Summary: Obi-Wan makes a grave mistake and Qui-Gon loses
control. This is the sequel to Bear the Consequences.
Feedback: yes, please, any comments welcome.
Series: (1) The Lie, (2) Daen, (3) Bear the Consequences, (4)
Aftermath, (5) Misdirection, (6) All I Wanted to Say
Aftermath
by Yvette
yvette@ecn.net.au
(c) August 1999
He was cold. The chill from the interior of the transport
seemed to cut straight through the heavy material of his robe,
and Qui-Gon Jinn fought back a natural impulse to shiver. A
deep breath was all it took to concentrate his mind enough to
bring his training to bear and the Jedi Master could feel an
instant improvement in his body temperature. He glanced down at
Obi-Wan, who was huddled by his side miserably. Obi-Wan had
never liked the cold, but with he had been trained to alter his
own body temperature the same way his Master had. Yesterday
Qui-Gon Jinn would have spoken to his Padawan, assisted him
with increasing his body temperature, but not tonight. He was
far too annoyed with Obi-Wan to bother.
They were on their way to Dantooine to assist another Jedi
Master and Padawan with trade talks that had been going badly.
Civil war was imminent unless action was taken soon, and such
had been the urgency of the Dantooine Senate's request, there
had been no time to arrange for more suitable transport. They
were only six hours into a two day journey on board the
freezing cold freighter, and the incredibly cramped quarters
meant that they would spend most of that two days huddled
together as they were now. There were no sleeping quarters, no
room even to lie down. Instead, the two Jedi sat next to each
other on the main deck. Their backs were against the wall of
the freighter, and they were completely ignored by the three
man crew who were reluctantly giving passage to the two Jedi.
It was a day that had started as perfectly as any day could
start, and even now Qui-Gon Jinn wasn't sure how things had
deteriorated so badly. He shifted marginally on the hard deck
and thought back to the morning.
//He had woken with Obi-Wan in his arms. The warm naked flesh
against his own had been an instantaneous reminder of the
passion they had shared the night before and Qui-Gon had spent
several long moments doing nothing more than enjoying the feel
of Obi-Wan's body against his, and the memories of a perfect
evening.
Their first time had been fast and hard and furious, but the
second time had been a more relaxed affair. Obi-Wan had
explored his Master's body at length with tongue and lips and
hands until finally Qui-Gon had reached the limits of his
endurance. He had entered Obi-Wan after careful preparation,
and having already come once, he was able to slowly make love
to his Padawan. Every once in a while, Qui-Gon would dip his
head to taste Obi-Wan's beautifully arched neck, leaving a
range of distinctive love marks on the younger man's smooth
skin. Obi-Wan moved with him easily, his low moans and sighs
the perfect accompaniment to the long, steady lovemaking. Bliss
was being inside Obi-Wan, his body automatically moving in the
age-old rhythm as he possessed, captured - claimed. When
finally Qui-Gon allowed himself to climax, it was in unison
with Obi-Wan. They were a perfect match in this, as in
everything else - so in tune with each other that their dual
orgasms seemed to be one as they each exploded in climax. He
had held Obi-Wan close then, too tired to continue the petting.
Obi-Wan had kissed him briefly before curling up in his arms,
head tucked in Qui-Gon's shoulder, his body moulding itself to
his Master's taller frame easily.
Qui-Gon had felt so in sync with Obi-Wan that there was no need
for words. He'd been so confident that Obi-Wan understood the
magnitude of his feelings, so confident that Obi-Wan felt the
same about him. He'd been so wrong.//
"Here."
Out of nowhere, the harsh word accompanied the heavy blanket
that was thrown in their direction. Qui-Gon looked up at the
departing figure of the Captain, whose quick exit made any
words of thanks unnecessary. Obi-Wan had caught the thrown
blanket and was unfolding it and spreading it over their two
bodies. All without a word to his Master. Qui-Gon took his side
of the blanket and tucked it in around his tall frame, meeting
Obi-Wan's brief glance coldly as his Padawan did the same.
Obi-Wan closed his eyes then, giving the impression of instant
slumber. Qui-Gon sighed. He would have to have it out with
Obi-Wan, but in reality, he had no idea where to start. Perhaps
if he'd woken Obi-Wan when he himself had awoken...............
//His musings had been disturbed by a soft knock on the door,
and Qui-Gon gently maneuvered Obi-Wan to the side of the bed so
that he could rise and pull on a robe. He went into the main
room and opened the door, unsurprised to see Mace Windu
standing there.
"Morning, Mace."
His ex-lover did not look happy to see him as he brushed past
Qui-Gon and entered the main room.
"We've just received word from Dantooine. They've requested
your presence, Qui-Gon. The talks aren't going well."
Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow innocently.
"Really? Well, if the Council feels I should be there........."
Mace rolled his eyes and snorted with disgust.
"Don't waste my time, Qui-Gon. The Council is fully aware that
you have been in contact with your friend on the Dantooine
Senate. He confirmed as much when he requested you in person.
Master Yoda is not amused."
Master Windu stopped as he noticed for the first time the two
wine glasses on the table in the main room. His gaze took in
other evidence of Qui-Gon's activities of the night before -
the robe, tunic and leggings strewn over the floor, one boot
clearly several sizes too small for Qui-Gon Jinn near the
table. He raised an eyebrow.
"Wonderful. So on top of everything else, you now have a
relationship with Obi-Wan to consider as well. Just
once, Qui-Gon, do you think you could think about the
consequences of your actions before you go leaping in
head first?"
