Many Thanks to my betas: Mercutio, Marcelle, SSPND and Anne
Disclaimer: Mr. Lucas owns everything. I own nothing. But I'm
grateful to get to play with his toys even if he doesn't know
about it and wouldn't approve.
Summary: Obi-Wan hands the sacred chalice to the wrong person
and both he and his Master pay the consequences.
At dusk, the inhabitants of the capital city of Jacaranda
gathered around the large green park to see the High Priestess
Festival choose the Representative of the Gods. Dressed in a
white sheath with pink flowers twined in her long, violet hair,
she was beautiful, an image of purity. She moved forward,
offering Obi-Wan a chalice filled with sweet wine.
The day before, the Trolian Prime Minister had all but said the
people wished to honor the Jedi by asking Obi-Wan to take part
in their fertility ceremony -- a hold over from their
agricultural past. Qui-Gon had not seen the harm in the offer
since Obi-Wan had the right to refuse without any damage to the
negotiations in progress. Honor maybe, but this was not
required of any Jedi.
The ceremony itself was simple, consisting of drinking from the
chalice again tomorrow morning, a few chanted words and then
the Representative and the Participant made love in the square
while those gathered watched. It was public, but the altar was
set back from the crowds, in the center of the park, creating
at least the illusion of privacy. No one would venture too
close. The couple was to spend several hours at their task,
until the sun rose high and the Gods were satisfied. How they
would know when the Gods were happy, Qui-Gon had not asked nor
had he questioned the specifics of the ceremony, assuming of
course, that Obi-Wan would refuse it.
When Obi-Wan took the offered cup and drank from it, Qui-Gon
swallowed his surprise. Princess B'ellina, the high priestess,
smiled happily, taking another step forward and leaning up to
kiss Obi-Wan on the mouth. The people gathered around cheered,
and the kiss deepened.
To Qui-Gon's horror, Obi-Wan handed the chalice to him and
without considering the consequences until too late, he took
it. Realization stuck forcefully, he'd just agreed to accompany
Obi-Wan to the altar the following morning to have sex.
A gasp rose from the assembled and the princess pulled back.
Her smile not as pleased as it had been. Qui-Gon could
understand her feelings; he was not pleased either. She looked
up at him. "Oh, dear. I'm sorry. I didn't realize..."
He didn't even bother to ask what. Everyone gathered now
assumed he had a sexual relationship with Obi-Wan. Which he
most assuredly did not.
The sudden silence from the crowds startled him and he looked
at Obi-Wan, trying to convey his dismay. Obi-Wan's expression
clearly said that he knew what he'd done. The question was why
in all seven hells of Hoth had Obi-Wan handed him the cup? And
until he could discuss this alone with Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon knew he
would not get an answer.
But the first thing that came to mind was that his Padawan
desired him. Not that he could credit the notion. Obi-Wan had
never shown any interest in that direction, ever. Which was
just fine with Qui-Gon -- he had no interest in sleeping with
his Padawan either.
Qui-Gon sighed. He had to find a way out of this and then have
a long talk with his Padawan.
Princess B'ellina was looking at him expectantly. "You must
drink the wine, Master Jinn."
No graceful way out. If he didn't drink, he would reject being
chosen as the Participant to the ceremony. And while Obi-Wan
could refuse the right to be chosen to be the Representative of
their Gods, and not be penalized, the Participant chosen really
could not refuse without grave insult.
He drank. The wine burned all the way down his throat.
The crowed cheered again. This was getting out of control fast.
Desperately, Qui-Gon wondered if there was some way to salvage
the situation. Grasping at straws, he came up with the only
thing he could think of on such short notice. "Isn't this a
fertility rite?"
The princess smiled proudly at him. "Yes, but any act of love
where the seed is spilled will please the Gods."
Obi-Wan opened his mouth to speak, no doubt to object in some
way, but Qui-Gon put a hand on his Padawan's shoulder to stop
him. Unfortunately, there was nothing they could do now. "We
will be honored to take part in your ritual." He bowed slightly
and nudged Obi-Wan to do the same. "We will need instructions
on what is required." There had to be a way out of this, and
Qui-Gon hoped he could find it.
"Of course. I'll speak with you both later in the evening. Now
I must finish the ritual before the sun is gone completely."
She took the chalice and returned to the altar to finish the
ritual.
Turning to him, Obi-Wan looked as shocked at he felt. "Master?
What are we going to do?"
"I'm not sure Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon was horrified. Making love to
his Padawan would do neither of them any good and could in fact
do considerable harm to the relationship they had spent years
building. "I'd sincerely like to avoid having sex with you in
public." Or at all, he added to himself.
He loved his Padawan dearly, and the lad was certainly pretty
enough, but as far as he was concerned, Obi-Wan was still a
boy. He sighed. That wasn't quite true or fair; at nineteen
Obi-Wan was considered an adult in the Republic and on most
worlds. But to Qui-Gon's forty-eight year-old eyes, he was more
child than man. At least that was what he tried to tell
himself.
Obi-Wan turned to look at him and Qui-Gon could feel the slight
hurt coming through their bond. "Is doing this so distasteful
to you that you would defy the Trolian traditions?"
He sighed again and shook his head. Most times, Obi-Wan was a
mature young man, but every now and then the old insecurities
of his adolescence came to fore, and Qui-Gon had to walk very
carefully. This looked like one of those times, but
unfortunately it would be inappropriate to discuss it here.
Making a point of looking around at the crowds, Qui-Gon
frowned. "We will discuss this back in our room, my Padawan."
He sent a wave of deep affection down their bond and patted
Obi-Wan's shoulder comfortingly.
Obi-Wan smiled slightly and bowed. "Yes, Master."
He sent Obi-Wan back to their quarters, but before he could
return to them himself, Qui-Gon had to speak with the Prime
Minister. He hoped to find a way out of the situation without
insulting everyone concerned, but feared there might not be
one, short of leaving the planet and the delicate negotiations.
