Being One

by Diotima

Title: Being One
Author: Diotima
Email: graphikos@writeme.com
Archive: Yes
Category: Qui/Obi, First time
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: sexually explicit
Spoilers: N.A.
Summary: the night before execution, Master and Padawan fully express their love.
Feedback: Yes. Email me!

The darkness had come, for night had fallen. Through the small barred windows of their prison the sky was purple-black, the foreign stars cold and distant, begrudging with their light.
The only illumination in the room was the light of a single flickering oil-lamp, which shone golden on Obi-Wan's fair hair, but did not reveal all the corners of their prison, which remained hidden in deep shadow.

Qui-Gon silently regarded his Padawan, who sat across from him on his straw pallet. His Padawan's handsome face was calm but he was looking back at his Master, waiting for Qui-Gon to tell him the brilliant plan that would save both of them.

But, for once, Qui-Gon did not know what to say.

They were to be lead out to the Arena tomorrow, and killed for sport by these cruel ones. Even though the Council was aware of their mission to this planet, it was unlikely that they could be rescued before their deaths at dawn.

Perhaps Obi-Wan did not understand how the odds were so heavily against them? They were Jedi, gifted in combat and in the Force arts, but there would be thousands of those cruel ones in the Arena, and they would not allow escape.

"We may die tomorrow," he finally said, simply. Qui-Gon knew he should have said that they would die tomorrow, but Obi-Wan was so young. He did not want to entirely take away his Padawan's hope.

Obi-Wans's reaction was one that Qui-Gon did not expect. He showed no fear, and his eyes were steady.

"I know," he said.

And then he gently laid a hand on his Master's.

"If we are to die tomorrow, it does not matter what we do," Obi-Wan said, quietly but deliberately.

Qui-Gon moved his own hand away.

"It matters more than ever, Padawan," he said, firmly.

They had spoken of many things together, but they had never spoken of that time when Obi-Wan had kissed him. It had just been the confused feelings of a young Padawan for his Master, meaning nothing. It had been forgotten-

Or perhaps not.

Obi-Wan stood up, and walked to the corner of the cell, sitting upon his own rough straw pallet. He curled tightly into himself, his arms wrapped about his knees. It was a posture not unlike the one he had had the night Qui-Gon had chosen him.

He was just a boy then thought Qui-Gon, He is just a boy now.

Qui-Gon sat down beside him, silent for a moment. He sighed, heavily, and then said, very softly, "I must always be your Master, and your teacher. To be...something else would be wrong."

Obi-Wan looked into his eyes, meaningfully.

"You are always my Master," he said emphatically.

He looked down again, at his knees, and then added, "I know what I ask for is wrong. It's just that I have never loved anyone, except you..."

It was the first time he had ever said it.

Qui-Gon put a gentle hand on his Padawan's shoulder, so that Obi-Wan would look up again, and meet his eyes.

"I love you as well. You know that."

Obi-Wan smiled, bitterly. "But it isn't really the same, is it? You have love for everyone."

"That takes nothing from you."

"Perhaps," Obi-Wan said, looking down again. He added, after a moment, quietly, "Yet you have given to others, what you cannot, or will not, give to me."

Qui-Gon closed his eyes. Why was his Padawan bringing up the errors of his youth? He regretted now being so honest to Obi-Wan's questions.

"I was foolish, and young, and very stupid," Qui-Gon said, tiredly, "And I never had sexual relations with my Padawan. That is utterly forbidden by the Code."

"I understand," Obi-Wan said.

He had bowed his head, so it was a few moments before Qui-Gon realized that his Padawan was crying, a little.

Qui-Gon was astonished. Obi-Wan never cried, not even as a boy, for he had always striven to be utterly perfect, and had considered such lack of control unworthy of a Jedi.

But he was crying now.

I cannot begin to imagine his pain, Qui-Gon thought.

Qui-Gon touched the wetness on his Padawan's face with his fingers, with infinite tenderness.

After a moment he took his Padawan into his arms, holding him close. Obi-Wan' face was pressed into his Master's tunic, his tears wetting Qui-Gon through to the skin.

"I am sorry, Master," Obi-Wan said, miserably, into Qui-Gon's shoulder, "It is just that I wanted to be close to someone before I die. I have never been close to anyone...

Qui-Gon closed his eyes, feeling sad and very old.