Qui-Gon took a seat at the table and motioned his oldest friend
to do the same.
"I'm going to pretend you're talking about the Dantooine
situation, Mace. And for the record, I didn't contact them,
Senator Timaron contacted me. He wasn't happy that I wasn't the
Jedi chosen to mediate the talks, but at least he gave P'Rel a
chance. When things started to break down, though, he
approached me."
"And now you think the Council will overlook your misconduct by
bowing to the wishes of the Dantooine Senate and sending you.
You're mistaken, as usual - the Council will never approve,
Qui-Gon."
"I'm not going to back down on this one, Mace. Besides, I have
a contact on the Council who owes me at least one
favour, don't I?" Qui-Gon was feeling way too mellow to start
an argument with his friend.
Mace Windu didn't appear to be feeling the same way, however.
"Just because you were once my lover, Qui-Gon, doesn't mean you
get any special favours from me. The boy is still young. And
while I can forgive your transgressions, I don't know that
Obi-Wan is mature enough to cope with your impulsiveness."
Qui-Gon frowned.
"What has Obi-Wan got to do with this?"
"If you had done this properly, instead of going behind the
Council's back, we might have been able to work out a timetable
to suit everyone. But now the Dantooine Senate are requesting
you immediately. You know the Council's views on life bonds
between Masters and Padawans, Qui-Gon. It's critical that you
both take the time to work on the bond or else you risk
destroying any relationship between you. Your impetuosity could
end up costing you Obi-Wan."
Qui-Gon shook his head impatiently.
"You're over-reacting, Mace," he said dismissively. "Obi-Wan
and I have come a long way over the past month. We're both at
peak physical fitness, he's well ahead in every area of his
training. And while I would have liked more time to spend with
him now that we're together, I really don't think there's going
to be a problem."
Mace Windu watched his friend for a long moment before shaking
his head.
"It's pointless arguing with you about it. I only hope you
don't come to regret rushing things like this, Qui-Gon. You
need some serious time off, and I don't mean a few weeks at the
Temple. I don't think your abilities are anywhere near what
they should be at the moment, and it concerns me that you can't
seem to see that."
Qui-Gon's mouth thinned dangerously, and his friend recognised
the familiar stubborn expression.
"I'm fine, Mace. And I certainly don't need the Council
nursemaiding my relationship with Obi-Wan. You said it yourself
- I love him, he loves me. We'll work the rest out ourselves."
//
Mace had left then, and Qui-Gon had watched him go with a
feeling of absolute certainty that he was wrong. That certainty
had lasted exactly as long as it had taken him to go into the
bedroom and discover Obi-Wan awake and standing beside the bed.
He'd smiled at his beautiful Padawan, and then, in the second
it had taken to read the expression in Obi-Wan's eyes, his calm
assuredness had completely deserted him.
On board the freighter, Obi-Wan shifted slightly, then froze in
place as his body came into further contact with his Master's.
He kept his eyes closed, maintaining an air of relaxation, and
willed his body not to curl into the welcoming warmth of
Qui-Gon Jinn. Bad enough that they had to travel in such close
proximity, without making matters worse. This day should have
been such a happy one for him, and yet things had turned out so
very badly.
//"....................my lover, Qui-Gon, doesn't mean you get
any special favours from me. The boy is still young. And while
I can forgive your transgressions, I don't know that Obi-Wan is
mature enough to cope with your impulsiveness..............."//
The partial conversation he'd overheard that very morning had
ripped out his soul, but he'd been able to maintain his
composure until he could leave, at least.
//"Good morning, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon's smile had faltered
slightly at the cold look in Obi-Wan's gaze, but he continued
to approach his Padawan.
"Good morning, Master." Obi-Wan rose from the bed, gave his
Master a chilly smile and continued straight past Qui-Gon into
the main room, where he began picking up his clothes and
getting dressed.
Qui-Gon watched Obi-Wan pulling on his leggings. He waited
until the younger man had pulled on his tunic before speaking.
"Obi-Wan?"
Obi-Wan looked up and met his Master's gaze, expressionless.
"Yes, Master?" His tone was part insolence, part indifference,
and he could almost see Qui-Gon control the snap in his own
reply with effort.
"Is there something wrong? Are you regretting last night?"
Obi-Wan avoided his gaze as he searched for his missing boots,
found one and began pulling it on.
"Why would I regret last night, Master?"
Qui-Gon approached the table and sat down.
"I don't know, Padawan. I thought it was something you wanted
as much as I did, but you seem different this morning. If I
have put you in an uncomfortable situation, then I am truly
sorry, Obi-Wan. I never intended to harm our relationship."
Obi-Wan's eyes flashed briefly with anger.
"You didn't put me in a 'difficult situation' at all, Master. I
am old enough to decide who I sleep with, after all. It was a
very pleasant evening, and I thank you for your hospitality."
He pulled on his other boot, scooped up his robe which lay on
the floor, and headed for the door.
When Obi-Wan left his Master's quarters, he'd been feeling a
sense of righteous satisfaction. He'd been cool and collected,
had kept his dignity, hadn't made a scene. Why then, did he
feel so terrible? Obi-Wan sank to the chair in his own main
room and buried his head in his hands. There was no pleasure to
be had in the knowledge that his actions had completely
surprised his Master this morning. Qui-Gon had been easy to
read. Clearly, the Jedi Master had enjoyed their night
together, and probably wouldn't be adverse to repeating the
experiment, but Obi-Wan had no intention of allowing that kind
of relationship to develop between them.