The Trolians were requesting entry into the Republic, and had
vast quantities of several chemicals used by healers as
medicines. All of the chemicals were available elsewhere, but
not as abundantly as they were on this world. Insulting them,
and Qui-Gon assumed it would be a grievous insult at this
point, would not do the negotiations any good.
The Prime Minister met him with a huge smile. "Master Jinn, I
am so pleased you and your apprentice will be taking part in
our ceremony. It will go a long way towards sealing our bargain
with the Republic. Of course, when we spoke yesterday, I had
not realized he was your lover." Qui-Gon groaned inwardly. This
was not what he wanted to hear. "Yes." Should he deny
that they had a sexual relationship, especially since it they
didn't? And if he did that, what would it do to the
negotiations? Best bet -- stall for time. "I must contact my
council about this."
The Prime Minister looked at him, bewilderment clear in his
pale eyes. "You gave consent for your apprentice yesterday to
be asked, surely there won't be a problem."
Swallowing, Qui-Gon stalled again. "I should check with them on
this, since it now concerns both myself and my Padawan."
Despite his reluctance, he suspected the council would expect
him to carry out the ceremony. In the past he had been asked to
do far more unpleasant things in order to achieve what the
Senate or Council wanted.
This was clearly not what the Prime Minister wanted to hear.
With a curt nod, he was dismissed, the Prime Minister's
displeasure palpable.
After returning to his quarters, Qui-Gon contacted the council
to request confirmation on their course of action. They spoke
with Obi-Wan at length, asking whether he did this of his own
will, and were assured that his Padawan had no problem with the
public performance or with making love with his Master.
Qui-Gon's own fears and wants were not addressed and he was
asked, as expected, to go through with the ceremony.
Mace Windu contacted him after the council session. "Qui-Gon,
are you all right?
Not really surprised by the call, his friend's concern touched
him nonetheless. He and Mace had been year-mates and despite
the fact that they now disagreed on many council issues, their
history was long and loving.
Qui-Gon smiled. He and Mace had shared their first kiss
together, and been friendly lovers for a long time, until a few
years ago when Mace finally met his true love. Delighted by the
news, Qui-Gon had been honored to stand at his best friend's
side for the bonding ceremony, lifting his glass in joy to
toast the two of them and wishing them all the best.
Always someone who he'd been able to be honest with, Mace now
waited patiently for him to speak. He drew in a deep breath.
"No, of course I'm not. I'm not at all comfortable with this
situation."
The sigh Mace released said he wasn't surprised by Qui-Gon's
protest. "I know it will be awkward for you. But Obi-Wan is
willing."
As if that were the answer to everyone's concerns. No one
seemed to realize, "That's not the problem. I'm not
willing."
Surprise rose on Mace's dark features. "What is the problem?"
Biting back another sigh, Qui-Gon attempted to explain the
obvious. "The problem is that sex will interfere with Obi-Wan's
training. How am I supposed to work with him after being this
intimate with him and in front of people?"
Mace shook his head. "I don't think that being intimate will
hurt either of you, nor do I need to point out that there are
more than one Master/Apprentice bonded pairs in the Temple."
Yes, he knew there were quite a number of them. While it wasn't
encouraged, it also wasn't against any rules and many took that
for tacit approval. If both parties were of age and it didn't
harm the Padawan's training, it was more or less accepted.
Especially when pair-bonded teams had an astronomically high
success rate in the field.
That didn't negate the fact that Qui-Gon didn't want it to be
an issue between himself and Obi-Wan. "I don't care about
others. I care about Obi-Wan and me."
"And after talking to him, I don't think it's going to be an
issue. Not with him. What is the real problem Qui-Gon?" Mace
missed his point.
And Qui-Gon had to spell it out in no uncertain terms. "The
real problem is that I don't want to have sex with my Padawan."
"Why not?" A puzzled look crossed Mace's face and it made
Qui-Gon want to laugh. His friend's question, however did not.
It annoyed him.
"What do you mean, why not?"
"He's a lovely young man. What reason could you have to reject
him when this is clearly so important to the Trolians?" Mace's
tone bordered on impatient as if this were one more diplomatic
problem that Qui-Gon should just deal with.
But he couldn't. It was important. "He's a child and I'm
a man. And that seems like a good enough reason to me."
Shaking his head, Mace folded his arms over his chest. "He's
not a child."
"Close enough." Qui-Gon glared right back at his friend,
wondering how they had managed to stay friends for all of these
years when they never agreed on anything.
"He's what, nineteen? And from Temple gossip, fairly
experienced. He isn't the problem."
Mace knew him too damned well. There were times, like now, when
he very much resented that small fact. But he wasn't going to
lie about it, not when an evasion might work just as well. "No.
I just can't get past the fact I see him as a child."
No luck. Obviously, Mace saw right through it. "By the Force,
look again. And this time open your eyes."
All right, when all else fails, tell the truth. He hadn't
wanted to admit that, but... "I don't want to. I want to
see him as a child. I don't know if I can deal with him as man,
not yet."
Never slow on the uptake, Mace nodded sagely. "I see the
problem."
He was sure that his friend did. Still, his fears about what
this might do to his feelings for his Padawan were not up for
discussion right now, even though he knew Mace would be
sympathetic. It should not be an issue yet, and as long as he
could keep a proper distance between himself and Obi-Wan, it
would not become one. His potential emotions concerning Obi-Wan
should not be brought to the surface, especially at this point
in their relationship.
In all of their years together, he'd never sensed so much as a
hint of romantic or sexual feelings from Obi-Wan. As far as he
was concerned, it could stay that way indefinitely. Time enough
for them to find out what might or might not lie between them
when Obi-Wan was a Knight and old enough to decide his own
mind. Right now, his Padawan was too young to consider any kind
of serious relationship. "Mace." It was a warning.
As Qui-Gon knew he would, Mace backed off. "Then you will do
it?"
Even thought he knew he didn't, he asked anyway. "Do I have a
choice?"
Mace looked right at him. "Do you want to mortally insult the
Trolian people?"
