Spoilers: For TPM. And the story is based on rumors about the
second film.
Summary: Set nine years after the Trade Federation attack of
Naboo, Obi Wan and Amidala come to an understanding.
Feedback: Yes, please. All comments welcome.
Summary: Set nine years after the Trade Federation invasion of
Naboo, Obi Wan and Amidala come to an understanding.
Obi Wan leaned up against the railing on the balcony at the
Theed palace on Naboo, breathing deeply. It was a clear night,
and the air was crisp and cool. The stars glittered sharply
overhead, and the ever-present sound of the waterfalls was
soothing.
The handmaiden who had led him out here had flirted shamelessly
with him. It was something that he was getting used to. All
kinds of rumors circulated about the Jedi, and he'd come to
regard his reputation with bemusement. If they only knew what a
lonely life it really was.
Eventually, she'd left. "The Queen will be with you shortly,"
she'd told him. "She's changing."
'She's changing.' He snorted quietly. He'd come to dread those
words. He never knew what she'd show up wearing next. Sometimes
he actually had a difficult time keeping a straight face when
she greeted him in an especially preposterous headpiece. He
almost felt sorry for her. She had to endure about a half a
dozen 'costume' changes per day, and he wondered how she ever
got anything done.
She did it, she said, to appease the traditional elders of
Naboo. They'd never fully recovered from the shock of seeing
her in full battle regalia, after taking charge of the battle
with the Trade Federation -- nine years ago, now. A wise
leader, she decided that she would have to slowly ease the
elders 'out of the dark ages.'
"Obi Wan."
He heard her voice behind him. Bracing himself, he turned
around slowly. He let out an audible sigh of relief when he
found that it was just her -- hair down, no face paint, and no
beads, jewels or dangling feathers. The elders would be
scandalized. Her nonconformist streak was one of the things he
most admired about her. In fact, she reminded him very much of
Qui Gon in that respect - both of them strong and stubborn.
And, like Qui Gon, his late Master, she also made him
feel...conflicted. Unbalanced, in a sense, but also peaceful.
He bowed dramatically, "My Queen," he said, smiling.
She hit his shoulder. "Cut it out," she said, returning the
smile.
She had been an attractive teenager when he first met her, but
now she was strikingly beautiful. He stepped up to her and
affectionately wiped away some white face paint from near her
hairline. She always missed some. At his touch, she became very
still. They're eyes met and it would have been so natural to
bend down to her lips, but then they both took a breath and
backed away.
"Obi Wan."
"Amidala."
They both spoke at once, then chuckled. Obi Wan gestured with a
nod of his head for her to go first. She smiled sadly and
turned away from him -- looking out from the balcony to the
lights of the city below.
"It just isn't going to happen, is it, Obi Wan," she said,
quietly.
He drew in a deep breath, then went to stand beside her, his
hands on the railing. He, too, looked straight ahead. So, she
knew it as well. They'd become reacquainted about two years
ago, and lately had been spending more and more time together,
between her duties and his missions. And they'd
been...exploring...was the best word for it. Exploring the
attraction and the feelings between them. So far it hadn't
amounted to more than meaningful glances, and a few tentative
kisses, but they'd reached a point where a decision had to be
made, one way or the other.
"It doesn't feel right to me, Ami," he said. "And if there's
one thing I've learned, it's to..."
"Trust your instincts," they said together. He looked over at
her and she was smiling, still gazing out at the view.
"You sensed it too, then?" he asked.
She nodded. "Yes, I...You always seemed to be holding something
back. And to be honest, I wasn't sure either."
"And, of course, there's Ani," he added with a sidelong glance.
"Yes, there's Ani," she replied. The pink blush that spread
across her cheeks and her faintly embarrassed smile confirmed
what he'd begun to suspect. He nodded to himself, satisfied.
This justified the decision in his own mind -- it was the right
thing to do.
Obi Wan cared deeply for Amidala -- felt a strong affection
towards her. There was also a powerful physical attraction
between them -- the kind of attraction he'd not felt for many
years. But it wasn't enough, and it had always felt vaguely
wrong to him. Ending this before it had really begun was
poignant, but it felt right.
And now she could be free to acknowledge her feelings for
Anakin. He was certain that Anakin shared them. Anakin, he
knew, was beginning to recognize that what he felt for 'the
Queen' was more than just an adolescent infatuation. Obi Wan
was happy for both of them, yet...
There was something about Anakin. Elusive. Occasionally he
still sensed a darkness hanging over his Padawan -- the same
shadow that the council had felt, all those years ago. He'd
grown stronger in the force with each passing year. His
abilities and accomplishments elicited both respect and
consternation in the council. Yoda still refused to concede
that Anakin was the chosen one, as Qui Gon had asserted, but
there was clearly something special about him. As Anakin's
Master, Obi Wan wanted to believe in him fully, but there was
just a small nagging doubt in the back of his mind. Anakin
could be almost fiercely determined sometimes. It was as if he
felt he could never fully prove himself. It was dangerous.
He turned to Amidala and looked her in the eye. "Just...be
careful, Ami. Anakin, he..."
"He won't turn," Amidala said adamantly, as if she'd read his
mind. "Obi Wan, he won't. I'm telling you, that boy -- the one
who got excited about absolutely everything -- the boy that
risked his life for strangers -- the boy that accidentally
saved a planet -- that boy is still in there. He'll always be
in there. Ani will be fine."
Her faith in Anakin touched him. He hoped that she was right.