He was already too dependent on his Master, too needy of
Qui-Gon's approval. Of his love. And if Qui-Gon had been in a
relationship for ten years with Mace Windu, and had been
capable of bedding his Padawan whilst in that relationship then
it was clear he had no intention of allowing anything more
serious to develop between them.
Obi-Wan groaned to himself as he recalled the fight he'd had
with his Master only weeks before. He'd wanted Qui-Gon to see
him as an adult and not a child anymore, and he'd been granted
his wish. It was possible, even, that Qui-Gon had chosen this
way of distancing himself from Obi-Wan's clinging nature. By
allowing the intimacy, but controlling it, Qui-Gon was at once
acknowledging his Padawan's maturity, and at the same time
dispelling any romantic notions Obi-Wan might have.
Might have. Obi-Wan mentally cringed at the thought of his
Master dispassionately considering Obi-Wan's feelings for him,
and calmly working out the best solution to the problem. It was
humiliating to consider that his Master may well have discussed
the matter with his lover. Obi-Wan shook his head in disgust at
the memory of Master Windu telling him that Qui-Gon Jinn had
been in a sexual relationship for ten years. The Jedi Master
had neglected to mention that Qui-Gon had been in a
relationship with him. He was clearly amused at
Obi-Wan's jealousy, and no doubt the two venerable Jedi Masters
had found the entire situation most comical. Obi-Wan burned
with fury at them both, hating his Master and Master Windu
equally at that moment. But his anger at them was far surpassed
by the disgust he felt for himself. Why did he need Qui-Gon so
much? Why did he long for his Master's love, his respect as an
equal? Why did it seem he would be forever destined to be the
pathetic, needy fool who foolishly fell in love with the great
Qui-Gon Jinn?
Eventually he rose from the table and headed for the shower.
Alone under the pounding spray, he could only stare dry-eyed at
nothing, the bleak misery he felt far beyond tears.//
Obi-Wan took a deep breath then, and concentrated on clearing
his mind. Within minutes his body temperature had risen
slightly, enough to be comfortable, and he began the meditation
rituals that would allow him some rest. There was no point
going over this again and again. The terse message on his
mail-reader had given him orders to prepare for the mission to
Dantooine, and in the hours it had taken to pack and board the
transport, Qui-Gon Jinn had addressed not one single word to
him. The freighter was cold, the metal against his back and
thighs uncomfortably so, but that was nothing at all compared
to the chill in his Master's blue eyes as he glanced in his
Padawan's direction. Obi-Wan hadn't felt so alone, or so
miserable, for a long time.
The dull hum of the ships engines was hypnotic, but Qui-Gon
Jinn found himself unable to sleep. This was the first chance
he'd had to really consider the events of the morning, and he
needed to make some sense of what had occurred.
Had he completely misread Obi-Wan's feelings? There was no
mistaking the coldness from his Padawan this morning, but
Qui-Gon was completely at a loss to understand why. Frustrated
anger had followed fast on the heels of confusion as the Jedi
Master had prepared for the Dantooine mission. If last night
had taught him nothing else, it had proven once and for all
that Obi-Wan was no longer a boy. And if the adult wanted to
behave like a child, that was his choice.
His anger had remained throughout the preparations for this
last minute mission, and Qui-Gon had been completely unable to
speak to Obi-Wan. He had given the younger man his heart, laid
his every emotion out for Obi-Wan to see, and Obi-Wan was
treating him like some casual pick-up. There were times when he
wanted to shake Obi-Wan and yell some sense into the younger
man, but that wasn't the Jedi way. Mace had been right. The
Dantooine situation could not have come at a worse time.
Qui-Gon only hoped he'd be able to sort things out quickly,
then he could request some time off for them both to sort out
this mess.
Senator Timaron and two other people were on the landing pad to
meet them when they arrived on Dantooine. The Senator came
forward immediately, a giant smile on his face as he caught
sight of Qui-Gon Jinn alighting from the freighter.
Obi-Wan followed his Master, and stood back as Qui-Gon Jinn
greeted the Senator from Dantooine with the traditional bow.
The portly Senator beamed at his guests.
"Master Jinn - we are honoured by your presence. Honoured, and
relieved, I must say. Yes indeed." He nodded several times to
underline his effusive welcome, and the Jedi Master smiled at
his enthusiasm.
"It is our privilege to serve, Senator Timaron. This is my
Padawan Learner, Obi-Wan Kenobi."
"Yes, yes, of course." The Senator turned and gestured the
couple with him to step forward. The male was clearly a
relation of the Senator, sharing as he did the shock of bright
red hair and the almost clear pale blue eyes. His expression
was friendly, and he was quite a good-looking young man. The
woman he was with also had a friendly, if somewhat shy smile,
as she followed the young man to where the Senator and the Jedi
were standing.
"This is my son, Nariah, and his betrothed, Kellen." The
Senator beamed proudly as the young couple greeted both Jedi.
"Perhaps the younger people could chat whilst we discuss the
situation here, Master Jinn." The Senator was already leading
Qui-Gon Jinn away from the three as he began a long, and rather
involved conversation regarding the trade talks. Obi-Wan
watched them go with annoyance. He had been summarily dismissed
by the Senator as a child who needed entertaining, and ignored
by his Master. Qui-Gon was already disappearing into the
building with the Senator.