He shook his head. The possible upset to himself would not be
worth defying both the council and Trolian people. "No."
"Then, no. But talk to Obi-Wan." Mace's tone was affectionate
and sympathetic, but it did not do much for Qui-Gon's peace of
mind.
"You're such a help, Mace."
"I live to serve." And with a bow, the connection ended.
Qui-Gon sighed. Time to face Obi-Wan, and get an explanation.
It might be a good idea to lay out some ground rules as well.
Perhaps they could get through this with their relationship
intact. Perhaps he could get through this without having to
deal with the true depths of his emotions concerning Obi-Wan.
And maybe he would be elected the next Supreme Chancellor of
the senate. It was not an absolute impossibility, just entirely
unlikely.
While Qui-Gon finished talking to the council, Obi-Wan paced.
He'd tried to meditate, and he hadn't been able to still his
mind. Of all the stupid things he'd ever done, this had to top
the list. What had he been thinking when he handed that chalice
to Qui-Gon instead of back to Princess B'ellina? Taking a deep
breath, he knelt again, hoping to find his calm center this
time.
His mind did not rest, going over the same questions. Did he
really want his Master like that? Was that what this was about?
Finally, he knew he'd have no peace unless he explored the
possibility honestly. He had to admit he was very fond of his
Master, loved him in fact. But just what the nature of that
love was, Obi-Wan had never considered too closely. Now he
supposed that it was more than time to do so.
In the time they had been together, Qui-Gon had been all things
to him: teacher, father, brother, friend, counselor and, more
than once, healer. Now he would be a lover, as well. That
seemed to be quite a lot for one man. But then, Qui-Gon was a
very special man.
The trouble was that Obi-Wan had never really thought of
Qui-Gon in that fashion, not as a lover. In fact, it was
something of a joke between them as Obi-Wan had never developed
the usual crush on his Master that most young Padawans
experience. He'd always felt a little left out that he couldn't
commiserate with his friends when they complained of the
crushes that they'd had.
Was it possible that he did love his Master after all? He
called up an image of Qui-Gon in his mind and thought about it.
Did he find Qui-Gon attractive? Well, his Master was a handsome
man, very handsome actually. And he'd always regarded Qui-Gon
in a proprietary sort of way. Qui-Gon belonged to him, was
his Master. Now he considered how he would feel if
Qui-Gon were to take a lover, someone whom his Master might
love romantically rather than the occasional friend he visited
among the other Jedi. Jealousy ripped through him and he had to
take a breath to relieve the sudden pressure in his chest. No,
he would not care for that at all.
Obi-Wan closed his eyes and imagined what it would be like to
kiss that bearded mouth. Soft, he'd bet. A spike of unexpected
desire danced through him, and he gasped, the answer becoming
very clear. He smiled to himself. What a surprise. But not an
unpleasant one.
Before he could even start a fantasy with a new guest star, the
door to Qui-Gon's room opened and his Master came out. A blush
started at his toes and worked its way up, heating his face as
he ducked his head, not meeting Qui-Gon's eyes.
"Padawan?" Was his Master's tone more hoarse than usual?
"Obi-Wan? What's wrong?"
Damn. He did not think this was the time to admit his newly
discovered feelings. Besides the fact that there hadn't been
any time to assimilate it, he doubted Qui-Gon would appreciate
them at this moment, anyway. "Nothing."
"Then why are you flushed?"
Lying was not an option. He'd never lied to his Master and he
wasn't going to start now. But there were always ways to avoid
the truth. "What did the council say?"
Qui-Gon allowed him his diversion. "That we have no choice. I
do wonder why you handed me the chalice. Is there something you
wish to tell me?"
With a great deal of effort, he controlled the blush and tried
to evade again. He could not honestly answer, without causing
them both distress. It didn't help either that ten minutes ago
the answer would have been far different. "Then, we will have
to do this tomorrow morning?"
Nodding, Qui-Gon frowned and shot him a pointed look. "Why did
you hand me the cup? Didn't you realize what you were doing?"
No hope to avoid the question, but as he had been taught, there
were different ways to tell the truth. "No. I didn't even think
about it." Which was true at the time, at least on the surface.
"It was heavy and I was enjoying Princess B'ellina's kiss." He
shrugged and let a smile form on his face.
Qui-Gon nodded again. "I see."
Feeling his Master's unease, he sighed, meeting Qui-Gon's eyes
and trying to convey how sorry he was. This would no doubt be
very awkward for his reserved Master. In spite of his new found
feelings or perhaps because of them, he wished he could take it
all back. "I'm so sorry about this. They told me yesterday that
if I were to accept the invitation to be the Representative of
their Gods, I would drink from the chalice. Then to accept the
Princess as the Participant, I would hand the chalice back to
her after I drank from it."
"And you didn't. Why is that?"
Obi-Wan felt a blush crawl across his face again. "I was
going to accept and choose her. She was pretty and I thought it
would make the mission go better. I mean, it would not have
been a hardship to have sex with her, even in public."
Qui-Gon nodded again and sighed, seeming to accept his
explanation. "What is done, is done."
And can't be undone. Obi-Wan sighed, too.
"I think it's time for rest. Tomorrow we will be up early."
"Yes, Master." He bowed and retreated to his room.
The first pink and red streaks of dawn were just beginning to
light the sky as Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon made their way to the
altar in the city center. Trying for calm despite what was to
come, Obi-Wan concentrated on putting one foot in front of the
other and not thinking about anything at all as they approached
the altar. Nerves twittered in his stomach as the reality of
what was about to happen came home to him.
The Princess met them at the base of the huge stone altar. Her
welcoming smile shone with pleasure as she handed Obi-Wan a
wine filled chalice. He drank and then handed the cup to
Qui-Gon, who also drank from it. Returning it to the Princess,
she held it high repeating several phrases in a tongue Obi-Wan
did not recognize, but thought it was the ancient version of
Jacaranda's language. The crowd answered her call, and she took
another sip from the cup and then chanted again.
