Twenty Six days and counting (X-days and counting part 3)
by Beckymonster (becky@queenamidala.freeserve.co.uk)
Rating: R
Archiving: Yes to M_A and to the Sith_Chicks - anyone else,
please ask
Catergories: Angst, POV (Obi-Wan)
Feedback: Yes please! I do this for my own enjoyment, but I do
like to know if these bring other people joy...:-)
Disclaimers: Not mine, George's, mesa making no monies from
this!
Should the thought of two jedi getting all mushy over each
other not be your cup of tea, then I advise you move along....
these are not the Jedi that you are looking for (waves her
hands about)
Thank yous: First off to Michelle, my wonderful beta reader and
bunny tester. Without her my fics would never leave my 'puter!.
To Lissa and Smitty, for support and for almost turning SW: TPM
into the Rocky Horror Picture show! To everyone kind enough to
send feedback to me - I may not always reply, but it is
treasured... thank you!
Synopsis: Obi-Wan's last evening with his master.
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Sunrise on Courscant is always a beautiful sight.
The shadows cast by the yellow light hitting the buildings
always reminds me of the path walked by the Jedi.
Brightness and shadow. Darkness and Light.
Usually I know what path I tread, that of light.
Today, I am not so sure.
Oh, I would do all I could to combat the temptation of the
darkside. Today.. I am confused.
I sit here on one of the Temple's balconies, looking out at the
awaking city. I have come here to try and find peace. You would
find that an interesting paradox. Finding peace in the bustle
of the city.
Your transport has gone. I saw it take off from the platform a
while ago. I sit alone, waiting for the trials to begin. I
review the events that led me to take my place here --keeping
silent vigil over the city.
Thirteen hours earlier...
The Council had decided to separate us. Not that it wasn't
expected, the decree just came before either you or I were
ready for it.
The Jedi Council, in their wisdom and mastery of the Force, had
decided that the time was right for me to face the Trials of
Knighthood.
I personally thought that I would have another half year to a
year before I stood the trials.
You calmed the trepidation that I felt, telling me that you
were greatly pleased for me. I had done very well to get to
this stage and I should not feel fear, that I would be fine.
You had faith in me.
Armed with that knowledge, they did not seem so... frightening.
It was a comfort to know that you had confidence in my
abilities. It also allowed me to think about what would happen
once my trails were over, and I was a Jedi Knight.
A Padawan making the transition to Knight is allowed to pick
someone to help with their preparatory work. Some choose their
Masters as a sign of respect, many choose close friends or
loved ones.
It has taken on the patina of a time when a fledgling Knight
can make their feelings for another known.
There are no strictures on Padawans taking lovers, it's just
with the rigours of training, many, including myself, decide
not to.
Besides, I have another reason for not wanting to take a lover.
My heart has already been given. To you, my Master.
We had discovered the Council's intention to test me three
weeks before. In that time, we tested and tested again.
Ensuring that nothing was left out.
Then we were told two days ago that you were being called to
away to mediate in the Celalber dispute.
Although you never said anything aloud or mentally on the
matter, I could tell that you were pleased that something like
this had happened. Although you may be the epitome of control
Master, I do doubt your ability to get through two weeks
without thinking about my progress on the tests.
The deterioration of the Celalber situation, as regular as it
may be, came at the right time. The work will be almost all
consuming, trying to stop the two factions from shunning the
talks, stopping them from falling back to their old ways of
terrorism and the unending cycle of meaningless death.
Only the most skilled of the Jedi in diplomacy and control are
asked to attend to the matter. We ourselves have already been
three times in the last five years.
Last night was our last evening together before we were
separated for our respective trials. The time was spent in our
quarters, going over diplomatic reports and information needed
for my trials.
I sat in the living area of our quarters, at the table, the
terminal scrolling information through. You were pacing around
like a large, wild animal. I kept my attention on the
information flowing past on the screen. Watching you move, as
much as I would enjoy it, would be a great distraction.
You were talking about the parties involved with one side of
the dispute when you stopped. I looked up at the silence. I had
been paying attention, which is why I looked up. I shouldn't
have done as that's when my neck crickked.
Before I could move my hand to massage the pain away, you were
there, standing behind my chair.
I tried to look up at you, but I heard you tell me to keep
still. I did as I was bid, the pain still biting deep.
"Obi-Wan," you said "we have been at this for too long. We both
have the knowledge to get through the trails we face." You
placed your hands on my shoulders. Through the thin fabric of
my tunic, I could feel their warmth.
"You especially could do with a rest." You began to move your
hands, massaging my shoulders.
I had not really given thought to how tense I had been until
you started touching my shoulders. Under your ministrations
that tension soon burned away.
For what felt like the first time in three weeks, I allowed
myself to fully relax.