"Be close to me, then," Qui-Gon said, huskily. He kissed his Padawan on the forehead, and then his eyes, tasting the salt of tears.

Qui-Gon heard a voice in his mind-it was his old Master, Dooku-telling him that his empathy would get him into trouble. He ignored it.

He looked down at his Padawan, whose blue eyes still ran with tears, but his beautiful face was turned up to Qui-Gon's own.

"I never properly returned to you your kiss," Qui-Gon said. He then bent down and kissed his Padawan on the mouth. He kissed Obi-Wan with love, and empathy for his loneliness, and some of the skill he had acquired from his experience, so although his mouth was gentle, when he pulled away, Obi-Wan's body was shaking.

Qui-Gon was holding his Padawan so close; he could feel his heart-beating fast-against his own.

"Now you see-I do love you," Qui-Gon said, his voice low and rough with emotion, "I have already done too much..."

Obi-Wan's eyes met his. He was no longer crying, and his blue eyes were clear.

"Not enough," Obi-Wan said. He picked up Qui-Gon's hand in both of his own. He bent over and very deliberately and tenderly kissed the back of his Master's hand. Obi-Wan had closed his eyes, utterly focused on this one act, as if he could express all the powerful feelings inside him with a single kiss. Although he did this innocently, without any suggestiveness, there was something about it unbearably erotic that made Qui-Gon catch his breath, as if he had been caught unaware by his own desires.

Qui-Gon lifted his Padawan's chin so that he could look into his face.

"Do you understand where things like that could lead?" he asked, gently.

"No," Obi-Wan said, simply, "Not really. I have never so much as tried to kiss someone-other than you."

"You have always been the perfect Padawan. I cannot say I am surprised you have kept to the Code," Qui-Gon said, smiling.

Obi-Wan's shook his head, "I have tried to keep to the Jedi Code, but it is more than that..." he looked away, shyly, then added, "Don't you know that I always longed for you?"

Qui-Gon lifted an eyebrow, "Always?"

"Since-from when you chose me as your Padawan."

"Obi-Wan," said Qui-Gon, laughing, but he was shocked, "You were twelve."

Obi-Wan laughed back at his Master's expression. "Not like that, I didn't understand it like that. I didn't know enough about such things, I think. But as I got older, and I began to understand it a little...that is why I was never even tempted to break the Jedi Code when others...wanted things from me."

He looked at his Master, shyly.

"Could you kiss me again, Master? I liked it."

Qui-Gon kissed him again, his hands stroking the softness of his Padawan's hair, and the whiteness of his throat. His hands were strong, large, and hard with calluses, but warm and gentle. Obi-Wan shivered.

"Are you cold, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon asked.

"No."

"Good," Qui-Gon said, with a smile.

He pulled off his own cloak and laid it on the rough straw pallet. With a gentle deliberateness, almost as if Obi-Wan was a child he was preparing for bed, he opened his tunic, and pulled it off. Obi-Wan lay back on the cloak as Qui-Gon slowly undid the straps of his Padawan's boots, pulling them off.

Qui-Gon's hands hesitated at Obi-Wan's belt.

Seeing this hesitation, Obi-Wan caught his hand, and kissed it. His blue eyes were luminous. He took his Master's hands and deliberately placed them on his belt.

The Jedi valued modesty, and Obi-Wan by nature was shy and modest about his body, so Qui-Gon had seen very little of it before that moment. Obi-Wan was only average height, and lean rather than overly muscled, but his body was beautiful, the body of a handsome young man newly come to manhood. His skin was so white and clean that it almost glowed in the half darkness.

Under Qui-Gon's gaze Obi-Wan's hands went to cover his penis, for he was shy about his obvious erection.

Qui-Gon smiled to himself at this modesty. Kissing Obi-Wan again, he began to gently caress his throat and chest, and moving lower, his abdomen and thighs. Obi-Wan moaned, very quietly.

He carefully moved his Padawan's hands away, "You should not be embarrassed. Your response is natural."

Qui-Gon began to caress Obi-Wan's penis, first very lightly, but then more firmly and insistently.

Obi-Wan moaned, loudly, throwing his head back, for he had never before allowed anyone to touch him intimately, and now his Master, who he loved, was caressing him, and the physical pleasure was immense. He was inexperienced, so in a few minutes he shuddered and cried out with a tremendous orgasm.

Qui-Gon held Obi-Wan's penis with gentle hands until the spasms subsided.