He, too, loved Anakin, in his own way. They were close, but
their relationship had never developed the intensity that had
characterized his partnership with Qui Gon. As Master and
Padawan, they often shared a connection in the force during
their missions together, but the personal connectedness that he
had felt with Qui Gon was not there. And their history was
complicated. Qui Gon had brought them together, and then, with
brutal abruptness, had left them alone. His absence had always
hung between them. In the past year, Amidala had created a
subtle tension between them as well. At least that would no
longer be a problem.
He gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "I'm sure
you're right," he said.
She folded her arms across her chest and leaned up against the
balcony railing. "Have I ever told you," she asked, with a
slight smile, "what Ani said to me the very first time we met?"
"No, I don't think so," he replied.
"He asked me if I was an angel," she said.
He laughed. "An ANGEL? What a line! I never really had a
chance, did I?"
She smacked his arm again. "He was only ten, Obi Wan, it was
NOT a line!"
She grew more serious. "I can't explain it, but something
happened to me when he said that. I knew I'd never be the same.
I remember that it gave me the strangest feeling. It felt
like...like..."
"Like destiny," he said, smiling at her. "That's the way it
should be, Ami. I'm happy for you."
"Can I ask you something, Obi Wan?" she said, rather
tentatively. "Something personal?"
"Of course."
"Did you love Qui Gon Jinn?"
It was such a complicated question. Yes, he had loved Qui Gon.
As every Padawan loves his Master. It was a relationship that
required so much of a connection, and so much trust. He had
loved Qui Gon as a Master and a mentor, but there had been
something more there as well. An intensity of feeling that went
beyond the norm -- a physical attraction, and an emotional one.
He had wanted to be a part of Qui Gon. Had wanted to bond with
him on a different level. Had wanted so many things that he
never had a chance to explore.
"Yes," he eventually responded. A simple answer to a complex
question. But it seemed to satisfy her.
"I thought so," she said. "I think I knew it even back then,
during the Trade Federation crisis. There was just something
about the two of you -- a connection that could almost be felt.
I think its part of what was holding us back. You and me, I
mean. Were you lovers?"
"No," he said, immediately. It was a simpler question. "We
weren't. It was not appropriate while I was still his Padawan.
The code forbids it. But I always hoped that when I became a
knight...perhaps then. Qui Gon and I never discussed it, but I
always sensed that he felt the same. He kept his feelings on
the matter closely guarded."
"And he was killed before you became a knight, so you never
knew..." Amidala said, softly. "I'm sorry, Obi Wan."
He hesitated. He'd never discussed this with anyone -- it was
so personal, and still so raw, even after nearly a decade. But
seeing the sympathy and compassion in her eyes, he knew the
time was right to share this. She seemed to sense that he had
something else to say, for she put her hand on his arm, and
waited intently.
"When he was dying in my arms," he began, quietly, "he was
trying to talk to me about Anakin, and he was trying to comfort
me, and he didn't have the strength to keep up his barriers. Or
perhaps he didn't want to. But he reached for me, he touched me
-- wiped a tear from my face -- and I knew. I just knew. I felt
the power of his love and warmth wash over me, and then he was
gone. But for that one instant, we shared...something so
beautiful."
She reached up to touch his face, and look into his eyes. "Then
you're lucky, Obi Wan. To know even a brief moment of pure love
is to see God."
He pulled her towards him, overwhelmed by the memory, and at
her understanding and insight. Amazing that these emotions
still moved so strongly in him after all this time -- that they
still had the power to make him cry. He felt tears slipping
from his eyes into her hair. He couldn't speak for a few
minutes, but finally managed to speak without sobbing.
"Ani was right. You are an angel," he said.
She was crying too. He stepped back and kissed her on the
forehead. Even through her tears, she was laughing, and had an
embarrassed smile on her face.
"I'm no angel," she said, sheepishly. "I'm just a woman." She
moved out of his arms and returned to the railing of the
balcony. She grinned. "A woman who's now going to have to keep
on wondering what a Jedi Master wears under his robes..."
He burst out laughing at her audacity. He could almost feel the
collective shock of the Naboo elders. If they only knew...
"Well," he said, "Ani will be a Jedi Master, eventually..."
"Eventually," she smirked.
He shook his head and grinned at her fondly. He'd come here
tonight to put an end to something, yet he felt uplifted. Tears
and laughter and affection -- it had been cathartic, in the
end. He stepped forward and cupped her cheek in his palm.
"Thank you, Ami," he said. "You're still everything to me."
This time there was no awkwardness when he leaned forward, and
she met him halfway. They kissed tenderly, and with deep
feeling. There was still a gentle tug of physical attraction,
and a poignancy to the goodbye, but it felt natural and right.
She took a deep breath and pulled away, with tears in her eyes.
"Goodbye, Obi Wan," she whispered.
He nodded and watched as she turned and walked back into the
shadows of the palace.
He turned back to the view. The lights of the city below
shimmered in the night, almost seeming to be a reflection of
the stars overhead. He breathed deeply, letting the force flow
through him, feeling the people of Naboo, the rocks, the water,
the serene beauty of this place and the peaceful resolution
with Amidala. He knew now that this was how it was meant to be.
He could sense his future with Amidala -- they would always be
close, always be able to turn to each other when they needed
to. And perhaps...perhaps that was more important to him than
finding a lover.
He also knew now that no one would ever take Qui Gon's place in
his heart -- he would always be alone. Yet not alone. He felt
Qui Gon's presence now as surely as he felt anything else. And
he was a fortunate man. He had Amidala, and he had Anakin. And
he had the memory of a perfect moment.
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