Obi-Wan turned to the couple he'd just met, to find them
smiling ruefully.
"Sorry about that," said Nariah, "Father tends to be rather
single-minded sometimes. We've been given strict instructions
to entertain you while you're on Dantooine, Jedi Kenobi. I must
say, I'm glad you're our age. We got the impression you were
going to be a lot younger!" His friendly grin was shared by his
betrothed.
"What Nariah is trying to say, Jedi Kenobi, is that we're both
looking forward to spending some time with you. Please ignore
Nariah's complete lack of tact - he has absolutely no
idea about diplomacy." Her observation was accompanied by a
mock roll of the eyes, and Obi-Wan couldn't help but laugh
along with the friendly pair.
"Please, call me Obi-Wan." He returned their smiles with one of
his own, and the three began the trek towards the main
buildings. Obi-Wan was surprised at how quickly he took to
Nariah and Kellen, and was grateful for their company during
the long afternoon. The Jedi who had preceded them to Dantooine
had already left the planet, and it was clear that Obi-Wan
wasn't going to be included in the talks, so there was little
to do other than wait around for his Master. Nariah and Kellen
took him on an entertaining tour of the City centre, and the
three had become firm friends by early evening, when they
returned Obi-Wan to the quarters he would be sharing with
Qui-Gon Jinn.
"You have to come out with us tonight, Obi-Wan. It's the
first time we've been out in ages and it wouldn't be the same
without you." Kellen was extremely persuasive, and Nariah added
his own entreaties to hers.
Obi-Wan held up a hand laughingly.
"I have to ask Master Qui-Gon if it's okay, but if he doesn't
mind, then I'd love to come tonight."
"Great! We'll wait here then." Nariah leaned up against the
wall and pulled Kellen into his arms. The glance she gave him
spoke volumes of the love they bore each other, and Obi-Wan
grinned at his new friends before turning and heading for his
quarters.
The Senator was still with Qui-Gon Jinn when Obi-Wan entered,
and made his request to his Master. It was the first time they
had spoken to each other since Obi-Wan had left Qui-Gon's
quarters that morning.
"You may do as you wish, Padawan." His Master sounded
completely indifferent. Obi-Wan made a deliberate effort to
answer in kind.
"Thank you, Master." He bowed slightly, more to the Senator
than to his Master, and left the room without another word.
Basic courtesy would normally have required at least some
indication of how long he'd be or where he was going, but in
this Obi-Wan was determined to play it as cool as his Master.
He rejoined Nariah and Kellen outside his quarters, but there
was an obvious pause as Nariah looked him over thoughtfully.
"What?" Obi-Wan could tell from his expression what was coming.
"It's your outfit, Obi-Wan. You can't possibly come out with us
looking like that."
Obi-Wan grinned, sensing clearly the lack of malice in Nariah's
words. The friendly smile from Kellen only underlined the
couple's good intentions.
"We'll have something for you to wear, Obi-Wan. Don't you worry
about a thing." There was a definite gleam in Kellen's eyes
that did not suggest she had a subtle, understated outfit in
mind. Obi-Wan didn't care. The couple waited expectantly for
him to make at least a token protest, but Obi-Wan was set on
going all the way tonight.
"Very well."
The lovers glanced at each other, mischief brimming in both
pairs of eyes as they were given the carte blanche. This was
going to be fun.
Two hours later, Obi-Wan was having the time of his life. He
felt completely ungoverned by obligation or duty for the first
time in too many years. His new friends hadn't taken advantage
of his nature and gone overboard on the outfit, but there was
little of the Jedi in Obi-Wan's appearance this evening.
The black trousers were of a much hardier material than Obi-Wan
was used to wearing, but they moulded to his body so perfectly
it didn't seem too different to the leggings he usually wore.
Nariah had a friend whose knee high boots fit Obi-Wan
perfectly, and the black leather was a perfect match for the
pants. It was the shimmering white shirt that set the outfit
off to perfection, though. At first glance, it was a simple
tunic, vaguely similar in shape to Obi-Wan's Jedi tunic, but
when it was worn, the differences became far more obvious. The
shirt was made of a thin, silken material that clung to every
inch of Obi-Wan's muscled frame, and when tucked in to the
pants, the entire outfit left little to the imagination.
Kellen had fiddled around with Obi-Wan's hair, taking out the
short ponytail he wore at the back and slicking the longer hair
back with water, then mussing it artfully. The Padawan braid
was tied with a shimmering silver ribbon that was threaded
through the last few inches of the braid. The result was an
unusually sensual shaggy look that emphasised Obi-Wan's
youthful features, and was completely in keeping with the
current fashions on the planet.
They had dined with a bunch of Nariah and Kellen's friends at a
restaurant before heading for a dance club at the outer reaches
of the town. Several drinks had loosened Obi-Wan's inhibitions
to a sufficient degree that he'd been willing to try out the
dance floor, and hadn't lacked for partners all evening.
Obi-Wan had long since outgrown his childhood label 'Oafy-Wan',
and the years and Jedi training had wrought a considerable
change in the way he moved and used his body. He had a natural
sense of rhythm and style, and a half hour watching the other
dancers on the floor had been enough for him to mimic the
popular styles of dancing. He was having a fantastic time.
