
bond hummed with joy. I stood and set my chair aside, leaving
nothing between us now. "And no one else holds mine, Qui-Gon,"
I murmured, my heart swelling... allowed to, now.
I wanted him to turn back to me, accept what I was offering
back, but his head only bowed. "The years between us,
Obi-Wan..."
"Do not matter," I said softly. "I have never felt such harmony
with another being either." Then, because I sensed that he was
waiting for me to say more, I added, "And what I am feeling is
more than harmony."
He held still, waiting. Our bond fairly shone with what was now
clearly a mutual hope. I neared, slipping around in front of
him. I kept going, because I felt so sure, the Force drawing us
together. With a sigh, I reached up to thread my fingers behind
his neck, into his hair, my body against his. He'd moved in the
same moment to wrap his arms around me, pulling me in. I felt
the spike of joy go through us both as we moved to bring our
lips together in the same moment.
Oh, Force, I hadn't ever even given myself permission to
contemplate such glory, kissing my Master! Even in adolescence
I'd firmly avoided such thoughts, not given to imagining what
from that perspective was clearly an impossibility. But now...
I knew I loved him deeply with every fiber of my being.
I felt him tremble and realized with another flash of insight
that Qui-Gon, respectable and responsible Jedi Master as he
was, had not allowed such thoughts in himself either. What,
then, had changed? I was still his padawan...
I didn't care, for I trusted him. I knew this man, knew
that Qui-Gon Jinn would never have laid out the opening for
this coming together if he did not believe that it was
something that our relationship as master and padawan could
integrate. He'd said I'd matured, and clearly he accepted me as
a mature man. I knew and he knew that I was so deeply committed
to my training that even a personal relationship with someone
could not mar that commitment.
Relationship... with the very Jedi Master who'd already trained
me for eleven years. Who better?
We kissed for a long time, learning each other's mouths, until
a surge of heat warned us. We drew apart at the same moment,
breathing deeply, then looked into each other's eyes. My own
wonder and joy was mirrored in his gaze.
"You have been so very good for me," Qui-Gon whispered, his
face lit up into a smile I'd never seen before. "Did... did you
consider this before? Our being together..."
I felt a delicious shiver from the way he said that. This
intimacy, though abrupt, felt so comfortable I was already
aching for it. "Did I dare, you mean?" I laughed, combing
through his hair at the back with my fingers, something I'd
secretly been craving to do. "I think I've loved you my whole
life, Qui-Gon," I murmured back, nuzzling his bearded chin. His
beard was as soft as I'd hoped. "But I never let myself hope
that I could ever show you that... this..."
His large hands caressed my back and drew me even closer in his
embrace. "Because of Tommas? Tommi is the reason I was even
able to say anything to you. He's been telling me for six
months that I was ready... that you were ready for
something more between us. I had to be sure though, Obi-Wan.
For some reason, when Saesee Tiin said that to me today about
you, I just knew the time had come."
"Did you really think I would reject you, dear Master?" I asked
quietly. "You know I am devoted to you."
He pressed his head against mine, leaning down to me, and I
felt the fervent press of his lips on my temple before he
spoke. His voice was hushed, awed, which in turn awed me. "I
know. I have always been grateful for that - and I hope you
knew that."
"Yes, Master," I replied quickly. Suddenly the words were not
those of obedience, but of the giving of my heart.
Qui-Gon smiled, relieved, but then sobered. "It's far more
common for a Padawan to form an attachment to another Padawan
with whom they may team up when Knighted, or with a young
Knight. Or go outside the Order altogether. Not to be bound to
one who will leave them to spend all of their later years
alone..." He glanced away; I'm sure my shock showed on my face.
"But then we're not exactly ready to speak of 'binding'," he
added. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up."
I felt a rush of feeling go through me: love, compassion,
determination. "Qui-Gon, do not forget how deeply bound
together we already are." To remind him, I continued by
speaking only through the training bond our minds shared. This
mental speech was normally only reserved for emergencies. It
was otherwise considered a more intimate form of communication.
["Did you not wonder why being close to me, touching me,
kissing me feels so natural? I have never had this with another
lover."]
Within our bond I felt him shiver with delight. ["Force... nor
have I. Never this. You know how uncommon it is for master and
padawan to develop mind-speech together so easily?"] His deep
blue gaze roved back to mine.
["Eleven years..."] I reminded him, wondering about his words.
Though I felt my heart pounding, I returned the gaze, feeling
his look go straight into my depths.
["It's not that it's been eleven years... it's never for
many,"] Qui-Gon informed me. ["I know, this is something we
haven't exactly discussed. Perhaps we should have."] He paused
and I knew he was remembering what I was - that our training
bond had formed before we were even Master and Padawan. Yoda
had effectively thrown us together on that first mission to
Bandomeer eleven years ago and the bond had formed
spontaneously. Fortunately for us, as it saved both our lives.
["Obi-Wan, the bond is deepening even now. Can you feel it?"]
Oh, yes, I not only felt it, I reveled in it. In response I
gave him a mental caress, a loving Force-touch. ["I want this,
Qui-Gon."] Indeed, I felt happy to be able to touch him so.
He gasped and made a sound in his throat that I found very
erotic. Force, causing Qui-Gon Jinn to make "sounds" was going
to be incredibly exciting! But his demeanor was still serious.
"By the Force, Obi, I want it, too, but I need to make you
aware of what is happening. Most Force-sensitives only have the
capability of forming a loose emotional link with another,
being able to locate them at times at great need through
recognition of their Force-auras, or sending a Force-wave to
alert of danger. But you and I, my Obi-Wan, had that
immediately. Since then the bond between us only increased and
deepened over time. You and I were latent telepaths both. Among
the numbers of the Jedi, only about one-tenth of the Order are
true telepaths, capable of more than the usual Force-powers.
Our training bond has touched our potentials into activity."
I was indeed missing something here. "But... you have had two
other training bonds. Didn't...?" I shook my head, confused.
Qui-Gon caressed my face lightly with his fingers, smiling
gently. His response came through the mind again. ["Those were
normal training bonds, as I'd described. Ours was never normal.
I confess that I didn't realize either until now."] He looked
at me ruefully. ["No, that's not correct. I was told, but I
didn't believe it."]
Basically, then, it was an accident that we had NOT discovered
this increasing telepathic link between us. We'd just never
discussed it. Qui-Gon had believed - and had instructed me
accordingly - that we were capable of mental speech in
emergencies. I understood now that when I'd spoken to him this
way, it had unnerved... and thrilled... him deeply.