Obi-Wan was embarrassed, not knowing where to look.

"I am sorry," he said, blushing.

"Nothing to be sorry for," Qui-Gon said, kindly, "In a way, it is a sort of compliment."

"It is just, I always...thought about you doing that," Obi-Wan confessed, blushing a little more. His skin was so fair that his blush could be seen in his throat and chest as well. "I am sorry that I was not perfect for you-

"You are perfect," Qui-Gon said, kissing him on the forehead. He got up for a moment to clean his hands, and then lay down next to his Padawan, pulling a blanket over them both. He held Obi-Wan close, and stroked the softness of his hair.

"Why don't you sleep now, a little, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon suggested.

Obi-Wan turned his head he could look his Master directly in the face.

"But Master-"Obi-Wan protested, "what about your pleasure?"

Qui-Gon shook his head, "I have pleasure in seeing your pleasure. It is enough."

"But I want to pleasure you."

"It is not necessary, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said, firmly.

"I-I do not understand."

"I would leave you as you are," Qui-Gon said, shortly, rolling over onto his back. Seeing Obi-Wan's hurt expression, he added, more gently, "I wanted to relieve your tension. I thought it would-ease you. But if we did more-we would be having sexual relations."

Obi-Wan was silent for a moment.

"You mean, you would take my innocence," Obi-Wan said, slowly.

"Yes."

"But I want you to."

Qui-Gon smiled, "You are very young, Obi-Wan. You don't fully understand these things."

Obi-Wan shook his head, "No, Master, it is you who do not understand these things. I am yours."

His hands went to his Master's tunic, and he began to open it, fumbling a little with the fastenings in his shyness and inexperience.

Qui-Gon caught his hands, "Please, Obi-Wan. I am trying to resist you."

Obi-Wan shyly leaned in and kissed his Master on the mouth. His mouth was very soft on his Master's.

"Please let me at least see you, just once. I need to see you. That's all. Please." He pulled his hands away from his Master's, and continued to open his tunic. "Then you can tell me to stop..."

Qui-Gon's body was also very handsome; the body of a mature man, the constant strenuous physical activity keeping his body hard and well defined despite his age. He was more strongly built than his Padawan, broad-shouldered and more muscled, and very long limbed. He had a few white scars from severe injuries that even the bacta-tank had not been able to fully heal, one along his right forearm, another one on that same shoulder, and one on his left thigh.

"You are beautiful, Master-"Obi-Wan breathed.

"Am I?" Qui-Gon asked, with a smile.

"Yes."

Obi-Wan touched the white scar on his Master's forearm with a delicate hand, as if it was still an open wound.

"How?" There was so much of Qui-Gon's life before that he did not know.

"Old battles." Qui-Gon said, sensing his feelings, " I will tell you of it-another time."

Obi-Wan kissed each of these white scars, his kisses very soft and innocent, but Qui-Gon shivered. As he kissed the one on his left thigh, close to his Master's considerable erection, Qui-Gon made a wordless sound of pleasure, but tried to gently push him away.

"We must stop. Now."

"Let me touch you-"

"No."

"I love you. I want to give you pleasure."

This confession of love made Qui-Gon groan with desire as much as Obi-Wan's kisses had.

"Please, Obi-Wan."

"Teach me about sexual relations," Obi-Wan said very softly, and then added, shyly, "About...making love."

"No."

"Don't you love me?"

"Yes."

Obi-Wan kissed him, hungrily, this time his mouth less gentle.

"Then teach me, the same way you taught me everything else."

Obi-Wan's hands went to his Master's large penis. He caressed it, his hands inexperienced but very sensitive, and Qui-Gon shivered.

"Let me pleasure you, Master," Obi-Wan said, quietly, continuing his gentle deliberate stroking.

"Please..."Qui-Gon said, closing his eyes, though it was unclear if he wanted Obi-Wan to continue or for him to stop. His hands reached out blindly, perhaps to pull away Obi-Wan's hands from his penis, but as Obi-Wan continued his rhythmic stroking, now a little more firmly, Qui-Gon abandoned his resistance to the gentle but insistent caress, and his hands fell back down to his sides. Obi-Wan smiled.

Obi-Wan leaned over, stopping his caress for a moment so he could kiss his Master on the mouth and in the hollow of his throat. He kissed his Master's pulse very gently and reverently, his face thoughtful, and slightly troubled.