With hindsight, it may not have been a good idea. For I let my
mind wander away from the intricacies of Celalber politics and
the skills required by graduating Jedi and onto other matters.
Such as the sensations the feel of your hands on my shoulders
were causing.
It felt good. Very good indeed, normally you would only provide
a massage like that if I had strained a muscle or some such. In
cases of great stress, we would both rely on force-led
relaxation techniques. In fact... it was so good that I began
to let my thoughts stray into territory that I usually kept
buried deep inside.
Thoughts concerning how it would feel to be enveloped within
your arms, to rest my head against your shoulder, listening to
the mutual beat of our hearts.
To feel your large, callused hands on my bare skin, wondering
what sensations caresses from those gentle hands would cause in
me...
I will admit that a part of me, seeing my thoughts rambles in
this direction, knew that this was wrong.
Yet I did nothing.
So I closed my eyes and surrendered myself.
Slowly the sensations changed. You were no longer kneading my
shoulders, but you hadn't stopped either. You were... caressing
them, I could feel through the fabric of my tunic, your hands
stroking my shoulders like I was a breed of feline.
It felt wonderful, so sensual, I wanted to slip my tunic off so
you would repeat those wonderful strokes on my bare skin...
Oh Force help me.
Suffice to say that your caresses were not the only thing I
could feel.
Something was straining against my trousers, and it wasn't my
lightsabre.
I closed my eyes, partly to concentrate on your caresses and
partly to will that I didn't have to move in the near future,
else I would have a very embarrassing limp.
Then your hands moved to my neck.
I couldn't help it, I moaned at the touch. If I had kept quiet,
I am sure that I would have exploded from the emotional
build-up.
It just felt so pleasurable. Yes, it eased my pain greatly, but
did nothing to restrain the discomfort I felt in my underwear,
indeed it added to it.
Being honest? I was beyond caring. All I wanted was to feel
your hands on my skin, caressing... and for me to do the same
to you. To touch and caress you, to brush your beautiful hair
off your back and massage your shoulders.
Feel your warm skin under my hands, caress the length of your
neck. Closing my eyes, I leant back into your touch. I must
have looked rather peculiar, as I couldn't keep the contentment
from showing in my features.
That was the strange thing. You never said anything. You must
have been aware of my emotions, the thoughts I was
entertaining. You just kept on massaging my skin.
All too soon, your hands left my neck and returned to my
shoulders. I missed the touch, but the simple fact that you had
not stopped entirely was a comfort. It was as you did this, I
let my head fall backwards, allowing it to rest against your
chest.
Through half closed eyes, I could see, albeit upside down, a
small smile lift your lips. As if you were pleased at the
caress of my hair against your tunic.
I closed my eyes fully, allowing myself to concentrate more
fully on the sensations your hands were causing me.
At first, I couldn't recognise the sensation. I felt something
press against my lips. It wasn't unpleasant. Far from it, it
was wonderful.
Then my mind came awake and supplied me with the information I
craved.
You had kissed me.
At first I couldn't quite believe it, but what else could it
have been?
I opened my eyes, you had straightened up again. The expression
on your face was, even upside down, was strange, it looked
like... confusion.
I tried to reach you through the link, to try and understand
what had happened, yet your shields were blocking me
completely. I was shocked. I can usually 'touch' your mind,
even if it is to verify where you are. It scared me, you had
cut me out.
You took your hands off my shoulders and moved away from me. It
was only a step or two, but it felt as if a chasm had opened up
between us.
I turned in my seat, trying to get a better look at you, to
read in your emotions what I could not read through our bond.
Nothing.
I could read nothing. You had schooled your expression to show
nothing. A trick I had seen you use many times when we were on
missions, to hide your reaction to those around us, only
allowing me to 'see' through our bond.
Now I couldn't even do that.
"I must go." You said, your face may have revealed nothing, but
your voice held confusion and pain.
I wanted to stand up, to face you, to ask what had happened.
Yet, my traitorous body, still aroused from your touch wouldn't
allow that.
"I will leave you to your meditations, Padawan." You looked at
the floor, as if you were trying to hide something. "I may not
return before my transport leaves." I felt a force touch,
gentle and warm, you. "Be well. May the force be with you."
You turned and then left our quarters.
I cannot remember for how long I sat there, stunned. It was a
long time, I know that much. It was late and I had to report to
Jedi Master Rancisis early in the morning.
The residual stiffness in my body demanded that I take a shower
before turning in.
I considered meditating before taking my shower, but the events
of the previous couple of hours had made that nearly
impossible. So I finally stood up and made my way into the
bathroom.
With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, my having a shower without
having first resolved my emotional chaos was a very big
mistake. I wanted to know what I had done to make you flee from
me like that... Did you sense what I felt for you? Did it
disgust you? I did not know and it wounded me deeply.