["Believe it, accept it, Qui,"] I murmured into his mind,
pressing my cheek into his hand. ["I want this. Don't you see
how well our minds are matched? How well we are matched?
How can you think I could want anyone else?"] I meant this with
everything in me. And for the record, I hadn't had a genuine
relationship with anyone in a year or so myself. Any sexual
liaisons had been with friends for whom it represented mutual
relief and caring, no more.
My master's response was to fold me again in his long arms and
kiss me senseless. I answered him eagerly, twining my tongue
around his. ["No one else now. Oh, Force, I love you, Master!"]
["Love you very much, Padawan... my Obi..."]
["By the way, how deep is the bond likely to go? Just so we can
know what to expect..."]
He did not stop kissing me, did not even hesitate. ["Deep. It
may be breakable only by death. And... perhaps not even then."]
At that, he did stop, pulling off my mouth with a sigh. ["At
least you'll possibly have that comfort."]
["Stop... that..."] Seeing his eyes avert from mine, I moved my
mouth to his throat instead. ["Let me teach you something about
your padawan, beloved Master. I do not care if I get but a
single month with you. We are Jedi and that commitment always
comes first. We have risked death before together and will
again."] As I tried to get my message across, I ran my tongue
up the lean, strong length of his neck. ["Aren't you the one
constantly telling me to live in the moment, Qui?"]
He groaned, and I knew I had made my point. ["Yes, I believe
that was me... oh, I want you..."]
I punctuated my next thought to him with another caress of the
mind. ["Have me..."] I was already kissing and nipping my way
back down his throat.
["This isn't just desire or physical need,"] Qui-Gon insisted
firmly, though his hands were drawing my robe off my shoulders.
["I'm deeply in love with you, Obi-Wan Kenobi."]
My heart and soul soared with the pronouncement. ["I know and I
am deeply in love with you as well, Qui-Gon Jinn."] I knew now
I'd wanted to say that to him a very long time, though I did
not know when the love had turned into this kind of deep love.
It didn't matter.
I took his robe from him and laid both of ours together on a
chair. When I turned back, he was laying his tabard aside and
untying his tunic, his eyes hot on me. I could feel the hunger
simmering between us and realized with a thrill that our first
lovemaking could be rather explosive. Later we could take our
time and explore each other's bodies. I just knew right now
that I wanted him inside me as soon as possible.
This was a side of Qui-Gon Jinn completely unknown to me, but
one I'd long suspected. Although he was as serene a Jedi Master
and Knight as I'd ever met, I knew well that beneath the calm
exterior simmered the fierce intensity of one very much in love
with life. His deep communion with the living Force told of
that, as well as so many other small things about him. But
there was no mistaking the intent in his eyes.
As I worked off my tunics, I was already hard for him, my
erection tenting the fabric of my pants. Glancing his way, I
saw with a thrill that he was in the same condition, then
realized with a rush that I'd never seen him erect. Nude, yes,
that was very usual, though of course neither of us had ever
taken the luxury of really looking.
I looked, my own belt, sash, tunics, boots discarded. Qui-Gon
Jinn was a powerfully honed warrior with a body to match. He
faced me, pausing while I looked him over, and smiling faintly.
Indeed, I hungrily took in the vision of broad shoulders,
muscled arms, a nearly hairless chest, narrow waist. Nipples...
and I laughed in delight suddenly, for everything about my very
tall Jedi Master was large, even those. Sliding my hands around
his waist and pulling him in, I went right for one of those
rosy nubs, immediately swirling my tongue around it, tasting
him for the first time.
Qui-Gon, too, laughed, his hands filtering through my hair. I
felt as he twined my padawan braid around his fingers as if
anchoring me and it gave me another erotic shiver. I sucked his
left nipple until it was fat and erect, then switched over to
the other. ["You taste good, Qui,"] I thought to him, adding a
mental ripple of my own pleasure in the task. ["And fortunately
for me, there's a lot of you to taste."]
I got another groan out of him, then felt his hardness stir
against my belly. That was... a lot of hardness! I
pressed against it, then arched my back as he tasted my neck
and slid one hand down my back to my behind.
["Want..."] Qui-Gon muttered into my mind, but I had no doubts
about what it was he wanted. Leaving his nipples, I wound my
hands around his neck again, lifting myself up against him. He
needed no further hints. Both of his massive hands palmed my
bottom and he lifted me off the floor, wrapping my legs around
his waist. I was impressed; he may have six inches of height on
me, but I'm not a small man, and my shoulders are just as broad
as his.
So I clung to his neck, my mouth finding his as he carried me
into his room. Another thorough but quick kiss, and he laid me
down. "Mmm, want, too..." I murmured as I settled onto my side.
Qui-Gon, smiling, backed away and began to remove his pants.
When his erection popped out, I must have had quite the look on
my face because he laughed at me softly. "Want this?" he asked
playfully, making it bob up and down.
I don't think "playful" and "Qui-Gon" had ever gone together in
one thought in my mind before, and I was getting my first
inkling of the true danger I was in. My solemn, serious Jedi
Master was transforming before my eyes into an enthusiastic,
ah, hedonist?
Did he suspect at all that I was of definite like mind? How
many of my padawan lovers had he pumped for information? "Yes,
want this!" I muttered, reaching for it. "Want this
here!" I dared to wink at him, drawing him forward as I gently
tugged on... oh, Force, Qui-Gon's penis, hard and massive...
and mine.
Qui-Gon allowed me to pull him closer this way, and I glanced
up again quickly just in time to catch him smirking. "What?"
"You do that so well," he murmured, and winked back at me. "So,
what else does my talented padawan do well?"
I chuckled as I shifted to sit on the edge of the bed with him
standing between my spread legs. "You mean you actually haven't
done research on me?" I stroked him lightly and slowly.
He sucked in his breath, threading fingers into my hair again,
which I was rapidly discovering that I loved. "I may have...
heard a few things," he murmured. "Strange, I can't seem to
recall a single one of them..."
"Convenient," I replied, examining avidly what I held. His
penis had a lovely gentle curve to it, the head full and plump.
I thumbed back the foreskin to reveal it, then succumbed to a
sudden impulse. I leaned forward and took him into my mouth.
"Ohhhh, Obi," he gasped. "Yes, please..." He gasped again,
evidently pleased with the sensations I was creating. ["I seem
to recall something..."]