"Obi-Wan...?"Qui-Gon asked, opening his eyes, his expression one of concern. "What is it?" His hand reached out to and stroked his Padawan's fair hair, "You do not have to...we can stop."

Obi-Wan shook his head, never lifting his gaze from Qui-Gon's throat. "No. It is not that. It is just..."he paused for a moment, blushing a little, again, before awkwardly admitting, "I am embarrassed at my ignorance, Master. I do not even know how to ask..." he took a breath, and then blurted, "Is this kissing and caressing that we are doing everything? Is this everything men do together when they make love?"

Qui-Gon hesitated a moment, uncomfortably, before answering.

"No."

It was as if Obi-Wan he had been thrown into an icy river, despite his desire, for he was hot and cold all at once. Hearing that awkward pause he had realized his Master's knowledge about sexual relations between men was not merely theoretical.

"You have done this before. With a man." It was a statement, not a question, and his voice was tight with jealousy.

Qui-Gon sighed, closing his eyes. "Yes. With one other. But it was long ago."

"I see." Obi-Wan said, implacably.

"You know that I have had sexual relations."

"Yes. But I thought it was exclusively with women."

"I never said one way or the other-"Qui-Gon blew out his breath with exasperation, "And what difference does it make, either way I am no innocent."

"I thought," Obi-Wan said, very quietly, "that is, I had hoped-that in this way I could be your first." His face was utterly calm, but his entire body trembled very slightly.

Qui-Gon sat up, and pulled Obi-Wan into his arms, "Obi-Wan, it was so long ago-it was before you were even born. I can hardly remember-"

Obi-Wan shook his head, "Please do not lie. Did you do-more than this kissing and caressing with him?"

"Yes," Qui-Gon said, and then added, gently, "I am sorry that my old indiscretions have hurt you, Obi-Wan." He kissed Obi-Wan on his brow and in his hair, "If this is disturbing to you, let us rest now, before tomorrow-"

Obi-Wan cut him off, "I want you to do everything to me that you did to him."

"He wasn't my Padawan."

Obi-Wan kissed his Master on the mouth.

"I want to be as close to you as he was. Closer."

Obi-Wan kissed his Master, again, fervently, to cut off his protest. He kissed his Master everywhere, his throat, his hair, and especially his mouth, kissing lower to his shoulders and chest and then up again, kissing his mouth once more. His hands were everywhere on Qui-Gon's body, touching, exploring, with an arousing delicacy and innocence.

He moved down and kissed his Master's thighs, and then, gently, the head of his Master's penis. His Master's intense reaction-a loud groan deep in his throat-encouraged him to continue.

He kissed the head, and then the underside, and then along the shaft, caressing his Master's scrotum with his hands as he did so. He then licked it gently, which made his Master throw back his head in intense pleasure.

He took his Master's penis in his mouth. His Master's penis was very large so it was difficult to take most of it in his mouth, but he did his best, for he enjoyed his Master's reaction to what he was doing. He licked and sucked and kissed and tasted until Qui-Gon's whole body was tense with desire.

Obi-Wan pulled off so he could come up and kiss his Master once more. He kissed his mouth, his ears, his neck, and strands of his long dark hair.

"I wanted to touch you for so long," Obi-Wan confessed, whispering between kisses, "I couldn't even stand for you to touch my hand...it made me want..."

"I am sorry, then, for being so tardy," Qui-Gon said, smiling, kissing back.

But Obi-Wan did not smile. "Master, is there more?" Obi-Wan asked, seriously, "I want to please you."

"There is more," his Master admitted, "but I do not ask it of you."

"Ask me. I will give you anything."

"To...submit to me. To let me inside you."

Obi-Wan had to think for a few moments before he thought he understood what his Master was saying. When he understood, there was no surprise or revulsion. He met Qui-Gon's eyes, and asked simply, "Would that please you?"

His Master shook his head, "I do not want to do anything that you may regret..."

But that was not an answer.

Obi-Wan kissed him, "You are my Master. I want whatever you want."

His Master began to caress him all over his body, his large hands very gentle, yet he knew what he was doing, and soon Obi-Wan was breathing heavily and trembling. He was shy about meeting his Master's eyes, for he had become fully erect again from his Master's touch, but Qui-Gon was tenderly amused that he did not conceal himself with his hands this time.