When she was finished, she set the cup on the side of the altar
and smiled again at them. "Thank you for your sacrifice. Our
Gods will be most pleased with the offering."
"We are honored to serve," Qui-Gon said, sincerity ringing in
his voice. Both he and Qui-Gon bowed. The Princess returned the
bow and moved away, signaling for them to begin.
Obi-Wan lifted himself up onto the high ledge and held out his
hand for Qui-Gon to do the same. His Master joined him.
Stripping off his robe, he lay back against the white pad at
the center, which was surprisingly soft. "All right, what now?"
His Master turned to look at him. "Now, we begin."
Well, that's helpful. Obi-Wan said nothing, waiting for his
Master to make the first move.
Lying down, Qui-Gon took him into his arms, and kissed him for
the first time. With surprising sweetness, his Master's mouth
moved on his, exploring almost eagerly. Obi-Wan opened his
mouth, inviting Qui-Gon in and then following him back to do
some exploring of his own.
Qui-Gon had always treated him with great care, and Obi-Wan
realized this would be no different. His Master would never
hurt him. The big hands swept over his skin, touching and
caressing, sending tiny sparks of wonder down his spine.
Obi-Wan had no doubt this would be an excellent experience. How
could it not be? Behind his reserve, Qui-Gon Jinn was one of
the kindest men he'd ever met.
Not a passive lover, Obi-Wan allowed Qui-Gon to lead for a
time, before rolling on top, initiating a deep kiss, and
burying his hands in Qui-Gon's unbound hair. Despite that he
hadn't thought of his Master in a sexual way before yesterday,
he'd always loved the long hair, had always had a secret
fantasy of running his fingers through it. It was as soft and
silken as he'd thought it would be; Obi-Wan gathered a hand
full and rubbed it against his face, breathing deeply.
Smoothing back the long tresses from Qui-Gon's face, he pressed
another deep kiss to the lush mouth. He kissed Qui-Gon's neck,
sucking on the soft skin under the beard. Arching to allow
better access, Qui-Gon groaned deeply. Obi-Wan moved down
Qui-Gon's long neck, nipping along his Adam's apple, and
licking at the hollow of his throat. Pausing for a moment to go
back to kiss Qui-Gon's mouth, he luxuriated in the soft kisses.
Taking his time to taste fully, arousal building with each
sound his Master made. Never would he have suspected that
Qui-Gon could be so sensual.
After too short at time, the tables were turned again and
Qui-Gon settled on top of him, a tiny smile touching his lips.
Given no time to think as Qui-Gon made his way down Obi-Wan
body, kissing and licking, not stopping anywhere for long.
Obi-Wan writhed and strained under the rage of sensations
pouring through him. He could not keep still as the assault on
his senses escalated. All too soon, Qui-Gon's warm mouth
covered his cock, taking him in and sucking deeply.
Obi-Wan cried out, pleasure coming swift and sharp, too fast
for him to process, as the sensations quickly overwhelmed him
and he came.
While the orgasm had been intense, a vague disappointment moved
through him. That hadn't taken very long. He'd half hoped that
they might be at this for a while. Opening his eyes, he looked
up a Qui-Gon.
"Are we finished?"
Shaking his head, a small smile touched Qui-Gon's mouth. "Not
for some time. There is much more to do if we are to please the
Gods. Next, I'll take you..."
"Of course, Master." He should have expected that. The muscles
in his shoulders clenched and he forced himself to relax each
one. It wasn't that he didn't like being taken in that manner,
he did, but he'd liked to have been asked rather than told.
Qui-Gon was not done. "And you'll take me."
"What?" he stammered, caught completely off guard. The idea
thrilled him as much as it surprised him.
"I said..."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "I heard you. I'm just surprised."
"Why?" Qui-Gon's mouth twitched up just a little in a knowing
half-smile.
"Well..." What could he say to that? That Qui-Gon was the
Master was the only thing that came to mind and he
wasn't going to say that, even if it were true.
Qui-Gon's big hand ran along his thigh, caressing slowly.
"Don't get caught up in perceived roles, my Padawan, there are
many paths to pleasure."
So it would seem. Obi-Wan smiled and leaned up to kiss Qui-Gon.
"Maybe we should get back to them."
A hand slid into his hair, and Qui-Gon kissed him again. "So we
should."
Gently, Obi-Wan was pushed backward until he was lying flat on
the pad. "Do you want me on my stomach?"
"Which do you prefer?"
He hadn't done this all that often, but he'd found that he
preferred to see who was making love to him. "Face to face."
"As you wish," Qui-Gon said, reaching over to pull a small vial
of oil out of his cloak, and setting it to one side.
Moving to lie next to him, Qui-Gon nuzzled his chest with his
beard, the sensations of the whiskers sending more shivers down
his spine. Obi-Wan's breath caught and held as his Master's
mouth found one of his nipples, worrying it with teeth that
didn't quite bite down hard. The sharp sensations sent fire
along each nerve, creating a maelstrom of pleasure that
bordered on pain, but never quite got to that point. Unable to
do otherwise, Obi-Wan moaned, wanting, but denied.
After years of torture, Qui-Gon moved lower, to his belly and
then his groin once again sucking his cock nearly to the point
of bursting. Slick fingers dipped between his legs, finding the
tight entrance to his body and pushing in gently. Obi-Wan
pushed up into the caress, trying not to whimper at the intense
pleasure slowly grinding through him.
His legs were spread and lifted, cool morning air rushed over
his heated thighs and then Qui-Gon was pushing into him. Pain
first then, a second later, pleasure soothed the small hurt,
starting slow and building. Over and over, Qui-Gon pressed in,
driving him faster and farther, compelling him to feel each
movement as pressure built to unbearable proportions. Breaking
him at last, the world spun on its axis and Obi-Wan knew
nothing except the unbelievable wonder of the cock inside and
the sensations ripping through his body. He came, arching his
back, and screaming Qui-Gon's name, unaware of anything else in
the universe.