["Oh?"] Despite the fact that I was teasing his member with
eager deliberation, I shivered just because I was actually
teasing his member... And despite the fact that I was no novice
in this area, I felt abruptly overwhelmed by him. I let him
slip from my mouth, and I leaned in against his hip, my hands
still at his waist, my face pressed into the dark hairs and the
tensile rod I had just been mouthing. ["Oh, Master..."]
He did not tease me, and I believe he felt the shift in my
emotions through our bond. Qui-Gon caressed the back of my head
and neck, then moved his hands to my legs, guiding me back up
onto the bed. "Move over, love, let me join you," he whispered
above me. I released him reluctantly and shifted over to make
room. Once he lay his long body down beside mine, I let him
fold himself around me. Then we were kissing again, deeply and
sweet.
["Are you all right?"] he asked me curiously within our bond.
["I'm a stranger only to being intimate with you,"] I
replied, relaxing again, though still very busy with his mouth.
["Do you have any idea how potent you are? Force, but you're
magnificent."]
["As are you, beloved,"] he replied warmly, a rush of
love flooding our bond. As we kissed, he worked on removing my
pants. ["And I am aware that you are experienced in sexual
pleasuring. Though I imagine you haven't had an opportunity to
learn this about me as well..."] He smiled into my mouth,
almost chuckling. ["I have been discrete."]
Once I was completely naked, I shifted to align our groins and
snuggled in close. ["Too. I have to reform my entire image of
you. Not that I won't enjoy doing it."] I reached up to kiss
him again, somehow unable to get enough of his mouth.
["Image?"]
["The serene, impassive Jedi Master image that's been burned
into me since I was thirteen."]
["Oh, that one..."] He laughed into my mouth. ["Strange, I
don't imagine you as a boy anymore."]
["I can tell!"] I pulled off his lips, laughing as well. "So
what image of me do you have?" I couldn't resist asking.
Qui-Gon ran a hand down my side and hip, a rather possessive
gesture that made me shiver with need. "My bright, fierce
warrior, my beautiful Obi-Wan..." he murmured, again turning
that hot, molten gaze upon me.
I gulped, then arched my head to the side as he started licking
at my throat. "You think I'm beautiful?"
"Spectacular," he replied, his tongue tracing a line up to my
ear. "And delicious, I'm discovering."
I groaned; obviously Qui-Gon Jinn was handling our transition
to being lovers quite well. I was still stunned, however, for
Qui-Gon Jinn was as sensuous and loving as he was serene,
powerful, and the order's top negotiator. But I was beginning
to adjust, enjoying the loving part immensely, new as it was to
me. "So are you," I groaned again, and involuntarily thrust my
erection against him.
"Oh, you are so ready," Qui-Gon whispered in my ear with a
wicked little chuckle, yet another sound I'd never heard from
my stern master before. He ran his free hand down to my ass
again, and slipped a finger into my crack. He didn't do any
more than put it there, but I felt an electric jolt just for
that simple contact from him, there. Immediately
I felt the gentle inquiry in my mind again. ["Obi?"]
["Yes, I want it, oh, Force, Qui, do you have any idea how you
excite me?"]
He lifted his head to look at me. I know I was flushed, and I
felt a sheen of perspiration on my forehead already. He had the
audacity to grin at me. ["I'm getting a very good idea of that,
my Obi-Wan,"] he responded. Another wink while I groaned yet
again.
Then he was turning me over. "I want to see you, face you," I
gasped hastily, but he was already kissing my face, gentling
me.
"I know, love," Qui-Gon whispered, beginning a trail of kisses
down my back toward his target. ["I just want to get you more
relaxed. Will you let me?"]
Deny this man anything? Not hardly. ["Oh, yes... Qui, lover,
perhaps no one told you that I tend to do the taking, rather
than being taken?"] I doubted it would make much difference.
Besides, I wanted everything he was doing to me, and very
badly.
["Oh? How interesting,"] he replied, caressing my sides as he
kissed just above my crack.
I laughed out loud, then, as I settled onto my forearms,
kneeling so he had the best access to me. He wasn't interested
in the least, I knew, because he already knew what I wanted,
despite my little half-hearted protest. The truth was, I'd
never found another padawan lover whom I felt comfortable
enough with to let him truly dominate me in bed... was this
what I wanted with my master? I felt the possibility, to my
amazement. But this wasn't a time to discuss... anything. I
wanted this now - that's all I knew.
Then I felt his breath against my entrance. "Please," I
whimpered, and was rewarded with a long swipe up my crack with
his tongue. His hands around my hips held me in place, though I
wanted to push back for more. His tongue pressed against my
anus gently, then slowly swirled around the muscle to relax me.
I uttered another whimper, then felt his hand on the center of
my back. ["Easy, beloved, center in the Force..."]
I almost laughed. A lecture on centering during this? But I
realized immediately that he was completely serious. Curious, I
tried it, pausing to sense the Force more fully. This wasn't a
usual part of sex for me.
["Nice to see the Masters still keep back a few tricks for
themselves,"] Qui-Gon said calmly. And he was calm,
though his tongue was still lovingly softening me. ["No one
showed you how to use the Force during lovemaking?"]
I'd never had sex with a Master, and only with a couple of the
younger Knights. The subject of the Force had never come up.
And I'd been with a large percentage of the general group of
Human adult padawans, and none of them had mentioned it either.
["No... ohhhh, that feels so good, Qui..."]
His thought was firm in my mind, though also protective. ["Feel
the Force in our bond, my Obi-Wan, feel it in this room, in my
touch... breathe it as you do every day of your life. Jedi
making love together is no different than Jedi practicing with
lightsabers. The Force flows from our emotions and senses,
binding us closer and enriching the experience."]
Now I could feel it, the living, breathing energies of the
Force, that which most made us Jedi. I felt humbled, for all
the myriad of times I'd had sex over the past seven years since
I became sexually mature, I hadn't once thought to tap into the
Force in this manner. It had just been sex... happy romps with
friends, sensuous explorations with those few who had been more
lovers than friends.
Binding us closer, he'd said. Already I felt it. ["Yes,
beloved, I see what you mean now,"] I sighed into his mind.
["Oh, more tongue, please..."] I parted my legs wider, pushing
back to get more of him.