It was late before they decided to call it a night, and Obi-Wan
was well and truly out of Jedi mode. Nariah and Kellen's
friends had taken instantly to the young Jedi, and the evening
had been full of laughter and dancing and drinking. Obi-Wan was
more relaxed than he could remember being in a long time and it
felt good. He wasn't drunk, exactly, but there was a definite
buzz to him that came in equal parts from the alcohol he'd
consumed and the flirting he'd done with several of the group.
He could have had his pick of them to take home, but even as
angry as he'd been with Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan wasn't about to
bed a virtual stranger this evening. He felt far too good at
the moment to even contemplate such a confrontational action.
It was a pity, really, because some great sex would really cap
off a perfect evening.
Obi-Wan stumbled only slightly as Nariah shepherded him
carefully to the door of the temporary quarters he shared with
Qui-Gon. Nariah's muffled curse as he tried to steady Obi-Wan
and keep a hand on Kellen sparked off yet another fit of
uncontrollable giggling from Kellen. Obi-Wan chuckled as well,
giving Nariah absolutely no assistance as the other man
searched for Obi-Wan's access card.
The door opened at that moment, and Nariah looked up gratefully
to see the stern visage of Qui-Gon Jinn watching the three of
them silently.
"Oh, I'm glad you're still up, Master Jinn. I can't find
Obi-Wan's card......." Nariah carefully handed over the tipsy
Padawan as he spoke, then turned to grab Kellen who had been
sliding down the wall in a fit of giggles.
Qui-Gon took a hold of Obi-Wan.
"Do you need some help, Nariah?"
The younger man smiled and smoothly helped Kellen to her feet.
"No, thank you, Master Jinn. My transport is right outside."
Qui-Gon nodded politely, somehow still managing to maintain his
air of Jedi calm whilst hanging onto a swaying Obi-Wan.
"Thank you for returning Obi-Wan, Nariah. I hope he wasn't too
much trouble."
"Not at all, Master Jinn. We had a great time tonight -
Obi-Wan's welcome to join us whenever he'd like to. I know
Kellen would love to see him again, too. I have to go, I'm sure
we'll see you sometime over the next few days."
Qui-Gon nodded again, and watched the Minister's son put his
betrothed tenderly into the transport, before giving the Jedi a
friendly wave and getting into the driver's seat. The low hum
of the transport speeding away was cut off by the closing door
as Qui-Gon steered Obi-Wan into the main room and into one of
the chairs next to the table.
"Well, Obi-Wan. You look like you were the life of the party,"
Qui-Gon noted dryly, as he took in the details of Obi-Wan's
outfit. He ignored the stirrings of arousal at the sensuous way
the material clung to Obi-Wan's body, and crouched down to
remove the boots from his Padawan's feet.
Obi-Wan had been swaying and humming lightly under his breath
to some tune only he could hear, but he opened his eyes at his
Master's words.
"Mmmmm. I had a great time, tonight. I danced........" his
words trailed off and a singularly sweet smile gave evidence to
the fun Obi-Wan had had that evening. Qui-Gon had removed both
boots, and was pondering how best to remove the trousers that
looked painted on.
"Stand up, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon rose and accompanied the command
with a hand to Obi-Wan's upper arm as he assisted his Padawan
from the chair.
Obi-Wan's hands had automatically come up to Qui-Gon's chest in
order to steady himself, and he appeared to enjoy that position
as he wrapped his arms around his Master and pressed his lips
to Qui-Gon's neck with a low murmur of satisfaction.
Qui-Gon fought another wave of arousal, and took a deep breath
in an effort to calm his body, which was reacting as it should
to the close proximity of Obi-Wan's incredibly sexy body.
"Obi-Wan, we have to get you out of these clothes."
Obi-Wan chuckled against his skin, and the feel of his
apprentice's breath against the lobe of his ear was torture.
"My thoughts exactly, Master."
Qui-Gon rolled his eyes ruefully at his own particularly stupid
choice of words, and tried to keep his own amusement from
showing in his voice.
"So that you can sleep, my Padawan."
The ease with which Obi-Wan removed his shirt suggested that he
wasn't quite as drunk as Qui-Gon had originally thought. Then
Obi-Wan undid the clasps on his trousers and slid them off with
his underwear, leaving him completely naked. Qui-Gon was unable
to enjoy the picture he presented, though, because Obi-Wan's
hands immediately snaked under the sleeping tunic Qui-Gon wore.
He spanned the older Jedi's naked back as his mouth returned to
Qui-Gon's throat. This time he was more aggressive, sucking at
the elegant throat; his lips, tongue and teeth working to mark
his Master as he himself had been marked.
Qui-Gon pushed him away with real regret, wanting the intimacy
with his Padawan again, but loath to accept it under these
circumstances.
"No, Obi-Wan. You're not yourself."
Obi-Wan smiled and that was a seduction in itself.
"Then who am I, Master?"
"You are inebriated, my Padawan. And if you regretted it sober,
you will most certainly regret it drunk, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon
mentally winced at the bitterness in his comment.
Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at Qui-Gon's tone. It was something
he would have to spend more time thinking about when he was
completely sober, but for now there was nothing more important
than seeing to the driving need that was overwhelming his body.
"I didn't regret the sex, Qui-Gon," he murmured. His Master had
to lean in to hear the softly spoken words, and Obi-Wan took
advantage by curling one hand behind Qui-Gon's neck to pull him
closer. He continued in low, seductive tones. "I regretted the
circumstances only." Then his mouth covered his Master's and he
pressed up against the taller body that was enticingly close to
his own. Qui-Gon returned the kiss, but deliberately pulled
back before Obi-Wan could deepen it. His arms had automatically
come around Obi-Wan's body to keep them both upright, as his
Padawan was still showing a disturbing tendency to sway.