Sometime later, he opened his eyes to find Qui-Gon smiling down
at him. "You do make a bit of noise don't you, my Padawan?"
If there had been any censure in that amused tone, Obi-Wan
would have died of embarrassment, but Qui-Gon seemed more
pleased than anything else. Still, he couldn't help a blush.
He'd always been noisy about his pleasure. Most of his lovers
found it endearing and certainly no one had complained.
"Don't be embarrassed. I found it very arousing." Qui-Gon put a
gentle hand on his cheek and kissing him softly. "I like to
give pleasure and you made sure I knew I had."
Obi-Wan leaned into up to snatch another kiss from his Master's
lips. Delighted at the easy response he received. "And now it's
my turn. If you're still willing?"
Another smile. "Of course. We need to keep our audience happy."
Damn. He'd completely forgotten about the crowd watching them.
Obi-Wan started to look up, Qui-Gon put a hand on his jaw.
"Don't. Concentrate on me and what we are doing."
"Yes, Master." He leaned into the hand and then turned his head
to kiss the palm, his tongue snaking out for a lick.
Qui-Gon made a sound that was surprisingly like a giggle.
"Tickles."
He caught Qui-Gon's wrist in his hand, pressing his mouth
lightly to the cluster of veins and licking again. No giggling
this time, just a sharply in-drawn breath and then a sigh.
"Nice," Qui-Gon murmured, leaning his head on Obi-Wan's
shoulder and snuggling closer, almost drowsy in the movement.
Obi-Wan wasn't going to allow that. Slipping his arms around
Qui-Gon, he rolled on top of his Master, wanting nothing more
than to give back all the pleasure he'd received in Qui-Gon's
arms.
His hands went first, touching and caressing, leading his mouth
as he slowly, meticulously moved down the long body, savoring
each kiss, each taste, each smell separately. At some point
along the path to pleasure they had taken this morning, Obi-Wan
realized he did not want this to be the only time. In the depth
of his being, a seed had been planted a long time ago, and now
it had grown and flowered until he felt he would bust with the
joy of his love for his Master. But if it were to be the only
time then he would enjoy it to the fullest, despite the crowds
watching them, despite the way they started.
Every sound that Qui-Gon made warmed a previously cold place
inside him and Obi-Wan wished he could drag it out forever, but
all too soon the arousal overtook him, his desire to be buried
in the tight hot flesh of his Master's body became paramount.
With all the care and love he could command, he slowly sank
into the slick heat of Qui-Gon's body. Hearing a quiet grunt of
discomfort, Obi-Wan stopped, holding himself still until he
could feel the constriction ease and he could continue his
descent into the most exquisite pleasure he'd ever known.
He started to move slowly, hoping to draw out the lines of
tension until they were taut and humming, but he could not. His
pleasure peaked far too soon and he fell into the bright flame,
reaching out with his mind and body to Qui-Gon, wanting to feel
all of him, wanting to know all of him. In that moment he found
the welcome in both body and mind that he had been looking for
since they had begun this strange odyssey of pleasure.
For one single instant that seemed to stretch out into
eternity, he knew Qui-Gon, knew everything about him, his hopes
and dreams and desires. Then it was gone in a flash of the
whitest light of pleasure he could ever hope to know.
Obi-Wan vaguely realized that he'd screamed again, and this
time his voice had been joined by Qui-Gon's. Drawing deep slow
breaths, he tried to calm the rapid pounding of his heart.
Amazing, absolutely amazing. A wave of contentment washed over
him.
Before his pulse had completely slowed, Qui-Gon sat up. "I
think honor and the Gods have been satisfied, my Padawan."
The cool nonchalant tone rocked Obi-Wan out of the languid
warmth he'd been feeling and took much of the joy out of the
morning. "Master."
Pulling on his robe, Qui-Gon moved off the altar, acting as if
nothing had happened. "The Ceremony must be finished. Put on
your robe."
Modesty seemed pointless now, but he did as he was told.
Quickly Obi-Wan scrambled off the altar and wrapped his robe
around him.
The Princess approached and bowed again. "Thank you. The Gods
are most pleased."
Obi-Wan wondered irreverently about how, exactly, she knew
that, and Qui-Gon shot him a reproving look. He lowered his
eyes. Damn, how had his Master known what he'd been thinking?
Princess B'ellina handed the chalice to Obi-Wan and he took a
sip, and then handed it, in turn, to Qui-Gon, who drank as
well. He took a sip and handed it back to the Princess.
A few more chanted phrases and the crowd responded. And then it
was all over.
Except of course for whatever repercussions this had on his
relationship with his Master. Obi-Wan began to fear for the
future. Taking his cue from Qui-Gon, he waited until the crowd
moved away from the edge of the park. The princess stood with
them quietly.
She thanked them and then took her leave as the few remaining
people dispersed.
Obi-Wan could feel the tension vibrating in his Master, but
could not detect its cause.
Qui-Gon was holding himself stiffly, and his voice was nearly
cold as he spoke. "I think it's time we went back to our
rooms."
"Yes, Master." Following his Master back to their quarters, he
didn't dare speak. Through their bond, he could feel his
Master's turmoil, but could not guess the cause, besides the
obvious. If it was what they had just done, why would Qui-Gon
be so much more upset now that it was over. Had his performance
been so far below what his Master was used to? He'd never had
any complaints, never been told he was a clumsy lover. What was
wrong? He'd made love with all the tenderness and passion in
him. Had he done something wrong?
"There is nothing wrong, Padawan." Sharp and nearly harsh, the
words did not soothe him, but rather frightened him to think
that his Master was so upset.
But there was a bigger issue here. "You heard my thoughts?"
Qui-Gon stopped and took his arm. "You did not speak?"
Obi-Wan shook his head. "No. I was thinking about what was
wrong. Why you were angry with me."
"I'm not angry with you." The tone was cool, but a reassuring
touch came across their bond, pressing gently against his mind.