When a finger replaced his tongue, I only sighed happily,
feeling the flow of Force energy shudder between us. In
moments, I was feeling very relaxed, and my arousal, which had
flagged for a few minutes, was spiking yet again. ["Need you
inside, beloved Master,"] I murmured into his mind, sharing
Force-waves of love between us.
["Beloved Padawan,"] he murmured back, kissing my behind, then
bidding me to turn over for him again. When I lay on my back
again and looked up at him kneeling between my legs, I knew I'd
never seen such a beautiful sight... and I saw in his eyes and
knew in our bond that he was thinking the exact same thing. We
smiled briefly, then I lifted my legs, knees to my chest,
opening myself for him.
["So beautiful,"] Qui-Gon sighed, getting into position. Then,
unbelievably, he paused, closing his eyes for a moment.
I was in no mood to meditate! "Um, Qui-Gon, NOW, please..."
Then I realized. "Oh... there's a lubricant in my room..."
He shook his head. "Just relax, love..."
Used to following his orders, I tried to do just that, though
my need was spiking. Suddenly I was aware of something very
unusual happening. Something was stretching me very gently...
then I felt the head of his penis enter me and slide in
smoothly. Smoothly? I let out a low moan because it felt so
wonderful, like creamy silk sliding over my skin. Then I
understood. My very experienced Master had actually entered me
through the medium of the Force, using the gentle energies to
enable his smooth penetration. I could feel it deep into my
body. We were joined.
Qui-Gon, holding onto my knees now, had slid in about halfway
before he stopped, his eyes still closed. ["Let me know when to
stop,"] he whispered into my mind lovingly.
["You used the Force to enter me,"] I replied in awe of his
subtle manipulation of the Force. ["And I want all of you."]
He opened his eyes and looked down into mine. His were dark and
crystalline, with a sheen to them as if they held tears. Then I
realized they did. The emotion on his face, in his mind, was
open to me as never before, and I was shaken by the power in
those emotions - his love and need for me. I... I'd never felt
anything like that. No one had ever loved me, needed me like
this. ["Beloved,"] he said at last, his mental voice so rich in
my mind that I felt myself trembling despite the loving
application of Force to ease his way into my body. ["I'm not
bragging, but you may not be able to take all of me in..."]
Well, only half of him was in and I did indeed feel beautifully
and completely filled. Force, he was well-endowed, but I wasn't
willing to settle for half of him. I grasped his shoulder and
shifted my hips upwards, giving him a better angle. ["More, I
need more of you,"] I pleaded with him.
His eyes widened as he beheld my adjustment, then he leaned
over me and Force-pushed in slowly, continuing to sheath more
of his penis in my body. I'd long ago given up hope for an
explosive first time with him, realizing we needed this fitting
in. I felt split apart, but it was at the same time exciting to
be so utterly opened and joined to him so deeply. I think I
fell in love with him another half dozen times just in this
stage of our lovemaking.
At last I felt him against the cheeks of my bottom. Now it was
his turn to moan as he paused before doing any more moving.
["Force, Obi, I feel you all around me,"] he seemed to sob into
my mind. I felt as overwhelmed as he, and clutched his arms,
still trembling. ["So close, I feel like you're part of me,"] I
added with an equal mental sob.
Later we would have to sort out what was going on in our minds.
And it was obvious that something indeed was, but right
now, our shared desires were begging for more. Qui-Gon pulled
me in, his hands sliding under my shoulders even as I clutched
him to me as we finally began to move together. Or rather he
did more of the moving, though I seemed to pull as much as he
thrust.
Later I would also realize that in the few times I had ever
allowed myself to imagine sex with Qui-Gon, I'd failed every
time to account for his sheer size. Now, beneath his weight and
the hard, muscular bulk of his massive body, with his huge
penis impaling me, and his mind all but blended with
mine, I felt utterly consumed by Qui-Gon Jinn, and I totally
loved it, craved it.
I came very quickly, for my prostate had received such
exquisite stroking that I knew this was going to be a very
common situation. He hadn't even touched my penis, didn't need
to, though I could see a brief flash of disappointment on his
face. I was unable to deal with that however, because I was too
busy screaming and pulling hard on whatever my hands could
grasp best, which in that moment was his hair.
Surprised, he slowed as he pried my fingers open, and I
clutched his arms instead, the waves of pleasure still
throbbing powerfully through me. Qui-Gon settled back enough to
clasp my penis then, and after only a couple (of what he
thought was finishing) strokes, I was coming a second time,
spurting over his hand and shouting his name. I hadn't come
that much or fast since I was fourteen!
My writhing and screaming had quite an effect on him,
apparently, for just after I'd come that second time, he was
collapsing on me convulsively as he came deep within me,
moaning my name over and over. I was still seeing stars, and he
was giving me a last few powerful thrusts, which brought out a
few more tremors in me.
At long last we relaxed, though he was still buried deep inside
me. I kept my legs around his waist even though I felt rather
boneless, but I wanted to keep him there, keep our bodies
joined together. My mind was still wide open to him, but as yet
there just wasn't any coherent thought to be shared.
But I nevertheless felt completely loved, basking in the sweet,
tender warmth he felt for me. Or was that his feeling, basking
for what I felt for him? Our minds felt curiously merged and a
bit chaotic. ["Qui?"] I tried to say, but at the same time I
heard, ["Obi?"]
I looked into his eyes and seemed to see myself. ["This is
odd,"] we thought together. Then we noticed something else. We
could hear each other's heart beating and breathing. We felt...
like our skin was hypersensitive, feeling every hair, every
drop of sweat, and our mingled scents were sharp though not
unpleasant. Indeed, I seemed to be able to identify his
pheromones apart from mine and my arousal was beginning again,
incredibly. And my mind was so clear and focused as if I was
still deep in a meditative trance but alert to everything
around me at the same time. It was as if our senses had been
unnaturally sharpened, our minds at least partially merged
together, thrown into some higher plane of consciousness.
Only because we did not know what it was, we separated
physically. At the moment Qui-Gon slipped completely out of me
I felt the curious mental merge begin to lessen. I grabbed his
shoulder and it strengthened just through our physical contact.
["Obi, maybe we shouldn't..."] ["Qui, I don't want to lose
this..."]
I looked into his wondering eyes. I knew all his arguments:
this was a phenomenon that we did not understand and should not
risk ourselves playing with it. We should take it to Healer
Tommas or perhaps a Council member with more knowledge than
Qui-Gon about mental bonds. Without sharing, he knew my
thoughts on the matter as well... that I wanted to be joined to
him like this, to blend our minds together in this incredible
union. But I understood. ["We should find out what's going
on,"] I agreed, my hand reluctantly dropping.