"What circumstances, my Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon's gaze was steady as
he sought answers to Obi-Wan's inexplicable behaviour after
they'd made love.
Obi-Wan frowned, not wanting conversation. He was hard and
aching and he wanted to be on his back in his Master's bed,
underneath the hard heat of Qui-Gon Jinn. The mental image that
thought inspired made him groan and press closer to Qui-Gon,
seeking his Master's mouth once again. Qui-Gon tipped his head
back slightly, out of reach of his shorter apprentice, and
tried again.
"*What circumstances, Obi-Wan?"
The time between the dance club and their quarters had done
much to sober Obi-Wan up, but his body was now possessed with
the heat of desire, and frustration was making him hurt. His
gaze, much clearer now, met the warm eyes of his Master. He
glanced at the beautiful mouth he longed to possess again and
calculated quickly.
"Your shirt."
Qui-Gon looked confused.
Obi-Wan's mouth quirked at the unusual expression.
"Your shirt, Master. Take it off and I'll answer your
question."
Qui-Gon considered for a moment. He drew back out of Obi-Wan's
arms and swiftly stripped the sleeping shirt over his head. He
tossed it on the floor.
Obi-Wan's gaze heated as he took in the muscled chest and
washboard stomach, his nostrils flaring slightly as he breathed
in the essence of his half-naked Master. He was aware enough,
though, to remember his promise.
"The circumstances of your ten year relationship with
Mace Windu. Master." Qui-Gon's title was a clear afterthought,
but it appeared Qui-Gon would overlook the offense on this
occasion.
For Qui-Gon's part, his confusion only deepened. He was
surprised to learn that Obi-Wan knew of his relationship with
Mace, but couldn't work out why an ex-lover would bother
Obi-Wan so much.
"What has that to do with anything?"
Obi-Wan's eyes flashed with anger, then, clearing the last
vestiges of his intoxication. He was still aroused, though,
having gone way past the point of no return as far as his
body's needs were concerned. He paused for a moment, then spoke
again.
"Pants."
Qui-Gon understood the command instantly, and stood silent for
a long moment. He was heavily aroused, and Obi-Wan could see
that through the thin sleeping pants he was wearing, but
removal of them would leave him completely naked. He paused
indecisively. Obi-Wan rubbed his thumb over one of Qui-Gon's
aching nipples and the Jedi Master was lost.
He met Obi-Wan's hot gaze evenly, before hooking his thumbs
into the waistband of his pants and removing them as he spoke.
"Very well, Padawan - but I want a full explanation in return.
Why does it matter so much that Mace and I were once lovers?"
Obi-Wan's attention was elsewhere as the pants revealed
Qui-Gon's beautiful cock, thick, hard and heavy with arousal.
His mouth watered at the sight and it was some moments before
Qui-Gon's words penetrated.
"Once........?" His head snapped up then to meet his Master's
face. "You mean you're not lovers anymore?"
Qui-Gon's expression made the short journey from confused to
angry, as comprehension dawned.
"Do you seriously think I would sleep with you, Obi-Wan, if I
were in a relationship with someone else?" Only Qui-Gon Jinn
could manage to sound so forbidding whilst standing completely
naked and aroused. Obi-Wan immediately backpedaled, both
physically and verbally as the magnitude of his mistake became
clear.
"I thought it was just sex. That you were trying to teach me -
... I'm sorry, Master." Obi-Wan stumbled over an explanation.
Qui-Gon reached out and snagged Obi-Wan's Padawan braid,
pulling his recalcitrant apprentice closer to him. He looked
furious.
"You thought it was just sex? Eight years my Padawan and you
think I would just fuck you and discard you on a whim?
While I was in a relationship*?" It sounded so much
worse when spoken in the incredulous and incensed tones of his
Master.
Obi-Wan didn't know what to say. Qui-Gon didn't deserve the
insult he'd just been handed, and Obi-Wan was lost for words to
apologise for his mistake. Mentally he cursed himself and his
body twice over for not responding to his pleas and at least
giving him the dignity of walking away. Walking wasn't really
an option right now, he was so hard he was about to completely
disgrace himself.
Qui-Gon stared long and hard at Obi-Wan, disgust apparent on
his features. His own feelings were in turmoil, and he
desperately needed some time to meditate, to regain his
control. He was too far gone to consider the consequences of
acting without thinking things through right at this moment.
For too long he had been operating on the slimmest of controls,
and the short time at Coruscant had not done anywhere near the
repair he had thought it had. Qui-Gon Jinn was absolutely
furious, and the combination of arousal, anger and frustration
snapped the fragile command he had over his emotions.
The Jedi Master smiled, and it was not a nice smile.
"You think I would treat you like some two-credit whore,
Obi-Wan? Very well. You've achieved your goal tonight, my
Padawan. Now get on that bed and spread your legs. You want to
be fucked, I can fuck you. You don't deserve my
love-making, you childish brat."
Obi-Wan was torn. His body was in no doubt that it wanted to
follow Qui-Gon's softly spoken command, but his heart ached for
the gentleness of the lover he'd so thoughtlessly abused.
Qui-Gon remained silent, just watching him with cold, hard
eyes.
Obi-Wan swallowed nervously, then turned, went to the bed and
lay face down on it.