Yielding to it immediately, he opened himself to his Master's
touch. For one second, he could feel Qui-Gon again, all of him
as he had when they had made love, all the glory and substance
that made up the man he loved. Then abruptly it was gone
without at trace, and if not for the memories burned into his
brain, he would doubt it had ever occurred.
Qui-Gon released him, turning silently to start towards their
rooms again. "Come."
As soon as they entered their suite, Qui-Gon left him with a
curt command to shower and then meditate on this morning.
Obi-Wan didn't need to think about it, he already knew what he
had done. He could feel it along the much stronger bond with
his Master.
With the weight of his disappointment bearing down on him, he
stripped off his robe and stepped under the streaming water
spray. This world had many luxuries, and the best of them by
far was the real water showers. Not that he cared much for any
such amenities now, not with his Master's unhappiness seeping
through their bond.
How could he have been so stupid? First he'd handed Qui-Gon the
chalice, and then he'd initiated a life-bond with Qui-Gon. Some
rational part of his mind pointed out that Qui-Gon accepted the
wine and must have had at least some inkling of what it
signified. There were no forced life-bonds, and in fact it
could not be made without the active participation of both
parties.
Still, Qui-Gon seemed not to want either. No doubt his Master
would impart the information the reason for the rejection with
his usual calm and logic and Obi-Wan would be expected to
accept the verdict no matter how badly it hurt him.
Right now, Qui-Gon was closed off from him completely. He could
not sense anything beyond the residual turbulence that some how
penetrated his Master's shields.
When the door closed, separating him from Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon
slid to the floor. A sigh escaped his lips and he allowed his
eyes to shut. A deep breath and then another, and he regained
the strength to open his eyes again. With a resolve that he was
surprised he could muster, he did not reach out to touch the
bond between them. Instead, he viciously cut-off all of his
emotions, halting the warm sensations right in their tracks,
and arresting the bond that was trying to grow between them.
Almost a living thing, it protested the loss of connection with
Obi-Wan. The ache in his body was the mirror to the one in his
soul.
He moved toward the shower, a part of him loathe to wash
Obi-Wan's smell from his skin, another part of him hating the
first.
Foolish, foolish old man. What were you thinking, trying to
tie the boy to you? Qui-Gon groaned as the hot water hit
his tired, sated muscles. Thinking about anything was out of
the question -- a measure of peace was all he required at the
moment. He let the heat of the water relax him enough that he
might be able to meditate as he'd told Obi-Wan to do.
As his thoughts strayed to his Padawan, he could not help
remembering the texture of Obi-Wan's skin, the smell of his
body, the taste of his mouth. The images and essences imprinted
on him would haunt him forever.
Qui-Gon groaned out loud, pulling himself back sharply from the
memory. Remembering caused him further pain and he would rather
not put himself through that, no matter how sweet the memory.
Later, when Obi-Wan was finally gone, then he could remember.
For now, he had a Padawan to train and a potentially volatile
situation to handle.
No doubt Obi-Wan expected to continue what they had begun this
morning. But Qui-Gon would not allow that to happen. As much as
he wanted to allow himself the luxury of self-deception, he
could not. He admitted to himself the reason had more to do
with his feelings for Obi-Wan, rather than the reverse. The
worst of his fears had come to pass, and he'd fallen
desperately in love with his Padawan. Now, there was no
graceful way out of this without giving up Obi-Wan. And that,
he simply could not do.
He dialed Mace Windu on the com unit waiting a moment for the
connection to go through. A holoimage of Mace pulling a robe
over his naked body and yawning hugely, came into view.
"Qui-Gon?" Mace rubbed his eyes and blinked several times at
him, obviously trying to wake up completely.
"It's done. Honor, the Gods and the Trolian people should be
satisfied by our performance." Qui-Gon could not keep the
bitterness out of his tone.
He could hear Mace's quiet sigh and see the concern in the dark
eyes. "Are you all right?"
No, not right at all. He felt ravaged and left raw by the
encounter. "Yes, we are both fine. I just wanted to report in.
We'll begin negotiations again tomorrow as today is a holiday."
Qui-Gon could see Mace's features change, worry settling on the
dark face. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, then spoke
again. "Qui-Gon. Do you want to talk about it?"
Shaking his head, Qui-Gon sighed. There was nothing he wanted
to do less than talk about what happened. "No. Not really."
"Then why did you call me?" An exasperated sigh came from Mace,
but Qui-Gon could also hear the affection and concern behind
it.
"To tell..."
Mace crossed his arms over his chest, and glared. "You know
it's the middle of the night here."
Looking at the chronometer, Qui-Gon saw he was right. "I'm
sorry, I didn't think about the time difference."
"Qui-Gon, I won't ask again."
Even over the distance, he could feel Mace's concern. "I'm..."
Qui-Gon found it hard to express his fears, even to his best
friend.
"What? I'll help if I can, you know that."
"Nothing can help now." It was already far too late for him to
change how he felt and he would not anyway. Despite the pain
his love for Obi-Wan would cause him, it was too precious to
consider giving up.
"Why don't you just tell me, already."
"As I had feared, I can no longer deny my love for him."
Speaking the words twisted something deep inside him, and he
had to close his eyes for a moment to center himself, releasing
the feelings into the Force. In all likelihood, it had been
true for a very long time, but up until he'd actually kissed
Obi-Wan, he'd been able to hide or sublimate the feelings. No
longer. It would stare him in the face each time he looked into
those grey-blue eyes.
Sympathy lit his friend's dark eyes. "And how does he feel?"
Obi-Wan no doubt thought he returned the feelings, but Qui-Gon
had no intention of tying the boy to him, bond or no. At the
thought of Obi-Wan, the bond pulsed again, trying to reach out,
and Qui-Gon pulled it back and beat it down. For a moment it
flared painfully before subsiding back to a tolerable ache.
"Does it matter?"
Looking decidedly unhappy with his answer, Mace raised a hand
to reach out, but of course that wasn't possible, and he
dropped it to his side again. "Of course it does."