Qui-Gon understood, too, which is why he abruptly pulled me
back against him when the merge weakened. Heedless for the
moment of further developments, he kissed me deeply and I
responded with no less ardor. ["I love you,"] we said together.
When the pain set in fifteen seconds past our next separation,
Qui-Gon with a deep groan reached for his comlink to call
Tommas.
Tommas came promptly, and was not embarrassed in the least to
find us in the, er, condition we were in. In fact, he grinned
happily at us, but in moments was a smooth professional again
as he ran some tests including, curiously, a blood test. He
hadn't been with us more than five minutes before he called
Councillor Koth on the comlink. Hastily he asked Koth to come,
stating that it was an emergency.
Bewildered, we grew quiet, cleaning up with damp clothes that
Tommas provided, then managing to dress in pants without losing
the physical contact with one another.
Master Eeth Koth came in quietly. He consulted with Tommas for
a moment, looking over the results of the tests with him, then
came into the bedroom - our bedroom now, I considered
happily - and sat on the edge of the bed to talk to us.
"Qui-Gon," he began with his usual calm, "has anyone ever done
a genetic profile on your padawan?"
I froze; it was common knowledge that the Jedi Order had
stopped ordering those for recruits a couple centuries ago. It
was considered too invasive at the time, though we'd heard that
recently discussion had been opened in the Council concerning
genetic profiling. Qui-Gon, who was sitting behind me on the
bed, my head back on his shoulder, dropped a reassuring kiss on
my forehead before he answered. "No, of course not," he
replied. "Why?"
"You had one done about twenty years ago, correct?"
"Yes..." Quickly he shared the memory with me. He'd had a
mission to a planet once which had a highly technical society
that was very advanced in genetic engineering. All citizens and
visitors had to record their genetic profile with the
government, so Qui-Gon had allowed them to do a profile on him.
At the conclusion of the mission, they'd given him the profile
to keep as was their custom for visitors. Qui-Gon had turned it
in to the Jedi Council, having no further use for it. Now a
thought occurred to us - we'd known that Yoda had been behind
Qui-Gon's taking me on as padawan... did the wily old Master
know something more about us?
Koth had brought his datapad with him, and was now busily
accessing Qui-Gon's records. "Obi-Wan, do you mind if I do a
profile on you? I think I know what I might find, but I need to
be sure."
"Of course I don't mind," I replied, curious now. "What do you
think is going on with us?"
The Zabrakian smiled. "This will take just a few minutes. I'm
suspecting a rare genetic matching that has nothing to do with
parentage and in your case is likely able to manifest itself
because of your midichlorian counts."
We gaped at him. Jedi weren't normally told their midichlorian
counts. Koth noted our discomfiture and continued, "You're both
in the top 5% of the Order - you knew that much, right?"
I shook my head; Qui-Gon nodded. ["Sorry, love, it's not
usually acceptable for a Master to tell his padawan that."] I
received the comment soberly. At least I knew that my master's
high expectations of me hadn't been unreasonable.
Koth nodded also. He'd input our blood samples into his datapad
already and was awaiting the processing of my genetic profile
as well as a re-cataloging of Qui-Gon's. "Ah, here, it's coming
up now." He looked it over, then showed Tommas, who nodded,
evidently impressed. Then Koth handed the datapad to Qui-Gon to
examine.
"See this batch of genes?" Koth pointed to a group which had
been sorted out from the others and listed separately. "These
are Obi-Wan's, and..." Qui-Gon manipulated the group so they
would show next to a similar group from his own profile. Koth
pointed to Qui-Gon's group. "These are yours. They are
identical. These genes specifically deal with mental
attributes. To find someone else with this genetic matching is
rare, but usually it only means that you two can expect to work
in harmony or would be a good match as lovers. Not that a
working or romantic relationship would be trouble free, just
rather a lot more smooth than is usual."
The Zabrakian straightened and looked smug. "Now, add to this
matching these other two genes..." He pointed to a set higher
up the screen, "which make you both Force-sensitive... and also
add your high midichlorian counts..." Those, they knew, weren't
exactly genetic, but another system of coding separate from
those found in their chromosomes. "And you have a mental match
of two Jedi." He grinned and crossed his arms in front of him.
"I hope you're not going to mind being stuck with one another.
It's going to be rather impossible to get involved with any one
else, or work apart for very long."
Qui-Gon's arms only tightened about me. I rubbed at his forearm
and smiled. "Fortunately, we've already decided to work
together after I become a Knight. And I would be delighted to
be stuck with Qui-Gon."
My lover sighed and I already knew from his thoughts what he
felt he had to protest. "Koth, please tell us we're not going
to have to be physically stuck together... which is very nice,
but not all the time..."
Koth laughed and Tommas winked at us. "Oh, no," Koth replied
quickly. "This is just a temporary thing. Right now your minds
are in high gear, so to speak. And it's your first merging. You
will need to learn how to get in and out of this merge state
easily. It will be an adjustment, because every time you
separate, it will be a little death. You will never fully get
used to that... I must also caution you that you cannot remain
merged like this more than a few hours. If you do... you will
pass into oneness in the Force as the merge deepens which
eventually causes you to lose the connection with your bodies.
There is no coming back from that."
["At least it cannot separate us,"] Qui-Gon whispered to me,
kissing my temple. ["That is the sweetest death with you I can
imagine."] I agreed somberly.
"Has this happened before, Eeth?" Qui-Gon asked quietly. "You
seem to know all about this... condition."
The Councillor nodded. "There has been one other couple on
record. I have studied this phenomenon and others involving
genetic coding and mental acuity, higher consciousnesses." He
looked at us curiously. "How do you feel?"
I was just starting to feel rather ethereal, and Qui also. In
fact, we were abruptly unable to answer him and we became aware
that we were losing the ability to sense around us. Qui-Gon I
could still sense in as sharp a detail as before.
Moments later, we were wrenched apart physically by the
Councillor and the Healer. When the waves of pain hit us, we
were blessedly plunged into unconsciousness.
Sometime later we awoke, apart but still in Qui-Gon's bed. The
mental merge was gone. I was alone in my own mind. It felt
hollow... and there was still some residual pain. We looked and
reached for one another in the same moment... and now the
touching was completely normal. I held Qui-Gon's hand and
gently touched him in our training bond, which seemed
substantially stronger. But mentally we were back each in our
own heads.