"Spread your legs." The steely command did nothing to lessen
Obi-Wan's almost painful erection, and he obeyed instantly,
spreading his legs and raising his ass in the air. He was the
picture of submission, and Qui-Gon was in no mood to turn down
the implied invitation.
The Jedi Master knelt on the bed. One hand stretched palm up in
the direction of the en-suite bathroom and half a dozen tiny
plastic bottles came hurtling through the door. The pile of
hospitality toiletries landed on the bed, and Qui-Gon picked
through them, brushing the ones he didn't want off the bed
until he found the hand lotion. Moments later, he was preparing
his Padawan for what was to follow, his mind filled with one
all-consuming purpose - to teach Obi-Wan a lesson.
Obi-Wan grunted softly as his body was penetrated by his
Master's fingers, and his entrance was lubricated with
something cold and wet. He remained silent as Qui-Gon moved
into place behind him, but he couldn't help the faint cry as
his Master entered him, pushing past the resisting muscle
without pause to sheath himself fully inside Obi-Wan.
"Well, little whore?" Qui-Gon's voice was close to his ear as
his Master braced himself over Obi-Wan's body. "Are you happy
now? Used and abused, isn't that what you thought last night
was about?"
There was no answer he could make, so Obi-Wan remained silent.
He concentrated on regulating his breathing so that the slight
pain of Qui-Gon's entry would pass and the pleasure he knew
would come could begin.
Qui-Gon wasn't about to let him off the hook that easily,
though. He remained absolutely still, refusing to begin the
thrusting that would bring the younger man pleasure.
"I made love to you last night, you obnoxious little
bastard. Perhaps if I really did just fuck you you'd know the
difference. Well, pay attention, Padawan. This is
fucking."
He began to move then, firm hard strokes that increased in both
power and rhythm until he was pounding inside his Padawan.
Obi-Wan tensed at first, but as Qui-Gon's cock began to massage
his prostate, he felt his earlier arousal return in full force.
He began to moan softly as his body was wracked with pleasure.
But it was different this time. Gone was the tenderness, the
gentleness of Qui-Gon's caresses. There was no affectionate
nibbling on his throat, no murmured endearments, no groans of
approval from his lover.
Qui-Gon was silent and remote as he used his Padawan in anger,
not in love, and Obi-Wan would have given all the pleasure he
was feeling for one touch, one caress, that spoke of the love
he'd been too blind to see. Bitter tears scalded his eyes as he
came, his eventual climax nothing more than a physical release.
Qui-Gon waited until Obi-Wan sank down on the bed after coming
before beginning to thrust again. Obi-Wan truly felt used as
his Master continued to thrust inside him until he, too,
stiffened in climax and came.
Obi-Wan remained still for a long time, even after his Master
withdrew from his body and his bed, and went into the other
room. There was no post-coital high, not even the most basic
satisfaction that usually followed sexual release. Obi-Wan lay
face down on the bed, his face pillowed on his arms, trying to
calm his mind. Qui-Gon was right. The difference between the
two times they had lain together was patently obvious. That he
had ever believed Qui-Gon would treat him like that was the
worst kind of betrayal.
Years of memories surfaced unwillingly now, and Obi-Wan could
only fight back tears of regret as he thought of the sacrifices
Qui-Gon Jinn had made for him over the years. The times he had
stayed up all night because Obi-Wan was sick or injured, or
even just out partying with friends. Like he had done tonight.
There had been many times on their missions when circumstances
had not been ideal. Times spent sleeping rough, living off the
land. And yet, Obi-Wan had never gone hungry, had never woken
up stiff and in pain. No matter how hard the surface, his
Master had always found a way to clear a softer patch of ground
for his Padawan, and would offer his lap as a pillow for
Obi-Wan's head. When food was scarce, Qui-Gon would go without,
insisting - often with wry humour - that his growing Padawan
needed the nourishment far more than he did. When they were in
danger, it was his Master who stayed awake all through the
night to watch over them whilst Obi-Wan slept. And when Obi-Wan
was overcome with doubts, his Master had always taken the time
to tease him fondly back into good humour, no matter how tired
he himself was, or how heavy his own workload had been.
Certainly, the last eight months had not been ideal. But that
had been at least as much Obi-Wan's fault as his Master's. His
feelings for Qui-Gon Jinn had made it necessary for him to
shield himself from any form of contact, and he had
deliberately distanced himself as much as possible from his
Master. The workload had been such that Qui-Gon Jinn hadn't
seemed to notice the difference. In fact, the two of them
seemed to be permanently exhausted. It had made it easier to
deal with his love for his Master, but Obi-Wan had never taken
the time to consider how his own selfish actions would have
affected Qui-Gon Jinn.
With every gentle, caring action that his Master had shown him
over the years, culminating in their lovemaking last night,
Qui-Gon Jinn had proven over and over again to Obi-Wan just how
much he was loved. That love had clearly changed form over the
years, just as Obi-Wan's love for his Master had - but it had
always been there. Obi-Wan felt disgusted with himself at his
blindness, but worse - he felt ashamed.
After leaving Obi-Wan in the bedroom, Qui-Gon Jinn had dressed
quickly in the main room, pulling his formal robe over the
sleeping tunic and trousers he had discarded earlier. He left
the accommodation quarters silently, and within minutes was
speeding away in the ground car provided to them by their
hosts. His destination was uncertain, but one thing was sure.
He had to get away from Obi-Wan.