"He's a child." His voice lacked all conviction, now that he
had irreversible evidence to the contrary.
Another exasperated sigh came from Mace, this one more
frustrated than amused. "We've been through this before. He is
an adult, albeit a young one."
"And I am more than old enough to be his father." Although the
words were true, Qui-Gon did not think of himself that way, not
anymore. Perhaps he never had.
And obviously neither did Mace. "But you are not. And you know
it."
Qui-Gon sighed. The truth could not be run from, and he did
know it. "I would not tie someone so young to me."
"Don't you think that's Obi-Wan's decision? You know you'll
probably outlive Obi-Wan by at least a decade. Assuming of
course that nothing unfortunate happens on a mission."
The universe had many species of human, all of whom were
similar but not the same. Most lived an average of one
hundred-twenty to one hundred-fifty years. Qui-Gon's particular
version of human lived a few decades longer than average and
Obi-Wan's tended toward the lower end. Despite the grey in his
hair, which was a family trait, he was only entering his middle
years. "No. But it doesn't matter. I am the one who is supposed
to be teaching him."
"He is old enough to make an informed decision."
His head bowed, Qui-Gon turned away, weary beyond measure. As
hard as it was to admit his fears, nonetheless Qui-Gon did. "I
couldn't live with anything less all of him, and he's too young
to give that."
"Again I tell you to ask him. He is not a child. But you are
certainly acting like one."
Trust Mace to put him in his place. He turned back to look at
his friend, wry smile on his face.
And Mace wasn't finished yet. "You have two choices here. You
grant your Padawan the right to make his own decisions. Or you
can make it for both of you and have him resent it because he
was not consulted."
When it was put that way... "There has to be another option."
"You could give him up entirely."
"It might come to that." But even as he said it, he felt the
bond pulse between himself and Obi-Wan, trying to reach out for
him. He squelched it.
"Then you are a fool."
"I thought we'd established that already." The ache in him grew
as he continued to reject the bond. A deep yearning for the
touch of Obi-Wan's mind against his tried to sway him, but
there was too much at stake for him to give into the craving.
What was best for Obi-Wan must take precedence over his
desires, and his Padawan's for that matter.
Mace sighed gustily, shaking his head. "Qui-Gon, you know the
answer, just open your mind to it. Good night."
With that, Mace ended the connection.
Why hadn't he told Mace about the bond? He was trying to
counter it, even though he knew rejection was not possible, not
in the long run and from the growing pain in his chest, perhaps
not in the short run either. At this point, his only desire was
to buy time. There was so much more to life than his Padawan
had experienced. It was far too soon for the young man to
settle down for good.
Before anything else could happen, he had to speak to Obi-Wan
and in truth he feared that more than anything else he'd have
to face. Those luminous eyes would slice him to the bone,
leaving him nothing but a shattered shell and he could not
afford to be anything other than firm about this. Obi-Wan
needed time and by the Force, he'd see that his Padawan
received it.
The bond withered a little more as Qui-Gon rejected another of
Obi-Wan's attempts to touch him. Could his Master actually
break the bond? He had always heard that once initiated, a
life-bond could not be broken. Unfortunately, it could be
abandoned. The pain of repeated rejection said Qui-Gon wanted
do just that and didn't care about the cost to Obi-Wan.
He rubbed his chest, knowing the ache wasn't really there. The
one thing that would ease him was the one thing he was denied.
Why had Qui-Gon allowed the bond to form, if he were going to
reject it? Did Qui-Gon want to punish him for daring to
initiate it in the first place? He could not believe that of
his Master, he would never be so cruel.
The backs of Obi-Wan's eyes stung, but he would not give into
the despair. There had to be a way to convince his Master that
he was worthy of the bond.
Over and over he reviewed the last few moments of their
love-making, and could find no reason for the harsh rejection.
He had been gentle, putting all of his newly found love into
his touch and kisses. The taking had been so beautiful, the
pleasure so intense. In his life, he'd never experienced
anything so profound. Hearing Qui-Gon call his name in passion
had moved him greatly. Why had his Master drawn away so
abruptly? He could not imagine what he'd done and was so
engrossed in his thoughts, he did not hear the door open or his
Master enter the room.
"Obi-Wan?" The tone was nearly cold and Obi-Wan shivered.
He could not remember a time when Qui-Gon had spoken to him
like that, even before he'd been taken as Padawan. Something
coiled coldly in his chest, but his training held and he didn't
let it show. Turning from the window, he met the cool regard.
"Yes, Master."
"We will discuss the situation, now."
Nodding because he had no choice, Obi-Wan dropped his arms to
his sides, and waited for Qui-Gon to begin.
But his Master said nothing. "Master?"
Qui-Gon looked right at him, meeting his eyes with a grave
stare. "I feel that what has happened is a mistake. And that we
should try to let it go."
The ache became sharper edging towards pain as he fought to
remain emotionless at the verdict. Obi-Wan knew he should nod
and agree, ever the obedient Padawan, but this was too
important to him to allow Qui-Gon to push it aside. He shook
his head slowly. "I can't do that."
"You have no choice," Qui-Gon said in a tone that Obi-Wan knew
better than to argue with.
But he could not find acceptance. "There is always a choice,
Master. And I would make a different one."
"I have decided what is best for both of us."
The words cut through him, cutting deeply. "Without consulting
me?"
Maybe he should resign himself to his Master's choice. Defying
Qui-Gon always ended up with him being punished, usually
severely. But this time he couldn't take his own advice. It
hurt too much to consider, he had too much to lose.
Qui-Gon took a breath and calmly met his eyes. "Yes. I am your
Master. It is my responsibility to make decisions about your
welfare."
And what could he say to that? It wasn't fair. How could he
possibly hope to sway his Master? "What about the bond? It
won't go away."
"It can be ignored."
The bond pulsed weakly, already thinning out. Obi-Wan took a
shuddering breath, closing his eyes, wanting to understand.