"Welcome back," Koth said solemnly. "I'm sorry we had to do
that, but you were starting to drift on us. The mergestate has
been broken."
Qui-Gon sighed, tightening his grip on my hand. "And we have to
have sex to initiate it?" he inquired drolly.
"No," the Councillor replied, smiling. "That is just the most
powerful trigger of several you'll develop together. And you
will get control over the triggers, not the other way
around. It won't happen every time you have sex."
"Master Koth and I have been talking about this while you two
were, ah, out," Tommas continued, smiling. "You're both able
telepaths already, and the training bond is an aid here. We can
help you develop very precise triggers to turn this on and off
safely. I can see where it would give you a tremendous
advantage in your field work."
I had to ask. "Masters, I think I hear you saying that Qui-Gon
and I will be maintaining our training bond? Will we be able to
form that with others?"
["You should be a Master some day, love,"] Qui-Gon murmured to
me over our bond. ["I think you find teaching as rewarding as I
do. Of course, you're the greatest reward I could ever have
hoped to receive from this vocation."]
I didn't reply, thinking of something else that I didn't yet
share with him. It still felt strange to be able to hold
thoughts back from him.
Koth answered the question gravely. "Normally only one training
bond can exist. Perhaps you can take on another padawan
together one day... I do not know. Or your training bond
evolves to something deeper that can maintain its integrity
should another lighter bond be formed." He considered them
closely. "Yours is already beyond the normal training bond.
You're capable of full telepathic contact with one another."
Suddenly I realized that I was exhausted. I heard another sigh
from my master and realized he was in the same condition. Koth
stood and bowed to us. "I think that is enough to handle for
one day. Master Jinn, Padawan Kenobi, good night. Please come
to me later in the morning tomorrow and we will start work on
those triggers."
When Koth was gone, Tommas was still lingering. "Qui-Gon,
Obi-Wan... I'm very glad you two have finally gotten together.
But what a surprise, eh? I know you'll be fine, you'll work
this all out soon."
"Thanks, Tommi," Qui-Gon murmured. I repeated the thanks...
then we were alone again.
Immediately Qui-Gon and I went back into each other's arms.
["Oh, love, what a day,"] I told him, meeting his mouth with
mine.
["And it all started with a simple little question before
bed,"] he sighed into my mind.
["Not so simple. We formed a partnership before we continued on
to become lovers."]
We kissed long and leisurely, the previous hour's heat burned
down to something warm and satisfying. I still felt the
satiation of our climaxes both in myself and in the bond we
shared. ["Now to be partners of the mind,"] he added soberly.
["More than partners, actually. We joined our minds together.
Oh, Obi, I didn't know about that, truly. But I do believe in
your ability to handle it. And I'm still damn impressed with
your poise."]
["Well, that's a relief,"] I chuckled into his mouth, then
finished the kiss, sighing happily as I lay back again. "A Jedi
must always be ready to face new challenges."
"Lecturing me, Padawan?" Qui-Gon shifted so he was looking down
at me and casting a rare grin at me.
I grinned back, running my fingers lovingly over his throat.
"When a padawan teaches a master, it's a good match."
"And now in more ways than one," Qui-Gon replied softly, then
dove back down for another kiss. ["And you would quote
me back to myself, wouldn't you?"]
I laughed in our bond, for Qui-Gon had indeed said those exact
words to me when he'd accepted me as his padawan learner ten
years ago. ["At least you know I didn't forget them."]
["No, you wouldn't. And it is... a very good match."]
We had no more to say after that and were asleep in each
other's arms in a few minutes.
Over the next six months, Qui-Gon and I worked with Healer
Tommas and Councillor Koth to stabilize our mental merging and
fully develop those triggers that would get us in and out of
the mergestate. We discovered that lovemaking of a particular
intensity usually triggered it whether we wanted it to or
not... and decided that this was acceptable as long as we
triggered it off within a few minutes afterwards. We also
learned, to our mutual dismay, that we were going to be
eliminated from future participation in the fighting arts
competitions that were held annually at the Temple, but that it
was likely we would be begged to give a performance.
Indeed, our daily workouts and lightsaber practice was
considerably enhanced by the mergestate... as soon, that is, as
we could create and sustain the mergestate without the
necessity of physical connection. We thrilled in our blazing
speed together and incredible coordination.
At the end of this time, we were presented to the Jedi High
Council for evaluation before being allowed to return to field
work. Councilor Koth explained our discovery, his examination
of us with Healer Tommas, and the subsequent work we'd done to
get the mergestate phenomenon under control. It was clear that
they knew already of the situation, for we could feel
excitement as well as wariness from the Council members. They
could not prevent us from merging when we chose, but they could
place restrictions on how it could be used.
During the explanation and the few questions that followed,
Qui-Gon and I stood placidly in the center of the Council
chamber, arms folded in our robe sleeves. We'd spent a good
part of the day already in meditation, and were calm and
prepared, for we knew they would want a demonstration of the
mergestate. ["Love you, Master,"] I silently sent to him, and
he returned in same, ["Love you, Padawan."]
The time arrived. The Council wished for us to merge minds so
that they could examine the mergestate for themselves. We bowed
formally, and moved apart, facing one another, arms still
folded. It had been a good two months since we ceased needing
physical contact to initiate the merge. Qui-Gon spoke to inform
the Council, "A little more information - Padawan Kenobi and
myself can sustain the mergestate without harm for up to six
hours if we have physical contact for at least half that time.
Without contact, we are limited to two hours. With practice, we
can probably continue to extend that time. Upon ending the
mergestate, we will experience a short disorientation - it
depends on our activity. When missions permit, we will continue
to work on developing the mergestate. Padawan Kenobi and I will
now initiate a merge..."
I looked up and our eyes met. Immediately we both sought and
activated one of the mental triggers we'd developed... and all
shields dropped away between us and our minds were merged into
one mind. Our senses, now under our firm joint control,
strengthened powerfully. We could hear heartbeats, breathing,
minute movements, all crisp and clear. Clothes, air currents
could be felt more acutely by our skin. We could see, magnified
and in incredible detail, everything that Qui-Gon saw,
everything that I saw, all blended together but easily
separated and identified.