His actions this evening had been reprehensible. There was no
excuse. The Council would certainly not accept anything he
could say in his defense, not that he could defend himself. He
would have to leave the Order, turn in his lightsaber. That
hurt. Qui-Gon felt the agony of his failure tearing into him,
and allowed it to burn its way through him before releasing the
feeling to the Force. He was still a Jedi. He could join the
Agricorp, perhaps. Use his talents to help people on the Outer
Rim, maybe.
Never see Obi-Wan again.
Oh, that hurt. The pain ripped through him and the air car
swerved slightly as Qui-Gon gripped the steering controls with
white knuckles. It was harder to release this feeling to the
Force, but the Jedi Master forced himself to follow the edicts
he'd learnt since his youth. It helped, some.
He drove for a long time. The Jedi brain that was never truly
at rest automatically calculated his bearing and distance, and
he kept to a route that virtually circled the City. The driving
soothed him, the basic ground car requiring concentration to
maneuver, even as quiet as the streets were this time of night.
He was calm and centered when the delivery transport hit him,
and it was only his split second Jedi reflexes in swerving his
own vehicle that avoided his instant decapitation. As it was,
his own vehicle - negligible in size compared to the delivery
transport - was cut in two. The back was crushed completely
under the wheels of the transport and the front was thrown
forty metres in the air until it smashed through a shop front
window and came to rest, the twisted metal buried beneath half
the building that collapsed on top of it.
"You have to rest, Obi-Wan." Kellen sounded desperate.
"I'll be all right." Obi-Wan didn't even look at his friend
while he answered. His concentration was, as it had been for
the past three days, entirely on Qui-Gon Jinn.
Kellen turned to Nariah, who shrugged helplessly. The two had
visited the hospital several times in the past three days, but
Obi-Wan refused adamantly to leave his Master. Their friend
looked vastly different from the handsome young Jedi who had
danced and laughed with them only three days ago. Obi-Wan
looked gaunt. He had not slept at all since coming to the
hospital, and would not leave the room at all except to use the
facilities. Nursing staff brought food in to him which he would
eat quickly and without enjoyment. He was entirely focused on
Qui-Gon, and ate only because he needed as much strength as
possible in order to heal his Master.
Obi-Wan was as polite as ever to his friends, to the nursing
staff, and even to the Senator who had visited only once in the
time Qui-Gon had been in hospital. But he was firm in refusing
any help in nursing his Master, and equally firm in refusing to
leave Qui-Gon's bedside. Obi-Wan had been forced to call on
thinly stretched resources to maintain a civil front when the
Senator had visited. Clearly, the friendship the Senator shared
with Qui-Gon was the only reason the Senator was making the
courtesy visit. He was clearly distracted, and stayed for less
than ten minutes, muttering about getting back to the talks
even as he left.
Obi-Wan had sent a brief recorded message to the Council
regarding Qui-Gon's accident, but had given the situation no
further thought since then. Even if the Senator had accepted
him as Qui-Gon's proxy, the Dantooine Senate would never have
approved. It was a relief to Obi-Wan, because he knew his
Master would never have forgiven him if he had failed in his
duty to the mission. The Council would send a replacement in
time. As far as Obi-Wan was concerned, though, the mission was
over.
Qui-Gon's condition was critical. How he survived the crash was
anyone's guess. He had been showered in glass, and his body was
a mass of cuts and gashes, some several inches deep and over a
foot long. There were cracked ribs and a punctured lung, along
with several broken bones. But it was the head wound and the
internal bleeding that threatened his life. The medical staff
had done what they could, but the rest was left to Obi-Wan.
His lack of telepathic ability meant serious limitations as to
what he could achieve, but Obi-Wan refused to be deterred by
that. He was unable to penetrate Qui-Gon's mind, but he was
able to do a lot of good with regard to the internal injuries.
Qui-Gon Jinn was breathing easier now, the internal bleeding
had completely stopped, and he was as stable as he could be,
physically, without the services of a Healer. The blow to his
head was a problem, though. Every Force instinct ingrained in
Qui-Gon's body would be fighting to induce a healing trance
within himself. But his unconscious state was fighting equally
hard not to allow that. A Jedi could use the Force to his
advantage, but it required an important component - human will.
Unconscious, Qui-Gon's body reacted on instinct only, and that
instinct was to fight against going deeper into
unconsciousness. Obi-Wan could only watch helplessly as
Qui-Gon's body fought the very thing that could heal it.
Obi-Wan took the cloth, dipped it in the cool water for the
hundredth or so time that day, and gently wiped his Master's
fevered brow with it.
He had been giving as much of his personal reserve of strength
to assist Qui-Gon's healing as he could, leaving himself only
enough to remain alert, and able to continue. There were dark
circles under his eyes, and he looked exhausted. In the short
space of three and a half days, Obi-Wan had drawn on resources
he didn't even know he had, but the toll was beginning to tell.
Obi-Wan was beyond exhaustion. But beneath the dark shadows and
the three day growth of beard there was a core of determination
that showed in his eyes. Qui-Gon Would Not Die. Not before
Obi-Wan got on his knees and begged for his forgiveness. Not
before Obi-Wan spent the next several decades showing his
Master just how much he was loved and cherished. Not before
they had a chance for happiness.
On the fourth day a number of things happened. The dark shadows
under Obi-Wan's eyes deepened. Kellen and Nariah came and left
again, concerned for their friend but helpless against his grim
determination.
Qui-Gon Jinn opened his eyes and asked for a glass of water.
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