What made him so unlovable? "What have I done? What makes me so
unworthy that you would let a bond this strong die between us?"
"No. Obi-Wan, that is not true. You are more than worthy."
Then why would Qui-Gon reject him so completely? Crushed, his
self-esteem in tatters, Obi-Wan looked up, meeting the cool
blue eyes, feeling the sting behind his own. It hurt so badly
that nothing mattered, except ending his pain. "I ache for you,
my Master. Why won't you love me back?"
Qui-Gon took a step towards him, and then stopped, closing his
hands into fists, clearly fighting some unseen demon. Desire
lit his eyes for one moment and then was banked behind the calm
Jedi face that Obi-Wan hated at the moment.
"I don't believe this will be good for you or for our
relationship. It doesn't have anything to do with how worthy
you are."
This time he did nod. If Qui-Gon didn't want him, then no
matter how hard it was, there could only be acceptance. But he
had to get out of this room, had to get his emotions under
control. Another moment of this, and he'd be in tears. He'd
much rather his Master did not see anything else to convince
him of Obi-Wan's unsuitability as a mate.
"I'm going to meditate in the Palace garden." Without waiting
for approval, he started for the door.
"Obi-Wan."
He ignored it. Not in a million years could he face Qui-Gon,
not with his hopes and his love lying broken at his feet.
Later, when he had put himself back together, then maybe he'd
be ready to finish this conversation.
"Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon rapped out, his voice the consistency of
iron, brooking no arguments. "I am not finished."
Unfair! But effective. Used to obeying that particular tone,
Obi-Wan stopped short. He had two choices, submission or
defiance. Disobedience would no doubt cause his Master further
anger, something he did not wish. But submission would cost him
what little control he had left, not to mention the rest of his
pride.
No choice, really. Complete submission did not come easily to
him, and it has been years since he'd done it, but he gave in
to the requirement now.
Turning around, he lowered his eyes, not making contact with
Qui-Gon's and folded himself onto his knees, leaning forward to
press his forehead against the ground, his hands flat beside
his knees. He took a breath and then another. The threatening
tears started to leak out of his closed eyes.
Please, please, please, he begged silently, waiting for
Qui-Gon's verdict, waiting to have his world torn apart. Just
get it over with.
For a long moment, the room was still, with only the sounds of
his harsh breathing echoing across the tiles. Then Qui-Gon's
hands were on his shoulders, raising him up, and pulling him
into his arms.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said, his mouth against Obi-Wan's forehead,
soft lips pressing a kiss to his hairline. "I'm sorry. I don't
want to hurt you."
As he opened his mouth to speak, a sob escaped, but he managed
to get the words out around the lump in his throat. "It's not
your fault that you don't love me. I understand."
Qui-Gon shook his head, his big hands moving comfortingly on
Obi-Wan's back. "I do love you."
He pulled back, trying to meet Qui-Gon's eyes, but his Master
would not look at him. "Then why? Why would you do this to us?"
"I wanted, still want to give you time."
A suspicion filled Obi-Wan's mind. "Time for what exactly?" He
needed no more time to know his what he wanted and needed in
this life. His love for Qui-Gon would not diminish and if he
were very lucky, it might grow into a wondrous, powerful thing.
"Time to find love, to have fun, to be an adult without having
the responsibilities of another person."
What exactly was Qui-Gon talking about? "Those things were all
possible within the bond. I can do all of that anyway."
"Obi-Wan, I'm nearly fifty."
As if that made a bit of difference. Their ages would even out
over time and then he would overtake Qui-Gon as he aged
slightly more rapidly. "So, I'm almost twenty. And you're still
likely to outlive me."
"You need time to have other lovers."
He couldn't hold back a laugh. That was ridiculous, he'd had
other lovers. "You aren't serious, are you?"
Pulling back a little to look at Qui-Gon's face, he could see
that his Master was quite serious. "Yes. I most certainly am."
Obi-Wan shook his head, absolutely amazed. "Do you really
think, that after what you did to me, after what we did to each
other, that I would ever let anyone else but you touch
me again?" his voice rose a notch and broke. The very thought
of anyone else touching him made him nauseous.
"Obi-Wan."
"No. No, don't Obi-Wan me. I know what I've done in the past,
and I know what happened today. There is no comparison.
You may never make love to me again, but I will allow no one
else to touch me." He realized that it was a ridiculous pledge
to make at not-yet-twenty, but he also knew it to be true.
Gentle fingers caressed his cheek, but before he could lean
into the touch, Qui-Gon pulled away. "Never is a very long
time."
There was no doubt in his mind what he wanted. "I've touched
and tasted perfection, do I now settle for less?"
Qui-Gon shook his head. "I am not perfect."
Well, that was certainly true. Obi-Wan smiled. "No, you are
not, but what we had together, especially that last time, was
as close as I expect to ever come to it." He put his hand on
Qui-Gon's face. "And if I can't have that then I would rather
live on the memory than a pale substitution."
Nodding slowly, Qui-Gon closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"I..."
"What?" He waited a beat, his pulse pounding, his whole body
balanced on a knife's edge. "Qui-Gon?" It was the first time
he'd called his Master by name, but it felt right to say it
now.
Opening his eyes, Qui-Gon's gaze flayed him to the bone. "Be
very sure, Obi-Wan. I will not survive your loss to someone
else."
His breath caught and twisted at the soft words. Qui-Gon did
love him. He would take special care with that love, would
cherish it forever. "I am sure. I promise you that."
The bond between them surged and Obi-Wan was flooded with a
tide of deep affection, love and lust, all the things he'd been
feeling since... was it only this morning?
Reveling in the feeling coming through their bond, Obi-Wan
leaned forward again and pressed his mouth to Qui-Gon's. His
kiss was returned ten-fold and the bond surged again joyfully.
Reaching out with his mind, Obi-Wan felt the welcome wrap
around him and go through him. Dancing only with the surface
thoughts, he knew deeper that explorations would come later.
Right now, he was more than content to relish what he'd been
given and take each day as it came.
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