Archive: m_a, WWOMB, anywhere else please ask first
Category: Humor/Parody, PWP
Rating: PG
Summary: This is a parody of the Play Station video game,
"Parasite Eve." Cold science and a deranged sense of humor
unite.
Feedback: Yes, please! Loved it or hated it, I'd really love to
know. Feedback makes me a better writer (and a happier one,
too!).
Notes: Thanks to Mac for putting this particular plot bunny in
motion, and to Amy for insisting I post it. hugs
More notes: Please don't expect the science here to be
entirely accurate. <g> Artistic license has been
employed.
"Master, the midichlorians are rebelling."
Qui-Gon Jinn looked up from the magazine he was thumbing
through and met the concerned eyes of his apprentice. He raised
one eyebrow inquiringly. "Excuse me?"
Obi-Wan gestured vaguely at the computer console in front of
him. "I've been studying for my organic chem class, and I'm
beginning to notice some alarming corollaries."
Intrigued, Qui-Gon moved to stand behind Obi-Wan's chair and
peered over his shoulder at the screen. It displayed a complex
diagram of interlocking chemical bonds. "Such as?"
"Well, for one thing, midichlorians evolve a thousand times
faster than we do."
"Which means what?"
"That they may be vastly superior to us in both power and
intellect. Why, compared to them, we're no more advanced than a
... a mollusk."
"A mollusk."
"Yes. We're pond scum, Master."
"I see." He frowned, not entirely pleased with the analogy.
"But surely there's no crime in being a superior lifeform?"
"Ordinarily I would agree with you, Master, but look at the
facts."
"What facts?"
"Midichlorians are passed down through the gametic bloodline.
That means they're directly transferable to the offspring with
their genetic code intact. This implies that an evolutionary
change begun in one generation can continue on to the next. In
fact, all midichlorians can conceivably be traced back to a
single progenitor. A Midichlorian Eve."
Qui-Gon had tuned out of the lecture about halfway through and
was nuzzling the back of his apprentice's neck. Hearing Obi-
Wan's voice stop, he looked up and blinked, tracking back
rapidly to grasp what he'd missed. "Hmm? Yes?"
"Midichlorian Eve, Master." Obi-Wan's voice was grave. "A
single, sentient organism that has undergone rapid evolutionary
mutation over an extended period of time to become ...
something."
"Become what, Padawan?" Qui-Gon bent to the tempting neck in
front of him again, lapping softly at the smooth skin.
"I don't know. But tell me - what exactly do midichlorians get
out of this supposedly 'symbiotic' relationship? They provide
us with access to the Force, that great, all-encompassing web
of Light through which all living things are bound, giving us
strength and power beyond imagining, the ability to divine the
future, a path to inner enlightenment and peace. Yet they ask
for nothing in return."
"Hmm." Qui-Gon had tuned out again and was inhaling the sweet
scent of his padawan's skin. With an effort, he struggled to
focus on the conversation. "I've always thought that they
benefit by being able to exist inside our cells. Doubtlessly
they would find the galaxy a cold, hard place to live in
without our bodies to protect them."
"Exactly my point - they're houseguests. And when have you ever
known houseguests to behave themselves indefinitely?"
Qui-Gon had no response to that.
"I mean, think about it." Obi-Wan was really warming to his
subject now. "Here they are - tiny, intrusive, offering us
wonders beyond imagining. And we just accept them. Without
question. We have no choice whatsoever in this 'symbiosis.' We
just follow blindly where they lead, trusting the Force to
guide us in all that we do."
Qui-Gon was growing bored with the conversation. He sank his
teeth sharply into his padawan's shoulder before pulling back
and running his tongue along the inside curve of his ear. "Come
to bed, Padawan."
Obi-Wan ignored him. "Has anyone ever considered just how much
we let these midichlorians tell us what to do? It's a Jedi's
duty to 'commune with the Force,' 'trust to the Force,' 'center
on the Force,' and in the end to 'become one with the Force.'
There's very little free will involved in this relationship."
Qui-Gon made a noncommittal sound, slowly drawing Obi-Wan's
robes back off of his shoulders, revealing more of that
delectable skin to his roving tongue. He sighed happily as he
found the soft curve between shoulder and neck.
"This could be the precipitate to a full-scale invasion." Obi-
Wan adroitly maneuvered away from the hand that reached for his
lap, demanding Qui-Gon's full attention. "They could be
planning to take over the galaxy. Enslave us all."
"Mmm hmm." Qui-Gon swirled the tip of his tongue into Obi-Wan's
ear and exhaled warmly; he was delighted to feel an answering
shiver pass through his padawan's slender frame.
"They ... they could..." Obi-Wan's voice faltered, and he
closed his eyes as his Master's arms closed around him, leaning
back into the embrace. Making an admirable effort to marshal
his thoughts, he continued, "They could be controlling our
every action, unconsciously, without our even being aware of
it. Using our own desires and needs to distract us, prompt us
to look away from the fact that they rule us utterly, denying
us even the freedom of thought to contemplate our slavery to
them." He gasped as his Master's hands moved between his thighs
and arched his hips up into that delicious touch. Whatever else
he had been about to say imploded under the sensation and
spiraled away from him.
"Padawan," Qui-Gon said hoarsely, breath warm against the skin
of his throat, "come to bed."
Obi-Wan at last gave into the temptation to meet those questing
lips with his own. "Yes, Master."
The end...?
******
Me: "You will give feedback on this fic." (waves hand)
You: (dazedly) "I will give feedback on this fic."
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