Then we felt the questing minds of the Council members. Holding
still and maintaining a pure balance in our heightened, mingled
consciousness, we allowed them entrance and allowed their
curious searching. It was strange and wonderful, and Qui-Gon
and I smiled at each other, as always marveling at this
blending. [Beloved Master... Beloved Padawan...] stretched the
thought in our merged mind.
We began to sort out the emotions coming to us, so easily read
in the mergestate. From Yoda, Qui-Gon's old master, a joy that
we'd found love and this amazing power together. From most, awe
and wonder... and the wariness began to dissolve into grudging
respect from a few recalcitrant members, those suspicious of
new powers.
Suffice it to say that the testing was both exhaustive and
exhausting. They threw everything they had at us, including the
introduction of mind-altering substances into our bodies,
Force-dampeners, and some mind-wipe devices I'd never seen
before. Nothing touched us - the drugs were easily purged, and
the mergestate held beyond our ability to sense the Force,
which proved it as a true telepathic mental state and not a
Force-ability like our training bond. In missions where we
needed to be separated but needed to maintain mental contact,
the mergestate could become critical to the success of the
mission... and to keeping us alive under severe conditions. We
proved we could even heal one another through it.
Finally, late in the day, the Jedi High Council was finished
with their examinations. "May we de-merge now?" Qui-Gon and I
asked simultaneously. Our gaze swept around the room. We'd gone
the full six hours with minimal contact. We could feel the
fringes of the fading that would soon overwhelm us. The
breaking would be a bad one as a result, but we'd known that
going in and had assented to this anyway. We knew the Council
had to know exactly what we were capable of. We had minutes
left. Still, somehow we remained upright, trembling a little,
holding hands to maintain the physical contact that we now
desperately needed.
Koth spoke quickly to Master Yoda, who nodded, then addressed
us. "Immediately reconvene in the reception lounge outside, the
Council will. Master Koth will remain to assist you. Remain
here to recover you may." The little Master bowed to us, then
each Council member in turn bowed to us as they filed out of
the room.
A feeling of gratitude for Koth's intervention swept through us
as we were left alone with him in the Council Chamber. "Thank
you, Master Koth," I whispered for us both. "We don't think we
can walk out of here, and we're glad no one has to carry us out
when we're like this."
Eeth Koth smiled, but we saw the sympathy in his eyes as well.
He knew as well as we did that our ordeal wasn't over yet.
"Good... but you'd best do it immediately. You both look
ashen."
I glanced at my beloved as Qui-Gon glanced at me. Yeah, we
looked pretty bad. Wanly we smiled, then sat down on the floor
where we were, Qui-Gon folding his arms around me as he sat
behind me. This stage was so difficult because it was so
tempting and it would be so easy to just stay here and fade
away together into the Force. To never leave... this...
Koth knelt down behind Qui-Gon, holding onto his shoulders as
if to anchor him in the here and now. "Do it," he murmured. At
this proximity he was laying himself open to the backlash of
our separation, but he'd done it before for us, helping to
stabilize our return to our individual selves.
Qui-Gon and I reached for the trigger... and with a mental
wrench, broke the mergestate. A paroxysm of agony surged
through us both, and we cried out with the loss. Amazingly we
didn't lose consciousness, but reached for and clung to the
training bond that was underneath, our only link now.
The worst part, of course, was losing the sensation of feeling
my beloved master all around and in me, our thoughts and
emotions mingled. Secondarily, the return of our senses to
normal was very disheartening. Third... there was the pain.
Koth had done what he could. Shakily he stood. "I must meet
with the Council now," he murmured. "Do you need anything?"
I was clinging to Qui-Gon's arms, half-turned so my head was
pressed into his shoulder. I was trembling and crying, and felt
my lover shaking and trying to hold back his own sobs as well.
"Time," Qui-Gon murmured in reply, his head bowed against the
top of mine.
Then we were alone. Indeed, we had no interruptions for the
hour that we sat there to return to an equilibrium.
Finally... ["Beloved Padawan..."]
["Beloved Master?"] I kissed the shoulder of his sweat-soaked
tunic tenderly, wanting nothing more at the moment than to just
simply love this man.
["I believe it will be a long time before we can go that long
again, Obi,"] Qui-Gon murmured to me, kissing my hair.
It hurt to think along the bond still. I hated that.
["Master?"]
Qui-Gon sighed heavily. ["Think, Padawan. Someday we may not be
able to resist the lure of staying there. We know what lies
beyond."]
Oh, I knew very well. ["We will disappear together into the
Force,"] I replied, naming it. ["And if the circumstances are
severe enough, no one would ever think to blame us for
escaping. But that's what it is, isn't it?"]
He turned me so he could look down into my eyes. "Yes, love.
And we must not give in to that. But... what if one of us is
injured so gravely that coming back is impossible? Will the
other not follow him?"
I shook my head at him, smiling. "Qui, you know as well as I do
that it depends on the circumstances. In such a situation,
others will likely be depending on us. We are Jedi first, as
always."
Qui-Gon smiled also, his hand sliding up to cup my cheek. "My
stalwart padawan... I love that your dedication to our calling
matches mine." Then he winced as another wave of pain swelled;
I winced as well, getting it through our bond. "I wish we could
have done this in our quarters," he added softly.
"We'll be there soon," I whispered. "I love you, Qui-Gon."
"Oh, and I love you, Obi." He looked deep into my eyes, then
lowered his head and kissed me. It was a long and leisurely
kiss, just very loving. We were in no shape to think of
anything beyond that. As we kissed, we concentrated along our
bond to heal the last vestiges of hurt and pain left from
breaking the mergestate. In a few minutes we felt restored
enough to stand up.
Just then Koth came back in the room. "How are you doing?" he
asked calmly.
"We're depleted, but we're fine," Qui-Gon murmured, leaning on
me... or was it me leaning on him? "Any word?"
He smiled, to our relief. "Yes, indeed. The Council has
completed its evaluation. You are both approved to return
together to field work. And there are no restrictions placed on
the mergestate beyond which those you may choose to place
yourself. However... the Council wishes to offer one comment."
I could feel my master's elation through our bond, and I
grinned my own delight and relief with him. "What's that?" I
asked. We should have known the Council wouldn't have let us go
without offering their usual sage advice, such as it was.
Koth looked long at Qui-Gon, then looked long at me. We sobered
as we waited for him to speak. Finally he said, "The Council
wishes Master Jinn and Padawan Kenobi to keep ever in their
forethoughts the knowledge that the Jedi Order, indeed the
Republic, is approaching increasingly difficult times... and
that we are sorely in need of the skills and abilities you so
ably demonstrate."