Qui-Gon inserted a finger inside him. Obi-Wan caught his breath at the new and unexpected sensation. As he began to relax, his Master inserted another finger inside him, opening him for the act. For a while he simply internally caressed his Padawan as he kissed him, until it stopped being uncomfortable and actually a little pleasurable.

Qui-Gon rolled Obi-Wan over on his back and got on top of him, careful to support his weight on his own knees and elbows, and slowly and carefully started to penetrate him. He was so gentle and so patient that although his penis was very large, it did not hurt Obi-Wan, although it was not entirely comfortable.

When Qui-Gon was fully inside him, he kissed Obi-Wan again.

"Are you alright?" Qui-Gon asked, looking into Obi-Wan's face.

"Yes..."Obi-Wan said, putting his arms around his Master. He was happy. Obi-Wan kissed his Master's face everywhere he could reach. Qui-Gon's long hair was a curtain around him, and he kissed the silky strands, and twined them in his fingers.

Qui-Gon began to thrust inside him, at first extremely slowly and delicately, but gradually, he began to thrust faster and harder, and he was very skilled, for soon it was not only tolerable but also intensely pleasurable in a deep vulnerable way to be penetrated thus.

And through their bond in the Force, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon could share in each others sensations, and so Obi-Wan was overwhelmed with pleasure, for he had not only his own pleasure, but that of his Master, and he knew Qui-Gon shared in these sensations and it made his pleasure greater still. And there was between them a delicious friction that went up and up and up.

And Qui-Gon shifted his weight to one elbow, freeing his other hand to touch Obi-Wan's penis as he thrusted. And now Qui-Gon showed his skill and experience in pleasuring a lover for each time Obi-Wan almost came to orgasm, Qui-Gon would continue to thrust but stop caressing him, until Obi-Wan's need to orgasm slightly subsided, and then Qui-Gon would begin to caress him again with the same unrelenting rhythm.

He did this over and over, holding back his Padawan's release until Obi-Wan's body shook with tension, and his breath came hard, in short gasps. Obi-Wan cried out and clung to his Master, beyond all coherent speech, beyond anything except his love and need.

"Master...please..."he moaned, "Please. Please let me. I cannot-"

Qui-Gon kissed him, deeply, and now began to caress Obi-Wan's penis with the same hard rhythm that he was penetrating Obi-Wan's body. And he did not pause, but continued on and on, relentlessly, not roughly but without mercy, and Obi-Wan was moaning and trembling, one leg now shamelessly wrapped around his Master's hip, the other twined around his Master's thigh. Qui-Gon continued his stroking and his thrusting, driving his Padawan to greater and greater sensation until Obi-Wan, crying out, finally came, his whole body weak and shaking from the powerful sensation.

Qui-Gon, who had learned to deny himself release through control learned from experience and years of Jedi physical discipline, was overwhelmed when he saw that Obi-Wan had come, so he came as well, in shuddering spasms deep inside Obi-Wan.

Qui-Gon just lay inside him for a few minutes, kissing his brow and the softness of his hair. Then, gently, he withdrew from inside Obi-Wan but he continued to hold him close and kiss him. Obi-Wan was crying again, the wetness spilling from his eyes and down his cheeks.

"Did I...hurt you?" Qui-Gon asked, gently.

"No..."Obi-Wan said, "It is just...too much." His blue eyes met his Master's, and he smiled. It seemed to Qui-Gon that his beautiful eyes were not reflecting the dim oil light in the room, but had a luminescence all of their own.

He took his Master's hand, and gently kissed the palm.

"Thank you, Master," Obi-Wan said, solemnly, "I enjoyed learning about sexual relations from you very much."

Qui-Gon burst out laughing to hear such a formal speech, but he thought that perhaps he should have expected such from his Padawan. He squeezed Obi-Wan tightly and kissed the tears that overflowed and spilled unheeded over his Padawan's cheeks, as if they were welling from some old forgotten source deep inside.

"You are very welcome. Although I perhaps should thank you."

Obi-Wan shook his head, burying his face in his Master's hair. Perhaps he meant to dry his tears there.

"....never..." he said, and then said something that was strange, as he was crying, and they were to die tomorrow.

"I have never been so...happy..." he said.

Qui-Gon understood.

"Will you stay with me until morning?" Obi-Wan asked.

"I will never leave you." Qui-Gon said, gently.

Obi-Wan's body was trembling with emotion, so Qui-Gon just held him, saying nothing, warming him with the heat of his own body, and stroking his hair.