I quickly shed my clothes and activated the water shower, all
the time thinking about what had happened.
Trying to fathom out what I had done wrong.
The coolness of the water brought some relief to my heated
skin. I had not realised how hot and bothered-
Best not to think about it.
It felt good just to stand there, feeling the caress of water
against my skin.
I reached down, fumbling for a soap bottle, picking up the
first one I could find. I poured a liberal amount into my hand
and began to massage it into my chest.
As I did so, my thoughts strayed back to you. Then I realised
why. I had picked up your soap by mistake. The scent, as much a
part of you as your voice and your deep blue eyes and your
beautiful hair was causing my rebellious body to return to my
earlier musings.
I should have simply rinsed it off my hands and body, quickly
finished my shower, meditated and gone to bed, put the events
of the day behind me, concentrate on the possibilities of the
future, not the fantasies
Instead I continued.
#Sith, take it all# I thought. #It is better that the emotion
be faced and dealt with than being pushed away and left to
fester.#
I had already resolved that you and I would discuss this
matter, when the time was right. Thanks to the Council that day
would be soon. All I had to do was make it through body and
soul intact.
So I continued to wash myself, taking my time over it. I
willingly surrendered to the emotions I felt, fanned by the
scent of your favourite soap.
I imagined that you were with me, in the cubicle. Standing
behind me, the warm water coursing down your beautiful body and
mine. You would have pulled me to you. My head resting against
your shoulder.
You would lap at my ear with your tongue, sending noticeable
shivers down my body. I would feel you smile, as you felt me
shake so slightly in your arms. Then you would whisper what you
were going to do to me, your voice caressing my senses.
As you spoke, your hands would have found a soap bottle (the
original lather spent, I poured more soap into my hand to
continue my task) and pour some into your hands. You would then
proceed to action what you had told me. Wash me with soap,
water and your hands.
With my hands, I mimicked the way you would touch me. Slow,
tender and achingly sensual.
You would start with my chest, stroking across, no doubt paying
careful attention to my nipples, touching myself there,
thinking about you felt good.
So I continued.
I let my hands move down to my stomach, wondering what you
would say, hoping that you would find me as beautiful and
alluring as I found you.
In my fantasies you would nip at my ear with your teeth and
tell me in a husky whisper that you found me very beautiful,
your hands sliding ever downward.
As I washed myself, acting out my fantasy of you and I in the
shower pleasuring, my body reacted as it had before, when you
massaged my shoulders. I looked at it as I washed my stomach.
Would it be enough to please you? I wondered.
I may be innocent, but I know the theory. The more I thought
about you and I, the more engorged it became. It seemed to have
a life of it's own.
I closed my eyes, normally my fantasies never got past the
kissing and cuddling stage. This was different. Your kiss had
loosed something inside.
So I touched myself there. The combination of soap and water on
my hand felt different than normal, more... pleasurable.
The fantasy you would slide your long, thick soapy fingers
around it, whispering your joy at the delight I had to offer
you.
My own hands moved around it, in mimicry. I closed my eyes,
wishing, as in my fantasy, to have your strong, virile body to
lean against, instead of cool ceramic tiles.
Your hands would move so slowly at first, as if investigating
the feel of me. I leant back as I moved my hands, the water and
soap on my dick made the skin slick to the touch, accentuating
the sensations.
I was expecting it to feel... good, but not this pleasurable. I
wanted more.
My breath quickened, as did my hand. Your hand, in my fantasy,
gathered momentum, your whispers telling me of what pleasures
awaited me in the bedroom, in your arms. It felt too wonderful
to last for much longer. All of that pleasure was building up
inside of me and I knew that one way or another it would burst
out.
Despite my lack of ... practice in this area, I knew that my
peak would be soon. Too soon as it would end the fantasy of
what I could never have. You as my lover.
With a cry of pleasure, I reached my peak. The water soon
washed away all physical traces of what I had done. The
emotional traces would take a little longer.
Once I had cleaned up, I left the shower and dressed. I was
able to meditate a little, but nervousness over what faced me
over the next couple of weeks made meditation an exercise in
futility. So I decided to try and sleep. It was a hard fought
battle, but I managed to snatch a couple of hours of rest. When
the struggle became too much, I decided to watch the sunrise.
As I arrived at the balcony, I saw you board your transport. I
could see from the way that you carried yourself that you were
bone weary, as if you had been battling an inner conflict that
night.
I so wanted to reach out to you and reassure you that you were
loved and cared for. I did not as I didn't want to destroy the
fragile peace I had created for myself, having struck a
compromise between the dark fantasies of what could never be,
with the thoughts of what would be, forever my Master, no more.
I consoled myself with the hope that you would wish it that
way.
It is time to go now.
In two weeks time, a lot will have changed. Force willing, it
will be all for the best.
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