I went still. This was what we'd just been talking about... the
temptation the mergestate represented. I could feel Qui-Gon's
body tense against me. "Koth," he murmured, "we're only
human..."
"I know," he said firmly. But then his tone softened, his eyes
full of compassion. "But we need you." He nodded toward the
door. "*They need you more than they know or can admit,
Qui-Gon. Some of them did make some noise about wishing this
had happened to anyone but you two. To you, Qui. You
know how nervous you make them."
Qui-Gon gave him a snort of irony. "They need to be more
nervous, then." It was an ongoing thorn of contention between
my master and the Council. I confess that Qui-Gon's tendency to
take a proactive approach to his work against the Council's
wishes had bothered me in the past as well. But having been
deep in his mind, I understood him now. I knew the passions
that drove this man, that made him so effective in the field.
He was right; the High Council did not have a good feel for how
the Republic was fraying. Those of us out in the field knew
that dangerous times were coming because we were already
experiencing dangers aplenty.
"Perhaps," Koth answered placidly. "You are a challenge,
my friend." He grinned suddenly and clapped him on the
shoulder. "Force be with you both."
"And you, Eeth," Qui-Gon replied, sighing.
Back in our quarters, we showered, too tired for anything more
than a few more of the lingering kisses we both loved. To our
surprise, a substantial, nourishing meal was laid out for us
when we emerged. Healer Tommas... and he'd left a note with it.
Together they read: "Qui, Obi... congratulations on surviving
the Council's worst. I know what it took out of you, and I've
told them they must not dig up a mission for you for three
days. You're very welcome and you deserve it. Go rest,
recreate. Stop and say goodbye before you go off on your next
mission, all right? Take care, Tommi."
Then we found the other notes on Qui's datapad in his and my
network mail which we read as we ate. Notes from my padawan
friends who happened to be at the Temple now with their
masters... notes from Qui's knight or master friends... friends
we had in common... and three from Council members who were
rather more in our camp... including Master Yoda. Even a few
from Jedi we didn't know well. News travels fast in this place.
All of the notes were supportive. Both of us had been teaching
classes here of late, so there were some from students and
fellow teachers, too. It was warming to see how well thought of
we were here.
Soon we'd finished with food and mail. I tugged on my lover's
hand, rising from the table. "Bed, love."
I found myself immediately encompassed in tall Jedi Master as
he stood and pulled me to him. ["My beloved Padawan, my
Obi..."] he whispered into my mind, letting his love for me
pour into our bond.
He held nothing back, opening himself to me short of returning
to the mergestate. It still astounded me how powerful his love
was for me. This was a Jedi Master who was rewriting the Jedi
Code by his life, rewording "There is no passion, there is no
serenity" to read more accurately, "There is no selfishness,
there is the passion of giving of oneself to one's ideals and
to the love of their life... and that brings serenity."
["My beloved, dearest Master, my Qui,"] I responded, eagerly
opening my heart and mind to him in the same way. ["Oh, Force,
you feel so good... I love you so very much, my Master."] I
buried my face in his neck, my hands twisted up into his hair.
["I'm so proud of you for today, beloved,"] Qui-Gon murmured,
one hand twining my braid around it, the other wrapped close
around me. I shivered as his fingers touched the root of the
braid. ["We're so good together."]
["Good together and good for each other,"] I replied, tenderly
kissing his throat. ["I'm too tired, but oh, do I love being in
your arms. Bed now?"]
Qui-Gon straightened to look down at me, still playing with my
braid. And despite the erotic shivers that sent through me, I
only wanted to sleep with his long limbs draped all around me.
I straightened to meet his gaze; it was almost more than I
could bear.
"Qui?" I whispered, wondering how he could possibly love me so
much.
I swear his eyes were gleaming, so filled with light. "Mate of
my heart," he whispered, pressing on me subtly to back me
towards our bedroom. "Mate of my soul..."
"Yes," I whispered back, my throat tightening. I couldn't say
anymore, overwhelmed. ["Your mate, always."]
"Mate of my life..." Qui-Gon continued his litany, walking me
backwards. "My lifemate..."
"Yours," I managed to gasp. My whole heart seemed centered in
that gentle tugging at the root of my braid and the power of
the Force thrumming between us.
"Mine," he sighed, and sat me down on the bed. We'd put our
robes on after drying off from our shower, but now Qui-Gon drew
mine off my shoulders. "And so beautiful," he added, sitting
beside me. He leaned in again for yet another kiss.
I could kiss that man for hours. Even his most casual kisses
were imbued with deep feeling. But then Qui-Gon Jinn was just a
deep man. We were complements of one another. He was deep while
I tended to be more ephemeral, attending to the surface of life
while he was contemplating its inmost secrets. I was more
detail oriented while he was far more intuitive, but then his
long years of meditation and service had made him more attuned
to the Force than I ever hoped to be. Yet already in these last
six months I had seen changes in both of us. I felt calmer,
more focused than ever, while Qui-Gon certainly smiled more.
I slid his robe off his shoulders as well, enjoying the feel of
his muscles under my hands. ["So beautiful,"] I echoed him,
smiling into his mouth. ["And hard, my Master."]
He answered with a noise halfway between a chuckle and a groan.
["I'm exhausted, too. Don't remind me about 'hard' things."]
["I mean your shoulders, silly,"] I replied, enjoying playing
with his lips.
["Oh."] He sighed and straightened as our lips finally
separated. "Tomorrow is soon enough for more." He pulled the
robe out from under him and laid it over the press at the end
of the bed. While I did the same, Qui-Gon shifted over to his
usual side of the bed. After a minute or two of getting settled
and getting covers over us both, I laid all the way down, my
head pillowed on his shoulder as he pulled me in against him.
"Qui..."
"Mmm?" He'd released my braid when we sat down, but now he was
fingering it again.
"The mergestate in a way makes us very vulnerable, when you
think about it." I rested my fingertips on his chest, feeling
his heart beat.
"So does a lightsaber... when you think about it. Go to sleep,
Obi-Wan." The fingers on my braid stilled.
"Yes, Master," I sighed.
["Good night, Beloved Padawan,"] came to me just before I
sensed through our bond that he fell asleep.
I sent back anyway, drifting off at the same time, ["Good
night, Beloved Master..."]
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